upRooted

 The Boy Who Lived Grew Up To Be The Man Who Survived

Hermione looked deeply sad and aggrieved for the man in front of her. "I'm sorry I'm not her. I am not your wife. I don't know what happened to the Hermione Granger that married you. My love for Ron is brotherly not romantic love!"

Ron looked gutted. "Please fix things. Tell me who you really are and why you've taken Hermione's place."

Henry Charlus Evan James Potter aka Harry Potter stood by grim faced and ready to leap between them if the Ronald Weasley turned violent. 

"I am Hermione Granger. Or rather a Hermione Granger. I can't be the only woman named Hermione Granger in England. Although the odds of us both being smarty-pants liberated witches is probably pretty low."

Ron tried to twist out of Harry's arms. "Please. Please, you have to bring her back. Harry you have to get a time-turner and put things right. I need the real Hermione! I need my family back!"

"I'm sorry, I am a real Hermione Granger. I have a right to exist too!"

"Ron, you're asking me to travel back in time and destroy this Hermione, whose been our friends for years? The only Hermione Granger I remember? One of our dearest friends? And somehow find the other woman who was Hermione in the timeline you remember? How would that even be possible?"

"I'm sorry, Ron. I'm not noble enough to give up my life to save another timeline." And she really did look guilty and wretched. "And I don't love you that way so I'm not going to marry you!"

Ron cried out in despair and tried to wrench his way out of Harry's grip. "If you won't help me, Harry. I'll do it myself!"  He finally twisted free of Harry's arms and lunged for his wand. 

"I'm sorry. I can't let you do that!", Harry said while preparing to hit him with a Full Body-Bind Curse.

"I'll summon the Aurors!", Hermione ran to the Floo.

POP! The other Hermione Granger apparated in front of Ron and walloped him clean across the face with her handbag knocking back a solid three or four paces. 

Everyone stared at her in slack-jawed astonishment.

"You ruddy git! What the devil do you think you're doing!?"

"HERMIONE! YOU'VE COME BACK TO ME! TRUE LOVE CONQUERS ALL!!"

"I thought you said your wife was dead?", Harry and Original Hermione were ignored by the dystopian future couple. 

"Come back? After your brothers let slip how much 'product testing' you did with Padma Patil in 8th year? Are you ruddy mad? No, I've not come back for you! I've come back to collect the alimony and child support!"

"Product testing?", Hermione the First asked the Hermione the Second. 

"Love potions! What do you bloody think they are?" 

"Er, roofies?" 

"No, its just sildenafil we added glitter to make it look magical! The only thing it will do is uh, er...uplift a Wizard's romantic spirits!"

POP! Suddenly there's another Ron who says to Original Hermione and Harry, "You are not going to believe the day I've had!" Ron blinks when he sees the other older Hermione and other older Ron. "Well, maybe you will believe it!" 

Harry told him, "This creepy old crusty version of you tried to emotionally blackmail us into killing Hermione or force her into marrying him or something. Maybe both. I dunno, he's a creep who sells dick pills."

"Huh, I wonder if they're from this weird timeline where Draco Malfoy was straight and your kids are married. He was also a better parent than you."

"Sheesh! Wonderful. This git did tell me I was an abusive parent but I thought he was lying!"

"After the Dursleys? What the fuck, man? What the fuck!?"

"They never sent him to counseling for his post-war PTSD, I guess!"

They were interrupted by Crusty geezer Ron getting grabbed by the ear by Hermione 2.0 and lugged away through a portal presumably to whatever alternate reality they came from.

"So, what we've learned is that our future is pretty shitty."

"No, their present is shitty. Our future is what we make of it. We don't have to live like them or become them."

"Okay, my other two-thirds," said the leader of the Golden Triad wrapped her arms around her dearest friends and hugged them tightly. "Let's vow to not grow up anything like them!"

Ron and Harry hugged Hermione back. They chorused, "Living well is the best revenge!" 

