Chapter. Mentally and Physically Exhausted
Snape, who summoned Dumbledore a while ago, now was standing in the shadow of a cave, waiting. They checked again the mouth of the glen that opened on the Castle, which loomed far and high over the hills and the tailing river, and saw Dumbledore walk out of nowhere, searchingly turning their head around.
Dumbledore noticed Snape emerge out of a rocky indentation at their left.
Snape nodded :
- Thank you for coming.
- I felt like it's my responsibility to find a missing student. But there's no doubt that a perspective of hearing an account of your adventures was another thing that decided me.
Snape smirked but this time it was mostly an attempt to retain the smile:
- Then, I won't delay it any longer. Here what's happened:<... >
- Indeed? Yes, It's probable that he didn't feel less trapped with my assistance, he put up a great defensive strategy, summarily pushing me away. It was clear, Draco ever looked up only to you.
- Oh, please! Don't imply that it's all my fault and I should've taken him with me.
- I'm doing nothing of the sort. And, by the way, I think that you brought it up, because you're feeling guilty about it yourself. I'm telling you this because, if it is the case, I want you to know my opinion: your choice was, and still is, legitimate. No one should expect from you to take on responsibilities, that you are unwilling to carry. Maybe Draco has grown to idolize you, it doesn't mean that you owe him anything. In addition, such responsibility is a one way dependence, and it is a poor way to treat someone who seeks autonomy.
- Yes, thank you for a pep talk.
- Did it work?
- What?
- My pep talk.
- No.._ Well, I don't know... I believe, I have the right to feel guilty for no reason? - Snape added sarcastically.
- Of course, you do. But only if you aren't laboring under the delusion that I expect you to. - Dumbledore's tone was light and conversational.
Snape glanced at Dumbledore sideways, their lip curling:
- Touché. _ Now, I propose to search a High Lake Hotel for Draco.
- How ?
- Take a room there and wait?
- ...
- Why are you looking weird at me? _ What?
- Nothing.
- So, I was saying: why don't we wait for Draco to show up _
- Sorry. Why would Draco show up in this hotel?
- I don't know, but there are rumors about haunted rooms and such, that, in my opinion, are worth checking.
- Definitely.
In a grayish shabby suite of the hotel, Dumbledore stood by the table, skimming through newspapers.
From an adjacent room came out Snape, holding a goblet, their nose stuck in a book that they held in another hand. They passed silently to the kitchen.
Titles of monthly articles flickered before Dumbledore's eyes, there was nothing unusual: arson attacks, drowning, a literary award, a fake explosion, a jubilee, a scandal in B_
- Fancy a sandwich?
- You _ startled me.
- Sorry, want one?
- Hm, is this stuff tofu?
- It is: the fridge was full of it.
- In that case, just leave some for me, please. I'll do something with it later.
- As you wish.
Snape replunged in their reading and walked in the lounge.
Some time later, Dumbledore:
- Who is staying in the same wing with us, the suite further down the corridor?
- N. H. Marielyn ?
- Yes, I believe that was the name.
- Noriz Helen Marielyn - the judge of the High Lake Court.
- Impressive!
- Well, thank you! I checked the register.
- Professions aren't mentioned...
- Ah, yes... I crossed her in the cafeteria today: took a little sleep stroll around the place. She needed some ice for_ Well, what you should know is that she is staying with Melody, her girlfriend, but they don't want to be out to anyone but us.
- *Out*?
- Those non magical folks can be rather tense with...I don't know what for sure. Someone explained me once about some opposite sex shit, that it's kind of normal, and everything else is not. I didn't get it, but for them it's important, so, some people have to hide or they might be harassed.
- Thank you for telling me, I won't allude to their relationship in public, then. What do they consider normal again? What is the *opposite sex*, opposite to what?
- I have no idea, I've told you, but it seems that we as well would've been off bounds.
- Sounds really unsettling, though... Like Arneric's parents' Exclusionary theory of husbandry and wifeship.
- Oh, my! - said Snape with disgust - Did you read it?
