Snitches get Stitches

Dudley was so. bloody. bored.

There was absolutely nothing to do. Walt was at chess club, Mary-Anne wasn’t talking to Dudley, and Piers was… Dudley actually had no idea.

Dudley and Piers had grown apart quite a bit that year. Dudley kept up with his studies and his boxing classes. Piers was what Miss Whitman called ‘a wash out’.

And speaking of wash outs…

Dudley checked the time. If it was six o’clock his time, then it was… around noon Harry’s time, maybe.

It was a Sunday anyway, Harry should be awake.

Dudley was already grinning while he waited for Harry to answer. Dudley’s younger cousin was a riot, Dudley just hated that it took him thirteen years to realize it.

Harry wasn’t a freak, not like Dudley’s parents always insisted he was. Harry was sort of a magnet for crazy shite, but it really just made him interesting. The magic school with talking snakes and sports played on broomsticks had been the most interesting thing Dudley could imagine. Then Harry moved to the States and became the most hilarious person in Dudley’s life.

If Dudley liked to write, he imagined that he could write books based on Harry’s stories and make millions.

Dudley wasn’t only calling Harry for free entertainment though, he also had good news to share with his little cousin.

Good news that Dudley forgot about when Harry answered his call.

“Bloody hell, Little H.” Dudley gaped at Harry’s miserable appearance. Harry was always kind of pasty, but with the dark bags beneath his eyes he truly looked whiter than paper.

“If you’re about to say I look like crap, don’t,” Harry warned him. “I’m well aware.”

“Are you sick?” Dudley asked, concerned. He read that some people could catch a cold and it could turn to pneumonia and then kill them. And Harry was living with some psycho bloke who broke out of prison and then made a hobby of beating up Harry.

And Dudley could absolutely hate Sirius Black for that because when Dudley did it, he was a stupid kid who grew up. Sirius Black was Harry’s godfather, or something. The point was that Harry could be dying of pneumonia and that rat bastard probably wouldn’t even take him to a doctor.

“I can’t sleep,” Harry said with the most pathetic look of unhappiness. He looked even unhappier than he did when the sadness-ghosts attacked them, and Dudley never thought that anyone could be unhappier than how those things made him feel.

“Smoke some weed,” Dudley told him seriously. Dudley smoked weed with Walt after Harry told him about his experience and Dudley had slept like a baby afterward.

“All I do is smoke weed,” Harry said, like it was a complaint. He rolled over and Dudley saw an unfamiliar room behind him.

“Are you at Mandy’s?” Dudley asked him. Dudley still hadn’t gotten to see Harry’s girlfriend over video, only photographs that Harry sent him.

And trust Harry to have the most interesting life and the hottest girlfriend. Mandy was a bit emo, but she had the prettiest smile and looked at Harry like she loved him in every photo together.

It kind of made Dudley terribly jealous. He wanted someone to love him like that, but the closest he got was Mary-Anne. And Mary-Anne wasn’t speaking to Dudley anymore just because he had looked at Janessa Franklin’s arse.

Dudley tried to explain that he thought Janessa had something on her arse - it had actually been a thong hanging out just above her arse - but Mary-Anne was still in a tizzy over it.

Walt told Dudley to dump her and move on, she was clingy anyway. It was probably good advice. Dudley was going to give her two more days of being a twit before he moved on.

Then maybe he could find someone who loved him like Mandy obviously loved Harry.

“No, my neighbor’s house, Kevin,” Harry answered Dudley. Harry flipped the phone screen and moved it slowly so Dudley could see the green painted room that was decorated with giant decals of different sport balls.

“I thought Fiona was the one with all the kids?” Dudley asked. He really needed to take notes to keep track of all the people Harry chatted about.

Mandy was Harry’s girlfriend who used to be his fake-girlfriend to cover for the fact that Harry was shagging her brother.

