Full Moon
Remus groaned loudly as James wiped back the curtains surrounding his bed. He really had only just gotten to sleep after a night of non-stop worrying of the fall moon. Pulling the pillow out from underneath his head he covered his face from the invasive light. “What the fuck, Potter?”
“Language. Come on, get up, You’ll miss breakfast. I’m going to try to get Sirius up, he’s worse than you honestly, and if you're not up by then I'm dragging you out of bed by your ankles. Got it?” Remus flipped him off.
A yelp and a thud could be heard from Sirius’ bed. Even after that he did not take James’ threat seriously, that was until he felt two icy cold hands wrap around his ankles. Remus made a humphf sound as he hit the dorm floor. Hard. Remus scowled up at James’ grinning face. “Why are your hands so bloody cold? Jesus.” James just shrugged before heading into the bathroom to brush his teeth.
“What does Jesus mean?” Peter asked innocently from where he was sat on James’ bed, fully dressed and ready for the day.
“Um, well he’s someone muggles swear to I guess? Kinda how you say merlin, same concept” Remus shrugged, not knowing if he was explaining that right.
“How do you know that? Are you a mud - muggle born?” Sirius asked, head cocked. It didn’t slip past Remus that Sirius had almost called him a slur.
“Oh, shut up Sirius, as if any of that even matters.” Peter shocked Remus by standing up for him. Another positive point goes to Peter, he is going to be an amazing friend, Remus thought.
“I know that,” Sirius stressed, “I think muggles are very interesting. I don’t get how they manage things without magic.”
“It’s ok Peter, thank you. My mum’s a muggle ,Sirius. They’re not fucking stupid.”
“I know”, Sirius said so quietly it was almost missed to Remus, even with his enhanced hearing.
The four boys made their way down to breakfast together. As Remus entered the hall he was hit with a massive wave of nausea. The sound of hundreds of teens chatting, cutlery hitting plates, the smell of all different peoples foods and the bright light of the morning sun caused him to have a splitting headache. His symptoms before the fulls were always bad, but never this bad. The thick stench of magic was making his mouth salivate, belly growling.
“REMUS!” Lily yelled at him from the other end of the hall, beckoning him to go sit with the group of girls. Remus grimaced slightly at the sound.
James noticed his face and smirked, clapping him on the back. Remus flinched. “Sick of your many girlfriends already, hey.” Remus dramatically rolled his eyes at James before heading down the fall and plopping down in the seat next to Alice’s, opposite Lily.
The four girls continued their conversations, Remus wasn’t paying attention, having zoned out as soon as he sat down. Blocking out all the sounds of the great hall.
“Remus” the sound of Lily’s voice brought him back to reality. She must have been saying his name for a while as she was waving in front of his face and chuckled when he looked at her with a confused look. “I asked if you're ok? You’re not eating anything.” Remus looked down dumbly, his plate was indeed empty. His belly growled at him, but he wasn't hungry. Not for ‘human’ food anyway. If he managed to force any of the food in front of him down, he was surely going to be sick. No Remus was hungry for something different, less sweat or greasy. Something more meaty, more alive. He was never going to satisfy that craving and so he was going to sit through a day of lessons, hungry.
“Um, no, not really. I don’t feel very well. I think I’m going to go see Pomphrey.”
“Oh, ok darling, do you want me to walk you?” Lily gave him a sympathetic look.
“No, no it's fine. You finish your breakfast. I’ll see you in first period” Remus gave her a smile, which she returned.
Remus made eyes with Charlie across the hall and jerked his head, before making his way out of the great hall. They met up with each other in the hallway and walked down to the hospital wing together.
**
“Hello you too, how was your first day of lessons?” Pomphrey asked as she unlocked the cabinet and carefully measured out their pills.
“Alright” they answered at the same time.
“Remus, dear, could you please stay behind for a quick chat after this?” Rermus gave Charlie a side eye. “I’m sure Charlie can find his way to his first lesson ok alone.” Remus had no other choice but to nod, she no doubt wanted to talk to him about the oncoming moon.
**
“Do you want to just pop into my office then, lovely?” Remus nodded dumbly. He would have to keep his answers short and as nonverbal as possible, not wanting to accidentally expose the pills that were slowly dissolving in his mouth. He desperately hoped this wouldn’t take long.
“Are you nervous for tonight? Remus just shrugged. “Have you any concerns about how the night wil progress?” Again Remus just shrugged. “I’m going to need a verbal answer, I'm afraid, Remus.”