- No, as you may know they'we spread the work only among the select people, so I, naturally, was missed out. I think around our school years they've even introduced it in families... But my grandmother didn't take it.
- Oh, I forgot that you_ Never mind.
- Well, yes. I'm not sad about it. For some reason people think I should be sad. Rummaging for roots, ancestors... It's totally fine if somebody else is into this stuff, it's just not my thing... Is it important for you ?
- Couldn't care less. I had an immense pleasure of being raised by a charming couple of close-minded bigots. Bickering, rows. All that.
- Do you think in French?
- If I decide to. Despite the fact that it is my first language, it's not my language of preference.
When the light finally reached the lounge table, Dumbledore was adding last touches to their experimental setting, the only missing thing was the object itself. They extracted a band from the camera and plunged it into a fuming basin. The surface of the purple liquid in it immediately caught fire.
Snape awoke abruptly in the dark, wearily rubbed their eyelids and got up. Windows in their room were shut tight. Fully dressed, Snape approached them and let in a tiny streak of light, that made them screw their face up in annoyed irritation.
They yawned and came out into another room, crossed it, sniffing. In the corridor they frowned, then, proceeded into the next room and then into the lounge, where they stopped dead on the threshold, hastily grasping a handful of their black robes and shielding their face with it.
A second after that they have been pushed out of the room by Dumbledore, who closed the door after them with a snap.
- What in the name of_
- Physicist Magic. Its effects, as you can smell, are more powerful and cannot be dissipated with a couple of usual cleaning spells. Until the air clears up, the room is unusable. I've opened the windows.
- Congratulations, you will poison everyone in the vicinity. - Snape said jokingly.
- It's not poisonous, it just smells rather intrusively.
- I'll grant you that.
- Bad night? - asked Dumbledore, their hand resting weightlessly on Snape's shoulder. The other said nothing, an eyebrow jerking up rather nervously, they took time profiting by the absence of distance between them to closely examine Dumbledore's face. After a silence.
- You are not getting any sleep at all, mysterious creature. -
said Snape with ironic suspicion, their eyes narrowed. They leaned forward slightly, paused, their mouth ever so close to Dumbledore's lips and a little sideways. It wasn't strictly speaking a touch as there was a distance of a peach fuzz between them, but Dumbledore definitely sensed it.
Feeling a squeeze around their shoulder, Snape crossed the invisible distance, the tip of their nose squashed against their companion's cheek.
Snape found Dumbledore's lips in a few kisses, licked them gently with the tip of their tongue, before venturing any further. It was lingering and wet, their tongues in their mouths made a muffled flopping noise. Their rhythm was fluctuating: speeding up to a distinct bite and slowing down again. Finally, Dumbledore hid their head on Snape's shoulder, the other smiled, burying their face in Dumbledore's hair, the texture of latter's shirt pleasantly tinkling their fingers as their hand rested on other's hip. In a moment, though, they were looking straight into each other's eyes. Snape spoke in their usual tone.
- Was it worth the trouble?
- I have some interesting results: a rather valuable piece of information on the camera and the contents of the snapshots. Do you mind if I show you all of that at breakfast?
- Not at all, I'm starving!
...
On the breakfast table various books and papers almost obscured them from each other's view. They started to rearrange some things, one stuck of Snape's notes almost fell before Dumbledore caught it, and Snape needed to push a few of Dumbledore's experimental boxes away from them.
- I will open the portal at this time precisely, you will need to be ready. - Dumbledore handed the map they'd drawn for the other to examine.
- Okay. - they scanned the map. - Why are you using the physicist magic there? - they pointed at a spot.
- For undetectability's sake. Well, at least for Draco that should do it.
- I see. Thought you would give me some advice as well.
- I won't. There are things, many of them, that are simply outside my scope of expertise or comprehension. I've never been through what you have experienced, therefore, I have no say in the matter.
- I may vomit. I have a plan anyway.
- A plan that isn't going to work. Probably. Because it's another human being: they never do what one wants them to. - Dumbledore added reassuringly.
- I don't have my hopes high, Brian. Only thing: you actually give him the guarantee ? Or is it just a tric?
- I do.
