Black's

Sirius Black is gay. It is a simple fact. The sun rises in the east, the moon goes through its phases, the seasons change, and Sirius Black is gay. He knows that. Everybody knows that, really. He is gay. Now, this might seem like a bit of an odd thought process, but it’s all Sirius’ mind has been providing since his interaction with the mystery that is Remus of The Corner Booth, formerly Corner Booth Guy, currently the reason behind Sirius’s very intense brain malfunction. He has been sitting on the floor in the back room since the last call ended about an hour ago. His brain replayed the events of the night, or really just the ten minutes of pure bliss that was his smoke break, with equal parts panic and euphoria.

Remus called him beautiful. Well, not directly, anyway. But, you know, it was implied. He might have been talking about big Sirius up there, but he was looking at little old Sirius down here, so, you know, implied. Sirius had never been glad for a rush hour and needing to get back to work. But he’d also never been more disappointed. You see, Sirius didn’t have the chance to respond to being called beautiful by the most ethereal human he’s encountered. (No, he is not being extra, that is a pretty adequate description of CBG, if not an understatement). Sirius is glad he didn’t have the time to respond because all his brain would’ve provided in that moment of pure panic would’ve been something cocky or snappy or maybe even mean. And he could never be mean to Remus, he wouldn’t have been able to be okay with that. But he was also disappointed, because what if his brain was in a good mood? What if it had allowed him to say something nice? To flirt back? To tell Remus how beautiful he was? To? He wouldn’t know, though, and maybe it was for the best.

Sirius is pretty sure, at this point, that the CBG thing isn’t just an ‘I’m attracted to you, let’s fuck this one out of our system’. No, he is almost certain this is a crush. And god, what a foreign concept that is. It’s not like Sirius never had crushes, it’s more of how little he had them, nay, how little he let himself have them. Sirius might lead a messy life, but the thing he always made sure to keep in check, was how interested in someone he allowed himself to be. There was a limit, a threshold, a certain point he was not allowed to cross. He still isn’t. He simply can’t. Just like the golden rule, the crush rule or whatever he still didn’t figure out the name for it, it can’t be broken. It’s not like Sirius is trying to sabotage his own happiness or doesn’t want a relationship or wouldn’t like to be in love, he is just careful, practical, and calculated, or at least he is trying. He’s always been criticized for not being enough of those things, so he is trying and one really precious Remus might be in the way right now, but Sirius is nothing if not a stubborn asshole. He can get over this. He will get over this.

“I missed the ‘we’re being dramatic memo’, huh?” James said as he slid next to Sirius on the floor. Sirius didn’t even hear him come in.

“We’re not being dramatic,” He said. “We’re merely overthinking a 10-minute conversation with the most beautiful man alive.” James raised an eyebrow at him. “Okay, maybe a little dramatic. Within reason, though. I’m not off the rails, Jamie.” James scoffed. “Hey, be nice to me, I’m sad.”

James’ features immediately softened. “Is this the part where I ask you why and you say ‘because I think I might like him, Prongs and that can’t happen, I won’t allow it’ to which I will knock some sense into you and say something like ‘Pads, you have to let yourself be happy’ and then we argue for a bit and eventually, you pretend to agree with me and continue your wallowing at home?” He turned to look at Sirius. “Because I’m ready, let’s have a go at it. Except this time, you will listen to me, or at least I hope you will. I certainly hope those hours of therapy were not for nothing.”

Sirius just shrugged. He did know this song and dance all too well. The liking someone and wanting to be with them but never thinking of himself as worthy enough of them to even do anything about it. He knows how often this has been brought up with James, and how much Sirius hated the vulnerable position it put him in. Yes, it was James, his best friend, almost brother really, he would never judge him for it or even think it, but Sirius still hated the rawness of bearing yourself, of shedding the layers, of not being Sirius the loud bartender who flirts with everyone and takes pretty people home, but rather Sirius the little boy with abandonment issues and a crippling fear of never being enough.

His therapist would have something to say about this for sure, they would say something along the lines of “If you’re aware enough of the problem, Sirius, that’s the first step to tackling it head on,” To which Sirius would roll his eyes and attempt to explain why his strategy to just avoid and not engage is fool-proof and has been working so far, and why mess with a perfectly-functioning system. His therapist wouldn’t appreciate that and would instead try to encourage him to pursue whatever he’s scared of, to go out there and take a chance, to ask the guy out, or put himself out there or whatever ridiculous and probably wise shit they had to offer. And Sirius knows- he knows they’re right. But then again, stubborn asshole and all. He isn’t wired to accept that they could be right. Or James. Or Marlene. Hell, even Reggie. He knows, but he can’t, and that’s the way it has to be.