And they skipped off arm in arm to study for their NEWTS instead of joining the Aurors because it wasn't the job of school children to save lazy, cowardly adults.

~~~~~

As his faithful valet, Neville Longbottom, strolled along behind him, Harry Potter aka Hadrian Lirio Peverell Black looked up at the banner proclaiming "Celebration of the 50th Anniversary of the Peace Accord of Hogwarts" and thought this was going to be an absolute shit show for all parties involved.  

Harry Potter, the man who survived Tommy Riddle Junior and his Death Eaters, The Unforgivables and the end of the Statute of Secrecy, the Goblin War and a lot of political related crapola like decades of the Wizarding Cold War was cordially and humbly invited to Hogwarts for the Celebration of the 50th Anniversary of the End of The Second Wizarding War. 

Problematic because Hogwarts and most of the UK, for the past several decades, had been under the control of Death Eaters. 

There had been no clear losers between Pureblood Death Eaters and the Blood Traitors. 

To be perfectly honest the only true and clear winners were Muggles. Ironically enough. 

The Second Wizarding War had ended much like the Korean War with the LeStrange Family and Death Eaters controlling Wizarding Britain like the Kim Dynasty did North Korea. 

The rest of the Blood traitors, sympathetic Half-bloods, and Muggle-born Wizards and their assorted Creature allies had ended up decamping to Ireland from Britain, Scotland, and Wales before Purebloods could purge them. They were followed into exile by Continental and Near Eastern Blood traitors, Half-blood, and Muggle-born Wizards. Then African and the Far Eastern magic users and Creatures.

While the Americas, North and South, didn't actually have any Pure Bloods past the second generation of immigrants, they certainly had plenty of people who thought they were better than everyone else and their far-right and far-left ideologies boiled over into violence. 

Because the Muggle governments of the world could no longer uphold the polite fiction that they had no idea that Magic existed, they had to do something about the army of genocidal wand-waving loons on their doorstep. 

The primary solution Muggle governments always had tucked away for Death Eaters winning was, of course, the MAD doctrine. 

To avoid the Muggles getting involved, the Wiccan had quickly came up with an alternative solution to a hot Wizarding War.  

And that "peaceful" solution was The Divided Koreas, er Divided Magic Lands. 

Pure Blood Dark-aligned wizards would have their British "pure" hermit kingdom in Britain and McGonagall's Army would have Ireland as their own island of liberal, democratic Magic, mixed heritage magic nation. 

The first thing Lucius Malfoy did to celebrate his victory was promptly crown himself King of Pureblood Wizarding Britain. 

The second thing Lucius did was betray the magical Creatures that supported his cause and hunt them for sport. 

Because seriously, what use are werewolves and vampires when you don't have a war to fight? 

Fenrir Greyback and his ilk made for nice hearth rugs. 

Malfoy doesn't get to enjoy his triumph for long. He was promptly back-stabbed (literally) by Mulciber who was promptly poisoned by Dolohov who was promptly eaten by Nagini at the behest of Goyle who was in turn promptly stomped flat by the Gurg who was Avada Kedavra'd by Bellatrix Lestrange who promptly made Rabastan Lestrange, her brother-in-law, Supreme Leader of Pureblood Britain.  

'Prime minister? No, thank you, where would I find the time? I have Half-bloods to torture and Muggles to kill, darling!' 

So in less than a year the rapey, murdering, torture-loving LeStrange family takes up the role of leadership in Pureblood Britain. 

Which meant loyalists like Delores Umbridge got to decide who was a Pure Blood and who was not Pure enough!

Oppsie doodle! 

