Royal Orleans
Lip waited with as much patience as he had ever given anything.
As soon as the door opened… Lip had the 9mm he bought off Jeremy loaded and ready to go.
Lip had been watching for hours, before the sun even began to rise, and even if he had to wait another twelve hours in the fucking cold then he would do it. Nobody was going to fuck with Lip’s family and just walk away from it… nobody was going to serve some fucking papers to Lip’s sister and think they were going to steal Lip’s baby brother.
As soon as Monica opened the door of the motel she was slumming in with Frank, Lip was going to take her ass out. Lip couldn’t even think of her as his mom, it wasn’t personal unless she made it personal.
Lip wasn’t shooting her for abandoning him and leaving her nine year old daughter to raise her kids, Lip was shooting her for trying to take Liam.
Lip was being coddled by his sister and given dirty ass looks by her girlfriend. Harry didn’t hold back when they fought, Lip was fucking sore. Veronica already patched up the cut on his eyebrow and the bloody nose that wouldn’t end, Fiona was just being fussy.
“Enough with the fighting,” Fiona said while she carefully cleaned the blood off Lip’s face. Her eyes were soft and pitying and Lip didn’t mind a little bit of sympathy from his sister.
“He’s fucking moody,” Lip complained. “He’s worse than Ian’s bitch ass.”
“He’s had a shite time and your bitch ass is making it worse,” ‘Tonks’ (fuck that was a stupid name) snarled at Lip. Fiona didn’t say anything and Lip rolled his eyes past his sister at the girlfriend that never seemed to fucking leave.
“Go outside and look around, everyone here has a shit life,” Lip told her. “Harry isn’t fucking special.”
“Yeah?” Tonks watched Lip and when there was a knock on the front door, she smiled all sweet at Fiona. “Go ahead, love. I won’t kill him.”
Fiona kissed Lip on the forehead before shoving herself to her feet and going to get the door. Lip sat at the head of the table and watched Tonks, waiting for her to get her shit over with.
Everyone loved Harry, Lip was a dick… He knew it already. He sure as fuck didn’t need the pink-haired bitch with too many frequent flier miles to repeat it again. She already gave Lip her big shovel talk, she also busted her ass helping look for Harry when he was fucking off in England though.
“I want to like you,” Tonks said calmly. Lip wondered if she wore contacts, her eyes were a dark purple. Who knew though? She could just be a freak.
“Harry is important to me,” Tonks went on, quietly enough to keep the conversation between them. “He’s actually my cousin, once-removed or something daft. But you think your life is bloody hard?”
Tonks leaned forward and narrowed her eyes at Lip.
“Harry saw his mum get murdered when he was one, he barely survived being killed himself.”
Lip knew that already. Harry told him his parents were killed on Halloween when he was a baby. It sucked, but ghetto kids watched their parents and family members get shot down all the time.
“Harry grew up in a house of people who were terrified of him, locked him in his room. I know that for a fact because I saw the damn locks.” Tonks curled her lip up and Lip did the same.
That was crap.
“Then he gets kidnapped, tortured, branded with that tattoo you added your bloody name to.”
Jesus fuck. Lip wished people would quit bringing that up. Not the torture part, that was fucked and Lip wasn’t disputing it, but the fucking tattoo.
“And when he thinks he gets a fresh start here, what happens? He gets stuck with my mental case of a cousin and has the bad luck to be your neighbor.” The front door slammed shut and Tonks leaned back, the picture of casual once more.
“But, sure, Lip,” Tonks grinned at him, “tell me more how your life is crap.”
That was when Fiona returned, her face emotionless as she said that she was being served papers to contest her guardianship of Liam Gallagher based on reports of fraud filed by one Monica and Frank Gallagher.
Lip raised a brow at Tonks, wondering if that was crap enough for her or if… if Monica died...
Frank never gave a fuck about taking any of the kids from Fi… if Monica was out of the picture…
“I’ll be back,” Lip announced to no one before hauling ass to Jeremy’s place.
Lip had been outside the motel all night with just the last two percs he had for his knee and a pack of cigarettes to keep him warm. If Lip had thought ahead, he would have brought a bottle with him, but it was too late for that.
