Nail Polish

Dee ended up finding Heavy in the hallway drinking from a water fountain.

“What do you think we’re getting picked up for?” Heavy asked when he approached, and Dee grimaced at Heavy’s insistence to try talking to him while he was drinking.

Deciding against scolding, he shrugged. “No clue.”

“I hope no one died.” Heavy stood up fully, wiping his mouth on the collar of his shirt.

“Highly doubt it.”

The two walked together, Heavy continuing to talk about the possible reasons they could be getting picked up and Dee shrugging and giving short answers.

When they finally made it to the office, Victoria was standing with her fingers tapping against her arm.

“There you two are. Hurry up, get to the car.” She ushered them out, soon eventually picking the two of them up and taking them out to the car herself.

When Dee was lowered, he noted that his dad was absent meaning he was fully allowed to ride shotgun. Sweet.

The moment he and his brother made it in, Victoria had already begun driving at a speed that couldn’t be legal- Especially since Dee hadn’t buckled his seatbelt. And from the sounds of Heavy bouncing around and giggling in the back, it was safe to assume that he hadn’t either.

“So, mom,” Heavy’s voice bounced around along with the car. “Why did we get picked up early?”

“Because I was a dumbass and forgot that you have a dentist appointment today. Or, no, I didn’t forget your appointment. I forgot to tell you two.” His mom rolled the window down as they hit a red light and lit a cigarette.

Heavy groaned, leaning his head back. Dee huffed a bit out his nose, amused by his brother’s reaction.

“Do I have an appointment too?”

“Nah, just Heavy.” Victoria blew out a lungful of smoke out the window, although he could still smell the nicotine.

Dee furrowed his brows. “Then why did you pick me up too?”

“Would you rather I take you back?”

This was enough to make Dee shut up for the rest of the ride.

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When they finally rolled up to the dentist, Dee opened his door to go inside. He was stopped, however, by his mom.

“Stop, stop. We gotta stay in the car.”

“What? Why?”

“I’m not allowed back into the waiting room,” she said. “Apparently, they didn’t appreciate me breaking the potted plant. Bullshit if you ask me, I paid them for a replacement.”

“You used it as a weapon to fight some guy who called you a bitch.”

“And he had it coming. Listen Dee, if someone ever insults you like he did just because you were in their way, you have every right to smack them in the face.”

Dee nodded even if he knew he was never going to use this piece of advice. As it stood, he couldn’t even stand up to Heavy if one day he decided to hit him.

Still, he enjoyed talking to his mom. He wasn’t sure how much he’d enjoy talking to his mom about his gender problem, but he still enjoyed her company.

Oh right… His problem.

Dee furrowed his brows to himself as he glanced over to his mom. She was scrolling on her phone, and it seemed like she had lit another cigarette. Heavy had just gone in and if Dee knew anything about his brother, then he was doomed to be in there for at least one cavity filling.

He sucked in a breath through his nose, earning a lung full of secondhand smoke. Then calming himself down, he tapped his mom’s shoulder.

“Hey mom? Can I ask you something?”

She looked up and cocked a brow. “Yeah sure, what is it-” She was cut off when a small rock rolled across the hood of the car.

“What the-”

Another one of similar size came shooting through the window. Victoria just barely missed it, but it did land on Dee’s arm.

“Ow! Fuck-” He grabbed his arm, rubbing it. It hurt like hell, but nothing felt broken. He probably has a bruise at the most.

“Dee!” Victoria grabbed his arm, inspecting the area he got hit. Nothing but a red mark. When he seemed like he’d be fine for now, she grabbed the rock and chucked it out of the car. 

A group of teens laughed as they dodged the incoming rock. One look and it was obvious they were the ones throwing said rocks… Mostly because a few of them held stones and were actively chucking them at cars.

Victoria seemed to growl. “Hold onto that question Dee, I got some brats to talk to.” She got out of the car, slamming the door behind her.

Dee looked forward and pretended he didn’t hear malicious laughter turn into cries for help.

He sat in the car, all too aware of how alone he was. He cracked his fingers, thinking about how he’d word his thoughts when his mom came back.

How would he explain himself, actually? At least, not in a way that would make an ass of himself. He decided to try speaking out loud.

“Hey. This morning, I woke up early and decided to do my make-up, but I actually decided to brush my hair instead. And while I did that, I got bored, and I started thinking about how a bunch of kids at school would bully me for being a girl. So, I decided to prove them right by making myself look like a girl in the mirror! And I ended up looking pretty decent and I ended up wondering for a second if maybe I am a girl. Now I’m super confused because I’m seriously wondering if maybe I’m a girl, but I don’t feel entirely like a girl if that makes sense? Like right now, I feel like a boy! So maybe I’m a girl, but more likely I might just… Like crossdressing?” Dee ended his self-speech with a long sigh and his face in his hands.

