"One time, I talked to a snake at the zoo," Harry said, following Ron's story of his own comical accidental magic.
The two of them sat across from the fireplace in the Gryffindor common room, along with Hermione Granger and Luna Lovegood who sat on their respective armchairs. The trio had invited Luna to spend the night in their common room after the bullying among the Ravenclaws got a little too intense. While some of the other Gryffindors gave them judgmental looks for bringing in an outsider, no one said anything. Instead, they simply stayed away, opting to hang in their dormitories rather than the common room.
This made things all the better, because that meant the common room was empty besides for the four of them.
"Creepy," Ron said, making the face he always did whenever Harry brought up his snake-speaking abilities. "What did you two talk about?"
"Well, now that you mention it, I did most of the talking. But it did wink at me,” Harry said, remembering.
Hermione scoffed, throwing him a disbelieving look from over her copy of Hogwarts, a History. "That's impossible, Harry. Snakes don't have eyelids."
"It still winked at me," Harry said with a shrug.
Hermione's eyes narrowed, setting the book aside, and giving the conversation her full attention. "They don't have eyelids,” she insisted.
Harry met her glare with defiance. "I saw it. It winked."
Ron’s eyes flickered rapidly between his two friends, no doubt already thinking of thousands of points to make on whichever side he chooses to back.
However, before the argument could go any further, Luna Lovegood spoke up, “Oh, Harry, I forgot you could speak to snakes!”
Harry blinked, tearing his gaze from Hermione to acknowledge Luna, who sat with her feet up on the armchair, hugging her knees.
“Er, yeah,” Harry said, scratching his head. “I forget I can too sometimes, to be honest.”
“My father bought me a pet snake for my birthday!” Luna said, jumping to her feet in enthusiasm. “Harry, if I go get it, could you tell me what it’s saying?”
“Sure,” Harry agreed easily, and Luna sprinted from the common room and out the portrait hole.
Ron shook his head at her antics. "She's an odd one," he noted. "But she's fun."
While they waited for Luna, Ron dove into another story of accidental magic. Harry listened appreciatively, while Hermione resumed her reading.
Luna returned after a good ten minutes, her hands cupping something green and wiggly.
“Here he is, Harry,” Luna said, smiling brightly as she moved her hands to reveal the snake.
Harry gaped, for Luna's snake was not a snake at all. He risked a glance at Ron, who’s eyes had gone wide as saucers. Harry turned back to Luna, lips twitching but making his best effort not to laugh.
“Uh, Luna,” he started, trying to sound serious. “I’m no expert, but I’m pretty sure that’s a lizard.”
The lizard he spoke of chose that moment to crawl up Luna’s arm and rest on her shoulder.
“It’s a rare type of snake,” Luna explained. “My father found it while searching for a Crumple Horned Snorkack in Sweden. It’s called a Four-Legged Snake.”
“A Four-Legged Snake,” Hermione repeated, abandoning her armchair and coming to stand next to Luna, her arms crossed.
“Yes,” Luna said, just a touch of defensiveness in her dreamy voice.
“That is a lizard,” Hermione said sternly.
Harry shared a look with Ron, equal parts exasperated and amused. While Hermione and Luna were friends, they couldn’t remain around each other for long before finding themselves in an argument of some sort, due to their differing opinions on fantasy and reality.
“No, Hermione, it looks like a snake to me,” Ron joked, only to have Hermione’s glare turn on him.
“Thanks,” Luna said, nodding at Ron.
“Yeah, it’s definitely a cool snake Luna,” Harry added. “I especially love its legs.”
“Snakes do not have legs,” Hermione stated slowly and clearly as if speaking to a child.
“Then what do you call those?” Ron asked, pointing at the legs.
Hermione inhaled deeply through her nose, seconds away from exploding. Harry thought she took Luna’s shenanigans far too seriously, and would be much better off humoring her like he and Ron did.
With an air of purpose, she muttered a quick, "I'll be right back," before speed walking to her dormitory.
After Hermione retreated from view, Luna picked the lizard up off her shoulder and held it out towards Harry. "So," she said. "What's it saying?"