The door of the motel began to open and Lip took a deep breath.
Lip had never killed anyone and the gun in his hands shook, but Monica was taking Liam from Fiona over Lip’s dead body. It would be reported as another ghetto gang shooting gone wrong. Poor Monica Gallagher had returned home to see her kids and got mixed up in a tragedy.
Debbie would cry, Carl wouldn’t understand… Lip and Fiona wouldn’t lose Liam.
The door opened and Ian stepped out of the motel room with Mickey right behind him.
“The fuck?” Lip swore and tucked the gun in his waistband before standing up and nearly falling. His muscles were stiff and sore as hell.
“Lip?” Ian saw Lip when he stood up, losing his element of surprise and hiding place from behind the Buick that sat on blocks on the curb. Ian frowned and sent a shifty look behind him at the motel before jogging across the street. Mickey followed him with the hood of his jacket popped over his head and his hands stuffed in his sweat pockets.
“What the fuck are you doing?” Lip demanded of his brother, shoving him with one hand as soon as he was close enough to reach. Ian looked surprised by Lip’s anger, like they weren’t all at Thanksgiving not even a week ago when Monica pulled her bullshit.
“I ran in to Monica yesterday and she asked us to come see her,” Ian said. “What the fuck are you doing?”
“You know she’s trying to take our brother, right?” Lip asked, ignoring Ian’s question. “You’re fucking in there sucking mommy’s tit while she’s trying to take Fiona to court.”
“What?!” Ian’s eyes got too big and his voice too high pitched for Lip to doubt him.
“She didn’t tell us that,” Ian said, glancing over at Mickey who nodded in silent agreement. Ian made a big sad face at Lip. “I swear, Lip, I didn’t know. Are you here to talk her out of it?”
“Yeah, something like that,” Lip said with a shrug. Lip couldn’t shoot Monica in front of Ian, not when he had apparently spent the night with her.
Ian was the most like Monica, Lip shouldn’t take it personally that he was the first of the kids to go crawling back to her. Except Ian was a bitch for doing that to Fiona and so Lip took it personal.
“What’d you guys talk about, huh?” Lip asked, lighting a cigarette and watching his brother closely. “You going back to wherever the fuck she came from with her?”
“No, we just… I dunno.” Ian shrugged his shoulders up and kicked a shoe at the ground.
“They fuckin’ talked, is that a problem?” Mickey asked Lip when Ian wouldn’t give a straight answer. “She’s his ma, he can talk to her if he wants.”
“Monica’s a fucking egg donor,” Lip said, staring hard at his brother who wouldn’t meet his eyes. “She gives precisely zero fucks about us, Ian. You wanna talk? Go talk to the fucking mom you’ve got waiting at home. Quit validating Monica’s shitty choices by kissing her ass!”
“I wasn’t kissing her ass!” Ian snapped, finally shoving Lip back for his shove earlier. “I wanted to know why she fucking left, alright? I wanted to know what the fuck we did that just— you know what? Screw you!” Ian shoved Lip hard, knocking the gun from his waistband to fall on the ground where it drew all three sets of eyes to it.
“Lip… What the fuck is that?” Ian asked quietly.
“Sig 365, 9 mill,” Lip said casually while his heart sank. Ian would forgive Lip for a lot of shit, killing Monica wasn’t one of them.
Mickey slid the gun to himself with his foot and then pocketed it. Jeremy probably wouldn’t get it back then. Lip thought he could fucking taste his heartbeat when he slowly looked up and met Ian’s eyes.
“You were going to shoot her?” Ian asked. Every freckle on his skin looked dark with the way his face lost all color. It was just a dizzying map of brown dots that had to have a good answer for Lip to use somewhere.
“Fiona,” Lip said as a one-word explanation. Ian didn’t lose his shocked look and Lip just needed him to understand. Lip couldn’t explain, he couldn’t get his mind to focus on a single thought, it just kept skipping around, uneasy and unsure how to explain.
It wasn’t personal between Lip and Monica, it wasn’t. She was a piece of shit and Lip wouldn’t mourn her death, but everything between Lip and Fiona was personal.
