Where there's two separate parental freak outs
Tony was reeling.
As he sat on the quinjet, James by his side, Tony tried to process everything that he had learned since this morning. He kept his face in a neutrally thoughtful expression as he considered all that had been revealed. His emotional displays this morning had made him more than a little uncomfortable, but really, if there was ever a situation that allowed for losing just a tiny bit of his sarcastic cool guy image, this was the one. But even so, it was time to pull it together so he didn’t keep embarrassing himself. Stark men are made of iron, after all. He couldn't, however, let go of James' hand, and frequently looked over to make sure he was still there. Whenever James caught him, he'd give him a soft but very amused smile despite his own obvious anxiety, and kiss his knuckles. Tony refused to admit that the action brought a pleased blush to his face. He couldn't lose any more cool points today, or his reputation would never recover.
Which would suck, because it looked like the team would be around for a while. Turns out spilling alien guts all over New York bonded you or whatever, and so the whole team had loaded up to come to London and find his … his kid. Wow, that's weird. He has a kid. Aliens felt way more manageable than that.
Anyway, in order to go off and find their son, Loki had to be released from SHIELD custody, so he gave a detailed explanation of how he had been catatonic with grief after the death of his family, and so Odin had locked away all memory of his time as James. The pain of it became muted, but his grief and bitterness still affected him in the following years even if he couldn't understand why. He explained that intense emotional pain, like grief, was dangerous for those with magic because magic is energy plus intent, and therefore very strongly tied to the emotions of the wielder. By locking away his memories, Odin doomed Loki to being driven slowly mad by his own magic as it lashed out against the pain of a loss that he didn't even remember. Frigga had looked murderous at this, and Tony was very glad not to be Odin in that moment. Loki then described the events leading to his fall from the Bifrost; interrupted coronation, stupid trip to Jotunheim, Thor's banishment, Odinsleep, the Destroyer, killing King Laufey, trying to destroy Jotunheim, and then his fall. He paused here in his retelling to assure his brother that, if he had been in his right mind, he would never have treated him so poorly when their father banished him to a mortal realm stripped of power, though he still believed his brother hadn't been ready to ascend to Asgard's throne. Ever the emotional open book, Thor had embraced his brother tightly and proclaimed his forgiveness in that thundering voice of his. Not that Tony could say all that much about it because he was being much clingier than he ever had been, and his embarrassment wasn't enough to keep him from hanging onto Loki like a barnacle. Ew, gross, no, like a tick. Oh god, that's even worse. Nevermind. After finding out about his origins in such a traumatic manner, and being already half insane from his cancerous magic, Loki was left vulnerable to the manipulations of the Other and his master, Thanos. They tortured him until he finally was weak enough to fall under the influence of the scepter, which repressed every emotion except his rage and pain. By now, Clint had entirely forgiven the man, and they shared a moment of understanding at having their minds violated and choices ripped from them by an ambitious ass.
Loki was clearly a victim of both Odin and Thanos in all of this, and therefore not culpable for his actions during the invasion. In fact, he admitted to trying to fight the external influence he was under, planning his own invasion in such a way that it was almost designed to fail. The team looked surprised, then thoughtful, before recognizing that he was right; a millennia old strategist wouldn't have made Loki's mistakes without a reason.
Fury was assured by Queen Frigga, as an ambassador from Asgard and a representative of Odin, that Loki wasn't a danger any more. He might have fought about it longer, but that woman just needed one look to get anyone to do her bidding. Natasha kept a calm facade, but anyone could see she found it hilarious how quickly her boss was reduced to "yes ma'am" and "of course, your majesty". Not gonna lie, Tony would have laughed aloud at Director Matrix Reject himself if he didn't think he'd get one of those looks too.
