Small steps
It was very soft, so soft in fact that she was sure she would have missed it had she not been used to hearing the sobs of homesick first years, and had she been asleep.
How could she sleep, when Severus was gone? When a child she did not know was sleeping in the room next to hers? She felt overwhelmed, overwhelmed by her new responsibilities, by the thought she could easily fail, that Severus would remember. She had never been a mother, and she was not certain she could learn now.
She hated to think Severus would be an experiment: and there was so much at stake. From what she understood, Severus' only years of true happiness as a child solely depended on her.
She was reflecting on this sitting in one of the living room's sofas Severus had occupied many times, when she heard them. Quiet sobs, sobs muffled by a pillow, tears of incomprehension and terrible heartache. She got up slowly, walking quietly to Severus' bedroom door. Little Severus'. She listened for a few seconds, gathering her thoughts, unsure of how to comfort a child when he had all the reasons in the world to be upset.
She gently pushed the door, careful not to startle the child. The room wasn't dark - the boy had not wanted her to draw the curtains. The moon was shining above the mountains outside, casting a pallid blue light onto the floor through the window. It took her a second to identify Severus' tiny form. He was leaning against the wall in the right corner of the bed, his knees pressed against his chest, his face buried in his pillow.
Minerva carefully sat on the edge of the bed.
"Severus?", she said softly. "Are you okay?"
His sobs stopped instantly, so abruptly that Minerva realized he must have been used to silencing himself on command.
He did not reply, but did not move either. Slowly, Minerva got closer, sitting right next to him.
"I thought you were a dream", Severus said suddenly, looking at her with tears-filled eyes. "I thought that - then I woke up - in a room I don't know."
She smiled at him. "I am very real, Severus dear."
But this did not seem to comfort the little boy. On the contrary, his lower lip started to tremble and he pulled his blanket closer to him.
"You said mum and dad… are not here", he whispered shakily.
"We did", Minerva replied, gently stroking his hair. As he did not move, she went on. "You will live with us now."
"You mean mum is dead", he told her. Minerva found herself almost nearly intimidated by the intensity of his gaze. She had hoped Severus would not bring up the subject so soon, but she supposed it was normal he did: a child as clever as him would of course immediately understand what they had implied.
She hesitated. She felt the need to hug him, to comfort him by holding him close to her. Slowly, she picked him up, settling him on her lap, pausing several times to give him the chance to express any discomfort. Again, he did not.
"I am so sorry, Severus. You have the right to be sad and you can cry all you want. It's okay to cry. But your mum, she was very happy to know you would come and live with us. She said you would be a talented little wizard and she knew you would be happy in a school of magic."
The child's crying increased, though it remained almost silent. His body was shaking by sobs and spasms. Minerva hugged him more tightly, listening as he exploded with pain, her head just above his. She rocked him gently, feeling in her chest something new, a will to protect and care for this boy so strong it was almost painful.
He cried for a long time, so long that Minerva did not even notice when he stopped, dozing off against her chest. She looked down at his tear-stained face, brushing his hair out of his red and puffy eyes. He did not really look like his older self. Of course, he was only four, he had a round face with big eyes and a small nose still; but the most noticeable difference was certainly his thin eyebrows, always raised in a fearful way, far from the perpetual scowl sported by the Potions Master.
But as the child fell asleep, even this expression vanished from his face and Minerva was left with an angelic-looking boy on her lap, his head resting against her chest.
With gentle and slow movements, she tried to tuck him back in bed, careful not to wake him – but the boy suddenly groaned in discomfort, holding on to her hand.
"Stay…" he mumbled in a sleepy voice.
She smiled at him again, making herself comfortable on the small bed.
"I'm here, Severus", she whispered. "Do not worry."
Even with his face still wet with tears, he sighed, reassured.
She woke up to the sound of someone knocking quietly on her door; it took her a few moments to come back to her senses, wondering for a brief instant where she was and why she was not in her room. It was the sound of someone else breathing right next to her that reminded her of yesterday's events.
Severus' breathing. A child's breathing.
Three other knocks. Minerva glanced at her watch. It was already ten in the morning. Severus was still asleep next to her, curled up in a ball under the blanket. She gently brushed black hair out of his face.
"Severus", she called him, "Severus, it's time to wake up, dear."
Severus moaned in response, turning over and immediately drifting back to sleep. Softly, Minerva pulled the blanket away, gathering the boy in her arms. But the child, suddenly opening his eyes, was startled; he jumped from the bed and ran toward the door.
Minerva did not react right away. For a second she merely looked at him, as if unable to process what had just happened.
"Severus!" she screamed, going after him as he opened the door on his tiptoes, disappearing into the corridor.
