Snitches get Stitches

Lip didn’t have any idea what made him agree to go on some lame-ass trip out of town to a pumpkin patch.

When Harry suggested it, Lip laughed.

When Harry said that his girlfriend wanted to go, Lip stopped laughing.

“Dude.” Lip blew the smoke from his cigarette in Harry’s entirely too excited face. “You’re fucking with me, right?”

Harry’s smile slipped some and he shrugged.

“I mean… Mandy’s one of my best friends here,” Harry said. “She’s pretty, she’s nice… why shouldn’t we date?”

Lip had an entire fucking list of why Harry shouldn’t waste his time with Mandy Milkovich. He just couldn’t bring himself to mention them when Harry seemed all bright eyed about Mandy.

Lip had known Mandy their whole lives though. Mandy was a whore when she was twelve and she was still a whore. Harry was going to end up getting stuck with a Milkovich baby or an STD if he kept sticking around her.

That was probably what led Lip to agree to the dumbass double-date in the first place. Someone had to keep an eye on Mandy and make sure she wasn’t taking advantage of Harry. Harry didn’t grow up in their neighborhood, he didn’t know all the skeevy tricks a girl like Mandy did.

None of which explained why Ian and Mickey were there though.

Lip and Karen met Harry and Mandy at the bus stop and Lip did a double take when he saw Mickey Milkovich leaning against the sign for the stop.

“Ew, Harry’s really dragging up the dirt,” Karen murmured to Lip as they approached them.

Lip raised a brow in silent agreement. As far as he was concerned, Mickey deserved an ass kicking from Harry. It was one thing to bend over and take Harry’s dick in his ass, it was another thing to take Ian’s dick in his ass in Harry’s bed.

“Mandy! Oh my God, I love your hair!” Karen cried, fake as fuck, when they walked up.

Mandy touched a red braid done up in her black hair and smiled at Harry before smirking at Karen.

“Harry did it,” she said. “Red’s his favorite color.”

“You do hair now?” Lip asked Harry. He hit him lightly in the shoulder with a fist. “Man, you’re not even trying to look straight.”

“I used to help my friend Hermione do her hair,” Harry said shamelessly. “Braids are easy.”

“Queer,” Mickey coughed. He raised his hands innocently when Mandy turned a vicious look toward him. “Calm down, fuck. It’s not like I haven’t had to listen to you two fucking like rabbits.”

“Oh!” Harry leaned over and looked over Lip’s shoulder, ignoring Mickey’s comment. He raised his hand and Lip turned to see Ian walking up to them. “Ian, hey! You made it!”

What the fuck?

Lip lit a cigarette while his brother joined their group and held a fist out for Harry to bump.

“Yeah, I didn’t have shit else to do,” Ian laughed with a quick look toward Mickey.

Lip looked to where Karen was pressed up against his side to where Harry and Mandy were holding hands and then to Ian and Mickey.

Fuck. Lip did not get suckered into some sort of triple date from hell.

Except it seemed like that was exactly what happened.

Lip sat on the bus and had to deal with listening to Karen try ‘girl talk’ with Mandy.

Karen and Mandy were the least fucking girly people in the damn neighborhood. Ian and Harry were more girly than those two.

“What brand of eyeliner do you use?” Karen asked Mandy. “Maybelline?”

Mandy curled her lip up before batting her lashes at Karen.

“I like your haircut,” Mandy cooed. “Did you do it yourself?”

“I wish I was as good at thrift shopping as you are.”

“You can barely even see that zit on your forehead beneath your foundation!”

Lip looked at Harry in the bus seat across from him and rolled his eyes.

“What the fuck made you think this would be fun?” Lip asked him. He glanced at Mandy and tried to be as impartial as he could… Mandy wasn’t hideous, if someone was into the whole ‘white trash goth’ aesthetic.

And there was no way she fucked that good.

“You’re not having fun?” Harry asked. He twisted around and looked at where Ian and Mickey were having some heated and whispered argument in the seats behind theirs and then looked at Lip with a frown. “I brought brownies?” Harry offered.

“Are they good?” Lip asked, already grinning. Who gave a damn about brownies?

“Remus made them. They’re weed brownies.”

At least Harry came prepared.

The six of them had to walk a few blocks from their bus stop to ‘U-Pick Sunflower and Pumpkin Patch’.