Fiona gave up her entire fucking life for the rest of them. If Lip had been born six years sooner, he would have been in Fiona’s position and God knew Lip couldn’t have done what she did. Fiona wasn’t applying for a Sainthood, but Lip thought she deserved one anyway. Even just with the shit Lip himself put her through…
“Fiona wouldn’t want you to shoot Monica!” Ian said, his face twisting in a glare. “You’re fucking nuts, Lip!”
Maybe, yeah. Lip had an alcoholic narcissist for a father, a drug addicted bipolar for a mother. Lip knew the odds back when he started researching genetics in fourth grade. The odds were that at least one of the Gallagher kids would be bipolar, probably Debbie since it was more common in girls. Two of them would be alcoholics, one of them would turn to drugs.
There were six kids, four of them would be as fucked up s as Frank and Monica. Two of them - Fiona and Liam, Lip just knew it - would turn out okay. Liam wouldn’t turn out okay if Monica got her grubby ass hands on him though.
Monica would either bring him back within a year, best case scenario, or trade him for a bag of dope and he’d be another ghetto kid gone missing, worst case scenario. Both scenario’s sucked ass though and Lip wasn’t dealing with either one.
“She’s not taking our brother,” Lip said firmly. He stared Ian down and didn’t give a damn about any of the other shit going on, Ian was Lip’s brother and he was Liam’s brother and that fucking meant something.
Family had to fucking mean something or nothing meant anything.
“We won’t let her,” Ian agreed, his voice going as soft as his eyes were. Ian reached out and grabbed Lip’s arm, squeezing it and proving that their family meant something, Lip meant something, to him.
“So we shootin’ her?” Mickey asked, breaking the bro-mo’ and reminding Lip that he was even still there.
“No,” Lip said bitterly. Lip wouldn’t kill Monica, he wouldn’t put that on Ian’s shoulders. That kid was one more shit event away from a full breakdown. As much as Ian fucking infected Lip and pissed Lip off, Ian didn’t deserve all the shit he had and Lip wasn’t going to add ‘watching his mom get shot’ to the list.
Then Tonks would just baby Ian and Lip would never be able to take a swing when they fought.
“I’m outta here,” Mickey said after Ian shoved his shoulder. Mickey kept the piece in his waistband as he shoved Ian back and then took off, leaving the two brothers alone.
“What a fucking week,” Ian said with a weak smile. He turned the opposite direction of where Mickey went and started walking, Lip following him.
“What a fuckin’ life,” Lip muttered in agreement. When Ian pulled a joint from his jacket pocket, Lip almost turned it down.
“You get that from Monica?” Lip asked suspiciously.
“Nah.” Ian lit up and took a long inhale before smirking at Lip with a smug look in his eyes. “Remus. If you’d stop fighting with Harry every five fucking seconds, he’d probably give you bud too.”
“Fuck him,” Lip said even as he accepted the joint. “I’m sick of everyone jumping my ass over Harry’s bitch shit.”
Ian snorted and shot another smirk at Lip through his red bangs hanging in his face. If Lip wasn’t letting Ian talk about whatever bullshit he wanted to wipe away the whole ‘Lip wanted to shoot Monica’ thing then Lip would pop him in the mouth just for looking so damn cocky.
“Dude, you totally deserved that bullet,” Ian said, just overwhelming with fucking sympathy for the limp Lip would have for the rest of his life.
“Bros before hoes, huh?” Lip scoffed, passing back the joint. Remus did really grow the best weed, Lip needed to steal some buds to mix with his own stash for the summer sales.
“You’re my brother and I love you.”
Lip shouldered Ian playfully, silent reciprocation of the girly ass feelings he was sharing.
“But for a genius- you’re a fucking idiot.”
“Dude.” Lip sighed and shook his head with his hands stuffed deep in his pockets. Lip knew he was a fucking idiot, but he wasn’t Ian with all his feelings and emotions and ‘gay is great’. Lip wasn’t Harry with the way everyone just jumped to fucking defend him. Lip wasn’t Fiona with her constant stress and fear and optimism that things would work out somehow.