- Got it.
Unexpectedly Dumbledore stood up and picked up their stationeries:
- I must be going.
- Where? - Snape sounded surprised.
- I don't think I want to tell you that. - said Dumbledore simply.
- Okay. - Snape shrugged and returned to their reading again, peacefully sipping their tea.
In an hour Snape finished their breakfast and returned to their room. They made their way to the desk, finally letting go of their book, only to get hold of their pad and make extensive notes. After some time they quickly conjured a Watch spell, got up and left the suite. Their steps quickly resonated in the back stairs shaft. They opened the door with an incantation and stepped outside.
Somewhere Dumbledore drew and concealed a spell on the ground before popping out into invisibility.
Malfoy appeared in the room. He crept to his drawer without making noise. Put several black stones in it and froze, catching the reflection in the mirror: Severus Snape stood right behind him.
He turned with more bravery on his face than his heart could allow and spoke in a shaking voice, that he desperately tried to master.
- P-professor!..
- Put your wand away, Draco. We need to talk.
- W-what about?
- Your little Dark amulets traffic.
- I took some dark stones, so what? I needed to make a living.
- You are monetizing the very thing you've ran away from_
- So do you!
- I beg your pardon?
- You sold information about the Dark Lord to this fool Dumbledore to upgrade your life, didn't you?
- You've got it wrong.
- Don't tell me you love them!
- No, but I think we imply quite different things _
- I thought as much!
- It isn't about me, Draco.
- Oh, yeah, isn't it? You threw me away!
- I didn't throw you away, I simply refused to bring you along.
- Whatever!
- You are bitter, Draco. Calm yourself and think! I'm not here to moralize. I want you to see consequences of your actions.
- I did nothing wrong...
- You took highly dangerous magical objects from your father's store, which was foolish in the extreme: putting your life in danger, outing your move to the Dark Lord at the same time.
- Well, sorry! I'm not as privileged to pretend to be on the Dark Lord's side as you are!
- Your every spell, performed after the theft, is marred by the curse that the Dark stone carry. Your every step is controlled. You won't be able to run forever.
Draco's breathing was heavy:
- I am aware of that and I am prepared to face the music.
- You_are_not.
Draco glared at Snape with affront:
- What do you want me to do, then ?
- As I've suggested before, you may follow Dumbledore, who proved to be eager to offer you help and guidance, and most importantly of all - return into the Dark Lord's ranks.
Malfoy snorted:
- Way to go!
- Listen to me, Draco, if you really want to get out of the system, for good, you need to settle _for a while _ for less. Play your part a little longer, I can vouch for you.
- I CAN'T! Don't you understand? I won't be able to *play* because I hate it here and it looks like *a little* will last my lifetime. Maybe you have *commitments* that make you live a half life, or a quarter life, for all I know, but I'm about to make sure that I don't have any *debts* to be accountable for. Is the idea of someone not making all the mistakes you've made so threatening to you?
Snape's face hang over Malfoy out of a pool of darkness and looked positively scary, they glowered down at Draco with their narrowed eyes burning, almost sending off sparks.
- Do you think I like it here? - they spoke in barely more than a whisper.
- It is something for you to discuss with Dumbledore, I'm leaving.
He made a few steps away from Snape, who followed him with their gaze, and disappeared in a flash of green light. Snape lazily shot a spell at the place where Draco was standing a fraction of a second ago, then hid his wand in their sleeve with a sigh of boredom.
Feeling sure that Voldemort was going to skin them alive, Snape turned on the spot, trying to gather their thoughts. The state of nervous agitation was definitely winning them over. They glanced at the Sundial - three minutes. They paced up and down, it seemed that no time had passed, but Dumbledore had already checked in:
- Severus?
- I'm in the room at your left, come in - I'm alone. Draco left, he refused my offer.
- Did he? Well, in that case, you understand that you'll have to surrender some part of the story to Voldemort_
- Yes, I know... Did that_- they stopped abruptly. Dumbledore waited for the rest of the sentence, but nothing came:
- What? You can tell me anything, if you want to.
