Grab Your Wand
Harry’s hands were soft against Draco’s cheek, and his lips were soft against his own. Draco’s brain had whited-out as their lips moved together, as their bodies moved closer. Harry was warm and soft and so, so wonderful. Nothing else felt like it mattered, in that moment, to Draco. The world seemed to shrink to only Harry, and the heat and tenderness of their touches.
Draco hadn't been expecting this, really. He wasn't expecting anything so alike the thoughts that liked to creep up on him every time Harry was particularly kind, close, or expressive. And now, Draco was lost in the warmth and comfort and intimacy. He never wanted it to stop.
Harry deepened their kiss, his mouth opening ever so slightly, his head tilting to the left. Draco reciprocated easily. He could feel a shiver running through his spine, his skin prickling and the hairs on his arms standing on their ends.
It was a new experience for him. Everything about the kiss felt so gentle, so tender, so careful, as though Harry was trying to communicate something to him. And Draco thought, perhaps, he was. He felt like he might be understanding it.
Their mouths moved together, their hands on each other's bodies. Draco's mind was swimming, his head filled with thoughts of Harry and his tenderness and his warmth. He could feel a pleasant buzzing throughout his body.
I am not protected by potential threats right now.
Draco faltered, the thought coming to him quite plainly, the elation and rush from kissing Harry suddenly gone. He swatted the thought away, putting his focus back onto Harry, whose hands were now moving to be around Draco's waist. A small sound escaped him, a swoop of warmth pooling in his belly. Then,
If the killer came in right now, I would not be prepared.
What? Draco was confused by his own thoughts.
Grab your wand. You will be safer.
Draco blinked, pulling away from Harry. His eyes fluttered open, green meeting grey.
"Draco? Are you okay?" Harry's voice was low and breathy. Draco could see him working to regain composure. His face was so soft and open, his eyes wide.
Draco swallowed thickly, "Yes, brilliant- just- one moment. Just give me a moment."
Draco stood from the couch now, the sudden distance between them making him cold. He momentarily cursed the lack of indoor heating. He was beginning to think he would have to spend the entirety of winter without a heater. He held up his pointer finger, silently repeating "one moment", before going to his bedroom, spotting his wand on his bedside table.
Feel it.
Draco ran the tips of his fingers across the ridges and smooth edges of his wand, watching as the shaking reduced when he pressed harder. He furrowed his brows, confused by his actions. However, they were making the unease go down gradually as he felt up and down the hawthorn, observing the differences in colour between his skin and the brown hues of the wood.
"What's wrong?" Harry's voice came from the door, causing him to startle.
He looked up. Harry was there, in his doorway, his hair a mess and his cheeks red. He was frowning.
Draco could feel the embarrassment and guilt creeping up on him, but it was drowned out by the demanding voice in his thoughts.
Make sure I am holding my wand. I must be sure.
He knew his wand was already in his hand. He could see himself holding it. He knew that if a threat presented itself he would be ready to fight. Nevertheless...
"Just a moment," he breathed, going back to tracing the ridges and grooves of his wand. "Sorry."
"What's going on?" Harry's voice was closer.
Draco took a shaky breath. "Nothing. Nothing."
"Are you having anxiety?"
"No."
Harry remained silent for several moments, remaining close to Draco, watching him trace the lines and shapes and imperfections of his wand. Draco's cheeks began to heat with embarrassment.
"Does... that help you? Doing that?" Harry's voice was low and soft.
Draco took a second to respond, thinking. "Yes," he responded.
"Do you do it a lot? I haven’t seen you do that before."
"No, actually. It just... I needed to do it, now."
"Why?"
Draco paused, then. Because I felt unsafe sounded stupid. It was true. He had started thinking about the chances that he might have been attacked by God's Wrath and this was making that feeling, that press against his heart, get smaller. He had his wand now. He could feel it against his skin. He was safer, now.
"I don't know," he said, finally.
Harry remained quiet for a moment, regarding him.
Be Safe. Feel your wand.
Draco blinked, going back to his ministrations, feeling the texture of the wood. He didn't look up.
