In the back of my mind
Pov. Sirius
When Sirius woke up this night he wasn’t even expecting James to be there.
And he was right James wasn’t. It hurt in some kind of way that his best friend, the person that showed him that he was actually worth something, the person he trusted had so many secrets.
Secrets that Sirius, as his best friend, should know.
Sirius turned around in bed. He was unable to sleep even though he was tired. So tired of everything.
He couldn’t stop thinking about how James was just lying everyday and he knew but did nothing.
Merlin, he had to stop. Stop thinking about James.
Sirius slowly sat up and looked around there little dorm. It was messy but comfortable.
He could see Pete. He was snoring, that meant that he was deep asleep.
He could also see Remus. The moon shined on his face. It made him look so beautiful, like he was glowing. Sirius could look at him for hours, days, for a whole lifetime. He would never get tired of that face. The most handsome face to exist. Remus was a blessing for Sirius‘ eyes. If Sirius could choose to be only able to look at Remus for the rest of his life he would probably do it.
But that thought made him feel guilty. He should not choose Remus over everything. Not over James.
But he probably would and he could never change that even if he wanted to. He loved Remus. He just loved him blindly.
Sirius slowly got up, making his way to Remus bed. For a long time he just stood there and watched him sleep. He watched the way Remus beautiful features relaxed in his sleep.
Ge listed to Remus breath too. Just hearing him breathe made Sirius calm down. That was the magic about Remus.
Sirius slowly sat down at the edge of Remus bed. He lifted his hand to Remus hair, sliding his fingers through it as gently as he could.
Remus didn’t even open his eyes he just moved his hand to find Sirius. When he did, he pulled Sirius closer very carefully.
Sirius smiled softly. Then he lifted the blanket and laid down next to his boyfriend. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.
Maybe Remus just was his peace. Maybe he didn’t need anyone else. He already had what he needed.
But in the back of his mind Sirius knew that this was a lie.