Chapter 6
“Remus.”
“What?”
“Can we talk?” Peter was always a bit shy. He was quiet with others, but he was loud with his friends. Remus glanced at him suspiciously. Why was he acting shy in front of him?
“Sure. Something wrong?” Remus asked.
“Well, I,” Peter fidgeted nervously. “Can we please… talk somewhere else?” Peter muttered. Remus raised his eyebrow in curiosity.
“Of course.” Remus smiled to comfort Peter. Peter returned it with a small, nervous one of his own. Remus felt his heart squeeze in his chest, but ignored his own feelings of anxiety and uncertainty, and followed Peter out of the library and into an empty classroom, where the latter struggled to cast a silencing spell. Remus did it for him instead.
“Um, I just wanted to… goddamn it. I can’t do anything right.” Peter started mumbling to himself, pacing back and forth.
“What is it?” Remus asked, frowning.
“I’m- well, I was trying to confront you. But you’re just so fucking tall and intimidating.” Peter pouted, and the corners of Remus’ mouth twitched.
“Confront me about what?” He asked, raising an eyebrow.
“You…” Peter had been craning his neck to look at Remus. “Fuck’s sake, can you please just sit down?”
“Sure.” Remus let out a chuckle and sat down on one of the desks.
“Okay. Let me speak without any interruptions.” Peter demanded, slightly less nervous. He wrung his hands and took a deep breath. “You’ve been avoiding us. I don’t know why, but you have. James has been upset about it and he didn’t want to tell you because… to be honest, Remus, you’ve been really distant. He was scared you’d like, stop being friends with us.” Remus frowned and was about to protest when Peter interrupted. “Shut up. I know. I know you wouldn’t, but you know James. He’s a bit of a people pleaser. Anyway, you’ve been ignoring us and I want to know why.” Peter crossed his arms over his chest.
Remus stayed silent and Peter let out a frustrated sigh.
“Oh, I’m sorry. Am I allowed to speak now?” Remus frowned in innocent confusion.
“You are so not funny.” Peter huffed. Remus smirked, and Peter tried to cover one of his own.
“I’ve not been avoiding you. I have, however, been extremely busy.” Remus shrugged casually.
“Have you, now?” Peter raised an eyebrow.
“If you’re questioning how busy I am, you have no idea what you’re getting yourself into.” Remus challenged.
“Yeah, of course.” Peter replied with exaggerated sarcasm.
“Okay, then. Have it your way. Here,” Remus pulled out a notebook from his bag, “is my to-do list.” He handed it over to Peter, who frowned as he read the contents.
“23 things to do isn’t that much. That’s like two and a half things a day for a week.”
“That’s for today, Wormy.” Remus rolled his eyes. “And it’s more than 3 things a day, idiot. I swear, you purebloods-“
“For today?!” Peter exclaimed in astonishment.
Remus shrugged. “Yeah, but then I would have to do 10 things a day for the rest of the week.”
“I… don’t know what to say to that.” Peter shook his head, handing the notebook back to Remus. “And I complain about having to do one assignment a week…” He muttered to himself.
Remus cracked a smile. “Told you so.”
Peter glanced at Remus momentarily. “That’s still no excuse to avoid us. I mean, you go out of your way to make sure you don’t have to talk to us. Just be honest, please.”
“I don’t want to prank Snape.” Remus said. Peter froze in place. “You okay?” Remus frowned.
“Would you, like, be friends with us again if we don’t prank him?” Peter asked. Remus nodded slowly. “And let’s say, hypothetically, we were to prank him?” Peter smiled nervously.
Remus narrowed his eyes suspiciously. His expression quickly turned into a deadpan. “They’re pranking him right now, aren’t they?”
Peter gasped as if offended. “Of course not! What do you think of us-“
Remus didn’t stick around to listen. He walked briskly out of the classroom and towards the Gryffindor Tower. If he didn’t find the Marauder’s Map, then they really were pranking Snape.
“Remus, wait! I swear they aren’t pranking Snape!” Peter ran after him. Remus stopped, and turned around.
“Well?” He prompted.
“Um, technically they’re pranking a bunch of Slytherins. Uh, including Snape.”
Remus groaned in frustration. “Those fucking-“
Remus stopped mid sentence when Professor McGonagall marched up towards the pair. “You two.” She addressed them, and Remus could hear Peter gulp loudly.
