Arriving At Remus's House
Severus’s POV
Severus looked around the kitchen he was sitting in after being deposited in a kitchen chair, Remus on the opposite side of the table as him.
The kitchen was the first room you saw upon entering the house with one door leading to a place he didn’t know and an empty door frame opening into a staircase. The kitchen was clean, the dishes put away in cabinets and drawers, the floors swept and mopped. There was a deep freezer and a refrigerator which were supposedly full of food and drink with shelves connected to the wall behind the table being full of boxes and cans and a few bags of food as well.
“Can you talk?”
Severus shook his head ‘no’. Now that he was sure this was real, well as sure as he was about anything, there was no way he was making that mistake again.
Remus left the table going through the mysterious door and Severus was sure he was going to get something to hurt him with or was punishing him by taking away the help he promised. Instead Remus returned not even a minute later with a pen and opened notebook which read:
- Bath
- Teeth
- Food/drink
- Hair
- Medicine(have to eat first, preferably after bath for physical stuff, but not necessary if preference is otherwise)
“Those are the first five things we need to do before anything else, please write down what order you would like them to happen and we will do so.” Remus explained. “We can worry about everything else later.”
~What does hair mean?~ Severus wrote, hoping he wouldn’t get yelled at, or worse, for not complying exactly, but still really wanted to know the answer.
“Brushing, combing, and just in general detangling it….I’ll do it for you if you can’t.”
~Okay.~
What order should he do everything in? The medicine should be after everything else for convenience, and his teeth would be right before medicine, his hair would be right after his bath. The real problem was figuring out whether he bathed or ate first. There was a part of him insisting Remus could cook while he cleaned himself, but he knew that wasn’t how it would go. He couldn’t even stand—it was surprising he could think this well right now, usually couldn’t, though it was probably just from adrenaline.
On one hand he was really hungry, on the other he didn’t particularly want to eat like this or do anything. Then again, if he bathed first he would have to wait longer for food since he needed to do his hair after the bath.
~Bath, hair, food, medicine, teeth.~ He finally decided, though still wasn’t entirely convinced by it. He had, though, decided very confidently that it was probably best to brush his teeth after the medicine to rid his mouth of the taste.
Severus couldn't help but wince as he felt the damp, dirt, material press against his crotch, burning, as Remus packed him up the stairs and into the third room on the right. The bathroom.
“Lucky you, I should have some conditioner and shampoo that’ll work on your hair as it came in this free toiletries box I got from this company a month or so ago. It won't last long, but should be enough for today, then we can get you your own.” Remus prattled as he got everything out, before temporarily leaving the room and coming back with new sweatpants and a light pink tee-shirt. “You can borrow these for today. I have some spare underwear if it becomes necessary, but I think it better to let your genitals breathe today.”
Severus just nodded, trying not to shift on the toilet seat and make his situation worse.
“I’m really sorry, but I think I’m going to have to clean you, which means I’ll have to see you naked. I know that can be really awkward and uncomfortable, but the consequences of not doing so are much worse. Still, I won’t do it without your consent, so are you sure you’re okay with me removing your clothes and touching you so I can clean you?”
Severus nodded enthusiastically. He still didn’t really trust this, but he would do anything to get out of these clothes.
“Okay, but know you can always take that away. If you want it to end or need a break don’t hesitate to stop me. I would prefer for it to take longer to get you clean than to make you feel unsafe, at least no more unsafe than I’m sure it’s impossible for you to not feel right now.”
He nodded again, but Remus didn’t begin undressing him. At first he was scared Remus thought he could do it himself or had changed his mind or was never really going to do it, but all Remus did was turn on the water.
“This is going to be just a bit colder than lukewarm, okay? I don’t want to freeze you to death, but hot water will irritate some of your injuries, especially if you have a rash which seems likely, and make it more likely you’ll pass out, which we really don’t want if we can avoid it.”
“Which seems likely.”
Right, because that’s what happens when you sit in your own waste for who knows how long.