Mickey was Mandy’s brother and Harry was shagging him until he hurt Harry’s feelings. He was also the one who told Harry he wouldn’t sleep with a virgin then slept with him anyway.

Lip was Harry’s best mate who wasn’t his best mate anymore who took Harry to his girlfriend’s house to lose his virginity. Except Harry got attacked by an angry dad instead and only got a hickey and a broken ankle.

Then Ian was Lip’s brother who hit Lip because he thought Lip had shagged Harry and it seemed like he was jealous. Ian was also the one who shagged Mickey in Harry’s bed during a party, which made Harry burn his sheets and then shoplift an identical set with Lip and Mandy.

And Harry didn’t shoplift with Lip anymore because he called Mandy a whore and still hadn’t apologized. Instead, Harry declared that Ian was his new best mate even though Ian was sleeping with Harry’s ex-fuck buddy and had once called Harry’s godfather a pedophile.

It was all very dramatic and confusing.

Dudley kind of loved it. Harry was like his personal soap opera.

“She is,” Harry said as he flipped the screen back to his face. “Kevin and Veronica got a foster daughter and they had two rooms ready, one for a boy and one for a girl.”

“Oh, okay,” Dudley nodded.

Kevin was Harry’s neighbor that had very loud sex with his wife who took care of Harry’s constant injuries. Kevin also weirded Harry out by pretending he was Harry’s dad.

“Wait, why are you at their house?” Dudley asked.

“It was a full moon last night.”

“Of course.” Dudley nodded in complete understanding. “What’s that mean?”

Harry grinned in the phone at Dudley. “It means Remus turns into a giant werewolf and it wouldn’t be good if muggles saw him.”

Remus was… Dudley had to screw his face up while he struggled to remember someone named Remus who could turn into a werewolf.

Oh. Remus was Harry’s dad‘s friend who showed up for a visit and decided to move in because Sirius was a piece of shite. Dudley remembered then.

Dudley was a big fan of him.

“Remus comes back today and either he’s going to fix my arm or I’m cutting it off,” Harry told Dudley. When Dudley grinned and Harry didn’t, Dudley began to worry.

“You’re talking about that mark, right?” Dudley asked nervously.

Dudley could still remember when Harry came home over the summer… it had been terrible…

Dad didn’t have to go pick up Harry. He had gotten an owl on the day they were supposed to get Harry, telling them that Harry would be brought to them ‘at a later date’.

Dudley had been on edge the whole time. Harry sent him a few letters during the year - since they had just began getting to actually know each other the summer before - and he seemed unhappy. Dudley didn’t think wizards were freaks, but he didn’t think they took very good care of Harry either.

Not according to the stories Harry shared with him the summer before.

So Dudley sat on the front stoop of his house every day, waiting for Harry to get home.

It took ten days before finally someone walked out of Ms Figg’s house with Harry.

Dudley had jumped up with a broad smile and then he got a good look at Harry.

Harry looked… he looked terrible. Harry was skinnier than usual and he had a horrible look on his face. It was as if Harry had aged fifty years in the last year… and Dudley blamed the wizards.

“What the hell did you do to him?” Dudley demanded of the black-haired bloke with the hooked nose and the yellow teeth. Dudley was ready to lay him out, just kick him in the dirt, but Harry shook his head.

“‘M fine,” Harry protested. He reached out for Dudley and Dudley was quick to sling Harry’s arm around Dudley’s shoulders.

“Thanks, Professor,” Harry mumbled over his shoulder. Harry’s right leg did an odd jerk when he put pressure on it and if Dudley didn’t have Harry then he’d go right back and sock that slimy git in the nose.

Harry was in such poor shape that Dad didn’t even say anything when he saw Dudley helping him up the stairs. It was frustrating to Dudley that ‘silent indifference’ was the most polite his parents could be.

If they would just try and get to know Harry then Dudley just knew that they’d like him.

Dudley lugged Harry to his room and Harry lifted the corner of his lips when he saw that his pretty white bird was on his dresser.

