It was his fault
Pov James
James had fucked up bad. Very bad. He didn’t think that he had ever messed up so badly.
Sirius had noticed, of course he had. He knew him far too well. He had noticed that James was lying and sneaking out at night.
James hadn’t been carful enough. It was his fault.
Regulus would for sure be mad. And Sirius was mad at him too. He would tell moony and Pete and they would hate him too.
But he couldn’t blame them, he had messed up.
Oh Merlin, Sirius would go mental if he knew. But now he had to tell him. And he had to tell Reggie.
James buried his face in his pillow. He felt like crying. But he couldn’t do that because it was all his fault.
He had to tell regulus tomorrow, because Sirius would insist that James told him the truth. What would reg say? He would definitely be mad. But James deserved that! It would be best if everyone was mad at him. If no one spoke to him he couldn’t ruin their lives.
But right now he had to think about how to tell regulus. And then Sirius. Would Reggie help him to tell Sirius? Merlin he had no idea how this could ever work out. It was just horrible.
A tear was running down James cheek now, which he angrily wiped away. He didn’t want to cry. He was in no place to cry.
So many people had much harder lives. And he just laid here crying as if he didn’t have a good life.
He was a horrible person.
He didn’t even deserve friends.
This was probably meant to happen to him because he was so unthankful.
How could anyone love him?
He would never understand.