Frigga vouched for Loki to the World Security Council as well (who JARVIS had discretely identified as the ones behind the whole "nuke the city" deal, so they suck. Tony thought maybe he should hack into their systems and mess with them as payback, but that was a problem for another day), so once again Loki was exonerated and allowed to travel freely. All of this administrative shit only took about 20 minutes, which Loki spent pacing back and forth in the debrief room, muttering under his breath. Based on the words Tony could make out ("bastard", "stupid dark lord", "rip him limb from …"), Loki had every intention of going all “psychotic god” against the dude who attacked his son and killed Lily. Honestly, Tony wasn’t far behind. Anyway, the instant he wouldn't have several governments and spy organizations on his tail for leaving, Loki grabbed Tony and started walking to the flight deck. The whole team followed, which shouldn't have surprised Tony (alien guts, you know?) but it kind of did. They piled into the quinjet and took off toward England. The Avengers, Fury, and Coulson (who was actually alive - thanks for the unnecessary trauma, Nicholas) were trying their best to give James and Loki space, so no one was distracting Tony from his racing thoughts.
So, that's how he ended up here, in a plane, mulling over his life altering morning. Let's recap.
First of all, he had James back, one of the loves of his life. If Tony believed in soulmates, he would definitely consider James and Lily to be his. Tony had no idea how much he actually missed the man until he had him again; it still felt so natural to be close to him, and all of James' quirks and tells were as familiar as the day he left. It was sort of unnerving how in sync they still were, even after 16 years apart, but Tony was nonetheless grateful for it. Being able to pick back up with James sort of validated the idea he'd had that James and Lily were it for him, the only ones for him. No one else could keep up with his bullshit, because let's face it, Tony has always been a difficult, arrogant, genius man-child. It takes extraordinary people to love him (just look at Pepper and Rhodey), and the Potters had always been extraordinary.
Second, his other soulmate (ugh, he sounded like such a dweeb when he thought that) Lily, was dead. This one was a knife to the gut. Even after all these years, Tony had hoped he'd find both of them again, so having one Potter and not the other was the most bittersweet thing he'd ever had to swallow. Honestly, if he dwelt too long on never seeing Lily again, he'd be nonfunctional. So, he’ll pull a classic Tony move: box it up and break down about it later with a bottle of scotch in his blacked out lab.
The third crazy thing was that they both had magic and there was a whole magical world hidden from him, one that was in the middle of a civil war. Not only did magic exist, but James was actually Loki, an ancient god of mischief, magic and chaos. The god thing, well, it certainly explained his propensity for pranks. The "magic exists" thing was insane, but he could get his head around that one more easily than the other stuff, why with magic being indistinguishable from sufficiently advanced technology and all that. The hidden society thing also explained the fact that neither James or Lily recognized him when they first met. Like, at all. Which was a hit to his ego, but it made sleeping with them much more exciting. I mean, it's one thing to try a threesome with a celebrity, but with a random guy you happen to like? Wild. And they weren't after him for fame or clout or money or opportunities. Just a fun time with someone they found attractive. Looking back now, that kind of reckless abandon makes sense for two 19 year old kids who'd been raised during and now fought in a war - live hard while you're alive, right? Jesus, his own kid is in the middle of a war and has been for years, is he going to inherit all three of his parents' impulsivity? Shit, that's a scary thought.
And there was the fourth thing, the one that was freaking him out fifty times more than all the other stuff combined. The three of them had a son. Tony was a father. He had fathered a kid. It just kept repeating in his head because the concept was so foreign and terrifying that he had no idea what to do with it now that it was true. At least James would keep him from fucking up to badly. If only Lily was here, she'd be an incredible mother. Before they got on the plane, Tony had asked how Lily felt toward a son of his husband and another man, and James had explained about a magical ceremony called blood adoption, which essentially changes a child's magical signature to give them three parents (though their DNA and biology stay the same; essentially, the ritual made magic recognize a familial connection without changing anything else. Loki said that they had been very surprised that Harry was born with green eyes so similar to hers, and they had no idea where it came from. Now they know he got his eyes from Loki). The thought of Lily loving James and Tony's kid to the point of making him her son as well was … honestly, it was exactly what Tony would expect from her. Lily did everything with her whole self, so adopting and then giving her life to save the son of the men she loved seemed like the most predictable move she could have made.