Lip was Lip and most days that was fine, more days than not it was too much.
Lip was the smartass with a penchant for theft, impulsivity that fucked him too often, and the bone-deep itch that told him everything was going to suck forever.
“Just… figure your shit out,” Ian suggested as their house came in view. “And quit screaming about how you’re not fucking gay, it’s pissing everyone off.”
“Sorry me being straight is fucking with your head,” Lip scoffed. “Imagine being surrounded by - by you and Mickey, Fi and Tonks. Fucking- Hermione and… dude… d’you think she’s fucking Mandy? ‘Cause I can see it.”
And the fact that it made Lip want to sit back and watch had to be proof of his heterosexuality.
Ian actually stopped in the middle of the sidewalk and slowly turned to Lip with a comical look of surprise on his face.
“Hermione’s gay?” Ian asked in a whisper. “Is it- you think Dudley is too? That’s why he hit Mickey?”
“What? No,” Lip scoffed. Lip shoved Ian before he started jogging toward their house. Fiona was chain smoking on the porch and Lip needed to put his shit to the side and focus on the Gallaghers that would lose one of their own if Monica had her way.
“Dudley hit Mickey because Mickey hurt Harry’s feelings and everyone’s a psycho when it comes to Harry,” Lip told his brother over his shoulder. That was common fucking sense, only Ian would look confused about that. “Focus, shithead, we got a brother to save.”
It wasn’t just bros before hoes, it was Gallaghers before anyone.
*****
The thing was…
Tonks wasn’t actually stupid.
Tonks could be petty and clingy. Mum said she wore her heart on her sleeve. Dad said she was often impulsive. Moody once reported that she was ‘going to kill everyone by tripping over a wand’.
And Tonks always wondered if that was a compliment or insult…
But Tonks wasn’t stupid.
When Fiona’s mum filed to take Liam back, Fiona brought out the guardianship paperwork that her dad had signed over. Tonks looked at the signature of Frank Gallagher for a long time.
“What did you have to give him to get the signature?” Tonks asked Fiona curiously.
“Nothing.” Fiona sat on the sofa in her living room beside Tonks, nursing a bottle of tequila. Poor Fiona looked wretched, Tonks didn’t blame her. If a woman abandoned her, left her to raise five kids on her own, then showed up and tried to take one back- Tonks would look wretched too.
Fiona was still beautiful though, she was always that. Often, Tonks thought that it was the bags under her eyes and the way she nibbled her lower lip that took her from pretty to beautiful. She was just so strong, only letting her stress show in those small ways.
Tonks was mad about her and it was such a lark because Tonks only meant to shag her to mess with Remus. It was just Tonks’s luck to fall for someone as emotionally unavailable as Remus though.
Maybe Tonks’s daft heart liked an emotional challenge when she never had physical ones. Everyone wanted to shag a metamorphmagus, Tonks could be anyone’s dream come true, but it was finding someone who wanted to have normal moments together too that was tricky.
Once upon a time, Tonks thought that might be Remus. Tonks fancied him, sure, but it only took one hookup to know Remus wasn’t looking for love. Tonks had been a quivering mess under Remus’s clever hands and even more clever mouth. While Tonks breathed his name and later screamed it, Remus never said her name and left as soon as they finished.
It was fine, really. Tonks adjusted her view of Remus and he became her best mate and favorite shag. Sure, Tonks had a very fleeting moment of excitement when she took the pregnancy test, but it crumbled immediately. If Remus was entirely unavailable for a relationship, Tonks knew - she just knew - that he would be twice as unavailable for a family. And since Tonks had no desire to be a single parent, she made her decision before even calling for Remus.
It hurt, it was for the best. Tonks knew it was the right decision and she even hoped that Mum would speak to her again soon. But it reminded Tonks that even if her heart was on her sleeve, she needed to guard it better.
Which did nothing to explain how Tonks sat beside a beautiful, brilliant, woman who was strong and capable, independent and funny, and Tonks’s heart ached. She hid it, she had hope, but it would be a real loss to eventually lose Fiona and her family.
