Chapter 1
Remus Lupin has always been self aware. When he was a small child he would spend all his time with his mother because he knew she was comforting, even if other people thought it was embarrassing. When he was bit by a werewolf at 5 years old and his father made him swear to never tell anyone his secret, he knew that the other kids wouldn't play with him because of the scars he had given himself on the full moon.
He knew that no one wanted him, his father made that clear. Lyall Lupin was not one to make his son feel accepted for his condition and any time that he did spend with his wife and son, he did so by constantly reminding Remus that the only person who would ever love him was his mother. He also had a habit of saying how stupid his mother was for doing so.
This all changed however when on the first of September 1971, three boys walked into the compartment of the train where unknowingly sat a little eleven year old Remus.
“Oi James, this one is free”, one of the boys shouted down the corridor. He was skinny for a boy their age and he had jet black hair and when he turned around Remus found he had big, beautiful, grey eyes. Big, beautiful, silver eyes.
The boy flung open the door quickly followed by the two other boys. One of the boys was wearing glasses, with messy black hair that stood up all over. The other was a short stubby boy, who looked delighted to be there. All three boys turned to look at Remus at nearly the same time.
“Oh, sorry”, the first boy said “ I didn’t see you in here” he didn’t seem to mind this however, taking a seat next to him and gesturing to the other boys to sit across from him.
He turned to look at Remus with a smile. “ My name’s Sirius” he turned his head towards the boys sitting across from him, “this is Peter”, he pointed to the boy in the glasses, “and this is James”.
The two boys both turned to him smiling also. He smiled back. “I’m Remus”
James immediately began talking about quidditch and that's how their friendship started, four boys in a train car on their way to the place that would change their lives.
***
“Remus!”
It was a Saturday morning and Remus was sitting in his childhood bedroom. Remus was fifteen and just about to start his fifth year at Hogwarts. He had been home for a short while over the summer, though he spent most of his time at James’ house so he could be with his best friends. His best friend that he was about to get on a train to meet.
“Coming!”, Remus shouted, grabbing his coat and woolly hat because even though it was September it was freezing cold.
His Mother was waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs. Remus loved his mother more than anything and he had really enjoyed spending time with his mother this summer, it seemed like she was really trying to bond with him. Not being a witch, Hope wasn’t able to apparate to the station so they had to take the car from his home in Whales to the station in London.
“Remus, be good this year”, she said while sitting across from him in the car, “ McGonagall has sent me more letters this last year than she has in the three years before that”.
“I’ll be good” he said while stepping out of the car, “but if any letters come from her, just remember that I would never do that” he smiles at her “love you”
His mother says the same back to him as he closes the car door. Walking into the station has always been one of Remus’ favourite things to do. As a small boy he used to beg Hope to bring him to the station to watch the trains, he was fully convinced that the trains were magic even before he understood what the wizarding world was.
He had come to this train station every September 1st for the last five years and just like all those other times he went to sit in the same compartment as always. The place where he met his three best friends. As he got closer he noticed all of his friends inside. James had changed the most since first year, he still had his glasses and messy hair but he had grown much taller and sturdier. Peter was nearly the same height as he was but he had gained a substantial amount of weight, in Remus’ opinion it made him look very cuddly.
Sirius however…
Remus was always very self aware and it was at that moment that he became aware of something really quite shocking.
Remus was gay.
Remus was gay, for Sirius Black.
“You ok Moony?”
Sirius Black, Why Sirius Black? There he sat in all his glory, long black hair and beautiful grey eyes. He looked at Remus confused, shit he must have been staring.
“Yeah fine”, he turned to sit down on his seat again and Remus turned to sit across from him. “How have things been since I last saw you?”
“The best”, James replied from next to him. “ Me and Pete finally found out how to do that cool dive that Frank showed us last year and-”
James continued to ramble on about how great his last two weeks with Peter had been but Remus wasn’t listening. He had one thought on his mind. Sirius. Sirius’ hands, his wrists, his neck, his eyes, his mouth. He was suddenly very jealous of Mary MacDonald for ever being able to find out what that mouth tastes like.
Sirius was still looking at him strangely but soon turned to James to tune in on what he was saying. Sirius had spent the entire summer with his family and you could see that it had an effect on him. He was much thinner than he was when he left and the bags under his eyes were much deeper than Remus had ever seen them. The summers are tough for Sirius; he always came back looking more bruised and more worn out than the year before.
It didn't stop him from looking shockingly beautiful apparently
Remus quickly sat down so the other wouldn’t get suspicious but he already knew that this year was going to be hell. Stupid, annoying, beautiful Sirius Black. What a way to start the year.
***
James Potter is a dumbass. Remus loves him, he is one of his best friends for merlin’s sake!
But…
At the end of 4th year, James Potter being the dumbass he is, decided to get into a relationship with Regulus Black. After years of pining over Lily Evans he finally quit which all the marauders were thankful for but it meant that James love had to latch onto someone else and quite unfortunately for him it latched onto his best friend’s younger brother.
Remus hadn’t meant to find out but after 3 nights in a row of the cloak missing and a missing James to go with it, Remus decided to search for James. That was the first time he saw James and Regulus in the astronomy tower standing way too close and from the looks James was sending Regulus across the great hall the next day, any fool could see that the two were together.
His second mistake was confronting James, being the dumbass he was he went on a twenty minute rant about how much he liked Regulus. Regulus ended up overhearing and the whole conversation ended in Remus finding out more about Regulus than he had in the past three and a half years of knowing him and that he couldn’t under any circumstances tell Sirius.
This conversation also led to many snogging sessions up in the dorm when the others weren’t there. The amount of times Remus had to leave the dorm when he needed to do homework and such had become way too frequent.
They were a cute couple but keeping the secret from Sirius had been hard enough over the summer, even when Regulus wasn’t there but it was about to get painful now that the sneaking around was about to start again.
“Hey moony”
Remus had come to hate those two words coming out of James’ mouth. It only meant one thing and that one thing was to distract Sirius for a few hours while James snuck off to spend time with his boyfriend. Remus cursed himself for being so curious.
“Come on James, it's the first night back”, Remus could see James was in a hurry to see his boyfriend but Remus was tired and he really didn’t want to spend the next few hours entertaining Sirius. Especially after today's revelations.
“Please Remus”, James really did look desperate. “ Two hours, I’ll do anything you want, pretty please?”
Remus looked at James with a flat expression on his face. "Two, no more”
James instantly wrapped Remus in a hug. “You're the best Moons!”. He let go of Remus and quickly threw on the cloak while sprinting to the door. It was embarrassing how love sick he was.
After five minutes the door opened again.
Sirius was looking at him with a grin. No one else could quite do a grin like his, so wide and bright and wonderful, just like the boy that sported the smile like a gold medal.
“Hey Moony”
The words sounded much nicer coming from Sirius’ mouth but than again nearly everything sounded like music coming out of Sirius’ mouth.
“Hey Sirius, what's up?” He was glad that he was still able to keep a casual tone to his voice.
“Nothing much, have you seen James?” He looked generously curious and so it began again.
“He went to annoy Evans again” he shrugged his shoulders. “ Probably won't be back for a while, he has a whole two months to catch up on.”
Sirius snickered as he threw himself onto Remus’ bed. “Just me and you then, exploding snap?”