“She got here a few days ago,” Dudley told Harry. Dudley carefully pushed Harry on his bed, trying to get him off his leg that twitched again.

“I gave her fruit and she bit me so I gave her sausage instead,” Dudley said. He twisted his hands in front of himself and wasn’t sure what to do. Harry just looked… really bloody terrible.

Something really awful had happened, Dudley just knew it.

“Thanks, Big D,” Harry sighed. He had his left arm cradled to his chest and Dudley was worried it was broken. When Dudley reached out for it, Harry had a full-body twitch and he jerked his arm from Dudley’s reach.

“Don’t touch it,” Harry said quickly with a tremor of panic in his voice. Harry blinked up at the ceiling and Dudley sat slowly on the edge of his bed when he saw that Harry’s eyes were watering up.

“It was awful, Dud,” Harry whispered. Dudley reached out again and held his knee, wanting to do something for his little cousin.

“What happened?” Dudley asked him.

Harry sighed and then took at least two minutes to roll his left sleeve up. There was a white bandage wrapped around his forearm and Dudley actually held his breath while Harry unwrapped it.

“They branded me,” Harry said. His voice broke and so did whatever dam had been holding back his tears. He revealed a black tattoo of a skull with a snake winding through its mouth and Dudley thought it looked kind of wicked.

Not that it was worth seeing Harry cry though.

Dudley had been horribly uncomfortable while Harry cried through a recount about his kidnapping, torture, and getting branded by a mark with a horrible story behind it. But Harry had been there when Dudley was heartbroke and needed a shoulder to cry on, so Dudley stuck it out.

It was horrible though and Dudley doubted if he’d ever see the permanent mark on Harry’s arm and not remember how much it hurt Harry.

Dudley wasn’t surprised when Harry nodded and confirmed that the mark was causing him pain again. A magical tattoo applied by the man who killed Dudley’s aunt and uncle couldn’t mean anything good.

“Alright, this is going to sound crazy,” Dudley told Harry after thinking about it for a moment. “What if you found another wizard and had them put a new tattoo on that one? Or! Or! What if you cut that arm off and have someone magic you a new arm? One without the mark?”

Harry forced himself to smile, Dudley could tell it was fake.

“Magic can’t fix everything, Dud,” Harry said. “I wish it could.”

Dudley did too. It wasn’t very fair that magic kept beating Harry up and didn’t give him a lot of options to fix the injuries it left.

Someone yelled Harry’s name and Harry slowly rolled off the bed he was laying across.

“That’s Kevin, I gotta go,” Harry told Dudley. “Text me?”

Dudley was so distracted by Harry’s arm that he almost forgot his good news.

“Wait!” Dudley cried before Harry could hang up. Dudley gave him a nervous grin, hoping their cousin-friendship wasn’t ruined when Harry moved to the States.

“Er… Mum said I can go stay with my pen pal for the holiday,” Dudley said brightly. “I’ve got a plane ticket for the nineteenth of December, but I don’t think I’ll be in Chicago until the twentieth.”

When Harry’s face spread in a genuine smile, Dudley relaxed. It was stupid to think that Harry would stop being his mate just because he moved. If anything, they had even more in common then.

Except for Harry’s life was dead interesting and terrible in equal amounts and Harry had a super hot girlfriend that was in love with him and gave him blow jobs all the time.

“Really? That’s brilliant, Dudley!” Harry said enthusiastically. “Listen, we’ve got an extra bedroom. I’ll get a bed for you before you get here!”

Dudley was in a great mood when he disconnected with his cousin. He still had about eight weeks until Christmas break, but Dudley knew time would fly while he thought about all the fun adventures he could join Harry on.

… Dudley wondered how much trouble Harry’s werewolf-Remus would be in if Dudley just… moved in.

Probably a lot… maybe.

When Hermione woke up on Sunday morning, she just had a terrible feeling.

