Snitches get Stitches

Harry stood there and wondered how drunk he was.

Very, very, drunk.

Because not only did Harry’s best mate just try and snog him, but Harry was also staring at Fred Weasley.

On his porch.

In Illinois.

Grinning.

“Surprise?” Fred said. He looked down for a moment, long enough for Harry to realize he was half-naked, and then frowned.

“What happened?” Fred reached out to touch Harry’s hip and Harry took a step out of his reach.

“What… what are you doing here?” Harry asked. “I- what?”

If Harry wasn’t painfully aware that it was Halloween, he’d think it was April first at the way everything seemed to be a joke.

Did Lip mean to nearly kiss Harry?

Was he… drunk? Harry was definitely drunk, but he didn’t think Lip had drank that much… it definitely wasn’t a thing that mates did… Ron certainly never tried to kiss Harry.

“… your arm!”

“What?” Harry had been replaying Lip leaning in to him to try and find some other explanation for it while Fred had been talking.

Lip knew Harry was with Mandy…?

Lip wasn’t even bisexual?

Fred grinned at Harry and waved his hand toward Harry’s forearm.

“You changed it,” he said. “I’m glad.”

“Lip did it,” Harry said absently. He looked down at his arm and grinned a little. It was brilliant.

Lip said it might hurt, but Harry had enjoyed the feeling of the tattoo machine going over his arm. Every time Lip added a splash of color or a new addition, Harry felt as if he were a brand new person in a way.

Harry didn’t even mind Lip’s signature just below one of the pink lilies. It was a work of art and Harry figured he deserved to sign it.

… and Mandy probably wouldn’t mind.

“Harry? Are you… drunk?”

Harry realized he had zoned out again and had to blink up at Fred.

“How did you get my address?” Harry asked.

Fred beamed at him and looked immensely proud.

“It was a very cunning plan, darlin,” Fred said cheerily. “Mind if I come in to explain it? I can tell you about stalking Hermione’s parents and give you her letter. You can tell me about the bloke that just left and if you really have a girlfriend or not?”

Harry nodded very slowly.

“Excuse me,” he said politely.

Fred stepped to the side and Harry walked up to the edge of the porch and began heaving.

Harry was very, very, drunk.

Did Lip actually try to kiss him??

By the time Remus made it home, Harry and Fred had worked past the initial horrible awkwardness and were screaming at each other in the living room.

Harry was still shirtless and a bit drunk and Fred was red-faced with probably some mixture of anger and embarrassment.

“YOU’RE SLEEPING WITH HER?!”

“I TOLD YOU TO MOVE ON!”

“I THOUGHT YOU WERE BEING NOBLE! I DIDN’T KNOW YOU WERE GOING TO SHAG THE FIRST EASY—”

“YOU DO NOT WANT TO FINISH THAT SENTENCE, FREDERICK FABIAN!”

“OR WHAT? YOU’LL SHAG THE BLOKE THAT PUT HIS NAME ON YOUR ARM?!”

“The bloke that what?!”

Harry didn’t actually notice Remus walk in, but he heard him then. Harry looked over at the door and saw Remus standing in his very professional teaching clothes with two brown paper bags in his arms.

“Harry, it was eight hours…” Remus said slowly, his eyes locked on Harry’s arm. “Eight bloody hours.”

“This wasn’t stupid,” Harry assured him quickly. “Look.”

Harry stepped closer to Remus and they both ignored Fred while Remus looked at the new design on Harry’s arm. It was truly brilliant, Harry couldn’t get over how much he loved it.

Remus dropped the bags by his feet and raised his hand. His finger hovered just above the moon and he glanced at Harry with what Harry was startled to see were glassy eyes.

“Moony?” Remus asked Harry quietly.

“Yeah.” Harry shrugged and felt his face warm up in embarrassment. It seemed like a good idea; once Harry thought of the antlers, it sort of snowballed. Lip took all of Harry’s ideas and just…Lip took something that Harry hated and turned it to something beautiful.

Harry would probably have let Lip tattoo his name on Harry’s forehead, Harry was so grateful.

Remus grabbed Harry by the shoulder and pulled him to his side in a fierce hug.

“You know most tattoo artists don’t sign their names on their work,” Remus said with a crooked grin after releasing Harry.

“That’s what I said,” Fred sang annoyingly.

“Oh, shut up,” Harry snapped at Fred. “You don’t even have any tattoos.”

Remus did, but his was a gang tattoo.

… which was kind of brilliant.

“So this is fun,” Remus said casually as he picked up the bags and then looked from Harry to Fred. “Should I be expecting Molly soon?”

“I’m seventeen,” Fred said stubbornly. “Even if they guess where I went, they don’t know the address.”

“Right, right,” Remus agreed pleasantly. “And you… flew here, I’m guessing?”