Tonks was quite fond of them all, with the exception of Lip who she only felt a little bit guilty for hating. Little Debbie though? Who let Tonks braid her lovely red hair and tell her stories about fairies and mermaids (stories that made them sound much nicer than they really were)? Carl, who made Tonks nearly wet herself with laughter when they shot off bottle rockets that caught a dead tree on fire? Carl who looked at the fire like it was his soulmate and pouted when Tonks extinguished it?
Tonks adored them.
And since one of them was at risk, Tonks focused on the paperwork that Monica and Frank were calling fraudulent.
The thing was… Tonks wasn’t stupid.
Tonks thought about Frank, who reminded her on Mundungus Fletcher. Frank didn’t seem like he would do anything for free, hell, he tried to blackmail Tonks and Remus into paying him on Thanksgiving when they dragged him and Monica from the Gallagher house.
Remus threatened to knock his arse right back out and that shut him up though.
Tonks also stared hard at the signature and thought of another signature. Remus signed his name at the Family Planning Association when Tonks had the procedure. He signed off as the biological father of the fetus and signed as Tonks’s caretaker.
Damn if they weren’t the same neat and precise handwriting.
“Court is next week and I think I should get a lawyer,” Fiona told Tonks while Tonks wondered what possessed Remus to do what he absolutely had to have done.
“Hm?” Tonks glanced over at Fiona and then it clicked what she said and Tonks grinned. “I know an excellent lawyer if you need one, but I could make this a much easier process.”
“We aren’t killing Monica,” Fiona scoffed without missing a beat. She paused to take another drink of the tequila and rolled her eyes. “I swear to God, Ian said Lip had a gun outside her fuckin’ motel.”
Oh. Tonks’s eyebrows raised in surprise. That was one thing Tonks could appreciate about the oldest Gallagher boy, at least he was loyal to the right people.
“We don’t have to kill her.” Tonks waved an airy hand. “Just…” Tonks looked again at the paperwork that was absolutely fraudulent. It would be difficult to prove, but with Frank’s well known addictions, he could say he wasn’t sober when he did it and the paperwork went out the window. Plus, guardianship wasn’t the same as custody and Monica never signed off on any of her own rights.
“Give me three days?” Tonks asked Fiona. Tonks was heartened by the quick flash in Fiona’s eyes that told her Fiona didn’t want her to leave.
It wasn’t much, but it was something. Maybe it was everything, Tonks figured only time would tell.
Tonks cut off Fiona’s too casual agreement when she leaned in to kiss her. It started soft, just a silent measure of the things Tonks couldn’t say, but when Fiona’s lips parted, it turned heated. Tonks slid her hands down to Fiona’s waist and did a lifting and tugging motion until Fiona understood what she wanted. Fiona threw one leg over Tonks’s lap and turned so she was straddled over Tonks’s lap.
Fiona scraped her fingernails up on Tonks’s neck until they settled in her hair, twisting and curling and pulling. Tonks slowly slid her hands up Fiona’s sides with her jumper and they broke apart just long enough to get a breath and for Tonks to pull the jumper off Fiona.
Tonks’s breath hitched when she saw Fiona. It never stopped taking her by surprise how dainty and soft Fiona looked when Tonks knew she was anything but.
“Beautiful,” Tonks murmured when Fiona leaned back in to kiss her. Tonks teased her for a moment, running her nose and lips down Fiona’s neck, just breathing in the uniquely Fiona scent.
Fiona smelled like tobacco, tequila, and home.
Maybe that was a daft thing to think, but it didn’t make it any less true.
So maybe Tonks was a little bit stupid.
Tonks left Fiona’s place that night with a dopey smile on her face, a hickey on her neck, and the undoubtedly forged paperwork in her hand.
Mum had to be wrong about where Tonks kept her heart. It didn’t live on her sleeve, though it might live directly on her g-spot. Tonks always call as if she had fallen in love with every person she shagged…
Charlie Weasley, back in fifth year… he was still one of Tonks’s best mates though. Then there was Jade Greene, a sweet healer Tonks met at St Mungo’s. She got married, to a Master of Arithmancy named Elena. Tonks went to the wedding and clapped louder than anyone when they kissed.