Harry had to fight a grin. Trying not to meet Ron's gaze, he cleared his throat and angled his ear towards the lizard.
"What's that?" Harry pretended to ask the lizard. Beside him, Ron trembled with restrained laughter. "Uh huh. Uh huh."
Luna pulled the lizard away, eyeing Ron's shaking form. "What did he say?"
"He says 'hi.'"
This was too much for Ron, who burst out laughing. A smile sprung on Harry's face quite at the contagious sound, before he found himself laughing right along with him.
Luna frowned, holding her lizard to her chest, something like hurt shining in her eyes.
Instantly, Harry sobered, guilt crawling at his chest.
"I'm sorry Luna," he rushed to say. "I don't mean to be rude-"
"It's okay," she said, in that too-honest way of hers. "I'm used to people laughing at me."
Harry winced, her words hitting him like a punch to the gut. Ron shared in this feeling, if the way he chewed on his bottom lip was anything to go by.
"Seriously Luna, I didn't mean-"
Harry didn't manage to finish his apology, for at that moment Hermione returned, a book in her hands, and Crookshanks trailing beside her.
The book had a picture of a snake on the front cover.
"Oh no," Ron murmured, as Hermione marched towards them.
She shoved the book in Luna’s face, pointing at the snake.
"This is a snake," she said.
"Yes, I know what a snake is," Luna said coolly. "After all, I have one for a pet."
Hermione blew out through her mouth, causing a stray strand of hair to wave wildly. "No you don't. You have a lizard."
"Hermione," Harry said, the desire to protect Luna welling up inside him. "If she says it's a snake, then it's a snake."
"That doesn't make any sense," Hermione declared, with a hard head shake. "If I said Crookshanks was a dog would you believe me?"
Crookshanks meowed, rubbing against Hermione's ankles lovingly.
"I would," Luna said, without even having to consider it. "Because I'm not as closed-minded as you."
"Closed-minded?" Hermione's voice went shrill. "It's a lizard! It has legs! Snakes don't have legs!"
"Snakes don't have legs?" Harry repeated, trying hard to resolve this argument before it got any more heated. "Wow, Hermione, I'm surprised at you. First you say snakes can't have eyelids and now legs? What's next?"
Hermione looked infuriated at Harry's addition to the conversation. She shoved the snake book in Harry's face.
"What animal is this Harry?" she asked, tapping her fingers against the cover rapidly.
Harry stared at her evenly. "It looks like a Legless Lizard to me."
"I don't know," Ron said, squinting at the cover. "It could just be a Green, Scaly Cat."
"Don't be silly," Luna laughed. "That's just a common, Legless Snake."
Hermione made a noise of frustration, somewhere in between a groan and a scream.
"ALL SNAKES ARE LEGLESS SNAKES! Lizards have legs, snakes don't. I'm sorry but it's just true!" Hermione said, gesturing wildly with her free hand.
"Hey now, that's not very nice," Harry said, a small smirk worming its way onto his mouth. "The snake does not need to hear this disrespect. Quick, Luna, cover his ears!"
Hermione went red. She suddenly had the greatest resemblance to a volcano seconds from eruption. "EARS??"
Hermione's loud screech seemed to frighten the little lizard in Luna’s hand, for without warning, it jumped, scurrying away on the floor.
"Come back!" Luna yelled, chasing after it. But the thing moved quickly for its small size, making this no easy task.
"Look at that thing slither," Ron mumbled, but Harry didn't acknowledge this comment, because he saw Crookshanks perk up from where she had been lounging, eyes trained directly on the lizard.
Oh no.
Oh no.
No one could react fast enough. Crookshanks simply pounced, trapping the lizard beneath her paws.
"No!" Luna cried, slapping a hand to her mouth.
"Bad, Crookshanks!" Hermione called, trying to get her cat away.
Harry watched in horror as Crookshanks opened her mouth, her fangs drawing closer and closer to the lizard's tiny, delicate head.
But before Crookshanks could swallow her new snack, the lizard began to change.
Crookshanks scrambled backwards in fear as the lizard grew, far surpassing the size of the cat. His scaly skin disappeared, as well, leaving in place something much more...human.