God, Tony was so screwed. He’d never be as good a parent as Lily would have been. And James, well, he’d been raging and scheming and jumping into action since the very instant he found out his son was alive and in danger. He was so clearly a good father already. Tony just knew that once they were reunited, Harry (oh my god, he had a kid named Harry) and James would connect, and Tony would be the awkward dad who didn’t know how to talk to his kid. Shit, he’s gonna be just like Howard, isn’t he? I mean, he’d never tell his kid he was a disappointment to him or that he should be more like some dead war hero, but being emotionally present? Being reliable and responsible? None of that sounded like Tony Starktm. Tony was good with bots and code, people were to squishy and weird and unpredictable and how was he gonna know if he was screwing up and how does he get to know him and what if he doesn't feed him enough and wh-
“TONY, breathe sweetheart.”
Tony suddenly found his field of view filled by James, who looked concerned and very slightly panicked. “Tony, love, I need you to breathe. Follow my lead.”
Why is he saying that? Right, because you freaked yourself out and now you’re having a panic attack. Right. Okay. Tony knew how to deal with those. He locked eyes with James, who had taken Tony’s hand and placed it on his own chest as he exaggerated his breaths for Tony to follow. Trying to fill his lungs, Tony’s heart slowly stopped racing and he released his hand, which he hadn’t even realized was clenching James’ in a way that had to be painful (or maybe not, he’s a god now).
Tony gave James a little nod, and spoke on an exhale. “I’m sorry.”
James sat back in his seat and turned Tony toward him, shaking his head. “Don’t be sorry, elskan min. Tell me what has you so anxious.”
Tony couldn't look at that naked concern without breaking down again, so he looked where he was holding one of James’ hands in both of his and brushed his thumb on James' knuckles. He gave a harsh exhale, and then shared what was on his mind. “I’m so scared to be a dad, James. I had a shit father who never taught me what a dad is supposed to be, and I’m a selfish and irresponsible adult who can’t even take care of himself. How am I supposed to help him? I mean, I have no idea how to protect him from Mr. Stupid Name Evil Wizard Guy. And what if he’s pissed at me for not coming to find him and take care of him? I was here the whole time and I never even knew.”
James lifted one hand to cup his face and made him meet his gaze (why did it never feel weird to be affectionate like this with James? Tony usually hated being touched, it usually meant pain or cheap pleasure, but with James it just felt safe . It was weird, and wonderful). James' eyes looked into his, and he smiled, soft and sad.
“I’m scared too, Tony. I love our son more than anything in this universe - that includes you by the way, you’re the light of my life but I would ditch you in a heartbeat if Harry needed me.” Tony smiled at that, loving the humor in James' face and falling more in love with him because he saw the truth in the words. Of course James was a wonderfully dedicated father. “But I haven't held our boy since he was a toddler. I have no idea who he has grown up to be, what he has faced without us there to watch over him. I don’t know Harry anymore, and it’s absolutely killing me.”
Here, James' expression turned fierce, an unshakable determination filling his eyes. “The only thing we can do now is offer him our love and hope he allows us into his life. I will spend every day trying to make up for my absence to him, to both of you. And Tony, I have no doubt that you will be by my side, learning and growing and being an incredible father to our son. I always knew you’d be wonderful to him. I only wish I had brought you into his life sooner.” He leaned forward and rested their foreheads together, whispering the next words. They sounded like a vow, a promise. “We’re going to be better than both of our fathers, and become whatever Harry needs. And rip apart anyone who dares hurt him.”
Looking at the steel in James' eyes, Tony could only nod and agree. He’d do anything for the man before him, and, he was surprised to discover, he felt the same strong resolve to protect and provide for the son he was anxious to meet.
“You're right. We’ll make him safe and happy, James. I promise.”
There was nothing like looking into Tony's eyes. Loki allowed himself to bask in it for just a moment longer (thinking smugly to himself how he was one of only two people who had ever seen the inventor soften like this; it felt like a privilege and a victory to be let behind the cocky mask to see the real man underneath). But then, he had to focus. Pulling back, he looked at his love seriously.
"There's a lot we have to work out. Let's ask Director Dominatrix and his Widow over there what else they know of the wizarding world and our son." He'd said the last sentence loudly enough that everyone in the cabin heard him. Tony had snorted, Steve looked confused, Bruce pinched the bridge of his nose, and Clint laughed but tried to hide it; he knew that Loki had been as in control as he was during all this (read: not at all), but it was still hard to interact with the guy.