“It’s not like the guy is dying to talk to me or anything, so maybe we save this routine for when there is actually something going on and go back outside and maybe get very fucking drunk?” Sirius said, hoping to change the subject. Judging by the look on James’ face, he knew his friend was thinking it over and trying to decide whether to peacefully allow Sirius to change the subject or to say something about it.

James gave him a stern but loving look, a James classic. “We can get absolutely fucking drunk, yes, but, I will say a thing and you can choose to either listen or throw it off a cliff. I don’t think people who are not interested in other people show up at their bar every single day or flirt with them or call them beautiful. But then again, what do I know? It’s not like I’m the one in a healthy relationsh-“

“Mon amour, you in here? We’re about to-“ Regulus eyes Sirius and James from their position on the floor and Sirius can feel him trying to come up with a snide remark to hide his blush and the fact that he’s been caught being soft, which is, according to him, an absolute crime. “Wallowing dramatically on the floor, are we?”

“Hi, love,” James smiles at him. It is sickeningly sweet that Sirius could throw up, and cry, and throw up, and yearn a little. “We were, but now, we’re headed out to get absolutely fucking drunk, unless you want to join us in wallowing?”

“Fuck, no,” He gave a disgusted look and held his hand out for James to take, helping him off the floor. “I would, however, like to get to the absolutely fucking drunk part, that sounds fun.”

“You know, you are equally as dramatic as me,” Sirius said as he held his hand up. “Hello? Aren’t you going to help me up too?”

Rolling his eyes, Regulus helped his brother off the floor. “I am, yes, but unlike you, brother dearest, I have the decency to do it privately. You know, keep my dignity and all.”

“Where is the fun in that?” Sirius asked as they made their way back to the bar with James and Regulus holding hands and him trailing behind with a fond look in his eyes.

_____________________

The next few days went by with little to no contact with CBG. Not that Sirius minded. He didn’t. Remus still came in every day, sat in his booth, ordered his drink, and left by closing time like clockwork. He just didn’t interact with Sirius as much, and Sirius definitely wasn’t disappointed. He was okay with it. Remus was a customer and not all customers get to interact with Sirius first-hand. Plus, this is exactly what Sirius wanted. So, all in all, he is okay with it. He is totally fine with it. Sirius is absolutely great.

“You look absolutely miserable,” Mary said as she propped herself on one of the stools. “Pretty boy not here?” She looked around and spotted Remus in his spot, as usual, her eyes lingered for a bit when she noticed his redhead friend there as well but tried to play it as cool as she could muster and turned back to Sirius. She raised an eyebrow at him, waiting for an explanation.

“I look gorgeous as ever, how dare you?” Sirius replied, pointing to his eyeliner and the axe earring he had in one ear. “Jealousy is not a good colour on you, Macdonald.”

“Oh, cut the crap, Black,” She gave him one of her signature Mary looks and crossed her arms impatiently. Fuck, Sirius was screwed.

Sirius loved Mary. She and he were the most alike among their friends. The difference between them was that Mary actually put in the effort to get through her issues, something Sirius was big enough to admit, to himself at least, not aloud, he’s not that big. Mary was confident, but unlike Sirius, her confidence was backed up, it had substance. Sirius’s didn’t. His was a façade, and Mary knew that, she saw through it every time. Whenever Sirius would get overly confident in college, Mary would corner him and ask him point blank to tell her what was wrong, and she wouldn’t budge until he either told her or spoke to someone about it if he wasn’t comfortable enough sharing the details with her. She did the same thing when Sirius shut off completely and started pushing people away. She would give him 3 days, 4 maximum, and then she’d be banging on his door. He might’ve hated her for it and they might have gotten into one or two heated arguments about that. But he always loved her for it. He truly did appreciate Mary, Right now, though, he wished he didn’t love or appreciate her that much, so it would be easier to dodge her questions.

Mary was still looking at him expectantly as he sighed and raked a hand through his hair. “So, you like CBG’s friend, huh?” Attack mode, that would buy him some time.

“She’s really hot, yeah?” Mary said as she stole a glance at Remus’ friend. “Hey, if I talk to her, will you talk to CBG? I haven’t been slacking off or chickening out or anything before you start. I haven’t caught her here since the first time she came over to the bar and James scared her off. So, what do you say?”

“Yeah, you weren’t that subtle about it then.” He said leaning across the bar. “I mean, I doubt the others noticed it, but I see you, Mac. Anyways, I’ve already spoken to Remus, I’ll have you know.”

“Have you now? And how did that work out for you?”

“Great.”

“Sirius.”

“Mary.”