“Hello, Professor.” Remus greeted. He was met with a glare.
“Tell me, Mr. Lupin, that you weren’t involved in your friends’ most recent… practical joke? I’d have expected more from you.”
Peter snorted, and froze when McGonagall turned her attention to him.
“What have they done?” Remus asked, hiding his grin.
“The uniforms of the entire Slytherin house are red and gold.” McGonagall stated, the slightest glimmer of amusement in her eyes.
“Surely, Professor, you don’t think so lowly of my intellect that I would plan such a simple prank, and still fail to stay out of trouble?” Remus asked.
“Certainly not, Mr. Lupin. However,” McGonagall focused her attention back on Peter, “Mr. Potter has admitted, albeit unintentionally, to your involvement, Mr. Pettigrew. I’m afraid you’ll have detention for a week.”
Peter looked close to tears. Remus couldn’t help the smile from spreading on his face.
•••
“How was detention with McGonagall?” Remus smiled warmly as his friends entered the dorm tiredly, clearly in a terrible mood.
“Fuck off, Moony.” James muttered, taking off his tie.
“I bet it was fun. Shame I couldn’t have joined you.” Remus said with a false self-pitying tone.
“Fuck off, Moony.” Sirius repeated James’ words.
“What did she have you do, anyway?” Remus asked, setting down the book he was reading onto his nightstand.
“I will not damage property for the sake of house pride. Seventy times.” Peter groaned, rolling over in his bed to cover his face.
“Seventy? Oh, that’s brilliant. Truly. I applaud her attention to detail.” Remus smirked.
“Huh?” Peter questioned, confused.
“That’s how much Slytherin scored in the Quidditch match, Wormtail.” Sirius sighed, running a hand through his hair to detangle it.
“I hate her.” James mumbled.
“No, you don’t.” Remus rolled his eyes.
“No, but I’m this close to hating her.” James held up his pointer finger and his thumb closely together.
“How did you know the size of Snape’s-“
“No!” James interrupted, blocking Sirius’ voice by covering his ears with his hands. Remus burst out into laughter.
“Wait, I don’t get it. Snape’s what?” Peter asked. Remus was beginning to wheeze uncontrollably.
“Bless you, Pete.” Sirius consoled Peter, who looked even more confused.
Remus calmed himself down, breathing heavily. He caught his friends sharing strange looks. “What?” He frowned.
“Nothing. It’s,” James’ eyes lit up behind his glasses, “we haven’t heard you laugh in a while.” He said quietly.
“Oh.” Remus said, because he didn’t know what else to say. Because he hadn’t known that they noticed. Because he hadn’t realised how bad it had gotten until his friends did. “Sorry.” He muttered, embarrassed.
“Don’t be!” James sent him a rare frown in disagreement. “I’m not accusing you of anything, it’s just, it’s nice. To see you laughing again, Moony.”
Reus cleared his throat uncomfortably. All 3 pairs of eyes were on him. “Um, I’m sorry for avoiding you.” He whispered. In the quiet room, his voice was heard loud and clear.
“It’s no problem.” James smiled.
“Yeah, of course.” Sirius chimed in, his tone way too cheery and his smile way too bright. His expression dropped comically. “Don’t ever do it again.” He spoke seriously, but the hint of amusement in his eyes gave him away.
“Wasn’t planning on it,” Remus grinned. He felt immensely guilty for how shit of a friend he had been, and how much he was avoiding their care. He was still wary of Sirius; the latter had been increasingly suspicious of what was going on in Remus’ head.
Sirius had not outright stated his suspicions, but his actions made it clear enough to Remus. A quiet look shared between them after Remus expressed his tiredness. A question in his eyes as Remus deftly avoided going down to the Great Hall again.
He had to know. How couldn’t he? Remus had practically admitted to him that he was starving himself, although not in so many words. He couldn’t punish himself enough for how foolish and honest he had been.
•••
“Good morning, sunshine.” James smiled brightly, and Remus flipped him the bird before covering himself with his blanket.
“Now that’s not very nice of you, is it, sunshine?” Remus could hear the pout in James’ voice.
“You can kindly fuck off.” Remus grunted tiredly. It was way too early for James Potter.
