Merlin, I can't do this anymore.
I wished my friends knew how much I love them.
But sometimes they don't make me feel like I am their friend, and they sometimes don't let me speak, they cut me off. Ignore me.
Sometimes it doesn't feel like I'm their friend, it feels like I'm their roommate which I am but not in a friend way more of that I'm just there.
It's not just me who thinks that I'm just the roommate, it's always "Aren't your roommates James, Sirius and Remus?!" "Wow, you are so lucky to be roommates with the Marauders". One time I heard a group of girls say "James, Remus and Sirius and hot and smart and have hot and smart friends so why are they friends with that Pettigrew guy?".
If I had to pick a memory where they ignored me the most was probably when I was told that my mum had died, I tried to tell them and all they said was 'We will talk later' but we never did.
I wish they loved me like they love each other.
My friends are actually not here in the dorms right now. They are at the quidditch practice but James and Sirius dragged Remus there when I was in the shower. They didn't even tell me where they were going I only knew because I heard Sirius and James say that they can't wait for practice.
See in times like this I need to feel something, I feel sad but that only triggers it more, I want to feel something else. It's an urge to hurt myself, I know it's a bad way to handle pain but it's all I have now.
So I go into the bathroom, get my razor, return to my bed, and pull up my sleeves. One cut, two cuts, three cuts, four cuts, five cuts.
I cut until I'm a bleeding and crying mess, and then I think what if I just stop all the pain I mean it will be so easy, so, so easy. All I have to do is get the razor to my throat and cut.
That's what I'm about to do now but as I was about to cut the door opens and James, Sirius and Remus enter, I honestly thought they would be longer James and Sirius loves to flirt with girls after practice.
"PETER!" I heard one of them say, I don't know who but I know it's Sirius or Remus. they all rush to my bed.
"Remus grab the first aid from the bathroom" and he does, he came back in like 5 seconds. All I can do now is cry which is so pathetic.
As they start to work on my arms, they start to talk to me. "Peter, why are you doing this to yourself? How long have you been doing this?" they start to cry, oh no what have I done I can't make them cry, I'm a horrible friend.
"Monny I'm fine I-" "Peter you are not fine after we find you like this you can't expect us to think you're fine" Remus tells me while Padfoot and Prongs are still in so much shock.
James speaks after a bit of me not responding "Wormtail, we are your best friends, we love you, please tell us what's wrong".
"W-wh-what d-do you wa-wanna know f-first?" ugh I hate how I sound, I sound pathetic. "How long, Pete?" Sirius said making his voice know, I hate seeing them like this, I did this I hate it.
" I-I have be-been doing th-this f-for almost a year," I tell them "Merlin Wormy" James whispers. "Okay, we are getting somewhere, we're going to help you we promise" Monny kept telling me.
"Why are you doing this Peter? Why did you start?" James questioned me, " I-I guess it started wh-when my mother d-died a year ago," I told them crying more, like the pathetic little crybaby I am. "S-she died?" they all said in sync "Why didn't you tell us?" Sirius asked me "I-I tried y-you said we will talk l-later b-but we didn't". A guilty look spreads across all of their faces. "Oh Peter, we're so sorry we didn't listen to you," James said hugging me and so did the other two. We talk more and I told them everything, I could see all the pain after I told them. They keep on saying sorry and hugging me, promising me that they will hear me out more. After an hour I felt a lot better but I was so tired, we were still hugging by the time I feel asleep but the last thing I heard was, "Our wormtail we are so sorry"