“Right, sorry, no I don’t have any concerns.”
“Ok, well I think that’s it, have a nice day Remus. Can you be back here by eight this evening?” Remus nodded, getting up.
Charlie was waiting for him outside of the hospital wing, they went for a quick smoke before lessons.
He had double charms this morning. Which was, so far, his favourite lesson. The tiny professor knew how to joke and kept his lessons at a fast pace and engaging, which Remus was greatly thankful for. But right now, this close to the full moon he could not be arsed.
He sat down in his usual seat, next to Lily. he folded his arms and rested his head on them, completely ready to sleep his way through the next two hours. Of course, Lily, ever the goody tooshoos, would not let that happen. “Remus, should you be here? Why did Pomphrey let you go, you're clearly not well.” Remus only hummed in response.
Remus was so ready to get out of the overly hot classroom by the time break rolled around. The stickiness from the heat was making him feel even more nauseous. As he stepped out onto the grounds the feeling intensified with the cool breeze hitting his face. Lily and Remus walked along the grounds, the former not commenting on Remus’ unusually slow pace.
They arrived at their favourite place, they had found it on their second day. Around the back of the castle there was a right angle of bushes enclosing a rectangle of grass that was cut off from the rest of the school; they hadn’t seen another person while they were there yet.
Lily turned to him again, “are you sure you're ok Remus? You’re looking rather pale.” Remus opened his mouth to say he was fine, again, however before he could speak he promptly bent over and threw up onto the grass. Lily rushed over to him, rubbing soothing circles into his back.
Remus lowered himself down onto the grass further into the enclose, bringing his knees up to his chest and burning his head into them. He felt Lily sit down next to him. “Want to tell me why you won't go to the hospital wing?” Lily’s voice was uncharacteristically soft.
“I’m fine” Remus’ voice was muffled by his knees.
Lily scoffed, “don’t kid yourself, Re. you were just sick, if you were fine you wouldn’t ‘ave been.” Remus just hummed, talking was taking too much effort.
“Ok, so maybe I’m not, but there’s no point going whining to Poppy now is there? I’ll be fine” Remus nodded to himself, trying to convince himself he would be fine as well as Lily. Of course Remus knew he could just not show up to his lessons, he wouldn’t get in trouble, however he wanted to prove that he was just as good as all the normal people in Hogwarts. His lycanthropy was not going to hinder him in any way, ever.
Break came to an end and they made their way to their next period, double potions. Yay. Remus despised potions, it was full of overwhelming colours, smells and tastes. Remus’s idea of hell. What was more, they shared it with the first year Slytherins. Remus didn’t have a loathing for the green house like his dormmates did, although many were mean, there were mean people everywhere. Sharing with the Slytherins meant Snape. Now Remus did have a repulsion to him.
They sat on benches, Slytheins on one side of the room, Gryffindor on the other. Slughorn paced the front, listing off instructions for them, Remus had shut his ears off. Lily tapped his arm, pulling him out of his daze. Trying to focus on what Slughorn was saying again, he appeared to be giving instructions of whatever they were going to be brewing.
Remus saw him do a quick head count of the class. “Ok, I want everyone to get into groups of three, there’ll be one group of two. Off you go.”
Lily dragged him over to work with Snape, much to both boys' horror. Remus was content to just watch the two best friends do all the work. Lily wouldn’t get on his case as she knew he wasn’t feeling well and Snape was happy ignoring Remus’ existence.
“Can we make sure everyone in our groups is getting involved, please?” Remus rolled his eyes, Slughorn was giving him a very pointed look.
“Here ,Remus, you can do the noot eyes. Just add one every 2 minutes and stir in an anticlockwise direction” Lily manhandled him so that he was positioned in front of the bubbling cauldron. He picked up the first eye and dropped it in, he rolled his sleeves up slightly so that they weren’t in the way before grabbing a wooden spoon. Doing this exposed the bottom of the scars that he had been steadily collecting once a month since he was 4.
“Ew, what's that, do you slit your wrists?” Snapes words stung, he hadn’t ever done that. His mum had checked after the pill incident. Looking down in shame he focused on the stirring motion. The smell made his head spin, vision going black, he toppled on his feet slightly. “Aw, I'm right, aren't I? Loony Lupin, the little attention seeker.” Everyone was looking at him now, shit. He wanted the ground to swallow him whole. He was meant to fly under the radar here, no one was meant to notice him, just another face in the crowd. Remus had hoped that he would have escaped the cruel nickname when he came to Hogwarts.