Mary just looked at him expectantly again. This was going to be a running theme for the day, Sirius thinks. He doesn’t have much to tell her. She probably already knows what he wants, or rather doesn’t want, to say. She knows and she just wants him to say it out loud, which he won’t. He refuses to. He’s been avoiding it. Ever since that night with James in the back room. And honestly, it was a stupid fixation. Remus is not the first guy to catch Sirius’ eye at the bar. Why were his friends so hung up on that one? Granted, he always made a move, got it out of his system, and called it a day. But just because he decided against doing that this time, doesn’t mean it gets to be a conversation topic every time any of his friends are here.

“I would sleep with him,” Mary quirked an eyebrow at this. “But, he’s a regular, and it would be pretty awkward and I’d do well without the theatrics honestly.”

Mary laughed at this. She honest to god laughed, so loudly, that people started looking over at the bar. Remus and redhead included. “Do well without the theatrics? Really, Sirius?” She asked between fits of laughter. “Really? You couldn’t come up with a better lie? I thought you were better than this honestly, or maybe you used to be. Have you lost the knack for it? Can you no longer make up a good lie? Or maybe it’s me. Have I gotten so good at reading you? No, that theatrics bullshit was weak, even Peter wouldn’t have fallen for that and he thought James and Regulus were ‘roommates’ for like 2 months. So, again, I’m asking you to cut the crap. Take me up on my offer, we both talk to the pretty residents of the corner booth, and you know, win-win.”

Sirius was about to come up with an excuse or mention his precious golden rule and why he logistically can’t cross the bar, not even to fraternize with the hot resident of the corner booth when Marlene came out from the back room, totally dressed up. Sirius raised an eyebrow at her.

“You forgot, didn’t you?” She asked as she made her way out. “I have that thing with Dorcas tonight? The gallery opening?”

Sirius remembered her mentioning that sometime last week. He might have been preoccupied at the time, staring at a certain curly-haired mystery corner booth man. “Right, yes, the gallery thing, have fun!!”

Mary gave her a wolf whistle for her outfit and asked her to do a twirl then wished her luck. “Say hi to Dorcas for us!” She called out.

Wait, Marlene McKinnon you absolute godsend. “Looks like I can’t go over with you to talk to the beauties of the corner booth. Shame, really, I was looking forward to it. Well, anyways, there’s always next time, right?”

Mary just flipped him off, downed the rest of her drink that Sirius had poured for her at some point, then got up and made her way to the corner booth. Sirius was equal part relieved for himself and nervous for Mary. He subtly leaned against the bar and watched her as she stood by the booth and talked to the pair, more to redhead than Remus anyway. Sirius watched as they laughed and redhead scooted over for her to sit. Wow, okay Mary, get it, Sirius thought.

Sirius eventually got distracted from the scene by his actual job, because apparently, he had to do that, especially now with Marlene out. He tended to a few customers, flirted with a couple, and received one too many numbers that he tossed in the trash with a couple that he stashed for later, just in case. This felt like routine for Sirius, not a boring one, but rather a comfortable one that he easily danced through. It helped take his mind off the whole corner booth thing and the dread of Mary’s confrontation later, which he knew was coming.

He was in the middle of pouring shots for a group of friends that just came in when someone sat at the bar. “Be right with you!” Sirius shouted as he set the tray out for the party of 10. 15, maybe? He wasn’t sure, he might’ve lost count of the shots and the heads. He turned back to help the new person at the bar only to find Remus with his chin resting on his palm looking directly at him.

“Hi,” Remus said and Sirius just stared. This was obviously his cue to speak, you know, greet him back, say hi? Hello? Anything? But, no, he just stared. Remus didn’t seem to notice, or he did and decided to save Sirius the embarrassment. “I was starting to feel like a third wheel over there, so I thought I’d come to keep you company since your friend stole mine. Or vice versa? I’m not really sure honestly.” He laughed nervously.

Sirius took a deep breath and tried to keep his shit together. He wasn’t planning on a CBG interaction today, but it was happening, and he had to power through it. Well, screw you too, Macdonald. “Well, Mary has been eyeing your friend since she first came along with you, so it’s about time. Sorry they kicked you out of your beloved booth though, I’m sure the bar doesn’t compare.”

“It does have its perks,” He said looking at Sirius. “Plus, I’m used to it. Being kicked out of booths because someone fancies Lily, sometimes it’s the other way around, but she’s too stubborn to leave. We often make a game out of it and see how long the other can third wheel for, but she seemed genuinely interested in your friend, so I took one for the team.”