Tonks found something to love about every person she hooked up with… there was Keeley and the way their eyes lit up when they talked about their collection of muggle gnomes (Tonks had laughed when she imagined Keeley’s face if she mailed them a real gnome). There was the muggle woman Tonks met a pub, Ashleigh, who was so funny and alive that Tonks couldn’t help but be attracted to her.
There was brilliant Fleur that lost the Triwizard Tournament to a fourteen year old (Tonks would tease her about that forever)… and Charlie’s older brother who Tonks shared a joy of music and scotch with…
Tonks gave away little pieces of her heart to everyone she met and she just waited for someone to eventually share theirs with her in return. She could wait though, there was plenty to do in the meantime.
Tonks hopped from Fiona’s porch to Remus’s, thinking they had the setup she always wished she had with the Weasley family when she had been a kid. If the kids in Fiona’s house would stop warring with the ones in Remus’s then they could all be best mates and live happily ever after.
Remus was probably gathering up his stuff for the full moon, so Tonks waited on his porch for him. His bedroom light was on and Tonks could hear a girl - it sounded like Hermione - talking through a window open somewhere. If it was Hermione that Tonks could hear, reciting the Latin alphabet, she was bloody good at it. Tonks could hear music coming from another window, maybe Harry’s, but it was really terrible music.
Actually… Tonks hummed along to the English rapper that was clearly angry at his mum and decided it wasn’t too bad really. Maybe Tonks should give rap a chance… anything was better than country music, anyway.
When the door finally opened and Remus stepped outside, Tonks was scribbling the words she could catch of the song on her arm in pen. She could have dad- or… someone who was still speaking to her anyway… -look it up and give her the song title later.
“Wotcher!” Tonks jumped up with a smile and it faltered when Remus didn’t immediately smile, smirk, or wink back. Remus jolted as if Tonks scared him and that was unusual. The only times Tonks ever caught a werewolf by surprise was when they were distracted by something else.
Tonks looked Remus over with quick and careful eyes, logging the stress on his face, the duffel bag in his hands, the way he looked like he lost weight. Tonks didn’t see any blood or br—
Duffel bag in his hands?
“Oh, Dora, you startled me,” Remus chuckled. Even his chuckle was nervous and Tonks saw from the corner of her eye when Remus shifted his bag behind him some.
Remus went to the same place every full moon. There was a lodge in Wiltshire that Tonks herself recommended to him, one where any wolf could go the day of the full moon and transform safely with other wolves. There were showers, medical supplies, and beds for them all to sleep the next morning even. Tonks had never been before, but she sort of liked imagining a bunch of terrifying werewolves frolicking in field of wildflowers beneath a full moon.
So Tonks had a bit of romanticism when it came to alleged dark creatures, sue her.
Regardless, Remus never packed a duffel to go there. All Remus ever took was a change of clothes and his hygiene pack. Remus told Tonks herself that he worried someone would steal his things while he was there as many of the others were homeless and he had his clothes stolen more than once.
It clicked in Tonks’s mind just then about the conversation she had with Remus about finding a healer… that conversation paired up with the duffel bag, and…
“You absolute shit,” Tonks breathed, understanding it so perfectly. “You’re leaving.”
Tonks couldn’t believe it just as much as it made perfect sense. Remus was something of a coward really. Remus was willing to shag Tonks, but left to visit his best mate Sirius when Tonks made the mistake of discussing her feelings. Remus went a sickly shade of pale when Tonks said she was pregnant, immediately relieved when she offered to abort.
Remus Lupin saw commitments and ran the opposite direction.
Like a coward.
Remus didn’t deny it then either, he only jerked his head in a silent request to walk while they talked. Tonks fell in step beside him and couldn’t keep her eyes off that duffel bag.
“Harry will die,” Tonks said once they made it past the front gate. They turned as one on the sidewalk and Tonks pointed accusingly at Remus. “You’ll kill him, Remus.”
“He’ll die if I stay,” Remus replied with perfect calm. Remus wouldn’t look Tonks in the eye so she figured he didn’t even believe his own bullshit he spewed.
