Unforgivable Cursers

Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Gen
G
Unforgivable Cursers
Summary
Bellatrix Black: THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ADMIRING OUR LORD. I AM HIS SERVANT FIRST AND A FIANCEE SECOND. HE IS BEAUTY, HE IS GRACESeverus Snape: BELLATRIX HE LOOKS LIKE A SNAKEBellatrix Black: THAT IS WHAT POWER LOOKS LIKEBarty Crouch Jr.: furryLucius Malfoy: furryAugustus Rookwood: furryNarcissa Black: I apologize, but I believe the more proper term would be 'monster fucker'Lucius Malfoy: Narcissa whatRegulus Arcturus Black: kill me***In which, through chaotic group chats and shenanigans, the Death Eaters of the First Wizarding War manages to save Wizarding Britain.
Note
Hello! This is just a silly lighthearted chatfic that I thought about a few hours ago. I will be updating this every once in a while, whenever I feel like it. Im not the best at humor but I hope at least I could make you all crack even a small smile as you read it. If you like what you read, please comment and subscribe. Comments really brighten up my day, so that would be nice.
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In which Narcissa is keeping the entire organization together

JUL 14 AT 8:14 AM

Alecto Carrow: Hello! I'm only seeing this today sorry

Igor Karkaroff: Why is Lucius's fiancee here? 

Narcissa Black: Excuse me? Why wouldnt I be here?

Igor Karkaroff: you're not marked

Igor Karkaroff: this is the inner circle group chat

Severus Snape: *scoffs* You barely qualify for Inner Circle Karkaroff 

Igor Karkaroff: and you're really trying hard to look high and mighty even in text, mudblood 

Evan Rosier: oop enough of that 

Evan Rosier: And Karkaroff the fact that you dont know why Narcissa is here means youre dumb and stupid 

Regulus Arcturus Black: fr 

Igor Karkaroff: what 

Lucius Malfoy: My beautiful fiancee takes care of a lot for the organization 

Regulus Arcturus Black: she manages the donations for the cause 

Augustus Rookwood: she manages the dissemination of our flyers for recruitment

Evan Rosier: she notifies the healer and sends the injured death eaters discreetly to them 

Barty Crouch Jr.: without her we'd probably all be caught 

Antonin Dolohov: Long live Narcissa 

Antonin Dolohov:

 

Regulus Arcturus Black: and she does it all while pregnant

Augustus Rookwood: what

Evan Rosier: what

Barty Crouch Jr.: what 

Lucius Malfoy: WHAT 

Regulus Arcturus Black: oops 

Narcissa Black: sigh 

Bellatrix Black: EXCUSE ME WHAT 

Bellatrix Black: LUCIUS ABRAXAS MALFOY 

Bellatrix Black: DID YOU SULLY MY LITTLE SISTER WITH YOUR GRIMY HANDS 

Bellatrix Black: BEFORE MARRIAGE?! 

Narcissa Black: Calm down sister 

Bellatrix Black: I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN 

Lucius Malfoy: shit 

Bellatrix Black: AND TEAR YOUR ENTRAILS WITH MY BARE HANDS 

 

Lucius Malfoy and Regulus Arcturus Black

 

Lucius Malfoy: What the fuck 

Regulus Arcturus Black: sigh sorry 

Lucius Malfoy: Since when did you know?? 

Regulus Arcturus Black: a few days ago??

Lucius Malfoy: I'll be a father! 

Regulus Arcturus Black: No, you'll be dead

Regulus Arcturus Black: seriously, run 

 

Unforgivable Cursers (Bellatrix Black, Rudolphus Lestrange, Rabastan Lestrange, Lucius Malfoy, Narcissa Black, Severus Snape, Antonin Dolohov, Walden Macnair, Augustus Rookwood, Evan Rosier, George Wilkes, Wulfric Mulciber, Alecto Carrow, Amycus Carrow, Regulus Arcturus Black, Barty Crouch Jr. and William Travers)

 

Bellatrix Black: I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN 

Lucius Malfoy: shit 

Bellatrix Black: AND TEAR YOUR ENTRAILS WITH MY BARE HANDS 

Bellatrix Black: FEED YOUR HEART TO HIPPOGRIFFS 

Bellatrix Black: SEND YOUR SOUL TO THE DEMENTORS 

Bellatrix Black: CUT OFF YOUR NASTY DICK WHERE IT WILL NEVER TOUCH MY LITTLE SISTER AGAIN 

Barty Crouch Jr.: rip 

Antonin Dolohov: Wait, does this mean that Rudolphus never gets laid? 

Rabastan Lestrange: no 

Antonin Dolohov: oof 

Barty Crouch Jr.: oof 

Evan Rosier: oof

Rabastan Lestrange: don't worry he loves it 

Antonin Dolohov: what 

Rabastan Lestrange: 🤮

Rabastan Lestrange: you dont wanna know 

Igor Karkaroff: But if Narcissa does all these things, what does the dark lord do

Rabastan Lestrange:

Regulus Arcturus Black:

Evan Rosier:

Bellatrix Black: LOOK PRETTY 

Augustus Rookwood: look appropriately terrifying

Regulus Arcturus Black: …torture us all? 

 

JUL 14 AT 10:57 AM

 

Regulus Arcturus Black: I think we need to set some ground rules on this chat. 

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