- If I paused in mid sentence it is probably because I didn't want to tell! But now, I will: _ Did that ever crossed your brilliant mind that I don't want to do this anymore?
- I... Severus... _ _ Listen, it is convenient for me that you remain in Voldemort's employ, I do not need to remind you what is at stake, but one can always find another way around to make the plan work. It will not be easy_ for both of us _ if you quit, but now the choice is yours and only yours to make.
Snape tossed their head back. Dumbledore looked at the floor, bringing their hand to their own face and tracing their mouth with their finger.
- Relax, I'm not quitting, not today. - Snape said finally with a smirk and disappeared in a flash of light.
In a dimly lit long room a tall figure stood in front of a fireplace, their face was illuminated by the reddish glow and their back was drowned in darkness. Closing door made a loud clear bang that echoed around the place. Swift soft footsteps approached Voldemort from behind, stopping approximately six feet away, he turned slowly to face Snape.
- Speak! - Voldemort's icy voice rang disquietingly in the empty chamber.
- My Lord, Draco refused to return.
- I see that, Snape, I see that myself. What can be the reason of this egregious incident?
- My Lord, Dumbledore coerced him into rebellion, the kid doesn't know what he's doing.
- He will know soon enough. But Dumbledore... What they might be planning with this schoolboy?
- My Lord, all the signs point at Dumbledore following their own theory, Dumbledore believes they are saving Draco.
- Ha ha ha ha ha, saving him?! My word, this fool doesn't know what they're playing at! Very well, you may go, Snape.
Snape was calmly moving through a dark corridor, away from Voldemort, whose cruel chilling laughter was still ringing in their ears.
Suddenly, from the left hand corridor briskly walked out a figure. A person caught up with Snape and walked for a while beside him, several feet away. Snape unexpectedly turned at the next opening and came to a halt.
- How can I help you? - said Snape in their usual polite fashion, without a hint of amiability.
- Where is he? You met him. Where is he?
- Why would I know, if it was up to me to find him, I would've brought him here and given to the Dark Lord's mercy. - said Snape with a smirk.
- It is not up to you, then?
- No. - Snape raised an eyebrow.
- Who?
- You are talking nonsense, Malfoy. I have other business than to waste my time on sentiments, I am afraid.
- No.- Malfoy spoke through gritted teeth.
- Another word and you'll be next- shot Snape in a barely audible muttering. - Pull yourself together.
The other now was whispering too, all menace gone from his voice:
- Where can I find you?
- Sidor Hall.
With that Snape passed Lucius and walked away.
Once outside, he disappeared and materialized in a shabby looking parlor beside Malfoy, who grasped his arm, immediately Snape made them disappear again.
-...
- What exactly is it that you want from me?
- Persuade the Dark Lord to make you the chaser and _
- Enough, it makes an impossible sum as it is.
- Please, Severus!
- We are not on first-name terms. - hissed Snape maliciously.
- Forgive me - Lucius's face looked blank. - If it is because... I'm sorry. Our relationship was a fault... _
- Funny you would bring it up, Malfoy. Because it bears no significance for the matter. I can't help you, stop begging me, your humiliation really is most entertaining, but I would prefer to make a better use of my time.
- I am his father!
- Draco ran away from you.
- I just want him to stay alive! Is it too much to ask?
Snape opened the door for him in silence.
- You will never hear me apologize again! - spat Malfoy and stormed out of the room.
Alone, Snape dimmed the light and sat down in a low armchair, closed his eyes and plunged into their own memories.
The room gradually became darker as did the sky outside. Suddenly, a knock at the door broke the silence.
- Come in.
- Severus, I am returning to the Castle tonight, so, I decided to drop by...
- Yes, indeed!.. well, you know where to find me: I will stay in the City of the Glen.
- Very well. _ Severus, do you want to speak to me right now? About anything? about Draco?
- No, Brian, I want to be alone.
They stood by the door: Snape, flanking it, Dumbledore- holding the doorknob.
- As you wish.
- I'm glad you came, though.
Dumbledore touched Snape's forearm lightly, looking their friend straight in the eyes. Snape shook their head. Dumbledore let go of their arm and opened the door:
- Alright, goodbye and good night!