Fury scowled but he walked over, Natasha joining them and the rest of the Avengers shifting or moving closer to form a loose circle, ready to get any more information that they had. Clint stayed in the pilot seat, but he could hear what was going on.
Fury spoke, efficient and professional as ever, but with an underlying sense of irritation and disgust at what he was sharing. "We don't have much intel. We know that a large number of what appeared to be domestic terror attacks and unsolved murders in the 80s through the mid 90s were actually crimes committed by Voldemort and his Death Eaters. He was stopped, as I explained, the night he attacked the Potters' home." Here he turned his one eye to Loki. "You may have some ideas on what happened, but the magical world at large is unable to explain how your son survived the Killing Curse."
Loki paled a bit at the reminder, but his expression sharpened. Voldemort would feel his wrath if he had any say in the matter. "Without more information, my best guess is that his Asgardian heritage strengthened him against the attack, although a sufficiently powered Killing Curse could take down a fully grown Asgardian, let alone an infant demigod."
"Demigod?" Tony was new to all of this, but he wasn't the smartest man alive for nothing; he was beyond eager to start putting the pieces together and translate this so-called magic into something more tolerable. Oh science, what have they done to you?
Loki could tell that Tony had a new hyperfixation, and was happy to indulge his queries. After all, the more Tony knew, the better his brilliant mind could work through problems and find new ways to protect their son.
"A demigod is a child born between a mortal and an Asgardian. They are magnitudes more powerful than either of their parents, no one knows why. They tend to be either great dangers or incredible contributors to society and history. Odin's father Bor fell at the hands of the last known demigod, and so Odin, fearing a level of power he could not match, forbade intimacy with mortals to prevent their conception."
Tony butted in, protective and annoyed. "So Harry is illegal? Will Odin do anything to hurt him?"
"I don't think so, but I can't be sure," Loki said. "We have the queen on our side, and she would not ever let Odin lay a hand on her grandchild, but Odin has always loathed my presence, and he might punish Harry for his nature out of fear and vengeance toward the demigod who killed his father. For now, Frigga has agreed not to inform the Allfather of my returned memories and the existence of our son."
"Well, from everything you've said, he sounds like a dick. And not the fun kind. I'll kick his ass if he comes near my kid."
Loki's eyes got a slightly mad twinkle, and he giggled, giggled, at the idea of Odin being punched by a gauntlet clad fist and being knocked on his ass. Tony grinned, and so Loki touched his cheek and said "I would pay any amount of money to see that. But Odin is not the most immediate concern. I trust Frigga to keep him contained to Asgard, at least for now." He turned back to Fury, more serious.
"What happened after that dark magic loving creep sent an Avada Kedavra at my son."
"Harry Potter was not seen in the wizarding world after that night. Magical Britain immediately dubbed him the 'Boy Who Lived' and toasted in his name from that Halloween on, but no one knew where he had been taken. The general assumption was that he had been placed with a pure blood family and raised in wealth and privilege. With some investigating, we discovered that he was placed by Dumbledore with Lily Evans' older sister and her husband, Vernon and Petunia Dursley."
The words spark a major reaction. Immediately the lights started flickering, the sound of the engine groaning could be heard, and the plane started to tilt slightly. No one was focused on that, however, because all eyes were on Loki.
The god had frozen so completely that he would look more like a statue than a man if it weren't for the expression of horror warring with rage. His jaw was tense enough to grind teeth to powder, and his eyes were wide and manic. The air around him smelled thick with ozone, and his hair and fingertips crackled with sparks of uncontrolled magic, lashing out in response to the news. Tony held tight even as he felt the sparks sting his skin.
"That decrepit old bastard left my baby with Petunia?"
Loki knew that if he hadn't locked up all his muscles in that instant, he would have already torn open the side of the plane to go throttle that old twinkly cretin for this. When he first learned his son was alive, Loki assumed that his mentor had been mistaken in thinking Harry was dead and had no way to reach out to him when his son arrived at Hogwarts, alive. Now though, he saw the lie for what it was. His beautiful, perfect son was placed in the hands of that vile woman and her walrus of a husband so that the Chosen One would not be swept away to another realm before he lived out the demented old man's prophecy.