He sounded fucking ridiculous. If he were his mom, he’d laugh at himself too. He couldn’t do this. There was no way.

It wasn’t that he just couldn’t talk to his mom. No, he couldn’t even talk to himself about this! If he didn’t know what was happening, how in the world would his mom be able to help him?

She wouldn’t! She’d just laugh at him. The last thing he needed was to get made fun of for this problem.

Surely, he wasn’t a girl. That was stupid for him to even consider. He was a boy, all the way. Dee was a boy who liked having his hair long and wearing make-up and jewelry…

Somehow, that statement felt only like a half truth.

Dee gripped at his own hair, frustration building up in himself. Herself? Fuck if they knew.

A part of him felt like crying. How had he never given this as much thought before? Surely that had to be a sign that he wasn’t a girl, right? He’s never felt this way before! Fuck, has he?

Maybe there was the occasional moment where he wished he had more options in his makeup selection.

But he liked wearing makeup. His dad and Heavy both wore make up too!

But did they want anything other than black eyeshadow or eyeliner?

Maybe there were times where Heavy would jokingly call Dee his favorite sister and instead of yelling at him, Dee would reply that he was his only sister.

But it was just him playing along.

But did Heavy also spend the rest of the day in a silent boost of joy from it?

Maybe he would occasionally look at the girl's section when clothes shopping.

But they had more interesting clothing options! His dad also looked there.

But did he look towards the skirts and dresses and wondered if he could get them?

Maybe there were times he’d lie awake wondering what life would be like had he been born a girl.

But… But that was when he was a little kid. It was a question everyone asks themselves at some point.

But did people ask it to themselves at this point in life and have freak outs at the possibility they were?

He lowered his hands from his face, his face feeling like it was burning. He noticed briefly how he apparently never got around to repainting his nails and they stood mostly unpainted with a few stupid strays of the previous polish still on. His lip trembled and he bit it to stop himself in any way he could from crying.

God, had he been a girl this whole time? No, he couldn’t be. If he was, surely, he would have realized earlier then this? And what about now? He didn’t feel like a girl now. He felt like Dee. He felt like a boy right now.

Here, in this car, while his mom was outside beating kids up, Dee felt like a boy. So, if he feels like a boy now, then tomorrow, he’ll feel like a boy. He’ll feel like this for the rest of his life!

… Right?

Now, his breathing was picking up and tears threatened to spill. No, he didn’t want to cry over this. It wasn’t that bad right?

He’d feel better once he figured out what was up with him!

He’d-

The car door opened and slammed shut again. “Fucking Pricks.”

When Dee lifted his head up, he could see the group of kids was gone, but there was a telling amount of blood that made it quite obvious what happened. As he looked over at the crimson evidence, his mom took out a lighter to relight the cigarette she was smoking before. She paused however, noticing the look on Dee’s face.

“Hey, Princess, you, okay?” She asked, concern threaded with her words. “You look like you’re about to cry. Did the rock hurt that much?”

Quickly, Dee shot up and swallowed down what felt like a ball of nervousness. He focused on calming down, deciding to nod instead of saying anything for now.

“Fucking hell. Those brats had it coming. Not only did they dent the car, but they made my kid cry!” She growled as she relit her cigarette. “See Dee? This is what I mean. They insulted us and I gave them a beating that I guarantee they’ll remember in the next life.”

She barked out laughter and Dee felt compelled to smile and nod. 

“Right, right. Anyway, what was that question?”

“What?”

“You had a question.”

Fuck, that’s right. He was going to ask his mom for help before he completely flunked out. He stayed quiet for a while, quietly adjusting himself as he ran through his mind for a reasonable change.

Fuck him, he spent too long freaking out that it didn’t even occur to him that he’d have to make an excuse.

“I-... I-” Dee stammered.

Then, his phone buzzed. Quickly, he looked, his body relaxing slightly when he realized that Lif had texted him.

‘Heyyyy, u wanna go to a party with me??’ Followed by a string of what seemed like random emojis.

A second message buzzed.

‘I need a plus 1 :)’

Dee looked at his screen for a few moments, nearly forgetting about his mom. She made it clear that she didn’t like being kept waiting with her annoyed ‘Ahem’.

“Mom, can I go to a party with my friend?”