“He did,” Harry scoffed.

Which was stupid. Fred could have gotten hurt, landed in the ocean, and never been found. As irritated as Harry was - Harry had been in a terrible mood for days, he wasn’t even sure if he was mad at Fred or just taking his mood out on him - Harry didn’t fancy the idea of Fred getting hurt either.

“Romantic,” Remus said drily. “I was going to make Beef Wellington for dinner. I presume you’re staying?”

Fred agreed almost as quickly as Harry made his own plans.

“And Mandy,” Harry told Remus quickly. Harry flashed a smile at Fred. “My girlfriend, of course.”

Fred smiled right back at him, a challenging light in his blue eyes that Harry used to spend hours daydreaming about.

“Of course,” Fred said just as falsely cheerful as Harry. “I can’t wait to meet her.”

Remus chuckled and walked off toward the kitchen while Harry turned around to leave.

Harry was fairly sure he heard Remus ask ‘Why not invite Lip too?’ but he probably misheard him beneath Fred’s much louder question.

“Are you leaving without a shirt on?!”

Harry didn’t want to, actually. It was cold out.

But, as he heard Mickey say once, he wasn’t a bitch either.

“Yup.”

Harry was painfully sober and shivering so hard his teeth were chattering by the time he made it to Mandy’s. When he once again let himself inside, he was pleasantly surprised to see Ian.

Ian, Mickey, and Mandy were all three sitting on the couch together and it looked like Ian and Mickey were playing a game in the video console. Mandy looked over and lunged to her feet when she saw Harry with Harry’s favorite smile on her face.

“Babe!” Mandy crossed the room in record time and grabbed Harry in a hug only to recoil from his cold skin.

“Holy shit, did you walk here without a shirt?” Mandy asked, causing the boys to look over.

“Might have,” Harry admitted. Mandy rolled her eyes and stomped off, probably to grab Harry a sweater because she was the best.

“Dumbass,” Mickey scoffed immediately before turning back to the telly.

Ian stretched his neck up and his eyes roamed down to Harry’s left arm.

“Lip do that?” he asked.

Harry grinned and held his arm up so Ian could see it better.

“Yeah, it’s brilliant, isn’t it?” Harry said fondly.

Ian shrugged and then went back to his game.

“I liked it better before,” he said.

Bully for him because Harry couldn’t have been more happy with the additions. He could hardly even recognize it as the dark mark anymore.

If Sirius were there Harry thought he might even like it… maybe he could look at Harry and not see a death eater or his brother anymore. Harry kept trying to write a letter to try and send him - wherever he was - but the words weren’t coming easily  

Mandy returned with a hooded sweatshirt of Mickey’s for Harry to put on before he could start to get too down about Sirius again.

“Are you drunk?” Mandy asked after Harry pulled the sweater on. She crinkled her nose, making her nose ring flash under the light. “You smell like booze.”

“It was an odd day,” Harry said, waving it off. He smiled at Mandy, a real smile, and then reached out to take both of her hands in his. “Will you come over for dinner? Please?”

“Is this more of your weird fat kink?” Mandy asked teasingly. “I have to come over for dinner now too?”

“Er… you remember me telling you about my friend Fred?” Harry asked slowly, trying to not emphasize the word friend. Harry told Mandy about his last relationship, he just wasn’t keen on being overhead talking about an ex-boyfriend in case any of Mandy’s homophobic cousins were around.

Harry got on with them just fine, but he’d never forget that they beat his arse on his first day of school there.

“I do,” Mandy said, narrowing her eyes some. Harry tried not to grin, but it was cute. Mandy looked jealous.

Harry would have to reassure her that Fred was his past and Mandy was all Harry wanted in the present later, but more important in the moment was making sure Mandy went with Harry as a buffer.

“He’s there and staying for dinner,” Harry explained.

“I’m coming then,” Mandy said without hesitation. She leaned in to kiss Harry and Harry forgot about their audience for a minute. Harry moved his hands to Mandy’s waist and pulled her close. Mandy wound her arms around Harry’s neck and bit his lower lip gently, in the way she knew he liked.

Harry liked everything about Mandy.

Harry liked that she was his best friend.

Harry liked her laugh and her smile.

Harry liked that they were so intimately comfortable with each others bodies that nothing was ever awkward when were together.

Harry liked listening to her talk about zodiac signs and when they would get stoned and talk about what they wanted from life.

Harry liked that even if he couldn’t share his past with Mandy - unless they got married, which Harry oftentimes thought would be brilliant - that Mandy fit so perfectly in his present and his future.

It wasn’t that Harry didn’t miss Fred, didn’t miss what they had. But Fred showed up on the worst possible day as yet another reminder of all the things Harry lost. Mandy was one of the few good things Harry found in his new life and Harry couldn’t imagine ever trading her for something he used to have with Fred.