"Merlin's beard!" Ron exclaimed, as the four of them gaped at the man lying on the floor, who just seconds prior had been a lizard.
"I can explain," the lizard man gasped. He had a skinny face and large green eyes, a stunning likeness to his Animagus form.
"An explanation would be nice," Harry said, his wand already out and trained on the man.
"My name…is Beter Bettigrew."
"Beter Bettigrew," Harry repeated, looking around to see if the others thought this as ridiculous as him. "You've got to be kidding me."
"Any relation to Peter Pettigrew?" Ron asked, his eyebrows high on his forehead.
"Never heard of him," Beter grunted, pushing himself up to a sitting position.
"What are the odds that two separate people pretending to be pets also have perfectly rhyming names?" Hermione asked, disbelief coloring her words.
"It's not unheard of," Luna said. "Over the summer I met a nice girl called Muna Movegood."
"Of course you did," Hermione sneered.
"Perhaps you're just angry that nothing rhymes with Hermione."
"Hey!" Harry held up his hands to stop the bickering. "Can we please focus on the larger problem here? Why were you pretending to be a lizard?"
Beter's face twisted in offense. "A lizard? I'm clearly a snake!"
For the first time, Hermione's outrage began to make sense to Harry. Nevertheless, when she started to shout, Harry still elbowed her in the ribs to get her to stop.
"Why don't you give us that great explanation you promised us!" Harry said, jabbing his wand in Beter's direction.
"Okay," Beter sighed. "You see…I am the one who murdered Luna's mother."
Harry's jaw fell open. Next to him, Hermione's and Ron's did much of the same. "What?"
Luna’s face paled with shock. "But my mother wasn't murdered. She died in a potion accident."
"Oh, it was no accident," Beter said, scowling. "I was an old friend of your father's. His best friend. But after he got married, he started putting his wife before me, and I knew I had to get revenge. So after I poisoned your mother, I ran off to Sweden to live out the rest of my days as a snake. Only, last summer, your father just so happened to find me and give me to you. I couldn't just reveal myself as a murderer, could I? No, I was fully prepared to be your pet forever, Luna. But I had to get away from that stupid cat."
Nothing of Beter's story made any logical sense whatsoever. In fact, after hearing his motive and explanation, Harry felt even more bewildered than before.
"You're insane," Harry said.
"You're deluded!" Ron said.
"You're a lizard," Hermione said.
"You killed my mum!" Luna said.
"And I'd do it again!" Beter roared, before spontaneously shrinking back to the size of a lizard, and making a run for the portrait hole exit.
"Don't let him get away!" Harry yelled, shooting spells in the direction of the lizard. Only, hitting a target that small was near impossible, especially one that moved that fast.
The four of them chased after it as best they could, but it seemed hopeless. Harry had no idea how they would pull this off. The lizard crawled dangerously close to the portrait hole when-
SLAM!
The snake book had flown across the room, landing right on top of the lizard with a loud crunch.
Harry looked to see Hermione with her arms extended and her eyes wild.
"Hermione!" Ron exclaimed, impressed. "Since when could you throw so well?"
Harry approached the book, and picked it up, only to find a flattened lizard underneath it, dead.
Luna peered at it, expression rather blank for what surely was a very emotional experience.
"Sorry about your snake," Harry said awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. "And your mum."
"It's okay," Luna said. She turned to face Hermione. "Thanks for killing my mum's murderer."
"Oh, you know," Hermione waved off Luna's gratitude, face rather flushed. "That's just what friends are for."
Luna smiled at Hermione, and she returned it just as brightly.
"Why don't we go to sleep for tonight, Luna?" Hermione asked, putting a hand on the other girl's shoulder. Luna gave her assent, and together they ascended the stairs to the girls' dormitory.
Despite their differences, at the end of the day those two were great friends. Even if sometimes it took killing their mother's murderer to prove it.
Ron gave a loud yawn, sounding just as tired as Harry felt.
"Why don't we go to bed too?" Harry asked.
"Shouldn't we clean up the lizard first?"
"You mean the snake?"
"Oh, shut up, Harry."