All day? Since yesterday? All week?
Probably not longer than a few days, but still definitely too long. Too long starting the first millisecond as adults weren’t supposed to piss and shit themself. They also weren’t supposed to need help bathing or need to be packed or need to borrow clothes because the only ones they had were unsalvageable from rips and stains, but here he was.
Remus let the bath fill until the water was just below the overflow drain before turning back to Severus. “If it’s okay with you, I would like to wash your body first and then do your hair. To make this easier, I would like to put your hair in a ponytail, is that okay?”
He nodded, watching as Remus transfigured a piece of toilet paper into a hair tie, then put his hair up on top of his head.
“I’m going to do your shirt first, then pants.” Remus warned and Severus lifted his arms to make it easier, looking at the other’s face to try and find disgust or anger at the scars and bruises and fresh cuts, but his expression didn’t change in the slightest. “Do you think you could stand for just a few seconds so I can get your pants to your knees? You can hold onto me if you need.”
Severus took a breath to steady himself before grasping onto Remus’s dark blue sweater and pulling himself up, collapsing backwards as soon as his pants were low enough, which did not feel good.
“You’re doing amazing.” Remus praised, trying to figure out how to do this. “I’m going to wash your genitals and butt first with a sponge, then I’ll use the water on the rest of your body, then draw you a new bath for your hair. Is that okay?”
Severus knew they needed to be washed first for logical reasons, but couldn’t help but fear that it was coming from a place of disgust, couldn’t help but panic at the thought of being touched there.
“Are you okay?” Remus asked, sponge ready in-hand, but nowhere near touching him.
Yes.
“Do you need a second?”
No.
“Okay, then. I’ll use this sponge on your butt first and then a different one on your penis and surrounding areas. Does that work for you?”
He nodded because it didn’t really matter which went first and he was honestly more excited about the removal of the layer of shit. He wet more than otherwise both from the lack of food and a stronger feeling in his stomach before it happened, but, in his mind at least, a little shit was worse than a lot of piss.
“Great! Now, I’m sure you won’t be able to stand long enough, but I can’t access what I need to with you sitting down, so I think the best course of action would be you bending over the toilet, facing away from me. That being said, I know that position can be uncomfortable, sexual, and/or a reminder of abuse, so I can figure something else out if you need or want me to.”
He shook his head; no matter how he sat or laid or whatever this would be uncomfortable. He just wanted it over already.
“You want to do it by bending over the toilet?”
What felt like the millionth nod.
“Alright then.” Remus helped him get into position, wiping the toilet off of his mess and disinfecting it with a couple Clorox wipes before putting Severus’s chest on it as the older man tried not to think about what the brown stain was.
The next fifteen or so minutes were an agonizing mess of the sponge, soap, water, and a pack of baby wipes from the same company as the soap for his hair, but by the end he was back on top of the toilet and Remus had a new sponge.
“Do you need some time before I clean your crotch?”
No, he wanted to do it and get it done as soon as possible which he tried to convey in a simple head movement.
“Alright then. This won’t be pleasant, but should be quicker, at least.”
Remus started with the sponge, gently removing the dirt and grime before using the last of the baby wipes to rid his skin of the dried urine and some excess dead skin and scabs.
“That’s it! Are you ready for the bath?”
Most definitely.
The following half-hour or so was much better than the previous one as it was mostly just a gentle rag and hand slowly removing dirt off his arms and legs and abdomen. He would still prefer to not need a man he hadn’t seen in four years to be the one doing it, but he would take what he could get.
“It’s time to get out now.”
Severus allowed himself to be pulled from the water and have the warmth brought back to his body with a soft towel and fluffy bathrobe
“You can wear that while I do your hair as I think it would be better to sit you on the floor in front of the tub instead of going back in so I have better access to you.” The forty-one year old spoke as he began cleaning the tub and refilling it with new, hotter water. “Hot water is better for hair, especially greasy hair, but make sure to tell me if it’s too hot. I don’t want to hurt you.”
