why music ruins your life

The morning breeze hit James like a slap when he woke up. 

But he didn't wake up like he usually did oh no, no. 

He usually woke up more lonely, sitting in bed and going through his phone and Sirius calling him for breakfast. Everything was very alone, to say the least. It was least expected that he'd woke up cuddling someone, burying in their hair, soaking up their lovely smells, and enjoying the warmth from light touch from skin to skin. But that's exactly how he woke up. 

Next to Regulus, he was buried in his neck and with his curly hair itching his nose. It smelled good, so nice that it almost made Regulus most attractive just by that tiny little detail. 

James still hasn't recalled what happened last night, he was still too busy opening up his blurry eyes and admiring how Regulus slept too peacefully and beautifully, almost like a fallen angel. His eyes closed, usual gaze relaxed and cheeks red because of the cold, and hands laid on his stomach. The only thing he could hear was Regulus's rhythmed breaths and nothing else. 

He almost reached a hand to touch his furrowed brows but didn't, scared that he will wake him up and Regulus wouldn't forgive him for eternity. James flipped over on his stomach to reach for the clock next to him. He woke up at the usual time he did, 7:15 am. As he was about to fall asleep again he was stunned by Regulus.

Regulus opened his eyes like he resurrected from the dead and blinked at James, and confused he sat up rubbing his eyes. James was almost sad that he had turned back to his usual state because there was always a distance between this Regulus and himself. James would admit he was jealous of Pandora, for being able to know his relaxed side, he was much funnier and less military-like if you know what I mean. 

Obviously, this is just to bond their co-worker relationship right?　

For now at least. 

The dark-haired boy opened up his mouth to talk but swallowed his words, but instead brought his hands to his face covering them, his ears had gone red.

"I suppose, you should ..."  Regulus started, sucking in a breath of cold air "Tell me what happened last night"

"Well er you were having nightmares," James responded uncertainly then he had a flashback of what actually happened last night "And you told me to sleep with you"

Regulus's face suddenly changed, James noticed his face saddened every time he thought of his family in this case a memory of Sirius. 

"Oh I've must of- must've- thought you were um Sirius" 

James almost made a pitiful face but then remembered how terrible it must have felt to see somebody you loathe seeing you this vulnerable. 

"Do you want me to leave? I can leave if you like. My presence may or may not cheer you up" James babbled, as he got up from his bed and started changing.

Regulus was almost certain he wanted James to leave until he took his shirt off because fuck of course James was fit. It made Regulus feel like more of an idiot than he already was. Because hating a person was easy enough but hating someone that's starting to attract you is way harder. And Regulus still wanted to stay prejudiced against James, for some reason in his heart, he can't forgive James. Not because he was loud, or too abnormally kind it was some sort of jealousy that took over him every time they were together. That ugly feeling of him being replaced by James when Sirius moved, and them calling themselves brothers. It all felt like a stab in the heart. That was much much deeper than James could ever imagine. 

Regulus supposed James knew half of the story, but he never told his perspective. He was scared that James saw him as selfish before anything else, so maybe that's why he was rude. To defend any negative ideas James had about him. 

"You and Sirius were really close when you were young, Sirius told me," James said sitting down on the bed next to Regulus, he was fully dressed by now "I'm an only child, I never had any brothers. Maybe Sirius's companionship was as important for me as it was for you" 

Something about that changed Regulus's feelings, James could tell. He was no longer glaring at him, his hands weren't clenched and he was no longer biting his lips till he bled, and Regulus was left with no words. He just stared. 

"Yeah, I'm sorry for everything and this mess," Regulus admitted he curled up hugging his knees but then smiled at James, it was forced but it was the realistic smile James had seen on him. 

"Don't be sweetheart," James smiled back just as brightly "I suppose we should get going? we will miss the bus if we keep talking philosophically about life" 

Regulus laughed again, buried in his own arms. He couldn't hold it anymore and started laughing hysterically like a sociopath. 

"You find me this funny? you flatter me Reg," James smirked but Regulus just threw his blanket on him and changed. 

They didn't have any breakfast because they were running late, so Regulus packed them both coffee and lunch boxes so they can have both breakfast and lunch at work. James didn't notice until now that they look suspiciously like an old married couple. But didn't bother to think about it till later. They arrived just in time and both were walking down to their classrooms till they saw Pandora.

Regulus's face and ears suddenly went all red all over again. 

Pandora only smiled but James stopped to greet her. With a hug and a massive snog as always.

"Didn't expect to come across you this early," James said unaware that Pandora and Regulus were exchanging exciting glances.

"You two um, came here this morning together?" Pandora asked eagerly, she didn't bother to hide her entertainment "You slept together-"

"No, we did not," Regulus responded maybe too quickly "Mind your own business, Pandora"

Regulus pushed himself both from Pandora and James to his own classroom and slammed his door with a long bang.