“He’ll die if you stay,” Tonks repeated slowly, still struck dumb by Remus’s choice. “And he’ll kill himself if you leave him too.”
That was what Remus said before, that Harry was suicidal. Tonks understood it to a degree, she had a really hard time in her fifth year and had thoughts that everyone would be happier if she were dead. The slice of a knife… the wrong potion ingredients swallowed… pretending to trip and falling from the Astronomy Tower…
Tonks hated that Harry had those same feelings and his brain was lying to him as well. She also knew that Remus leaving would be a hard blow to him.
Remus led them to a dead end alley before he finally spoke up to defend himself, explain, adamantly state he wasn’t leaving, something.
“I was never meant to take care of Harry,” Remus said quietly, leaning a shoulder against the building beside them. “It was meant to be Sirius.”
So?
“So?” Tonks asked bluntly, freely speaking her thoughts. “Who cares what decisions were made fifteen years ago? Sirius is in the wind, you’re here. Remus,” Tonks couldn’t believe it needed spelled out, “he loves you so much. Please, don’t leave that boy. Just… Just don’t.”
Tonks could get on her knees and beg for Remus to stay, but she could see his answer in his eyes. Damn him, damn his stubborn, cowardly, weak arse!
“Fine, fuck you,” Tonks spat, infuriated at his silence. “You want to go? Go! Don’t worry about Harry, he’s dealt with worse, right? Who needs a guardian, someone to love him? Who needs your damned help anyway?”
Remus looked up from the ground with a sad smile on his lips and perfectly clear eyes. Tonks hated him. All at once, with the force of anything she ever felt, Tonks hated Remus Lupin.
“Not Harry,” Remus said quietly. “He has you, right?”
They held each others eyes for a long time and Tonks knew what they both thought of. It was the first true act of defiance from obedient, silly, Nymphadora Tonks in the Order of the Phoenix that Mum never wanted her to join.
The Triwizard Tournament ended six days ago and Harry Potter was still missing. Dumbledore knew where he was, they all knew, but going in to get him was too difficult thus far.
Kingsley and Moody were shouting Tonks’s thoughts during an Order meeting.
“IT IS TIME FOR THE SPY TO WORK FOR US!” Kingsley roared, his calm facade long gone. “SEND SEVERUS IN AND HAVE HIM BRING POTTER BACK!”
“Unless he’s not really on our side,” Moody snarled with his magical eye fixed on Snape.
Most of the Order was in agreement, Harry’s life was worth more than Snape’s cover. It was cruel, in a way, because Snape blowing cover meant his certain death. They were truly screaming in front of the man that Harry meant more than he did.
But it wasn’t untrue.
Tonks wasn’t concerned with a prophecy they had all taken up guarding, Tonks was concerned about a fourteen year old boy. Snape was a man who made his choices and his mistakes and he was lucky to have avoided Azkaban the first go around.
Maybe he would get lucky again, Tonks didn’t care. And that was terrible of her, but she had to remember that it was war and tough calls had to be made.
If it was Tonks? If Tonks were in Snape’s shoes? She would volunteer to die. Harry was a child undergoing intense torture, it wasn’t a difficult choice.
“If it comes to it, that is what we will do,” Albus said too calmly. “We are not there yet.”
Sirius howled like a wounded animal, everyone screamed and argued. The Weasleys were enraged, only a few people accepted that a spy was more important than a child.
Not Tonks.
Tonks caught Remus’s eye during the meeting. Remus looked pained, truly hurt, and they had to be on the same page. They just had to.
“Fancy a walk?” Tonks asked Remus lightly when the meeting ended. Tonks bat her eyelashes at Remus and played up her flirtations for their audience. “You never did show me that drawing room.”
“Did I not?” Remus wrapped an arm around Tonks’s waist and did a casual job at turning her around to guide her out of the kitchen. “My mistake.”
Tonks giggled loudly because Tonks was soo giggly, silly, and never serious. Tonks with the pig snout and pink hair? Who would worry about her?
Tonks was the lovable goofball and it served her well.
The instant that Tonks and Remus were alone in a room, they moved their wands in tangent to apply every charm and defense against eavesdroppers as they could. Between the two of them, nobody would hear it if Tonks drove a silver stake through Remus’s chest.