“I won’t take offence to that, Moony, don’t worry. I know you aren’t yourself in the mornings so I’ll let that slide.” James huffed before stripping the blanket off a very grumpy Remus.
Remus groaned. “Go fuck yourself, Potter.” He rolled over so that he was lying on his stomach and his head was in his pillow.
“Play nice, Moony!” Remus heard Sirius shout from somewhere in the room.
“You can go fuck yourself, too, Black.” Remus was feeling slightly more grumpy than usual. He would blame the feeling in his gut of emptiness, loneliness, and self-pity, but he was just not a morning person. Come to think of it, this was a regular occurrence, really.
“Such foul language.” Sirius tutted. “Woken up on the wrong side of the bed, Moony?” He teased.
Remus grunted unintelligibly. “Leave me alone.” His words were muffled by the pillow.
“What?” James asked, letting out a slight laugh.
“I said, leave me alone you piece of utter cowshit, you insufferable waste of space, you-”
Remus was interrupted by James and Sirius both laughing, before one of them told him to follow them down to breakfast. The door closed, and Remus was alone again.
Remus’ stomach grumbled and he sighed. He had been eating a little more for a few days, only to appease Sirius Black, who can really mother someone when he puts his mind to it. He found that he had more energy, and didn’t seem to be gaining anything yet, so he considered upping his intake.
Not by much; just enough to keep him focused in classes and able to muster up a smile once in a while.
Remus didn’t want to lose his focus, especially with the upcoming exams. But the thought of eating more made him feel sick.
Remus exhaled heavily, and got out of bed. The headache that usually plagued him was less painful this morning, and he felt that maybe the day wasn’t going to be as bad as he had thought.
Remus got dressed, satisfied with the way his clothes were definitely much too big on him. Although, he wasn’t quite where he wanted to be yet…
He grabbed his bag, that slightly weighed him down from the extra books he had stuffed in it.
Once he reached the Great Hall, Peter smiled brightly and waved at him. He was seated next to Dorcas, who was shovelling her breakfast, no doubt in order to avoid panicking, as Marlene was leaning onto her.
Lily was sitting next to Sirius, and looked very relieved when Remus had approached them. She eagerly slid away from Sirius, and tapped the empty spot for Remus to squeeze into. He raised a brow at her, but Lily looked desperate.
Remus rolled his eyes with a smirk as he sat down next to her. The fourth Marauder’s appearance grabbed Sirius’ attention, and the latter smiled brightly.
“Remus! You must try today’s croissants, they’re to die for.” He exaggerated. Remus nearly winced.
“No thanks, I’d rather have some eggs.” He declined. Sirius studied his face, smile flickering for a moment, before shrugging and beaming at his friend’s face again.
“Of course. Here,” he grabbed Remus’ plate and piled a little bit of eggs onto it. Remus muttered his thanks in response, smiling softly to ease Sirius’ apparent concern.
Remus ate his eggs in silence, amused at the conversation of the others; James chatted loudly about Quidditch, apparently unaware of Sirius’ interventions with unrelated comments, Peter and Dorcas were debating the sexuality of Horace Slughorn, Lily and Mary were trying (and failing) to secretly whisper quietly to each other about something. Marlene was dozing on Dorcas’ lap.
Remus was glad to observe and not participate. He wasn’t much of a morning person, neither was he very talkative.
“Remus, I need your help with something later.” Lily interrupted her whisper-shouting match with Mary to give him a look, and Remus frowned in curiosity. “Would you mind meeting me after lessons today?” She gave him a small smile.
“Sure.” Remus nodded.
Remus was more than happy to sip his coffee and read his book while the others ate, but he was dragged into a conversation by Mary, who appeared to be attempting a spell. Its purpose was unknown to Remus.
“She’s trying to get rid of a zit.” Lily contributed, whispering amusedly in Remus’ ear after having spotted the confusion on his face.
“There’s a spell for that?” He snorted.
“Yup.” Lily confirmed, grinning at Mary as she huffed out in frustration. Remus eyed her curiously; the way she smiled at Mary was… different.
“Race you to the dorm.” James suddenly burst out, and he and Sirius sprinted out of the Great Hall. Frank tutted as they passed him, pointing a glare at Remus, who shrugged innocently.
“Control your pets.” He mouthed, and Remus laughed quietly.
Yeah, today wasn’t as bad as he thought it was going to be. So far, at least.