Wizards and Witches, who previously thought having a Muggle-born ancestor more than four or five generations back made them 'pure enough' found out that the Death Eater's whole Pureblood obsession they ignored when it was 'only' Half-bloods and Muggle-borns being discriminated against and murdered by Death Eaters actually did effect them after all. Droves emptied their vaults at Gringotts, fled the country, and the economy crashed. 

Gringotts was not a fractional-reserve bank, thank you very much. The Goblins revolted. Pure Bloods had finally crossed the one bottom line financiers of all species had; thou shalt not be insolvent. 

Harry Potter was 10 years old when he was evacuated from Britain during Operation Magic Carpet. He and the rest of the Half-Blood and Muggle-born Wiccan and there families were whisked away to safety on the Continent.   

He was placed in the care of Remus Lupin, Professor of Beauxbatons, until Sirius Black was freed from Azkaban. 

After graduating Beaubatons and passing his NEWTS, Harry Potter aka The-Boy-Who-Lived and his god-parents, Sirius Black and Remus Lupin, spent their days as the New Marauders supporting the New Wizarding Democracy headed by Prime Minister Minerva McGonagall. Their support was mainly causing chaos for Pureblood Land in the form of sabotage and counterintelligence.

Decades of proxy wars in neighboring countries led to today's event hosted by Democratic People's Republic of Wizarding Britain aka Pureblood Land. The Second Wizarding war devolved into the Magical Cold War across the globe as the two proto-empires tried to covertly undermine one another. 

Today both sides were pretending to celebrate the Peace Accord between the two nations. A pompous and gilded affair designed by Delphi LeStrange to rub the noses of Half-bloods and Muggle-born wizards in the fact that they had lost Hogwarts; It would also be used as propaganda designed to inspire donations and support from Pure Blood sympathizers in other countries. 

Harry wondered if the mad little fiend was still claiming to be Voldemort's daughter. Back when Prime Minister McGonagall was still Professor McGonagal, she had tracked down all of Voldemort's horcruxes and destroyed them. Voldemort would never return.

That didn't stop Delphi from proclaiming herself Voldy's True Seed despite him being dead for a solid fifteen years before she was born.  

It didn't keep the most ardent of Tommy Riddle Junior fans from believing Delphi was The-Daughter-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named.

Anyway, the Cold War would never truly end, it simply was back-burnered occasionally, there was plenty of cloak-and-dagger bullshit afoot. 

Harry slugged back his firewhiskey and smirked. He wondered how many total assassination attempts this shindig would rack up. So far there'd been a good dozen failed attempts on his life, no less than three dozen attempts at dosing him with love potions, and the bribery and blackmail attempts were in the triple digits and the waiters were just now handing 'round the starters. 

Gossip had it that a rebel Creature group planned a revolutionary coup for the evening, not to mention the counter coup allegedly planned by LeStrange Loyalists, or the counter counter coup planned by Half-blood sympathizers trying to liberate relatives from Umbridge's Inquisitorial Squad. There was also Lovegood's Good Lovers who were some weird cult founded by Xenophilius Lovegood who planned on ending the Cold War by exposing everyone present to magic peace lily pollen. Because surely an orgy involving hundreds of cut-throat secret agents, politicians, diplomats, and warmongers of the world's various nations would surely bring about reunification, right? 

Harry spotted no less than 139 intelligence agents in attendance (both his side, their side, and 'neutral' nations were represented)...and Luna Lovegood wafting around with a basket of flower petals.

Yes, this evening was going to be an absolute shit-show. He could not wait for the shit to hit the fan. It was going to be a glorious mess!

Harry was gazing up at the glaring faces of the mounted werewolf heads while Longbottom waited in line for the bar. 'Hmm, is that Pansy Parkinson up there?'

