Remus was in the library, studying for the exam that was coming up in potions, he was dreading it, potions has never been his strong suit. But, it is needed, some would say. Remus always felt the need to put pressure on himself, and he thought it was needed. He needed to have perfect grades, perfect everything. Because, what else was he good for? He was a halfblood werewolf.
He had very little opportunities for him in the world. Sometimes, Remus wanted to disappear.
He couldn’t breathe, he needed to get out, he felt like he was drowning, he didn’t know how to leave. He needed to.
Remus ran out of the library, he didn’t know where he was going, but he needed to go.
He ran to the restrooms. He hid in the stalls, trying to be quiet, he felt pathetic. Having a panic attack about his own hatred towards himself..fucking pathetic.
Sirius, James, and Peter had just left the dorm. It was about dinner time now, they hadn’t seen Remus since he left for the library, which was around the morning.
They were all worried, but Sirius was extremely worried, he knew that Remus got in his own head sometimes, he knew that Remus sometimes needed to be alone. But he knew that this was different. When you coexist with someone for so long, you get to know them like that. He knew Remus extremely well. “Fuck this, I’m going to look for Remus” Sirius said, standing up from his seat in the Great Hall.
No one stopped him, they knew that Sirius knew Remus better than all of them.
Sirius searched everywhere. He searched every floor, he hadn’t found Remus until he heard little sniffles coming from the bathroom.
Remus didn’t know how long he had stayed in the bathrooms, he did know he fell asleep on the tile floor for a bit, he managed to tire himself out.
He then heard someone walk in, “Remus?” It was Sirius, he had a feeling that someone would be looking for him soon, he also knew it’d likely be Sirius.
“Are you in here Remus?” Sirius said, in a worried tone.
Suddenly, Remus felt guilty, he didn’t want to make anyone worry. Especially Sirius, he didn’t deserve Sirius’s love or care. He simply didn’t. “I’m in here..” Remus said quietly, hoping Sirius wouldn’t hear it.
Sirius rushed into the stall, immediately sitting next to Remus. “Are you ok? Please tell me..can I help?” He rushed out, just so worried about him and everything going on with him, he loved Remus, with everything that he had in him.
Remus immediately broke down again at that, falling into Sirius’s arms, “I..I can never amount to anything! I don’t even know why I’m here anymore..” he sobbed, just at this point wanting to get it out. Nothing he is saying is a lie, sometimes Remus just does not want to be here.
“Remus..I never want that to come out of your mouth again” He quickly held him, rocking slowly, he wanted to take all those thoughts of Remus’s head. Remus was so amazing, he was smart, caring, Brave..he didn’t deserve anything that has happened to him.
Remus calmed down a bit, Sirius was holding him, everything would be ok.
Eventually Remus didn’t feel like that as often, and on days he did, he knew he wasn’t alone. He had Sirius, he had James, he had people who loved him. And that is enough for him.