Remus glanced towards Lily, he considered her a friend and she was always quick to stand up for anyone; however when he met her eye she glanced down at her feet and took a step towards Snape, away from him.
“You’re wrong.” That was all he said. Remus packed up his things, preparing to leave, just before he did, however, he pushed the cauldron. It fell over spilling to thick liquid all over the table and floor. Feeling more satisfied with himself he turned and left. Making his way out into the school grounds. Not caring where he was going, he just walked.
Remus didn’t go to lunch, his last two lessons, or dinner, not caring if that made him weak anymore. He spent most of that time hiding in one place or another, chain smoking. At about six he went to the hospital wing. Pomphrey was surprised to see him two hours early, but took him under her wing regardless. Half an hour in, Mcgonagall joined them in her office. They drank tea together, the two witches managing to coax what happened out of him. Mcgonagall was visibly angry after Remus’ little rant, which was both unusual and terrifying to him. She seemed so closed off and collected most of the time. For her to express such raw emotions was wild.
When the clock chimed eight, Mcgonagall and Pomphrey led him outside onto the grounds. Sofar Remus did not know where he would be transforming, being led outside only half surprised him. It would make sense that he was moved away from the students but he couldn’t see anywhere safe for him to transform other than the forbidden forest. Remus was sure that they weren’t going to leave him unattended in the woods.
The two witches led him to the whomping willow, Dumbledore had announced that it had been planted during the summer, a gift from a former student, in his speech at the sorting ceremony. The student couldn’t have enjoyed their time at Hogwarts, Remus supposed, it was a particularly mean tree.
Mcgonagall shocked him by shrinking down into the form of a tabby cat with markings around the eye. Pomphrey gave him a smile, “She’s an animagus, dear.” Remus nodded, even though he didn’t know what that was. The cat dashed forward, past the swinging branches, and used her paw to hit a nub on the tree trunk. At once the branches fell still. They led Remus through a tunnel he hadn’t noticed sat under the tree.
**
Remus sat in the damp room, it appeared to be a house of sum sort; however it was clearly old and unused. The walls were black, damp with mould. As Remus looked around the room he felt the familiar aching pain in his joints intensify and knew the transformation had begun, he hurried to remove his clothes so as to not rip them. Clapping a hand over his mouth as the pain turned agonising, trying to muffle the screams that would eventually rip out of him.
Remus must have blacked out from the pain as the next thing he knew he was waking up in the hospital wing. He certainly hadn’t walked there himself. Remus cringed to know that the medi-witch had not only seen him naked, had seen the part of him he hated most, but had also dressed him. Which was mortifying in itself.
As if sensing he was awake Pomphrey poked her head around the curtain, drawn for privacy. “Good morning dear, I didn’t expect you to be awake yet. It’s still early, and you had a long night last night. How did you find the full moon?”
“It was alright, definitely no wear near my worst.” The witch just hummed and nodded before retreating back out of the curtained closure.
She returned several minutes later carrying a tray that she set down on the nightstand. On the tray was a glass of water, the routine paper cup and pills, and an assortment of potions Remus didn’t recognise. They smelt medical though. ~shocker dumbass you’re in the hospital wing~
“It’s about 9am so Charlie has already been, he knows you're here so be prepared for some questions. I’m just going to grab you a couple of slices of toast, because you can’t take any of these on an empty stomach.”
“I’m not hungry, I never have an appetite after the moons”
I’m sorry Remus, but I’m going to have to force you to eat. These potions will help with any pain and will help you heal faster. I also have to make sure that you take those pills every morning.” Madam Pomphey waved her wand and a plate with four thickly buttered slices of toast appeared on Remus’ lap. “So eat.”
Seeing no other choice remus did, ignoring his whole body screaming at him not to. He managed to get down one whole slice and a bite from another one before he violently gagged and pushed the plate away from him. “I can’t!” Remus said through watery eyes.
“That's ok, that’ll be enough.” Pomphrey handed him the glass of water and pills. Seeing as Remus had no way of spitting them out anytime soon, for the first time he complied and swallowed the pills. The potions helped too, he could feel his muscles and tendons reforming properly and the scratch on the back of his hand, he had sustained the night prier, formed into a silver scar before his eyes. Any pain he was in subsided to a dull, but manageable, ach.
