Chapter 2
Sirius Black loves Remus Lupin.
Always has, always will.
Ever since they had met on the first day of school when they were eleven he had known, it took him until the end of second years to figure out what that meant but he never minded. The sun shone from Remus’ heart, his eyes, his mouth. That stupid fucking mouth that could make Sirius do anything, the mouth he so desperately wanted to kiss.
He never did do anything about this love. He never made a move, he never tried anything. What was more important, being friends or losing it all for one kiss? He never made up his mind on that question, so friends, they stayed.
It was late nights like these that Sirius just wished that Remus felt the same way but Remus wasn’t gay. None of the other marauders were, not that he ever asked but James was completely in love with Lily Evans, though he didn't hide his love for his friend like Sirius did. Peter had his girlfriend Greta Catchlove, they were always making out in front of everyone curled up together, all sweet and gooey. Remus never had any crushes on girls, or so he said but he had agreed with James that Lily was very beautiful a good few times.
Sirius had tried having a few girlfriends the year before to see if that would help him get over Remus but he didn’t feel anything for them which gave him his definite answer, that Remus was the one for him. Remus seemed to agree that all of Sirius’ girlfriends were annoying, once they had inevitably broken up with Sirius. Thinking back Remus was kindest to Sirius after his break ups, always staying with him to ‘make sure he was okay’. Sirius didn’t understand why he wouldn’t be but he appreciated the gestures anyway.
Which was why he could never risk their friendship.
***
James still hadn’t come back, it had been nearly three hours since James said he needed to pop to the bathroom and never showed back up. But Remus had spent nearly all of that time with him instead, alone, in their dorm, alone.
Sirius was getting a bit jumpy because, well, Remus was lying on his bed, next to him. If he was to reach out his hand just one or two inches he could feel Remus’, even with all the scars from the full moon, Sirius knew that his hand would be soft to touch, to hold. He had dreamed so many times of holding Remus’ hand.
“We need to start planning a prank”
Remus’ words made Sirius snap out of his little daydream. Prank right, yes; prank.
“What do you think we should do?”. Nailed it again, his childhood had given him one thing and one thing only, the ability to control his voice even when he was flustered.
“I dunno” Remus looked peaceful lying there, “I think we should prank James”
“James?”
Well that's not what Sirius was expecting at all. Sure they had pranked each other before but that was usually done as a form of revenge. What had James done?
Remus turned to look up at the ceiling. “ Yeah”, a small smile started to grow on his face, “We haven’t pranked James in ages''
If a prank on James could get Remus to smile like that more, Sirius would do anything, no questions asked. So, as any smart man would, he didn't question this sudden random attack on James.
“What would the prank be?”
The smile only became larger on Remus’ face. Merlin, that smile would be the death of him. Remus turned back to face Sirius. The smile was so beautiful and so were his eyes, gleaming as they stared back into Sirius’.
“Polyjuice” he whispered the word as if it had to be a secret, a secret just for them. “You and me swap for a day”
Sirius shot him a grin. “That's perfect!”, he thought about it for a second before dropping the grin. “Do you know how to make polyjuice?”
Remus’ smile only grew larger which in turn brought Sirius’ back. “Well no, but I know where we can steal some from”
“Where?”
“Slughorn showed us how to brew them at the last slug club meeting so he has some”
Sirius usually hated the slug club. Himself and James had been invited as well the first time but after annoying everyone in the room with a jumping charm on their cauldrons, they did not get invited back, they did however receive three weeks worth of detentions. Worth it.
“This plan could be so good it might excuse the whole being a prefect”. He got a pillow in the face for that. Remus had shown up to the train sporting a prefects badge and a look of shock that Sirius was still trying to wrap his head around.
“Shut up or I might not get the potion”
The smile had vanished, Sirius and his bad choice of words, well it had been nice while it lasted.
“Sorry, sorry”
“Yeah, yeah” he rolled his eyes. “So are you in?”
“I’m in”
Just as he said it the door opened to a worried James and a smiling Peter. Peter immediately ran to Remus before whispering in his ear. Whatever Peter had said it must have been extremely dirty or nasty as Remus’ eyes bulged and James started to look increasingly more worried by the second.
“Umm”, Remus turned to Sirius as he said the words. “Me and Pete will be back in a minute”
He jumped off the bed and Sirius shot Peter a glare before turning to where Remus was already leaving the room, that's when he saw it. James was as white as a sheet, eyes large and slightly glassy as if he was about to burst into tears. He looked on the verge of a breakdown. Sirius had never seen James this worried in his life, as far back as he could think James had only ever cried once in front of him.
Remus turned before leaving, suddenly remembering something. “Pete tell him you won’t say anything”
“Oh, sorry”, Peter turned to look at James. “I promise I won’t tell him James, I would never do that to you and frankly I don’t want to listen to him when he finds out either”
Sirius was suddenly very confused. Who did they have to reassure James they wouldn’t tell and what was it that they weren’t able to tell this boy in the first place.
“James, are you alright mate?”
The question seemed to make James more worried as he turned to Sirius before quickly turning back to Peter and Remus. They both nodded to him before turning and leaving. Weird.
“What's up James?”
James turns to Sirius, gives him a small smile and walks towards his bed. Before he closes the curtains around his bed fully he turns to look at Sirius.”Sirius?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m queer”
Well that is not what he expected. James looks ashamed as he hides behind the bed curtains. Is this meant to be something shameful? James is the coolest, nicest peron he knows, why is this upsetting him?
“Me too”
James nearly jumps back out of his bed curtains. He looks more surprised than scared now at least.
“You are?” James blinks up at him.
“Yeah” Sirius looks James right in the eye. “I’m gay, I amm.. I don’t like girls like that I guess”
James nods before saying. “Yeah, I still like girls though. I kinda just like all genders. Moony said it's called pansexual?”
James clearly had been looking into this, but why hadn’t he asked Sirius. What could Moony know that he didn’t? “Thanks for telling me James, I hope I never made you feel like you couldn’t”
James absolutely melts by those words and goes right over to Sirius and gives him a hug. ”No Sirius, I guess I just needed to figure it out”. James gave Sirius a tighter squeeze.
“You’re the first one I’ve told”, Sirius whispered so quietly he didn’t think James heard him at the start. But after a few seconds he got into the bed with Sirius like they had done when they were younger and Sirius had gotten a nightmare.
“Well, I’m flattered to be the first but I really am tired so if you don’t mind can we go to sleep?”
As Sirius started to drift off something came to his mind, if James was so okay with telling Sirius why did he look so scared? Sirius knows James and he knows that if he had something to tell them he would tell Sirius first right?
Then Peter must have found out some other way. Ohh, Peter must have seen James with someone, but who?
Sirius turns to ask James but he's already asleep, so he turns to finally fall asleep. He’ll ask him tomorrow. Sirius falls asleep happy, knowing that not only does James trust him but he's okay with Sirius being Sirius.