Draco Malfoy, code name: Snow Ferret, swanned up and cast a privacy charm. He was one of McGonagall's best double agents.

"Potter-"

"Black. My name is Black. Have you forgotten we're cousins now, Draco? I was legally adopted by my dearest dog-father."

"Potter, how much of that cheap rotgut have you swilled this evening?"

"Not so much I've forgotten my name. Unlike you."

Draco dragged him over to a table and said, "Do you remember Theodore Nott?"

"Nott...one of the Sacred Twenty-Eight, I take? You should remember us filthy 'foreign' Mud Bloods don't socialize with Pure Bloods, especially not with the ones in Britain, right?"

"Damn, of course! I keep forgetting you went to Beauxbatons this time around."

"What do you mean this time around? Where else would I study for my NEWTS?"

"Shit, why can't you remember the previous loop?", Malfoy muttered to himself. 

Harry looked baffled. 'Had Malfoy lost his mind? Had Delphi LeStrange finally hit him enough times with cruciatus to scramble his wits?'

"Have you lost your mind?", Lord Black asked while he sipped his firewhiskey.

"Someone impersonating Bellatrix LeStrange is trying to infiltrate the party."

"Why would someone gatecrash this absurd shit-show as Bella the Strange? She's been dead for years."

"Do you remember being part of the Golden Trio with Granger and Ron Weasley?"

"Ron Weasley? The one who discovered that Peter Pettigrew was still alive which was instrumental in getting my dearest father, Sirius Black III, freed from Azkaban? Goodness me, yes, I think I've heard of him!" Harry replied sarcastically. "He and Hermione Granger have been my dearest friends since our first day at Beauxbatons." 

"Ugh, of course you don't remember being in the same House at Hogwarts with Ron and Hermione! Do you remember the time you got married and had two point five mini-Potters and becoming the Head of Department of Magical Law Enforcement?"  

"Only in some very weird dreams after drinking too many butter beers....how do you know about that?"

"Those weren't dreams. That actually happened..to another version of you. Probably. Anyway, in an alternate reality where there's a female Ron Weasley named Ginevra, that you married because she's the only other female Weasley beside Molly Weasley. The timeline got a bit fucky when our sons got their hands on one of Theodore Nott's time turners. And then the idiot Alternate Reality faux Voldemort spawn started mucking about with a Lúnhuí artifact from China."

"Nott? This would be the guy you mentioned earlier? And what is an Lúnhuí artifact?"

"Okay, let me back up...you're aware of the Four Loves, right? Storge, Philia, Eros, Agape?"

"Er, ones romantic love and ones for friendship and siblings and another for God?"

"Yes, those." Draco Malfoy shoved his cell phone under Harry's nose. "The LeStrange family has a pair of artifacts that can make the wearer fall under the thrall of Eros. It's a pair of wedding rings dating back to the days of arranged marriages. Bellatrix Black, my dear old auntie, claimed to have used them to seduce Lord Moldy Shorts." 

Harry peered at the picture on Draco's phone. The rings did sort of start cause mental alarm bells go off in Harry's head. 

"Okay, so what does this have to do with anything?"

"Well, somehow in the last reality Hermione Granger got her hands on a bracelet that reveals and breaks enchantments during her stay at 12 Grimmauld Place and discovered that her mind manipulated by Legilimency. Investigating who and why, she discovered that all Hogwarts students starting in your year had been mentally compromised in some way."

"What does that have to do with fucky timeline's looping?"

"You were a miserable pillock and your least wanted child tried to get your attention by using an experimental time-turner to save the one person whose death seems to haunt you worse than all the Gryffindors the Death Eaters put the skids to during the Battle for Hogwarts."

"Er, who?"

"Cedric Diggory."

"The has-been Quidditch player that famously threw a tantrum when he lost the Tri-Wizard Tournament?"

"The one and same."