Mandy was swinging Harry’s hand and cooing while she took photos of him, photos of them together, and a picture of every fucking flower they passed. Harry was playing like the most whipped boyfriend ever as he posed and smiled and laughed.

“This is the gayest shit I’ve ever seen before,” Mickey muttered. He had his arms crossed and glared hatefully at every family or couple they passed.

“I think it’s sweet,” Karen said with a giggle. She was high as a kite; the brownies Harry brought were strong as hell.

Lip looked around at the hick-ass field that Harry dragged them all to. The pathway they walked toward a booth selling tickets had a field of sunflowers on one side, a pumpkin patch on the other. There were families with shrieking little kids everywhere, a ton of dumbass couples in matching flannel shirts - like Harry and Mandy wore - and the whole area smelled like horse shit.

Ian didn’t look nearly as disgusted as Lip was. He had a cocky smirk on his lips and kept looking at Mickey in the most unsubtle way in the fucking world.

“I think it’s a rural dystopian hellscape,” Lip sighed. He pulled a cigarette out from where he tucked it behind his ear and lit it while Harry led them all around back to hop the fence and join ‘the fun’.

Lip managed to last an hour, thanks only to the brownies Harry brought, before he was bored, sweating, and ready to bounce.

“You guys ready to go?” Lip asked his brother and Mickey while Harry and the girls laughed over pumpkins.

Ian had been suspiciously quiet, choosing to mostly converse in the fine arts of shrugs and smirks, up until then.

“What’s wrong, Lip?” Ian grinned. “You jealous?”

“Jealous?” Lip scoffed and pulled a cigarette from his pack to light. He blew the smoke in his brother’s face. “The fuck would I be jealous about?”

If Ian thought Lip wanted to be the one sticking it to Mickey, he was wrong and stupid. Mickey was a thug with a permanent shit eating look on his face.

Lip liked sex to be a little rough and a lot dirty, not Milkovich levels of actually rough and dirty.

Ian nodded behind Lip and crossed his arms in an annoyingly superior way.

“That your best buddy is fucking Mandy now,” Ian said. “Every time they kiss you fucking twitch.”

Mickey let out a loud guffaw, like a trained monkey, and Lip realized that Ian was acting like a big man in front of his little butt-buddy.

“Yeah, Ian, I’m real fucking jealous,” Lip said deadpan. “I mean, Harry’s going to end up with syphilis and a welfare brat to raise, but boy golly, do I wish I were in his shoes. Maybe when Mandy starts blowing dudes for food again then I can see what his life is like.”

Mickey’s face darkened and he cracked his knuckles threateningly. Ian only closed his eyes and groaned.

“Lip, dude…”

Lip turned around when Ian nodded over his shoulder and he saw Harry standing behind him with a pumpkin in his arms and the most pathetically hurt look on his face. Mandy was only a step behind Harry, standing with Karen, and both girls were looking at Lip like he was trash.

“Is that a joke or something?” Harry asked Lip. “Saying Mandy blew blokes for food? Is that meant to be funny?”

“Harry, ignore him.”

Harry didn’t answer Mandy and he just kept staring at Lip like Lip had hurt his little fragile feelings.

Lip wasn’t going to cover Mandy’s ass though. He wasn’t going to stand by and let her ruin Harry’s life by sinking her skanky claws in him and using him for everything she could before tossing him to the side.

“Nope.” Lip took another drag and looked past Harry to Mandy. “What was it? Eighth grade? Seventh?”

“Fuck you,” Mandy snarled with a blush as red as Harry’s hoodie she wore.

“So…” Harry slowly bent down and put the pumpkin he’d been carrying on the floor before fixing Lip with a sharp look. “So Mandy didn’t have food and was probably starving and you’re talking crap about her? That’s sick, Lip.”

“I’m sick?” Lip asked, shocked. “Dude, your girlfriend is a whore.”

“Fuckin’ shut your—”

Harry pulled himself up straight and took half a step toward Lip while Mickey snapped out his very eloquent insults.

“Don’t call her that,” Harry said lowly. He had never looked so pissed at Lip before and it was pissing Lip off. Just because Harry didn’t want to know the truth didn’t mean it wasn’t the truth.

Facts didn’t change to suit someone’s feelings.

“Mandy…” Lip stepped toward Harry, “is a whore.”