- Night! - responded Snape, smiling back.
Snape took some paper and wrote:
My Lord, I can return to the Headquarters, if necessary - Dumbledore left.
Your servant in death,
Snape
Vdt
- Dumbledore is really off their rocker aren't they? Completely out there with their little trust game?
- Sure. - followed another Death Eater with a pleasant smile, much to everyone else's delight.
- Still, they have some petty hacks that we will have to take into account. - Malfoy continued.
At this point everybody froze, Voldemort entered the Meeting room.
- My followers! We meet again. Today's agenda is Bucksberry oversight and how it will lead to our victory. We will hear out Zabini, Snape - my Best Servants, then, Calisto and Fa, then, I will personally address some regrettable incidents that occurred lately. - he nailed Malfoy with his gaze. - Proceed!
-
Zabini and Snape sat in front of each other on either side of Voldemort. The blazing fire dancing in the grate made a flickering silver patch appear on the middle of the polished surface. Many of the band were looking at it in order to avoid the eyes of those sitting across the table.
- My crew was ambushed in Bucksberry yesterday, we failed to retrieve the Ellenium, but we captured three qualified Masters that guarded it at some point and will soon speak up.
- The Castle remains heavily protected, I am making research in order to crack the code.
- We believe that Snape's information about Dumbledore being oblivious to our attempts to seize the Ellenium was erroneous.
- Furthermore, the tip off we received from Snape yesterday night somehow failed to reach us soon enough.
- Now, in regards Draco Malfoy: upon his capture I forbid you to kill or harm him in any other way. He'll have a special task to perform. My Servants! I think it is time to get rid of Dumbledore! And Draco will have to do that.
All shifted in their seats.
Snape didn't react to those news, their eyes, however, registered Zabini's quick and searching glare upon their face.
When the meeting was over and Voldemort was gone, Malfoy drifted to Snape, slipping him careless and contemptuous "Finally, isn't it?".
Zabini saw them talk and approached too:
- Congratulations, you will be breathing again!
- Yes, indeed, at last! - responded Snape with a slight satisfied smirk.
- Lucius, you must be so proud! I envy you. - she added to Malfoy.
His nostrils quivered a little but his tone didn't lose its haughty colors:
- I am.
- After all, it is the best thing that could've happened to Draco after his insubordination... - said Snape in a cuttingly compassionate voice.
Malfoy bowed facetiously and left.
- You are playing with fire, Snape, you forfeited my fourth mission. - said Zabini in an undertone.
- I don't know what you're talking about.
- He thinks that you are on his side, so much so that some shadow is cast over me. Do you want me out of the game?
- The only thing that I bear in mind is the Dark Lord's bidding.
- I will make it into the Final mission whether you want it or not, maybe there won't be enough place for both of us, or maybe there will, but the only thing that should concern you is not to make an enemy along the way.
- I am not the one you should fight against, as long as we are on one side.
- Oh, it's not against you that I am fighting.
Snape raised an eyebrow, feigning derisive reaction, but their eyes narrowed slightly, Zabini turned and went away.
In the fall of night Dumbledore got a message:
Can we meet? News. Urgent.
S.
They wrote back:
Spier Cliff by the River. In ten minutes.
B.
It took Dumbledore five minutes to get at a run to the nearest place where Substantial Transformations were possible and they disappeared immediately.
The cool and humid night air filled their lungs upon their arrival, but instantly left as they collided with Snape who appeared at the same spot.
- Careful, you will knock me off the cliff. Why are you appearing so close to the edge?
- Obviously, I decided to leave some room for you. - said Dumbledore righting themself in Snape's arms.
- And I, predictably, did the same. Bottom line: your fault.
- Right!
They laughed.
- How about coming down to the river? - asked Dumbledore.
- No objections.
They sat completely hidden by the looming cliff, water running inches away from their feet.
- News?
- First, Draco will be charged to kill you. When they catch him that is. Second, I'm starting to think you were right in suggesting that Zabini is on our side.
- Those are very bad news.