The room was silent for a while except the water until Remus finally shut it off and began talking again. “Right, then. I’m going to wash your hair now, at least twice, maybe a few times, then I’ll do what I can before putting in leave-in conditioner. While we wait for the conditioner to set in I’ll get the medicine and stuff ready down stairs and then finish up. Okay?”
It ended up going much better than Severus expected. Remus was gentle and patient and told him fairy tales to distract from the uncomfortable activity and dullness of the whole thing. Remus let him run his hand through his newly soft and lightly-curled hair before putting it in a simple, loose, braid down his back.
“It’s a protective hairstyle so you can do what you need without worrying about it getting tangled. It’s what people with curly hair do when they sleep if they don’t have a silk pillowcase or bonnet.” Remus explained as he tied it off. “I don’t really know what hair type you have as it’s mostly straight except the bottom which is pretty curly, but it can’t hurt. Ponytails work too, but I don’t actually know how to do those very well. I can do a messy one like I did for your bath, but it won't last for more than maybe an hour.”
Severus neglected giving a response, just holding up his arms in the universal sign of ‘pick me up’ which Remus complied and did so, quickly pulling on his borrowed clothes.
Even with his clothes being way too big, his stomach empty, and his injuries being untreated Severus felt a million times better than he had in years, definitely since the war ended, if not longer.
“How do you feel about turkey sandwiches, milk, and chips for lunch? It’s 11:57 now, so I would normally eat in just a few minutes anyway.”
Severus agreed, so Remus took him back to the kitchen and made two plates. One had four sandwiches and tons of chips and the other with only one sandwich and around twenty chips.
“I’m sorry for giving you so much less than me, but I don’t think your stomach will be able to handle much more right now. But, if you’re still hungry afterwards you can 100% have more. Eat all you want.”
Remus ended up being completely right, in fact Severus only managed a few drinks, half the sandwich, and a couple chips.
“Good job!” Remus gave him a genuine smile before he took the plates to the sink. “I’m so proud of you for eating as much as you could, but not overeating!”
Severus wanted to feel angry at what sounded like what you would say to a child or to make a remark to himself about how this was all some kind of trap, but the warmth and small feeling of temporary safety in his chest wouldn’t let him.
“If it’s okay with you: I would like to remove your pants first and put rash cream on your privates then the other medicine on your feet and legs, doing the same with your shirt off next. Then I’d like to give you a stomach smoother, a potion that will help with increasing the size of your stomach, and a little bit of Ibuprofen to help with residual pain from your injuries.”
It took them until 12:40 to finish as the physical medicine needed to sink into his skin and fade the fresh cuts and bruises to nearly healed, but once it was over Severus felt even better than before with an uncharacteristically full stomach, a clean body, hair, and clothes, and no fresh wounds. So, of course, that’s when everything had to go wrong.
Remus had been just about to pick him up to take him back to the bathroom and brush his teeth when Severus noticed a wet warm feeling expand over his still slightly raw penis and thighs, pushing his hand out to stop Remus from touching him.
This couldn’t be happening.
But it was and Remus soon realized both from the stain and smell. Severus was expecting disgust, to be screamed at, hit, or crucioed, but Remus just let him finish, only moving to gently wipe away a single traitorous tear that fell without his permission.
“Are you done now?” Remus asked in an even tone a few seconds after the puddle stopped falling over the sides of the wooden chair.
Severus nodded because he had to, but mostly just wanted to sink into the floor and disappear.
“Do you want another bath?”
Of course he didn’t.
“Yeah, I didn’t think you would. How about this: I put you in a different chair and wash off your legs, the chair, and floor with some wet paper towels, then dress you in a different pair of sweatpants and then brush your teeth.”
Another nod.
This time being washed was way worse even though it was quicker and didn’t involve a rash or cuts as now Remus knew he was broken, knew this wasn’t just a problem he had before, knew that if he stayed in Severus’s life he would have to wash him over and over and over again everyday.
And just when Severus had begun to get his hopes up that he could stay.