"Oh, I see. You have lost your mind."

"I'm not crazy, Potter-"

"Black."

"Damnit. Yes, sure, you're Lord Black. Fine. Back to the exposition; our sons were tricked into stealing an experimental time-turner which ended up in the hands with my cousin, Delphini LeStrange. I managed to rescue both children. You continued to be a pillock."

"Okay, and then what happened? And what does this have to do about weird dreams about marrying a Weasley's sister?"

"You were married to Ginevra Weasley. When you were a fifth year at Hogwarts you realized you were being played by Dumbledore-

"What? You mean the Head Master that got dismissed for nearly turning me into an Obscurial by ditching me with my Muggle relatives!?"

"Yes, him. Dumbledore treated the whole war with Voldemort and the Death Eaters as some sort of chess game and you were the sacrifice pawn for his grand plan."

"Okay, but what does-"

"He brainwashed the Muggle-born and Half-blood children into keeping silent about the abuses they suffered and kept them from leaving Hogwarts. They were only able to leave after he was killed. That was also the year Hogwarts students, especially Gryffindors, were no longer brainwashed into joining Dumbledore's canon fodder."

"Killed?"

"Yes, let me finish, Potter! You found out he was going to sacrifice you 'for the greater good' and you were about to chuck everything and run away for New York when you fell madly in love with Ginevra Weasley."

"Oh, couldn't leave the love of my life and she wouldn't abandon the war effort or something?"

"Just so."

"Again, what does any of this have to do with a time loop?" 

"You were forced into acting out Dumbledor's ideal happy ending with Ginny Weasley after you fought You-Know-Who. You dropped out of school to become an Auror and you got to work cranking out mini-Weasleys. You were miserable and you took your resentments out on your family."

"Okay, so that's where time-turners come into it. How did we get stuck in a timeloop?"

"Their Delphini LeStrange put Amos Diggory under an Imperius Curse and she got her hands on the time-turner!" 

"So, if I'm clear then there are probably two Delphini LeStranges running around? One of whom is impersonating Bellatrix Black? Or is Bellatrix Black from another dimension and impersonating Delphi? And for some reason she wants me to marry Ginny Weasley?"

Harry thought, 'Yes, Malfoy has finally lost his damned mind.'

"I don't think she actually gives a damn if you marry Ginny Weasley or not, but that is the long and short of it." 

"Malfoy, you've lost your damned mind."

"Potter, I have not-!"

"Black!", interrupted the Wizard Formerly Known as Potter. 

"Fine, Black, I am not crazy!"

"Just point the fake Delphini or real Bella out to one of the security guards! They'll think she's polyjuiced!"

"Hermione thinks that if Delphini is killed it will trigger another time loop. Which is why we scrambled her brains and left her in a coma for five decades." 

"Well, that is a problem, how do you think she'll infiltrate-?"

Harry was interrupted by a scream of, "HARRY POTTER! HARRY POTTER YOU HAVE TO HELP US! IT'S ALL A LIE HARRY! HARRY POTTER! THIS ISN'T THE REAL WORLD, HARRY!"

"Oh, shit there she is!" Malfoy looked dyspeptic.

"I AM THE REAL DELPHINI LESTRANGE! THERE IS SOMEONE HERE IMPERSONATING ME!"

"Lovely. Let's see if we can hustle her out. If anyone asks, we can tell people she's drunk and polyjuiced or something-"

"Problem, half the people here were at the event where Delphi The Strangest accidentally destroyed the Lúnhuí artifact and triggered the time loop."

"Which means...?"

"They also remember the past loop. Most won't want to re-start the loop because their past kind of sucked but if even one person present decides-"

"THE FUTURE DEPENDS ON YOU MARRYING GINNY WEASLEY!!!"

BANG! BANG! BANG!

Just before the blinding ray of light wiped out everything, the two men turned and saw Neville Longbottom, holding a Muggle gun, standing over the corpse Delphini LeStrange from the dystopian alternate reality created by Dumbledore's Happy Ending. 