Tony flexed his hand in Loki's, and he immediately loosened his grip so that he was no longer crushing the man's hand. Tony said, "I thought Petunia hated Lily, why would she take in her son?"
Loki all but growled in response. "That insect Dumbledore must have convinced her somehow. He knew they were estranged, and he sent my son there anyway. He kept him from me and put him in a home where there was a chance he wouldn't be loved. I'm afraid of how Harry has been treated in her home." His mind spun with all of the story's Lily had told him of Petunia from their youth; he had no reason to believe she had outgrown her vindictive streak, her obsession with normalcy, or her excessive envy. He feared that Petunia had turned her revenge on Harry as some ridiculous punishment for being Lily's child. Loki had met the awful woman and her then fiancé when they both attended his wedding to Lily. Petunia had sat in quiet judgment until the ceremony started, and the clear magical elements had her looking scandalized, Vernon going purple in anger and fear beside her. Afterward at the reception, Petunia had made a scene, screaming and going on about how her sister was the reason their parents had died, and she had better keep herself and her freakishness away from Petunia's new family so that she wouldn't have to suffer Lily's abnormality any longer. James had to be held back from slapping the bitch that day, and he would never forgive Petunia for how Lily had cried on what should have been the most wonderful day of her life. He didn't think that Harry, even as the sweetest child he had ever known in either life, could bring out a softer side from the woman. What might she have done to his son? Had she told Harry anything about his mother to keep her memory alive? Did she give him the things he needed to be healthy? Did he have stories at bedtime and cuddles when he cried? Oh norns, what had his son endured in that house?
Tony could see James' control slipping further, so he did what he used to do for him whenever things became too much.
Pulling James face to his own, Tony pressed their foreheads together and started speaking in a low tone. It was a bit too strained from the magic surrounding them to be described as soothing, but the care in his voice was evident nonetheless. "We're on our way to get him back, love. We'll make him safe, and if she did anything to him, we'll make her pay. I promise. We'll keep him safe and bring him home." Tony just kept repeating the sentiment of protection, love, and vengeance over and over while Loki struggled for control.
For five minutes, everyone sat in tense silence as Loki slowly loosened his muscles, his magic calming and the plane putting itself to rights. With a blank mask that couldn't quite hide the fury and anxiety, Loki placed a firm kiss on Tony's forehead and said, in a very controlled tone, "I'm sorry. That news was very disturbing, and I had no intention of putting any of you in danger." Everyone relaxed minutely, but before anyone could say anything, Clint called back from the cockpit.
"We're landing."
Both Tony and Loki went to stand until Nat pushed them back into their seats. "I understand you're anxious to see your kid, but you have to keep yourselves safe for him. Don't go running off to him until we've landed." Both scowled, but complied.
When they had finally touched down, Tony and Loki were the first ones out. Loki was tempted to take himself and Tony ahead with magic, but Thor convinced them that they should arrive with the others, if only so they could prevent the fathers from acting on any homicidal urges. Thor, Tony, Loki, and Nat piled into one car while Clint, Bruce, Fury, Coulson, and Steve got into another.
The car ride felt like an eternity for both. Tony was anxious to meet the child he had unknowingly created, scared of hurting him as his father had and resolving to do everything he could to be better and protect the kid. Loki was desperate to hold his son, his little boy, in his arms again, and afraid of what he'd find in the home his son was raised in.
Forty minutes later, the two SUVs stopped in what looked like suburban hell. Loki found a new aspect of his son's childhood to mourn; he hadn't been raised in the city where his parents fell in love, nor had he been surrounded by magic in the Potter manor or grown up in the golden Realm Eternal. This neat, tidy, sprawling monument to conformity was the opposite of what Loki would have wanted for his son. He didn't dwell on it though as he finally burst from the car, because Harry was right inside those walls, waiting to be found. He shoved his fear of rejection aside as he rushed to the door, Tony right behind him, hand on the small of his back. With one last glance in his lover's eyes, he knocked.