Harry thought he might love Mandy, truthfully. He was just waiting for a good time to tell her.

“I love you,” Harry breathed as soon as they broke apart to get air.

Mandy smiled as if she had won the Quidditch World Cup and the muggle lottery all at once. It was the best smile that Harry had ever seen in his face and even the sounds of Ian and Mickey pretending to retch couldn’t take away the fierce rush of joy Harry felt at being the one to be smiled at in such a way.

“I love you too,” Mandy said softly, not leaving Harry in suspense about her feelings. “How long until we have to be at your place?”

Harry very much liked that he recognized that tone of voice and the way that Mandy’s lips curled to the side some.

“Plenty of time,” Harry said. “C’mon.”

Harry pulled Mandy to her bedroom, but she was the one who shoved Harry on the bed and began pulling off the sweater she just put on him.

All Ian heard was Harry mention to Mandy that ‘his friend Fred’ from Britain was at his place and Ian managed to score himself an invite to dinner.

Ian was hoping for some sort of amusement to end a damn good day, and he got it.

At a table with Harry, Mandy, Harry’s uncle Remus, and Harry’s ex-boyfriend (who Ian realized that, yeah, they did kind of look alike), Ian thought it would just be awkward. Ian didn’t expect for the food to be just as hot and good as the shitty comments that were being made.

Fred sat on one side of the table, directly across from Mandy, and Ian sat across from Remus so he could get a front row seat.

“This is really good,” Mandy said at first, breaking the ice. She smiled at Remus and Ian could see the way that Harry’s girlfriend was trying to get on the only parent-like-figure’s good side.

“Thank you,” Remus said. He poured everyone a glass of wine and Ian watched as he filled his for a second time.

“It is pretty good,” Ian agreed. It was fucking amazing, actually. Ian didn’t know what beef wellington was but he would show up for awkward dinners every day for food like that.

“Remus, remember that pasta you and Mum made back home?” Fred asked. “What was it? It was brilliant.”

Harry glared at Fred but Ian could see what Fred was doing too. It was just as low-key catty as Mandy. Fred was bringing up some good old memory and reminding Mandy that he had been around longer.

“I think it was crab linguine,” Remus said. Ian accidentally caught his eyes and Ian looked down at his plate quickly. There was an amused look in Remus’ eyes that made Ian think he knew what game was beginning to play out too.

And then they stepped it up.

“Well this is super good,” Mandy told Remus with a sweet and fake ass smile. “Did you make it for Halloween or something?” She held up the wine glass Remus gave her. “It feels like a celebration or something.”

“Oh, Harry didn’t tell you?” Fred frowned at Mandy with as much of a fake expression as Mandy had been making. “Harry hates Halloween, his parents died on Halloween, Manda.”

“Her name is Mandy,” Harry said through an obviously clenched jaw.

“My mistake,” Fred grinned.

Ian thought that Fred won that round but fuck if Mandy was giving in.

“Oh, babe, did I tell you?” Mandy put her hand on Harry’s arm on the table and leaned toward him. “I got an A on that poem I wrote for lit. The one about that day we went to the pier?”

Harry clearly chose a side when he smiled past Mandy at Remus.

“Mandy’s brilliant at English,” Harry told him cheerfully. “She’s the best in our class.”

Remus hummed and took a bite of his food, mostly staying neutral so far.

“Oi, Harry, speaking of best in class, I’ve got a letter for you from Hermione,” Fred chimed in. “And George said to tell you he can’t wait to show you some of our new product.”

“New product?” Mandy asked. She raised a sarcastic eyebrow. “So you’re drug dealers?”

“Better than drug users,” Fred said with a smile without missing a beat.

“Yeah? So you never got stoned with Harry?” Mandy actually clicked her tongue. “That sucks because he is sooo sweet when he’s stoned.”

“I know that.” Fred looked across the table at Harry. “Remember the first time you got high? Even when George tried to trick you, you knew he wasn’t me.”

Ian kept eating and Remus kept drinking while the others began arguing heatedly.

“I only knew he wasn’t you because he wasn’t groping my arse,” Harry snapped.

“You like when I grope your arse,” Fred countered.

“No, he likes when he gropes my ass,” Mandy sneered at Fred. “And my tits.”

“I do like those,” Harry agreed.

“Is that why you’ve got your tits practically on display for everyone?” Fred asked Mandy innocently. “Trying to find someone else to shag?”

“Mandy would never cheat on me.”

“Would you cheat on her?”

“No!”

“What about the bloke that tattooed his name on your arm?”

“Someone tattooed their name on your arm?!”

Just when Ian thought the night couldn’t get any better, Harry rolled up his sleeve and Ian got to see Lip’s name in blue ink on Harry’s wrist.

Fan-fucking-tastic.