Harry’s face twisted in a glare and Lip was ready when he pulled his hand back before throwing forward a fist. Lip dodged it and only hit Harry in the stomach when he took a second swing at him. Harry huffed but kicked his leg out to try and knock Lip on his ass.

Lip stumbled, but he didn’t fall until Mickey shoved him hard in the back.

As soon as Lip hit his knees, Harry grabbed him by the hair and clocked him in the jaw with a hard fist.

Lip spit at him and jumped to his feet. Harry had moved out of retaliation range before Lip could get up and he stood beside Mandy with that same pissy glare on his face.

“You know what? When Mandy eventually fucks you over - or fucks your friends, whichever happens first - don’t come crying to me,” Lip snapped. “I’m done, Black. You wanna be some bitch’s new chew toy? Have fun.”

Lip turned his back on them and stormed off.

He expected Ian to have his back, but Ian wasn’t the one who joined him in leaving.

“You are such an idiot,” Karen said as she caught up with Lip.

“You know what?” Lip looked at Karen and suddenly couldn’t think of why he bothered hanging around her either. “Fuck you, fuck them. Fuck this entire God damned day.”

Lip wasn’t going to try and have anyone’s back that didn’t have his.

It was a long ass bus ride back to his neighborhood, one made even longer by the icy silence radiating from Karen.

Harry felt like shit that night.

He had promised Mandy a fun date, going to do something she was excited for, and Harry ruined it by getting in a fight with Lip. It had just pushed Harry’s temper when Lip called Mandy a whore.

Harry looked guiltily over at Mandy and tightened his arm around her shoulders. Once they got back from the pumpkin place, Ian and Mickey went to the Milkovich house and Harry and Mandy went to Harry’s.

The pumpkins they brought were on the steps of the porch and Harry felt like an arse every time he looked at them. Mandy hadn’t talked much since they left and Harry wasn’t sure how to try and salvage the day.

“I’m sorry,” he told her when the silence became too much.

Mandy looked over at Harry and raised one of her eyebrows at him.

“For what?” she asked.

Harry shrugged uncomfortably. “I… er… kinda ruined our day, didn’t I? Lip just…” Harry trailed off with a scowl toward Lip’s house. What kind of friend said that kind of shit about their friend’s girlfriend? Harry didn’t call Karen a whore, even if she was the one who offered to shag Harry without even knowing him.

“Harry.” Mandy cupped the side of Harry’s face until he turned to look at her. Mandy didn’t look mad, there was a little blush to her cheeks and a sweet curl of her red-painted lips.

“You didn’t ruin our day,” Mandy said softly. She bit her lower lip and looked down for a moment. “I mean… nobody’s ever really stood up for me like that, you know?”

Harry’s chest ached with the feeling of empathy. How long did Harry have to listen to his aunt and uncle talk badly about him until Harry and Dudley became mates?

Harry could still remember the first time that Dudley stood up for him…

Harry was sitting on the staircase, waiting anxiously for the Weasley’s to arrive. Ron said they would be there at two, it was nearly six.

Maybe they forgot. Maybe they changed their mind. Maybe—

“No common decency,” Uncle Vernon grunted from the living room. He had been sitting stiffly on the couch with Aunt Petunia, both of them dreading the arrival of more wizards.

“Maybe they think if they’re late that they’ll get a dinner invite,” Aunt Petunia sniffed haughtily.

“They bloody well won’t!” Vernon cried indignantly. “They’ll take the damn boy and go! The last thing we need is a house full of freaks trying to—”

“Oi, trying to what?” Dudley had been in the kitchen, pretending to do homework up until then. Harry knew it wasn’t homework, Dudley had asked to read one of Harry’s textbooks and they took the cover off Dudley’s biology book and put it over Harry’s history of magic text from first year.

Harry thought it was a dull read, but Dudley was fascinated by the goblin wars.

“Oh, nothing, Diddikins,” Petunia simpered. She got up and reached out to pat Dudley’s hair but he ducked from her reach.

“Harry’s not a freak, Dad,” Dudley told Uncle Vernon. Harry actually scooted up a step, unwilling to be spotted and somehow blamed for Dudley’s behavior.

There was a grin on Harry’s face though. He didn’t expect his peculiar friendship with Dudley to impact Dudley’s relationship with his parents, but Harry wasn’t upset about it.

