Monstera Deliciosa
Suggested listening: Hepburn - I Quit
Ever since Cat!Theo and him met the second time, he pleaded with Cat!Draco to consider the risks. Theo needed his business partner back and it was getting more dangerous. He told him that Animagus magic was unstable.
Cat!Draco balked at the idea of returning to his cold apartment, lonely and without Hermione's warmth.
Past
After the War and becoming social pariahs, Theo and Draco spent the next couple of years fucking and drinking across Europe.
However, after one too many nights of not remembering the previous one; bedding insipid London debutantes; and vomiting all over expensive hotel rugs, they decided to clean up their act.
They started a Potions business and made a killing. Using both their inheritances as capital and Draco’s skillful brewing ability, they sough to make the rarest and most difficult Potions. The rich became richer.
Soon, that became boring as well.
They then sought to improve their Magical abilities by self-teaching themselves into Animagi.
It was a long and arduous process.
The first step was keeping a single Mandrake leaf in their mouth for an entire month (from full moon to full moon). At the next visible full moon, the wizard had to spit the leaf into a phial within range of the moon's pure rays. If the sky was cloudy, they had to start the process over, which they did, many times, as they lived in the UK.
They needed to add one of their own hairs to the moon-struck phial, a silver teaspoon of dew that had not seen sunlight or been touched by human feet for seven days, and the chrysalis of a Death's-head Hawk Moth. The resulting mixture was put in a quiet, dark place, and could not be disturbed in any way.
Next, Theo and Draco waited for an electrical storm, whenever that might be. During this waiting period the wizard would have to, at sunrise and sundown everyday without fail, chant the incantation Amato Animo Animato Animagus with the tip of their wand placed over the heart.
When, at last, there was a lightning storm, they moved immediately to a large and secure place, recited the incantation one final time, and then drank the Animagus potion.
Using their newly acquired powers, they could spy on their business competition, their families, Ministry employees, and now unwittingly Hermione.
One night while Cat!Draco was spying on Shacklebolt, trying to see how much money the near-bankrupt Ministry would squeeze from former Death Eater families this year—or as the Minister liked to call them 'donations.'
After listening to the information, Cat!Draco slunk away from the outdoor bistro. Too careless, he was caught by a Magical animal care attendant.
“Sorry, little man, we can’t have unaccounted for animals running around Diagon Alley." The attendant picked him up by the scruff of his neck and Floo'd him to the Magical animal humane society
And the rest was history.
Present
[Image: A grey cat boxes a monstera deliciosa plant.]
But now, Cat!Theo was telling him he couldn’t stay in Animagus form. That kind of Magic was not meant to be used long-term.
Cat!Draco hissed at him, and Cat!Theo slunk away into the night.
But he knew that Cat!Theo was telling the truth. His mind was slipping more and more frequently lately. He kept calling Granger his mistress and thought of himself more as Lynx than Draco now.
Stupid Cat!Theo. Popping his bubble of domestic bliss with 'reality.'
Cat!Draco took out his frustrations on Granger’s monstera deliciosa, picturing Theo’s dumb cat face.
POW POW POW!
POW POW POW!
“Lynx!” Hermione yelled.
Uh oh. Large Bottom brought this plant for his mistress. It probably had sentimental value.
She sat down at the dinner table next to him. “What’s wrong, Lynx-y?” She looked at the plant. “The plant has been giving me attitude lately. How'd you know? Good boi!”
She playfully smacked a leaf in kahoots with Lynx and kissed his cheek before heading to the living room. It was Survivor night.
Cat!Draco watched her go, and his tiny little heart pounded out of his chest.
He loved her.
He was in love with Hermione.
Lynx Draco Malfoy loved Hermione Granger.
[Image: A cat has heart shapes reflected in its pupils.]