Yer a Dark Lord, Tommy
Waking up Tommys first thought was ‚never again‘, as one does after every night out with two much alcohol, his second thought was ˋ why can‘t I move‘ which was promptly followed by ‚FUCK, what the friggity-ittity fuck is a gigantic snake doing on me. OHMYGOD I‘m gonna die, I am gonna die with a hangover killed in my bed by a gigantic snake?‘. Tommy mused a bit about who and when his body might be found since he lived alone and the last time he had been out of contact (his phone had broken and as Gen Z he obviously had not remembered and phone numbers besides his own) and it had taken his parents four days to call the janitor of the building to check up on him. Only after all this did he realize that this wasn‘t even his bed 'cause the ceiling in his apartment had waterstains on it and the ceiling of the room he was currently in was in a turquoise with fancy silver swirls all over it. ‚Have I hooked up with a rich guy who is now murdering me via snake?‘ but Grantportville doesn‘t have rich people like that with fancy ceilings and ‚what the fuck how big is this room, isn‘t this a bedroom? Then why the hell is there a whole as living room and three separate doors leading out of the room‘. Tommy already hooked up with one fancy living DILF of Grantportville but even he hadn‘t lived that well, neither had the trust fund girl (but then again she turned out to be the DILFs daughter which had been one weird morning after when they had run into her parents, on the otherhand Tommy wouldn‘t have minded doing the mother as well and having the whole set - yes, Tommy was that fucked up).
Back to his current problem with the gigantic snake - which was now moving- and beginning to talk? ‚What the fuck‘.
„§Master, you smell distressed? Everything ok?§“. ‚Talking snake? Ok whatever, Tommy would wing this fever dream‘ „§ Ugh yeah, I just woke up with a head ache§“
„§ Head ache. Must be one of your weird human defects. Now give me Food, Master§“, the snake demanded and slowly began to move of Tommy but he didn‘t really know what to say, ‚what do snakes even eat? And what the hell have I smoked last night to wake up to this fever dream‘. „§Master? Tom, Hatchling are you well?§“ This kind of snapped Tommy back to reality, afterall the snake even knew his name - ‚of course it knows my name, afterall this is all in my head‘. „§ Yeah I am not sure, my mind seems a bit lost. Let me get up first§“, Tom made up an excuse and stood up and to the closest door hoping it was a bathroom - it wasn‘t, instead it was a walk in closet, 'cause of course fancy people have big walk in closets.
There was a big mirror and that was not Tommys face staring back at him but that of a middle aged man. Tommy - or the person whos body he was in right now - was just wearing green silk pyjama pants and was seriously fit - Tommy never had a sixpack like that and he also wasn’t as tall. The face was symmetrical and quite handsome, even if there were some crowsfeet next to the red eyes (‚What the fuck, those look kinda cool but what the fuck‘) and short curly dark hair with a few pepper hairs at the temple, Tommy couldn’t help but think ‚Fuck this shit, I am to young to become a DILF. This guy has to be like 40‘.
No matter what, Tommy would just role with it and so he opened one of the closet doors to find some form of black robe. The whole closet was full of black robe-y things - ‚who was this guy? A emo monk or a sith?‘. The only normal clothes Tommy found was one three piece suit which he promptly put on. Only there were two different pairs of shoes, some black oxfords and black boots with some weird kind of scaley material (‚ are those dyed gatorskin boots? What a weirdo, but they kind of look comfy’) and no socks. Tommy looked everywhere for socks but found none. When he left the room the snake asked:“§ You didn‘t tell me you were leaving for the muggles. I thought you were putting on your snakeskin and bring me food.§“
The word „muggle“ coming from a snake that Tom could understand, the red eyes and black robes and the address „Master“ and „Tom“ suddenly made a lot more sense to Tommy. Was he in the Harry Potter world as Tom Riddle? Or was this a weird dream resulting from the fanfic he had read during one of his lectures the past week instead of paying attention?