Uncle Vernon sputtered and mumbled, but Dudley stood firm.

Harry repaid his kindness an hour later when Fred tried to trick Dudley into eating a prank sweet.

Harry looked at Mandy then and felt even worse that nobody had ever stood up for her. How was it fair that Mandy had to resort to drastic measures to get a hot meal and then she was still the one being called names?

“Lip was a right git and I’ll go hit him again if you want,” Harry told Mandy, meaning it. Harry liked Lip, but Lip had been an arse.

Ian told Harry that Lip was jealous, but Harry didn’t think that Lip fancied Mandy. Or he had a terrible way of showing it if so.

“I want you to kiss me,” Mandy said with a coy smile and a flutter of her lashes.

Harry was entirely happy to give Mandy what she wanted.

The two of them were in a rather heated snogging session with Mandy straddling Harry’s lap and his hands beneath her shirt by the time they were reminded that they were outside in plain view.

“Evening.”

Mandy gasped and flipped off Harry’s lap so quickly he thought he had whiplash and they both blinked with identical red faces to where Remus stood on the sidewalk with a grin.

“Remus,” Harry tried for an airy and casual tone that was too husky from kissing Mandy, “hey. Where were you?”

“Next door,” Remus said with a wave toward Kevin and Veronica’s house. Remus opened the gate and strolled up to the porch with a nod toward Mandy. “Nice to see you, Mandy,” he said politely.

“Uh, you too,” Mandy blushed.

“Harry, after you walk Mandy home, could I have a moment of your very valuable time?” Remus asked pointedly.

“It’s fine,” Mandy said hastily. She stood up and bent down to kiss Harry once more, something much more polite than what Remus walked up on. “See you tomorrow?” she asked.

“Yeah, of course,” Harry said.

Remus was a stickler for making Harry go to school. He hadn’t missed any days in the last week.

Mandy bounced away after calling out a goodbye to Remus. Harry waited until she disappeared down the road to turn an expectant look toward Remus.

“I won’t be here this weekend,” Remus said. He pointed up to the moon when Harry’s jaw started to drop.

“Oh, right.” Harry had forgotten about Remus’ transformations, but of course he couldn’t run around Chicago as a werewolf and Harry doubted that he’d want to be locked inside the house either.

“I’m not going far, just to the forest a few hours south,” Remus explained. “Would you prefer to stay with the Gallaghers or Kevin? He,” Remus’ lips twitched as if he were repressing a laugh, “does seem rather fond of you.”

“Can’t I just stay here?” Harry asked. He didn’t fancy being babysat for a weekend.

“I would prefer not,” Remus said. He sat on the ledge of the porch and sighed. “Sirius is… particularly difficult.”

“I’m aware,” Harry said drily. Sirius was a prat, but they hadn’t fought once since Remus arrived. There had been one night where Sirius thought Harry was his brother and began screaming at him only to be literally tackled by Remus a few moments later.

“I know you are,” Remus said with a wry look. “I’m not excusing him, Harry, but he is incredibly ill. I’m running into brick walls trying to find him the help he needs while he’s still a wanted man. I’ve reached out to Albus, urging him to focus the Order on capturing Peter. Until then, there’s only so much I can do.”

“I think you being here helps,” Harry said quickly. “Honestly, he’s been loads better.”

“Ah, well… that’s mostly because my presence tends to shock him in the present,” Remus said too humbly.

Harry honestly would have gone as mental as Sirius if Remus hadn’t moved in when he did. It wasn’t perfect, it was horribly awkward more often than not, but Harry wasn’t walking on eggshells or avoiding his house as much as possible anymore.

“Regardless, it would be remiss of me to expect you to babysit your godfather this weekend,” Remus said, getting back to the point. He gave Harry a kind, if tired, smile. “Fiona said you’re welcome to stay with them. Kevin seems… delighted to have you as a guest.”

Harry tried out a charming smile on Remus, hoping it would work.

“I bet Mandy would let me stay with her,” he said brightly.

Remus laughed and then ran a hand through his hair while he shook his head at Harry.

“I’m sure she would,” Remus agreed with an easy smile. “I’d prefer adult supervision though.”

Harry debated his options quickly and knew that he wasn’t going to want to spend a weekend with Lip when they’d just gotten in a brawl over Mandy.