~~~~~

As his dearest wife, Narcissa, pushed him along in his wheelchair, Lucius Malfoy looked up at the banner proclaiming "Celebrating the Return of Voldemort" and thought, 'This is going to be absolutely tedious.'

Lucius Malfoy, the Hero who resurrected Voldemort, was cordially and humbly invited to Malfoy Manor for Lord Voldemort's Re-Birthday hosted by the LeStrange Family aka Bellatrix Black LeStrange aka Narcissa Malfoy because Bell was only good at one thing and that wasn't party planning. 

Narcissa Malfoy said the theme was going to be Peace and Reconciliation and Death To All Muggles.

Politically minded members of the Sacred Twenty-Eight had shown up to score PR points for their various political campaigns. Reminding the public they were important Pure-Bloods in good standing with You-Know-Her was always good for 20 point lead. 

His non-political son had shown up on orders, Lucius was sure, from Narcissa.

'Be there and make nice with your father, he is the Savior of Wizarding Britain, suck it up and leave your daddy issues at home for one evening or this Yule there will be hell to pay, please and thank you!'

In retaliation Draco 'accidentally' dropped a pair of underpants and freed Dobby, the Malfoy's last house elf. And then he bunked off with his lowborn friends Hermione and Hector Granger instead of helping with the preparations. 

Curse that rebellious brat!

Malfoy was sure the Granger twins were gutter trash! Lucius didn't believe for a damn minute they were descended from the Granier Family of France! They were trashy trashy low-born Half-Bloods! He was sure of it!

Ugh, damn that boy! He used to be so obedient. Then over night he turned into an obstreperous monster. Narcissus claimed it was puberty but Lucius Malfoy had called in the Curse Breakers because no amount of testicles dropping could cause that much a change in personality!

Curse that child! 

For four whole hours they'd all promised to paste smiles on their faces and pretend they were a loving and warm family while their hero father and husband would paste a smile on his face and pretend he was honored and grateful for the attention of his well-wishers. 

Lucius snorted, "I don't know why Cissy bothers. Bellatrix and Rodolphus never appreciated me. I wasted my entire adult life slaving away to make their lives easy! When I was home I all I got was demands for this and that and hardly ever had a kind word from them."   

As much as Lucius detested these stuffy Society soirées Narcissa loved them and after all she sacrificed being the suddenly shunned wife of a suspected Death Eater who spent more time running after Voldemort than with her and Draco, Lucius wasn't going to deny his Cissy what joy she got out of being Mrs Wizarding World's Greatest Hero Ever. 

So Narcissa and the Inquisitorial Squad Celebration Committee had put together this fundraising ball celebrating, yet again, Voldemort's Re-Birthday. 

The Dark Lord Ginny Weasley was due to arrive with her parents and elder brothers at any moment! 

Morgana's tits...he was going to have to make nice with Arthur Weasley and the Prewitt woman. Not for the first time, Lucius Malfoy regretted putting Tom Malvolio Riddle's diary into the Weasley daughter's hands. 

Well, it would only be a few minutes of clenched teeth smiling for the paparazzi. Lucius could endure it.

He cheered up briefly. At least Rita Skeeter wouldn't be doing any interviews. The roach, oh excuse me, beetle animagus got trod on trying to sneak into the Bulgarian Quidditch team's locker room. 

Mordred, he wished this was over. Pretending like Old Dumbles that he was a kindly and warm and loving kindly elder statesman. 

'Where were Crabbe and Goyle? Rookwood was here already. Shame about what happened to his wife. There was Yaxley, Rosier, and Nott...what the hell was Madam Zebini and Lord Shafiq doing here?' They weren't Death Eaters! They'd been out of the country when it was time to take the Dark Mark. 'Good lord! Was that Shacklebolt and Longbottom and McMillan? Had Cissy actually invited all the Blood Traitors to this? It was bad enough they had to stomach the Weasley's! What in Merlin's name was she and committee thinking!?' 

Before he could ask his wife what the hell was going on, across the room he heard and saw Theodore Nott chasing after a furious looking Bellatrix LeStrange who was marching straight toward them. 

Narcissa frowned, "I better go over there! I don't want Bell ruining this evening!"

"What do you mean? What's she kicking up a fuss about?"

Narcissa ignored him and waved the largest and most muscular waiters over to act as bouncers. 