„§ Uhhm Nagini, you know my mind is a bit lost right now, but have you seen my wand?§“, Tommy asked hopeing for some confirmation of his theory and also to not make the scary snake more suspicious. „§ Silly Master Tom, it‘s under your pillow like every time we sleep§“
‚Huh the Dark Lord sleeps together with his snake and with his wand under the pillow? Also what year is it cause the body looks pretty human right now, but Nagini had said something of putting on his snakeskin? Those this mean his monsterous look is just a glamour?‘
Meanwhile Tommy got a white stick from under the pillow and felt something pulse under his skin as he picked it up ‚was this what magic felt like?‘
Now Tommy only needed to learn all the magic spells to make a passable Dark Lord - couldn‘t be to hard, afterall he already knew the incarnation for Protego, Expelliarms, Wingardium Leviosa (It‘s LeviOsa not LevioSA, thanks for that knowledge Hermione) and the unforgivables, honestly as a Dark Lord he should be well set with just the unforgivables already. It would be neat though to be able to get the snakeface Voldy glamour on, if he could just flick his wand and be set.
Suddenly after flicking his wrist Tommy felt like a warm feeling over his whole body and when he looked at his hand the skin was now whiter then before and scale like and his fingernails were sharper. ‚It can‘t be that easy? That would be to convenient, right?‘ Apparently it was that convenient as Tommy checked himself out in the closet mirror again and now properly looked like Lord Voldemort - ‚perhaps he should put one of those Dark Robes again? For the whole look‘, and he did just that.
It took him a bit to put on the robes in what he thought was the proper way but honestly it kind of was a good fit. The lower layer fabric was tighter around his uperbody showing his muscles and he liked the looser flare the outer layer gave him all swooshy and all, also the whole get up gave a lot of freedom to his private bits (the boxershorts that Voldemort apparently wore - and wasn‘t that a answer to a question Tommy would have never imagined - were not pinched up like the suit trousers sometimes did them). Unlike Voldy Tommy was not one for walking around barefoot everywhere and also not without socks (‚ Voldy you weirdo even when you wear shoes you don‘t put on socks? Thats weird, you‘re a weirdo‘)
Finished with his Dark Lord get up Tommy decided to try a few more spells and honestly it was really easy, it was like he already knew the wand movements and incarnations and he didn‘t even need to say them out loud. He promptly conjured himself some nice pink socks (he was gonna wear the boots so it wasn‘t like anyone could see and thank you very much but Tommy was out of his teenage phase of only wearing black, he needed a splash of colour to have a good outfit (all black is just not a good everyday look for Tommy). „§ Master… Food. I want food or I will eat your rat servant.§“
Ugh Tommy had forgotten about Nagini, he was tempted to just say ‚§then eat him§‘ cause ratservant could only mean Peter Pettigrew but there must be some use to the rat still, so he decided to summon some rats. Which worked, only a bit to well cause suddenly the glaswindow broke and several rats flew in, like to much. „Iiieeek!“ - Tommy would forever deny the highpitched scream he let out at all those rodents suddenly in the room, while he jumped on the bed. Nagini thankfully already ate five of them and apparently had enough then as she layed down - ‚hadn‘t the snake eaten a whole human in the movies? Why is she not eating all of them?‘, no matter just more spell practice material for Tommy.
Turns out Avada Kedavra was a spell he needed to say out loud, after learning that he tested the other unforgivables and both worked way better if said outloud. In the end he stunned and shrunk all the rats putting them in a box to feed to Nagini later on.
„§Nagini? Do you know what my plans for the day were?§“ „§ Not allow me to hunt the big birds maybe summon your Servants. You really should allow me to eat some of the birds if I can‘t eat the ratservant, Bartyservant summoned me big birds at the old nest.§“, the snake complained and gave Tommy a lot of hints ‚This is probably Malfoy Manor and Barty at the old nest must have been Riddle House and Barty Crouch Junior, so maybe he was in Book 5?‘. He probably should leave the room and see for himself. ‚You‘ve got this Tommy, just be confident and yourself a evil Dark Lord. Just fake it till you make it and gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss your way through this. Voldemort in the books somehow managed pretty well for himself‘. Tommy had his sanity and read the books, he could have made a BAMF Hero but since apparently he was chosen for the role of the villain he at least had an advantage and make a great Dark Lord.