Seeing as there was no reason to keep him, Madam Pomphrey let him go around lunchtime, as his appetite still had not returned he headed up to his dorm instead of going down to lunch. He was relieved but unsurprised to find the dorm empty. His roommates would be down having lunch and the day was nice enough so with any luck they wouldn’t be coming into the dorm at all.
Remus settled for a nice hot shower to ease his joints, dressing in some worn, too big, grey joggers and an oversized jumper thats sleeves went past his fingertips and had a few stray holes in places. He got comfortable in his bed with a copy of the hobbit, not planning to go down for any of his afternoon classes.
He was only a chapter or two in when he heard the loud sounds of laughter that he came to associate with his Roommates approaching the dorm. Remus huffed, he didn’t want to socialise or answer the many questions they were bound to have.
The door slammed open and the laughter stopped abruptly. Remus looked up from his book, stood in the doorway where his three roommates. “Are you just going to stand there like headless chickens or are you going to come in?” The three boys walked further in closing the door behind them and to Remus’ utmost horror they came and sat down on his bed, looking at him expectantly, “Can I help you?” Remus asked.
“Are you ok? You didn’t show up to any more lessons yesterday and then you didn’t come down to dinner or back up to the dorm. We thought you might come in after we were asleep but your bed hadn’t been slept in this morning. We asked Minnie in transfiguration wear you where but all she said was that you're fine.” James answered. “We heard what Snivellus said, is it true? We won't judge, promise.” Remus just stared at them.
“It's not true!” He bit out.
“Then how did you get the scars?” It was Sirius that spoke this time.
“Shut up Sirius, it’s none of our business” James shoved Sirius ever so slightly.
Even though Peter had not said anything yet, Remus could feel his questioning eyes staring daggers into him. “The real question is how do we get him back? Snivellus can’t insult one of our friends like that and expect us not to retaliate” Remus smiled, trust Peter to know how to cheer him up. He did want revenge.
This got Sirius excited, “oooooh, you mean like a prank???” The three boys sitting in front of him had already received a few detentions for petty pranks and were developing a bit of a name for themselves.
They spent the rest of lunch huddled together throwing ideas around. As the first bell rang indicating them to start walking to their fourth period James asked “are you coming down to lessons Remus? You’re not in uniform.”
“No, I’m going to head down to the library, see if I can come up with anything better.”
“Won't you get a detention?” Sirius cocked his head like he always did when he was generally curious.
Remus shrugged, “Don’t care.” He probably wouldn’t but he let them believe that he would so that they didn’t ask questions.
Over the next week and a half Remus was scarcely seen without the company of Peter, Sirius or James. He got to know them and realised they clicked really well, all of their personalities blended together perfectly.
Any free time they got they were hauled up in the library, researching cruel but non harmful things to do to snape. James had convinced them that they were not going to actually hurt snape, just embarrass him. They ignored all homework assignments set for the first couple of days but when detentions got in the way of their study time they started completing them during lessons and meals so that it wouldn’t eat up any of their precious research time.
Remus hadn’t spoken to Lily since that Potions lesson, not that she hadn’t tried. She had tried apologising many times but Remus had always walked away without a word of acknowledgment. Because of the now rift between Remus and Lily, Remus and Charlie grew more distant as well. They still went to the hospital wing together every morning, but they didn’t talk much, the two boys didn’t hang out with each other outside of that either.
It was a rainy Saturday, two weeks after the full moon, the four boys were all huddled around their favourite table in the library. It was near the back underneath an extravagant stained-glass window, the table kept the most light all day. There was a thud as Peter plonked down another stack of books, pushing the useless ones away.
It was boring reading through the books, the pitter patter of the rain and warm temperature of the library was making Remus sleepy. He yawned, rubbing his eyes trying to stay awake, curfew was in an hour and Remus was ready for bed. Just as Remus was drifting off, he was jolted awake by Sirius letting out a childlike squeal. This earned a very angry shush from the librarian, Madam Pince.
“I’ve got it,” he said excitedly, turning the book around so that the other three could read the page.
A wide grin spread across James’ face first, he was the fastest reader. “Sirius you genius!” he exclaimed in a hushed tone.
“I like it.” Remus agreed and Peter nodded in agreement. “I think we’ll have to make a few alterations, but it’s doable.”
“I can’t wait to see the look on his face!” Sirius was acting like an excited child. “He so deserves this.” Remus smiled fondly at him, he loved the way Sirius got random bursts of energy and would start bouncing around the room he was in or non stop fidgeting in his chair.