Hermione was not superstitious, that was imprecise and ridiculous magic, but there was just something that made her think it would be a bad day.

It started at breakfast when Hermione saw that Professor Dumbledore was absent again. Then Ron spilled juice on her. And then when Hermione went to the library, there were a bunch of rowdy second years that ignored her badge when Hermione told them kindly to be quiet or perish.

The only good thing that happened was that Hermione got a letter from Harry delivered to her at breakfast. Hermione had been waiting until she was alone to open it, even if it made her feel so terribly guilty.

Ron deserved to talk with Harry too, but… but Hermione’s level of paranoia went up every time Harry got hurt and Hermione didn’t think she could possibly be any more paranoid. It wasn’t that Hermione didn’t trust Ron, because she truly did, it was just… Hermione couldn’t risk losing her one way of staying in touch with Harry.

Ron would understand when she could explain it to him, she knew he would.

Hermione smiled to herself while she read Harry’s letter… it was very like Harry to be having a row with one friend while growing closer to the other. And Hermione was thrilled to read that Harry and his pretty friend Mandy were dating. Hermione had been worried that Harry would withdraw from the idea of a relationship after ending things with Fred… but Harry took Mandy to a pumpkin patch and was braiding her hair.

It was so cute that Hermione would coo if she were the type of girl to coo.

And Hermione was positively ecstatic to learn that Professor Lupin was still there, helping Harry with homework, hopefully keeping Sirius away from Harry.

Hermione didn’t care what nonsense Harry said, Hermione knew that Sirius had been hurting Harry…

Hermione had watched Sirius closely during the days Harry spent recovering from his horrible ordeal at the Headquarters for the Order.

While Hermione and Ron couldn’t spend enough time in Harry’s room with him, Sirius had only been in there once.

Hermione watched Sirius drink until he stumbled on the stairs and Mrs Weasley tried to keep the kids from him. Hermione watched as Sirius made a nasty face at any reminder of his family, most of whom had been death eaters.

Hermione stayed up at night and sat on the stairs… listening to Sirius rant drunkenly at nobody, fighting with the ghosts that only existed in his head.

Sirius Black hated his family. Sirius hated death eaters. Sirius hated anything that was remotely ‘dark’. And when Sirius didn’t visit Harry while poor Harry was recovering from torture, Hermione had a terrible feeling that Sirius was associating Harry as ‘dark’.

So when Harry returned to Grimmauld Place and was told he was moving with Sirius ‘for his safety’ after his trial… Hermione was not happy.

Hermione didn’t tell Harry, but she went directly to Ron’s mother, the only other person in that house who seemed to understand that Sirius Black could not take care of Harry.

“Mrs Weasley?” Hermione woke up extra early just so she could catch Ron’s mother before anyone else was awake. Mrs Weasley was at the stove, slowly turning her wand above a pot while she cooked something that smelled lovely.

“Hermione,” Mrs Weasley gave Hermione a warm smile. “You’re up early, dear.”

“Yes, well, I wanted to speak with you.” Hermione stood beside Mrs Weasley at the stove, though she kept her back to the counter so she could watch for anyone else entering the room.

It wouldn’t do to get caught trying to subvert Professor Dumbledore’s orders.

“What’s going on, dear?” Mrs Weasley asked.

Hermione cleared her throat and decided to be honest upfront.

“It’s about Sirius,” Hermione said. She looked over at Mrs Weasley and raised her eyebrows pointedly. “And Harry.”

When Mrs Weasley frowned, Hermione knew that they were of a similar mind.

“I think Sirius is dangerous,” Hermione said quietly. “I don’t like that Harry’s going to be so far away with him, with no wand, and nobody else even knowing where they are.”

Mrs Weasley nodded and tapped the pot with her wand before tucking the wand up in her hair. She turned around and leaned against the stove beside Hermione.