Sirius was now actively thinking about the people who found Remus attractive, who fancied him enough to go up to him, start a conversation, and even sit in the booth with him, while his friend was also there. He was thinking about it and he didn’t like it. He didn’t like that others also fancied Remus, which was dumb, because Remus was, well, Remus. An absolutely gorgeous human being, who Sirius was sure was as kind-hearted and nice as he seemed to be. Sirius also didn’t like that others had the guts to do what he couldn’t, which is actually make a move, and not fear the consequences or dread the aftermath.  

“So, you’re losing?” Sirius asked, trying to snap his mind out of its spiral.

“Now, Sirius, don’t underestimate me,” He said with a small smirk playing on his lips. “I took one for the team because I could afford it, I am extremely competitive, you don’t want to end up on the other end of that.”

“I’ll make a note of that, although I think I can take you, objectively speaking, I think my competitiveness might one up yours,” Sirius shrugged casually, and he tried his best to let his faux confidence take the wheel on this one, he could use it.

Remus raised an eyebrow. “Is this a challenge then? Because you’re on.”

“I have no idea what I just agreed to, but bring it, CBG.” Sirius said and Remus’ eyes twinkled as he smiled at him.

Sirius stole a glance at the corner booth and locked eyes with Mary who winked at him. That sly woman. Sirius subtly flipped her off and turned back to Remus. “So, I guess now is a good time as any to uncover the mystery of what exactly you do on your laptop from opening to closing time, yeah?” He asked.

“Well, if you’re going to ask a man to bear his deepest secrets, at least buy him a drink first.”

Sirius smiled and took out a bottle of Scotch. “The usual, yeah?” Remus nodded and Sirius poured him a glass and poured one for himself as well. “Go on, then.”

“Have you ever met a starving writer, Sirius?” Remus asked and the conversation flowed from there.

Remus told Sirius about this book deal he got, how it was the book deal, how Lily was his insatiable editor, and how he was making little to no progress on the whole thing. Sirius listened intently as Remus talked about his job, pausing occasionally to serve other customers, and giving Remus an apologetic smile which he returned with an encouraging one. Sirius asked him what his book was about and Remus evaded or tried to evade, the question. So, Sirius dropped it, he wasn’t about to ruin the first time he managed to hold a conversation with the man. Well, despite the fact that Remus was the one carrying this conversation, honestly, Sirius was just happy to be included.

When the crowd started to die down a bit, Sirius started pulling his weight in the conversation. He talked about starting Black’s and the community he built. He talked about music and his favourite artists and how he rigs the jukebox so only the songs he likes actually work. He talked about his friends briefly, just Marlene and Mary, since they’re the ones Remus met. Before Remus mentioned meeting Dorcas and Sirius talked about them as well. Sirius could tell halfway through the conversation that Remus was starting to let Sirius take the lead, only adding a few remarks here and there. It was then that Sirius realised that Remus did most of the talking at first because he noticed how nervous Sirius was. Sirius got even more nervous at this he started blushing and hoped Remus wouldn’t notice. He, instead, decided to make up for it by talking about anything and everything. If there was anything Sirius could do, it was talk and talk and talk. Remus made him nervous shitless, still, but he felt like he owed it to him now. Plus, he was starting to get more and more comfortable with every encouraging smile Remus threw his way.

They ended up talking for what felt like hours, Sirius couldn’t tell exactly how long had passed and how they ended up at this point in the conversation, but they were currently arguing about the best cereal flavour. Sirius was very strongly team honey because obviously, why wouldn’t he be? It’s the best flavour, and hence, the only right answer. Remus was appalled that Sirius would even consider anything that wasn’t chocolate, because that was, in his opinion, the reigning queen of any and all flavours.

“I’m telling you, CBG, honey is the best cereal, there is simply no argument there.”

Remus shook his head and was about to say something when Mary came over. “Hey, sorry to interrupt this very obviously serious conversation.” She said and then pointed a finger at Sirius. “Do not make a serious/Sirius joke right now.”

Sirius held his hands up defensively while Remus laughed. Sirius’ insides might have gotten a little warmer and fuzzier, not that they were warm and fuzzy, to begin with, they totally weren’t.

“Is Lily about ready to go?” Remus asked Mary.

She nodded. “Yeah, she just went to the restroom and told me to tell you she’ll meet you outside.” Remus got up and held a hand out to Mary. “Pleasure, Lupin.” She said as she shook his hand.

“Lupin? As in-?”

“We can make fun of my name and its redundancy tomorrow, but I have to head out before Lily has my head,” Remus said with a smile. “Good night, Sirius.”

“Goodnight, Wolfy.” Sirius said as Remus shook his head and laughed before heading back to the booth to collect his things. Sirius watched as he walked out, stopping at the door to give a final wave to him and Mary.

“So, how was it?”

“Oh, piss off, Mac.”