“I’m going,” Tonks said with her wand still raised. “Fight me or help me, choose now.”
Remus had looked at her with so much admiration that it made Tonks’s heart race in her chest. Nobody else saw Tonks, not really. Not like Remus did.
“Is there a third option?” Remus asked in a Smith drawl as he approached Tonks. He put his hand on her wrist and lowered it, his amber eyes smoldering and taking Tonks’s breath away.
Remus lowered his head to put his lips just on Tonks’s neck. One of his hands circled her wrist, the other slid up her side in a slow and teasing way.
“Fight you, help you, or…” Remus bit Tonks’s back right where she loved it the most. “Fuck you?”
“Mm,” Tonks moaned and threw her head back. Remus was everything to her in that moment. “Make it good,” she said in a breathy tone. “This might be my last shag.”
Because if Tonks were in Snape’s shoes, she would risk everything to save the life of a child. And sweet, silly, goofball Tonks was the only one within the Order that could put herself in Snape’s shoes.
Remus stole the robes and boots, Tonks stared hard in a mirror as she changed every single feature to mimic Snape. Adding the dark mark to her skin made her feel ill, but it was just for play, for pretend.
It had been worth it in the end when Tonks returned from the Riddle House with Harry Potter.
Tonks took her verbal lashings from Dumbledore and the furious snarls from Snape. To keep Snape’s cover, it was decided that Snape would tell Voldemort that it was Tonks who tricked him rather than Snape who betrayed them. It added a target the size of Hogwarts on Tonks’s back, but only Remus seemed concerned about that. Harry didn’t know Tonks and Tonks told Sirius and Remus to not worry about giving her credit for anything.
Kingsley and Moody took Tonks out for dinner and drinks, the two of them praising her until she enlarged her head just to prove a point.
“You’re a mad witch,” Moody grunted approvingly. There was practically a smile on his lips when he bought Tonks another drink. “Not many can brag about pulling one over on the Dark Lord.”
No, not many people could. But sweet, silly, goofy Tonks could.
“Right,” Tonks agreed with Remus in a hard voice. “He has me.”
And Tonks wouldn’t run, she never did.
As soon as Remus apparated away, Tonks turned on her heel and stormed right back to Fiona’s house. She let herself in and didn’t hear the greeting from Ian and Mickey as she took the stairs two at a time to get back to Fiona’s bedroom.
Fiona wasn’t asleep, she was simply laying in bed having a smile. She sat up when Tonks opened the door and smiled just slightly.
“I thought you said three days?” Fiona asked.
“I did.” Tonks strode determinedly to the bed and bent down to kiss Fiona square on the lips. Tonks put all her feelings in it, she tried to assuage Fiona’s fears with just her kiss.
Everyone left Fiona, again and again. Fiona learned to rely only on herself because nobody else would be there for her.
“I’ll be back in three days,” Tonks told her when they broke apart. There was something warm in Fiona’s brown eyes, something warm and hopeful but guarded.
“And when I come back… I’d like to bring my best mate. I’d like him to meet my girlfriend.”
Tonks begged Fiona with her eyes and her confidence and everything inside of her. If Fiona took a chance on Tonks, Tonks wouldn’t let her down.
Tonks was a goofball and she was silly and she gave away her heart too often. Tonks was clumsy and sometimes she felt like she didn’t fit in her body just right.
But Tonks was there and Tonks wouldn’t run. Tonks was no coward.
Nymphadora Tonks was not Remus Lupin.
Fiona hesitated and it was heavy between them for a long minute. They stared at each other and Tonks waited to be given one of those labels of commitment that Fiona hated to give and Tonks always secretly craved.
“Okay,” Fiona finally said, a shy smile on her lips. “I’ll meet your friend.”
That wasn’t what she agreed to and they both knew it. Fiona wasn’t just saying she would meet Tonks’s friend, she said she would take a chance and label what they had between them. It wasn’t a promise that everything would work out, just that they would both try to make it work.
It meant Fiona trusted her to not run and to not hurt her.
Tonks did that.