“Just between you and I, I feel the same way,” Mrs Weasley murmured. “Unfortunately, Sirius is Harry’s godfather and Albus is adamant. Harry’s a target here, but he’s alone there.”

“Harry has always been a target here,” Hermione said earnestly, needing someone to do something. “Wouldn’t he be safer here in Headquarters with witches like you to keep an eye on him?”

Hermione was not above brown-nosing if it got results. It had always been effective when she was a child.

“I asked,” Mrs Weasley said unhappily. “Albus says it’s for the best.”

“Oh and Albus will take full responsibility when Sirius neglects Harry or gets drunk and terrorizes him in some way?” Hermione demanded hotly, her voice raising with her irritating. “Will he? Will ‘Albus’ be prepared to admit he was wrong and that Harry SHOULDN’T BE EXILED?!”

Unfortunately, Hermione’s temper led to the end of the conversation.

It also led Hermione to Remus Lupin’s room to tear it apart until she found a scrap of paper that listed Harry’s new address. It also led Hermione to sneaking out that same night to open Harry a PO Box.

Hermione would be damned if they took Harry and then tried to keep him completely isolated.

So Hermione was quite relieved to know that Professor Lupin would be staying there with them. And if Harry was calling him ‘Remus’ then Hermione thought it meant that they were already getting along grandly.

Hermione was in the process of penning Harry back, asking as many questions as she thought he might answer, when Ron came running in the library

“Hermione! Hurry!” Ron grabbed the edge of the table and was bent over, panting and sweating. “It’s- Bill’s in the common room! Hurry!”

Hermione quickly stuffed all her belongings back in her bag so she could chase after Ron up to the tower.

The last time that Bill appeared in their fireplace, it had been late at night to tell them that Dumbledore was trying to find a way to trap Voldemort. If Bill was there in the middle of the day… Hermione could only hope it was with good news.

Bill’s head was still in the fireplace and Ginny and both twins were crouched on the floor in front of it. Other students were milling around, casting curious looks toward the group of Weasley’s. Hermione wasted no time shoving between them, anxious to hear what news Bill had for them.

“Have you lot seen the Headmaster yet?” Bill asked quickly. There was an anxious look on his face, but Hermione couldn’t tell if it was good anxiety or bad.

“He’s not here,” Ron said while he elbowed George to get right beside Hermione.

“He must still be at the Ministry…” Bill said, still speaking too quickly. “Listen, it’ll be in the papers in the morning, but I wanted to tell you guys myself… it’s over.”

Hermione was about to ask what that meant when Fred did it for her.

“It’s over?” Fred stuck his head right beside Hermione. “What is, Bill?”

“All of it!” Bill laughed widely, his teeth flashing oddly through the fire. “Dumbledore trapped You-Know-Who on Thursday, they’ve just finished rounding up the rest of the death eaters!”

Hermione’s jaw was practically on her chest. It was over? Just like that?

Fred was the first to let out a loud whoop and then Ginny laughed in relief.

“So Harry can come home?” Fred asked, brightening Hermione’s entire day.

Harry could come home.

If it was over, if Dumbledore trapped Voldemort, then Harry could come back! Harry wasn’t a target anymore, not by… not by Voldemort.

Hermione had forgotten, actually, but Harry was in as much danger from the ‘good’ side as he was the other. Apparently there were people who saw a mark on Harry’s arm and decided that the Boy-Who-Lived defected to the ‘dark side’.

It was positively absurd, which is likely why Hermione forgot about it.

“That’s… that’s a bit of a mess, Fred,” Bill said, his previous excitement dimmed. “It’s… all the death eater’s they’ve captured are all swearing that Harry was You-Know-Who’s right hand man.”

The Weasley’s all broke out in agitated swears and furious exclamations while Hermione only closed her eyes in absolute disbelief.

It was brilliant in its simplicity. Voldemort was captured, but he ensured that Harry would be as trapped as he was. It wasn’t enough to torture Harry and humiliate him, he had to mark him as an enemy to witches and wizards everywhere as well.