They intercepted Bellatrix and hit her with Silencio and Impedimenta when she tried to shout out Narcissa's name. She collapsed to the ground and Nott snatched her purse off her arm. 

Scabior yelped in shock and tried to push Theo Nott away from Bellatrix while demanding to know what he was doing.

Crabbe and Goyle retrieved Bellatrix's purse from Nott

Draco, his own son, helped haul her off the ground and began dragging her out a side door all the while various party guests headed toward the commotion to investigate why Lord Voldemort's greatest fan was being manhandled and treated like a common muggle gate-crasher. 

Lucius cursed the Half-blood witch that hit him with the Jelly Leg Hex earlier in the day as he wheeled himself after Bellatrix and Draco. 

'What the hell is going on?' 

"Malfoy, what's going on?"

"Snape? I was going to ask the same of you! What are you even doing here, you bloody traitor!"

"Never mind that, what's going on with them?"

"I don't know! Snape, push me over there!"

Theodore Nott had lunged for the purse and yanked it away from Goyle and overturned the contents on the ground. He was still rummaging through Bellatrix's belongings on the ground and cursing when Crabbe stepped on a fallen trinket and a huge blinding light engulfed the Great Hall. 

~~~~~

Bang! 'Shit!", thought Harry Potter as he clonked his head on the ceiling of the cupboard. "Why am I sleeping in a box? Did Malfoy get me killed too? Is this a coffin?"

The light from a streetlight poured into the living room and shone through the crack in cupboard door and Harry could see that he was back at Number Four Privet Drive.

'Shit? How old am I?', Harry Potter looked at his hands. They were tiny. 'Christ, I'm a kid again!' 

He pushed on the cupboard door. It rattled but stayed shut.

'Damn they padlocked me in!' when something rolled off his stomach and clattered to the floor. 

Harry felt around, paper rustled. There was something else and he also found a wad of fabric and a wand...and a ring. He raised the wand and whispered, "Lumos".

The inside of the cupboard lit up. He had the Marauders Map, the Elder Wand, the Cloak of Invisibility, and the Slytherin Heir Ring. Harry put the ring on and concentrated on the Resurrection Stone and sure enough it dropped out. 

He put the stone back into the ring and raised the wand, "Alohomora!"

The padlock dropped off and the cupboard door swung open. He got out and padded through the house looking for clean clothing that wasn't ragged. 

Harry found Dudley's best church clothes and transfigured them to fit him and then went to the bathroom. He peered at his scar. It was a fine white line. Not angry and red. Harry poked around in his psyche and didn't feel Voldemort. So...it would seem he was still the Master of Death and no longer a Horcrux despite being sent back in time. 

He took a bath and put on the transfigured clothing. He went over to Aunt Petunia's sitting room, the one only guests were allowed to go in, and took down her watered-silk drapes and transfigured them into wizard robes. 

When he was all dressed, Harry headed into the kitchen. He made himself as many sandwiches as he could with the loaf of bread and ham and cheese in the refrigerator. After eating a sandwich he wrapped up the leftovers and concentrated on Slytherin ring. 

The sandwiches disappeared into the ring. Good, that meant it could probably store quite a bit. He put the cloak and map away too and then set about emptying all the food in the kitchen into the ring with some pots, pans, and utensils.

Harry then made his way upstairs and cast Sleeping Charms on the Dursleys.

Somewhere in the attic, Aunt Petunia had kept a box of Lily Potter's belongings including his baby blanket. Harry was taking whatever was left of his parents and grandparents things. 

He didn't have time to look through all the boxes so he simply cast a Shrinking Charm onto everything and took all of it. He went from room to room and stuffed everything into the ring. 

He even levitated the Dursley's up off their beds, shrunk and stowed all the furniture in the ring, and left them sleeping on the carpet. 