“Kevin’s, I guess,” Harry said. Harry liked Kevin and Veronica and he’d slept there before, Harry just also liked not listening to his neighbors have what sounded like very complicated sex.

“Perfect.” Remus stood up then and opened the front door for them both. “Why don’t you tell me about your day while I cook dinner and then we can have another incredibly important conversation?”

Harry hesitated just a few steps inside the living room and looked over his shoulder at Remus.

“What’s that?” Harry asked him warily.

Remus smiled, much more charmingly than Harry’s had been.

“Condoms, Harry. We quite clearly need to discuss condoms.”

As painfully humiliating as Harry thought that conversation would be, it wound up being rather informative. Apparently there were such a variety of condoms that Harry could get glow in the dark ones that tasted like cherry if the idea struck.

Remus hadn’t been particularly impressed by Harry when Harry mumbled his way through a guess of how many times he and Mandy had shagged without a condom though. Remus drew his wand and tapped Harry on the head harder than Harry thought was necessary.

Harry held his breath while Remus read a little parchment that popped up from what had probably been a diagnostic charm.

“No STDs,” Remus said, a relief to Harry. Remus frowned at the parchment though. “Harry, did you hit something? It says there’s a hairline fracture in your right knuckle.”

“Is there?” Harry asked, surprised. He put his fork down and held his hand up to show Remus. It didn’t feel broken, but Harry supposed he might not even notice a hairline fracture.

“I hit Lip,” Harry explained after Remus healed it with another tap of his wand. Remus took a bite of the pasta he made for them and waved his hand in a ‘go on’ motion, so Harry did.

Harry told him about the cruel things Lip had said and his own heated reaction. Harry half expected Remus to lecture him about brawling with Lip, but Remus only smiled fondly at him.

“You are so very like your father,” Remus said, warming Harry’s chest with the obvious praise. “James would never stand for anyone to insult any of his loved ones.”

“James never took the dark mark though.”

Harry and Remus both looked over at the back staircase and Harry noticed Sirius sitting on the steps for the first time. Harry had no idea how long Sirius had been there, but he was scowling at Harry’s left arm. Harry quickly pulled at his sleeve, but he’d given Mandy his sweater at the pumpkin patch and couldn’t cover his arm.

It was tense for a moment and Harry looked down at the meal he lost his appetite for.

Then Remus sighed.

“Sirius, must you be such a muppet?” he asked. He aimed his wand over his shoulder and Harry looked up long enough to see him hit Sirius with a spell that had Sirius’ mouth moving and no words to leave his lips.

Remus smiled at Harry then and resumed eating casually.

“Your father once received ten points from Albus himself when he gave a student a black eye for calling your mother a ‘slag’,” Remus told Harry. “We were sixth years, I believe…”

Sirius stormed up the stairs, probably to reverse the spell Remus hit him with. Harry paid him no attention though as he hung on Remus’ every word of a story involving James, Lily, and a particularly rude Ravenclaw that didn’t like being outshined in their OWLS.

Harry was in a good enough mood after dinner that he penned Hermione a quick note before he went to bed.

Hermione,
Everything here is great.
Mandy and I are dating. She’s brilliant, I think you’d like her. You know those braids with the strings that Angelina taught us? I put one of those in Mandy’s hair and she was impressed.
We went to a pumpkin patch today, which is sort of just a farm with pumpkins and flowers. But we got to feed these funny animals, alpacas, and Mandy rode a horse.
Remus has been helping me with my school work, he’s been great, honestly.
Will you try and mention to Fred that I’ve moved on and he should too? I don’t want to write back to him, but someone should before he does something insane.
I think Dudley is going to come stay over the holiday, it would be brilliant if you and Ron could find a way to come too but I know that’s just wishful thinking.
Lip and I are fighting now. Though Ian and I are mates now. Apparently I can only get along with one of them at a time.
I miss you.
Stay safe.
Love, Harry

Harry tucked the envelope in his backpack before climbing in bed and almost immediately falling asleep.

When Harry woke up only a couple hours later with his left arm burning in agony, he stuffed his fist in his hand and bit down on it while he waited for it to pass. Harry didn’t know what triggered the mark to burn softly at some times and to send shocks of pain through his entire body at other times, but it was miserable.

Trust Voldemort to ruin what had been a rather decent day.