"I'm sorry," Harry murmured. "Was it me? Did I make you uncomfortable?"
"No!" Draco insisted. "No, it wasn't you."
Harry went quiet again. Soon, Draco felt at ease enough to stop. He put his wand back down.
"What was it, then?"
Draco sighed.
"Just... it's just something I do. It... It feels similar to... how I check the door. It's the same thing." He didn't want to look up at Harry, worried for his reaction. He knew that Harry wouldn't have known how to react.
"Oh," Harry breathed. "Okay."
Draco's heart was hammering in his chest. He didn't want to move. He didn't know how to, after this. It was truly embarrassing that Harry had seen his ridiculous behaviour.
“Are you better, now?”
“Yes.”
There was a pause. Then,
"Would you... would you like for us to go back to the living room? I can make us some more tea so we can stay warm."
As they sat together on the sofa, fresh cups of tea in hand, Draco couldn’t help the shame rising within him. Suddenly, tonight was no longer the night he finally kissed Harry, it was the night that he’d laid witness to one of Draco’s more senseless impulses.
Draco started slightly at the feeling of Harry’s hand around his waist. Harry was looking at him tentatively.
“Is… is this okay?”
Draco nodded.
Harry’s arm slid further around Draco, then. The warmth was comforting.
That night, in bed, despite everything, Harry was at the forefront of his mind: Harry and his lips, Harry and his eyes, Harry and his touch.
The next day, Harry received a Ministry owl. Draco watched as Harry cursed and put the letter down, sighing in frustration and running his hands through his hair.
“What is it?”
Harry looked up at him, taking another breath. “Just the case,” he mumbled, using his wand to bring out parchment after parchment. “I need to get to work. Sorry.”
Draco nodded, watching Harry as he pulled out a quill and started to scribble away. He had his eyebrows knit, his eyes focused. "I figured as much," he said. "What is it?"
"Not making progress," he muttered, his eyes not leaving the parchment. All around the coffee table, as has been various times already, were case files and photos and correspondence. There were several stacks of parchment, each with labels, each one having been examined and reexamined. "I thought we'd had something."
Draco tried to press Harry more, to no avail. He gave up when Harry nearly burst on him, standing abruptly, a shout on the tip of his tongue. Instead, he scrubbed his hand across his face.
"I don't know exactly what I can and can't tell you, or what I should and shouldn’t. Just... I'm working on it. I'm figuring it out. I'm looking at everything." His glance fell over the parchments and files.
"I know," Draco said, keeping his voice soft. "Don't worry, I know."
They hadn't kissed again all day, and Draco wondered for a few moments if Harry regretted it.
In the evening, Harry asked Draco if he could kiss him again, all shy and fidgety. Draco wondered why he was asking. Draco decided from then on that he would kiss him more, to make sure Harry knew that he was okay with it all.
The next day, the kissing turned into snogging and feeling underneath shirts. Draco felt himself aroused, and he felt that Harry was too.
Church the next morning was an awkward affair for Draco. Not only had he been up late with Harry, but now he was distracted during the service. His mind was wandering to Harry, who was sitting right next to him, making every effort to participate in things he didn't understand, remaining a solid presence by his side.
"And thus, we begin our journey into the advent, a time where we are preparing ourselves, as a community, as a church, for the coming of our Lord..."
Father Swain was speaking about Advent, and how it had just begun. Spoke about the coming of Jesus Christ, and preparation for it. Draco suddenly remembered that he'd yet to put up a nativity scene at the house. He brought it up to Harry after service, and together, they put one up. Harry didn’t mind Draco when he had a moment at the door, holding the lock between his fingers and turning it to the locked position (even thought it was already locked). Draco was so endeared by Harry’s actions that he tackled Harry with a snog after quelling his anxiety.
"Tomorrow afternoon, Auror Dawlish is going to be here. I need to go care for Teddy."
"Alright." Draco had already known, but it made his heart squeeze in his chest just the same, especially now, when it was becoming increasingly difficult for the two of them to keep their hands to themselves. That night, they sat together in front of the Christmas tree, drinking tea and staying close until well into the early hours of the morning, when they finally separated to go to bed.