“This is BOLLOCKS!” Fred shouted. When Hermione looked over her shoulder at him, Fred’s face was twisted in a look of pure fury.

It would probably be a bad time to tell him that Harry was seeing someone.

Maybe.

Hermione was still rather peeved that Fred stole her letter out of the post box to snoop through it. It wasn’t that it hadn’t been an ingenious plan, it was just that it was rude and Hermione was still irritated.

“Did they capture Pettigrew?” Ron asked his brother, the second most important question.

“They did.” Bill smiled with the further good news. “I reckon Dumbledore is getting Sirius’ name cleared today.”

It wasn’t that Hermione wasn’t relieved to know that the plan to trap Voldemort had worked, it was just that it ultimately didn’t change anything.

Harry was still stuck in the States… Harry still didn’t have a wand… It was all just so unfair.

Hermione backed up and planned to go to her dorm to quickly finish her letter to Harry. But then she saw Fred trying to sneak away from his siblings as well.

“Where are you going?” Hermione asked him, quickly blocking the boys staircase so Fred couldn’t leave.

“Does a bloke need the prefect’s permission to use the loo now?” Fred asked. “Move, Granger.”

Hermione tilted to the side when Fred tried to duck around her.

“Harry’s seeing someone,” Hermione told him quietly. “Leave him alone.”

Fred scowled and Hermione stayed firm when he tried to shove her out of his way. If Harry was happy, then Hermione wasn’t going to let Fred ruin it.

“You’re lying,” Fred said in a heated whisper. “Harry loves me.”

Hermione didn’t take any pleasure in hurting Fred, but he wasn’t going to do anything to hurt Harry either.

“He is,” she insisted. “Her name is Mandy and she’s gorgeous. Harry loves her.”

Harry didn’t say that, but Hermione could see how he and Mandy looked at each other in photographs. It was sweet. And if Harry wasn’t going to be welcomed back in their world with open arms, then having a pretty and kind muggle girlfriend who loved him was something good just for Harry.

Fred would only be a reminder of all the things Harry couldn’t have.

Fred’s face twisted up in a horrible mixture of grief and anger. He pulled his wand from his robe pocket and held it in front of him.

“Move or I’ll move you,” he said softly. “Don’t make me hurt you.”

Hermione pulled her own wand as well and narrowed her eyes. If Fred Weasley thought Hermione was afraid of him, he was quite wrong.

“Don’t hurt Harry,” she said. “Leave him alone.”

The two of them glared at each other for long moment. They both loved Harry and wanted the best for him, they just had completely different views on what was best for him.

When Fred started to lower his wand, Hermione thought he was conceding.

Then Fred slashed it upward and Hermione went flying from the fourth step of the staircase to the sofa where she crashed hard enough to catch the other students’ attention. George looked from Hermione to where Fred was racing up the staircase two at a time and then chased after his twin.

Ron went straight to Hermione and helped her sit in a less humiliating position.

“What the hell was that about?” Ron asked, torn between looking at Hermione with concern and gaping to where the twins disappeared.

Hermione sighed and shook her head. She summoned her bag from where she left it beside the fireplace and slung it over her shoulder.

“We need to go to the library,” she said.

“Hermione, is now really the time to worry about—”

“I need to let Harry know that your brother is about to do something stupid.”

Hermione looked down when Ron’s blue eyes flashed with betrayal. Harry was Ron’s best friend too, it had been unfair to leave him out of their communication for so long.

Ron was one of the most forgiving of the three because it only took a few seconds before he sighed and stood up to take Hermione’s hand.

“Tell me everything on the way,” he said firmly.

“Okay, so first off, Harry has a girlfriend…”

While Hermione and Ron rushed to the library so Hermione could finish her letter before they snuck out to Hogsmeade to mail it… Fred had packed a bag, fetched his broom, and made his own plans…