“Why the fuck is Lip Gallagher’s name on your wrist?” Mandy asked Harry slowly, glaring at the tattoo.

“Because he did the rest of the tattoo,” Harry said, apparently totally fucking serious.

“Or you’re cheating on Mandy,” Fred said. “Mandy, you deserve better. You should dump him.”

“I am not cheating on Mandy!” Harry smacked his hand on the table. “When Lip tried to kiss me, it wasn’t like I bloody kissed him back!”

Ian and Mandy both shrieked in tangent then.

“When Lip WHAT?!”

Ian was fucking delighted. Honestly, it was more than he ever could have hoped for. First, Ian skipped school and spent the day in bed with Mickey. Mickey admitted he didn’t want them fucking other people, which was almost a commitment in Ian’s opinion. Then, Ian got invited to what he thought would be a drama-filled dinner. The dinner wound up being fucking delicious, the drama was insane, and Lip tried to kiss Harry?

Ian had a dream like it before, he was sure of it. It was too perfect, knowing that brainiac, bossy, ‘I know best’, Phillip Gallagher had not only stuck his name on his ‘buddy’s’ arm, but fucking tried to kiss him too.

And Ian just knew that his own gay panic would have nothing on Lip’s. Ian could help him, but it would probably be funnier not to. Plus, how often did Ian get to say ‘told you so’ to his big brother?

The only thing that could have made the day better was if Lip and Mickey were at the dinner as well.

Remus looked just as thrilled by the turn of events as Ian was. He even caught Ian’s eye and held up the bottle of wine in a silent offer. When it was coupled with a wink, Ian had to think hard of something disgusting so his body didn’t get any ideas.

Fiona was right though, Remus was sexy.

Ian didn’t need offered twice before he got up while Harry, Mandy, and Fred were screaming to sit beside Remus and get a refill of his drink.

“Ten bucks says Mandy hits Fred then goes to kick Lip in the dick,” Ian muttered to Remus.

Remus watched Fred while he yelled about Harry using Mandy ‘as a rebound’ for a moment and then hummed.

“Fred’s very stubborn,” Remus murmured back. “My bet is he makes poor Mandy cry.”

Ian doubted if a girl like Mandy even knew how to cry, it was a suckers bet with Remus as the sucker.

“Deal.”

Remus poured them both another glass of wine, Ian grabbed another serving of the food Remus made, and they just watched and listened.

“I AM NOT A FUCKING REBOUND!” Mandy screamed at Fred. “YOU SOUND LIKE A JEALOUS BITCH!”

“AND YOU JUST SOUND LIKE A BITCH!”

“CALL HER A BITCH AGAIN, I DARE YOU.”

“What do you even like about her?” Fred asked Harry. By that point the three of them were all standing up and Ian was just waiting to see who threw the first punch. “That she’s obviously bloody easy?”

Oh it was definitely going to be Harry. Nobody insulted Mandy around Harry.

When Harry stomped around the table to get in Fred’s face, Ian stood up. As fucking hilarious as it all was (Ian loved when other families were more fucked up than his), if Fred tried to—

Fred grabbed Harry before Harry could swing and pulled him close before kissing him square on the lips. As soon as Harry yanked himself free, Fred seemed to know what was coming.

Ian sat back down when Harry’s fist smashed Fred in the nose, probably breaking it, and causing blood to begin pouring down his face.

“C’mon.” Harry grabbed Mandy’s hand and shot Fred a hateful look. “I’ll walk you home, love.”

Mandy smiled smugly at Fred over her shoulder even though her words were meant for Harry.

“I think we’ll have the place to ourselves for a while,” Mandy said, leaving nobody to wonder what she was implying. “Netflix and chill?”

Harry paused just long enough to kiss the top of Mandy’s head.

“Maybe we can just chill.”

Fred stood up with his shirt pulled up to hold against his nose until the door closed behind Harry and Mandy. Once they left, he just sat down and smiled at Remus.

“I think that went well,” Fred said cheerfully, as if his nose wasn’t broken by the dude he was trying to win back.

Ian couldn’t hold back a snort.

“I think he hates you,” Ian told him. “You can’t shit talk Mandy, he’s crazy about her.”

Harry was crazy, full stop. Ian liked him though, Harry was a badass even if he was the kind of fucking psycho that tried to cut off his arm, need busted out of a psych ward, and then turned around and did more crazy like telling Mandy he loved her and letting Lip tattoo his name on him.

“Hates a very passionate feeling,” Fred said earnestly. “Harry’s complicated, mate. He’ll come around.”

“Of course he will,” Remus drawled sarcastically. “In the meantime, I assume I’m now harboring a fugitive?”

Fred smiled like a fucking idiot and nodded.

Ian decided that he was going to be spending a lot of time around Harry’s place the next few days.

It was just nice to know there were people in the world with way more problems than Ian had.