- Well, I suppose, you are apt to defend yourself against schemes of a teenager.
- No-no, the second part of it: Renee is trying to communicate you something, it might cause suspicion.
- Maybe she is just trying to make me help her to get into the Final Mission, banking on some rumors that I am supporting you.
- You said you believed her.
- I said I was starting to think that you were right, this interpretation didn't occur to me. You were talking about her, so, I became biased. You don't tell me everything, I have no reason to treat her as anything but an ambitious and manipulative high rank Death Eater.
- And I think it would be better if you don't change your attitude.
- Very well. - Snape sounded a little vexed.
The place was perfectly still for a while, the sky looked like a heavy theatrical curtain illuminated from behind. The River stirred slightly in a deep-deep sleep.
- It's freezing. - said Snape, conjuring a slightly shimmering jar and holding it with both of their hands.
- Indeed. - Dumbledore coined their own jar with a differently colored flame.
They sat in silence for a couple of minutes. Dumbledore spoke this time:
- Well, I think we could do with some rest tonight.
- Can't argue with that.
They stood up.
- I'll update you on my research in a fortnight.
- Thank you, Severus. At the same time?
- Yes, hold on... I'm ready. - Snape shook some sparkles off the tip their wand.
They made a uniform swooshing movement and disappeared.
- ...
- Don't you find it a bit troubling?
- Why?
- The entire book revolves around a handful of people... When there are thousands of more exciting experiences floating in the air.
- Experiences don't need paper to be valuable.
- You just think you are more fabulous than everybody else.
- At least, I do not pretend to know everything. If other people want to write their lives down they are free to do so, my perspective will only corrupt their truth. Take yourself, for example, you find your own existence petty, miserable and unworthy of attention. And I feel the same about mine, it is the reason why I keep writing, for a sense of... But I am digressing.
- My head is melting down with things that I am unable to express for the moment. Once my spying career is through, I'm planning to take up a quill.
- Yees... - Dumbledore murmured absent-mindedly - I am worried about peopling my book with exact replicas of myself, though...
- Don't. It's impossible. Writing it's about abandonment of self. Those samples I've read hold no picture of you whatsoever.
- But these characters possess many of my qualities.
- It doesn't make them you. We share more qualities than you'd ever put in any of your characters, nevertheless, we're not the same person.
Dumbledore rubbed their forehead:
- You're right, Severus _ And, while we are on the subject of books: remember, I took one from a pile on the windowsill in your study?.. A curious thing it was... pages were covered in notes, insightful...
- Ah, yes. It's a habit of mine — pour everything in a cracked pot. After all, I'm used to living on the margin.
Dumbledore couldn't help but smile at the pun.
- There's something I want you to know. Draco got this book. By accident. During the DA class, while I was filling in for you. He noticed me consulting it throughout the lesson and apparently decided to tend me a trap by *borrowing* it. The thing is, it was so special a subject that I needed the book for only one lecture and forgot about it forthwith.
- Wait, what?
- It wasn't signed. Draco confessed that it contributed to the shift he has experienced. He figured it couldn't belong to any of us as it was too old, he didn't know you've got it from a thrift store.
- You didn't tell him it was mine?
- No.
- Thank goodness!
- Thought you wouldn't like if I disclose_
- I'm glad you didn't.
- But why, if you don't mind me asking?
- I don't care for authorship. By the way, whatever Draco took out of it has more to do with him than with me.
- Exactly! But the identity of the author helps reframe the reading experience.
- The only thing it does is force the reader to imagine that my wrist pain influences the length of my sentences.
- Maybe it does.
- My identity doesn't exist, for one. Only what the person thinks they know about me.
- Hmmm - Dumbledore abandoned Snape's face to stare at the pages in front of them instead. Snape left their chair and stood beside their friend, slightly bending over to read.
- If I were writing I would never show my notes to anyone. - they said after a while.
- And publish them anonymously. - added Dumbledore.
- Indeed. Fancy some food? It's past five.
- I suppose so, yes.
- Great.
Dumbledore left their mess of a desk and followed Snape out of the room.