He was half-way down the hall when he turned back and hit them with every Hex he could remember from Miranda Goshawk's Standard Book of Spells. 

When the house was empty, Harry walked over to the telephone and was reaching for it to dial Hermione Granger's phone number when it rang. Harry froze for a moment. Nobody should be calling the Dursley's at this time of night. It continued to ring so he picked it up to hear Hermione shriek, "Harry Potter! Is Harry Potter available! I must speak with him at once!"

"Hermione, its me. I remember everything. Every goddamn stupid lifetime!"

"SO DOES EVERYONE ELSE! MY PARENTS ARE PACKING FOR AUSTRALIA AS WE SPEAK! I'M SENDING A CAB OVER TO THE DURSLEY'S!"

"Shit! I have my Invisibility Cloak and a wand. They followed me into this incarnation. I can-"

POOF!  Kreacher was standing in the Dursley's kitchen next to Harry.

"Heir Black, you must come at once to 12 Grimmauld Place and the safety of the Black Family Wards!"

Before Harry could reply a screech of tires could be heard and a bang of motor cars colliding could be heard out front of Number Four Privet Drive. 

They rushed to the living room and peered over the window sill outside. 

A Ford Anglia with Bill Weasley at the wheel and George, Fred, Ron, and Ginny in the back was scrunched into the front end of an extremely fancy, extremely expensive looking limo with foreign plates. The chauffer got out and began to shout at the Bill Weasley. Blaise Zabini leapt out of the back of the limo followed by his mother and a lot of expensively dressed women Harry presumed were other Doñas de fuera. And Madam Zabini who swanned up to the front porch and peered in the window.

Ron ran to the front door of the Dursley's house and pounded on the door while whisper shouting, "Harry, it's me, Ron!"

Harry opened the door pulled Ron inside and slammed it and re-locked  it. And then hit it with a Sticking Charm. 

Hermione apparated directly into the room behind them and the Golden Trio cried out and hugged each other fiercely. 

"Mi scusi, questa è la casa del signor Harry Potter?", Madam Zabini on the other side of the door asked. 

Lights in the other houses on Privet Drive began to turn on as the neighbors' sleep was interrupted by the growing crowd. 

The Knight Bus came screaming down the street and swerved to miss both Nymphadora Tonks on Sirius Black's motorbike and Firenze the Centaur disguised as a cowboy. 

The Remus Lupin got off the Knight Bus with some other men that looked like werewolves. 

A pumpkin coach rolled down Privet Drive and Dobby the house-elf, dressed in Malfoy livery, drew the horses up short in front of the Dursley's home. Lucius Malfoy flung open the door and yelled, "Potter, up and at 'em! You have a Dark Lord to defeat!" Astoria and Daphne Greengrass poked their heads out and then got out after Draco. 

"These are Muggle homes? How do they make them all look exactly alike? Are the made in a factory like ginger biscuits, Daphne?", Harry heard Astoria ask.

Snape and McGonagall apparated onto Mrs Figg's lawn.

In the street a manhole cover slid open and a heavily armoured goblin peered out. "Heir Potter and Black, there are debts to settle with the Dark Lord!"

Hermione opened the door and yelled, "SCRAM!! WE'RE NOT SAVING THE WORLD ANYMORE! WE'RE GODDAMN TIRED!"

"Dobby has come to save Harry Potter and his friends!"

This caused the motley horde to draw closer and loudly complain, exclaim, demand, or argue about the Golden Trio's refusal to save the world again. 

Harry turned to Kreacher, "Can you take all three of us to Number Twelve?"

Just as a voice in the backyard yelled, "I FIGURED OUT HOW TO STOP THE TIME LOOP, POTTER!" 

Ron, Hermione, and Harry went to the backyard and looked out at Theo Nott. 

"We have to gather everyone that's caught in the timeloop to Hogwarts and end the world."

Theodore Nott waits in anxious silence at the Golden Trio's Reaction. 

They look at Nott and then at each other and then back to Nott. "Okay, so let's take this party to 12 Grimmauld Place and plan how we're going to do it."