"Are you sure you've done nothing, Potter? it seems you've been taking away layer after layer of defenses from him" Pandora suggested unable to control her cheeky smiles.

"I can assure you, that I did nothing"

-

Regulus just couldn't seem to teach for the rest of the day. 

His mind was going in circles from time to time. And he found himself zooming in and out of class thoughts wandering to whatever the fuck he was trying to think. Regulus couldn't recall the last time he felt this nauseous. 

He checked he didn't eat anything that he was allergic to that day, peanuts, broccoli, or even milk. 

But Regulus couldn't keep focusing on teaching. He would pause to think what he forgot he was gonna do, or say which by the way never happened in his five long years of teaching mind you. And the only time it happened was because he got bloody drunk. And yesterday he slept really well, so what was the reason he was like this? 

Perhaps it was a brown-eyed, soft-haired, tanned skin boy that was on his mind and making him feel butterflies in his stomach every time he came to his senses. And when he recalled what happened the night before that in his sleep he was greeted with soft cuddles and a warm body shielding him from every worst nightmare he had. Regulus was vain, everybody knew that, he knew that. But it can't be why he felt this way right?

It just couldn't, it shouldn't have been because of this. 

Though Regulus was being severely unconscious and untouched by the situation his students were not feeling the same. 

"Psst, psst" Ginny whispered to the boy next to her "Harry look!"

Harry turned his head slowly scared that Regulus was gonna catch him talking and scold him, which did happen several times to the point he was bloody scared of him. 

"What's the matter?" 

"Ugh don't be a coward, can't you tell?" Ginny asked eagerly pointing at Regulus's writing on the blackboard "He's written the same paragraph twice again. He's done it two times today!" 

Harry looked intensely, though his thick glasses didn't help and he confirmed that yes this Professor Black had yet again written the paragraphs wrong on the blackboard. 

"I dought he'd been drunk or else he wouldn't have come," Ginny continued blabbing "Why is he so ... I don't know! so unlike him today. I mean I made two mistakes analyzing the bloody poems he gave us and he didn't even yell at me for getting them wrong, he just said 'well done and continued writing"  

"Have you thought that Professors are human too?" Harry answered sarcastically clicking his pencil. 

"See look!" Ginny murmured excitingly as if she made a discovery "He hates that clicking noise but he didn't yell at you." 

"So," Harry sighed, he didn't like gossip at all. And really wished she could mind her own business "That means?" 

"He's been struck by love!"

Harry almost spit out his invisible drink.

"Ginny, have you gone mad?" Harry exclaimed this time actually staring Ginny in the eyes "I think you've been analyzing too much Shakespeare, the romance is getting to you" 

"I swear I'm not mad," Ginny seemed like he was up to something, and half wished she didn't tell Harry about her observations but she couldn't help it "I saw him walking with another person to the classrooms. And let me tell you, it was Professor Potter who walked beside him. He looked freshly shagged, glass skin and everything"

Harry's mouth was on the floor at this point, but Ginny was so invested he was intrigued now. 

"So," Harry started "You're telling me, that they- that they um, shagged? like full-on fucked and came here like it was nothing?"

"See, you get it" 

Ginny was about to babble more but she was interrupted by a cough from Regulus. 

"Sorry, students I've been feeling off today. I'll go to the doctor later on no worries, but that doesn't mean you should be gossiping," He glared at Ginny, a death stare "In my class. Anyway enough of this, mind your business everyone. The first exam is coming soon and I will not be sorry to be ruthless. You are all dismissed"

Ginny walked out giggling and dragging tired Harry behind her.

Why does everybody think we fucked? thought Regulus.

But he collected his books and wanted to go next door to check on how James was doing, also to bring him the lunch he had made for both of them. 

Then he saw something that weirdly made him uncomfortable, James and Frank Longbottom the chemistry professor, chatting and smiling and talking about god knows what. A feeling started to take over Regulus, sort of anger if you will. But he wasn't angry at Frank but at James. Was he this kind to everyone and he thought he was special?

Had he been hallucinating all this time? What if? 

Oh. 

OH.

Motherfucker-

"Hey, Reg! Did you bring my lunch?" James asked smiling, god that darn smile. 

But suddenly all that weird anger and dizziness went away with a blow when he saw James. 

He really really did like his smile. 

Frank saluted him and greeted Regulus with a wave and got out of the classroom.

The classroom was filled with different kinds of instruments so Regulus helped James put them all nicely away and they ate lunch quietly after that. Until James broke the silence.

"I heard you were feeling unwell today, are you okay sweetheart? I've got some ibuprofen I can give you I-

Regulus got lost again, he wasn't focusing on what James was talking about or how he felt more flushed than before, but he was just staring at his caramel eyes and long lashes. 

Ugh, fuck. Love is really a loser, isn't it?