She felt her heart race as she got up. He could hurt himself, he could fall, he could bump into a table, a cupboard, the fireplace – her mind had reviewed all the possible scenarios before she got into the living room.
They hadn't been able to cast the protecting spells over him just yet, as they would meddle with the potions he had been given.
Her gaze stopped right onto the boy whose arms were wrapped around his knees in the right corner of the room, looking as if he would cry again.
Slowly, she knelt in front of him, extending a hand.
"Would you come out of here, Severus? So you can tell me what bothers you?"
The boy lifted his head, observing her for a few seconds before speaking.
"You are the nice lady", he said, as if wondering again if she was not only the product of her imagination. "You stayed… with me?"
Minerva smiled.
"Yes, because you were afraid last night, remember? I thought you would sleep better if you were not alone."
The little boy swallowed with difficulty.
"I am sorry... ma'am," he said shyly. "I won't be a burden."
"Oh, Severus", she told him softly, careful not to scare him by moving too fast. "You are not a burden. We are very happy to have you with us. And do not worry, I slept very well last night. Too well actually, because Albus is here and wants to see us already."
Minerva had naturally prepared for the eventuality that Severus would be unwilling to trust them, she had accepted it as the most likely scenario and had thought hard about how to gain his trust, little by little. But the boy she had in front of her was merely craving love and attention - she needed only try.
"Would you let me pick you up, Severus? I am an old lady, and my back is going to hurt if I stay like this for too long."
Severus did not offer any resistance, though he remained rather stiff in her arms.
"You can tell me if you do not want me to hold you, dear", she told him. "Don't do it to please me."
Severus' muffled voice rose from against her right shoulder.
"Please don't stop", he whispered, gripping her robes firmly. She smiled again.
"Oh, and call me Minerva, Severus. Not ma'am."
He rested his thin face on her shoulder, silent for a few seconds.
"I miss my mum, Minerva", he murmured in a trembling voice. "I want to go home."
Minerva felt her heart sink. Of course he would miss his mother, of course he would be unsettled by this too-sudden change in his young life, even if his last memories seemed a bit blurry. She did not know how to comfort him.
"I know, dear", she replied softly, walking toward the door. "You can talk to me if you like. Do you want me to explain everything again?"
"No… because I can't cry", he said. Minerva stopped and looked at his averted eyes.
"Who told you you shouldn't cry?" she asked, perhaps a little too abruptly. Severus tensed, his grip on her nightgown loosening. He did not reply, looking away obstinately.
"I did not want to scare you, Severus", she told him softly, stroking his hair. "I just meant that no one should tell you you cannot cry. You can cry if you need it, it's okay."
Severus nodded slightly. He was, by nature, a timid child, but for some reason he felt safe with Minerva, safer than he had ever felt before even if he did not know her.
But he did not trust adults easily, and a little voice inside his head kept warning him he should not be so relaxed into a stranger's arms. His parents never held him. Why would she? He was considering this when Minerva opened the door, revealing a smiling Albus dressed in bright purple robes on the threshold.
"Sorry for the delay, Albus", she told him, "Severus and I overslept a little."
The headmaster peered over the little boy in her arms. His face was hidden in Minerva's braided hair.
"Severus?" she asked him. "Would you say hello to Albus?"
"He… hello", came Severus' muffled voice.
Albus hesitated. Now that the excitement of the previous day had died down, he felt uneasy, not more accustomed to children than Minerva. He wondered, as he stood in the door frame, if he was looking as shy as little Severus. He had to ignore it – the thought that he was a danger to Severus, making him doubt, making him retreat before what would be the most difficult task he would ever be faced with, more complex even than winning a war. There was a life, a person's growth and happiness directly depending on him.
Or perhaps this was only the first time he realized it. What he ought to have done for Severus before, he'd try to do now.
Minerva steadied Severus in her arms, closing the door behind the headmaster. She, too, felt uneasy.
It was too soon. Albus' presence, him being so very near Severus; it frightened her.
Fawkes had saved Severus, not Albus.
She was aware it was easy to judge. But she could not help but think Albus had used Severus' complete lack of care for his own life to his advantage – for the Greater Good. And the older man knew it, he could read in her like in an open book, he could see how she held the boy tighter against her chest. How she looked at him.
Severus looked so little, his legs were so far above the floor. He immediately started wringing his hands, looking fearfully at the two adults. The state of stupor he had been in the previous day had faded; he was feeling wide awake, and as time passed, increasingly lost. He thought about his home, about his parents. He frowned in concentration.
"Would you watch him for me, Albus? I need to get dressed."
Albus nodded, his gaze focused on the black-haired boy. His hair was too long, his pajamas too big. He hoped the boy would feel well enough to go shopping with them.
The boy tensed as Albus gently sat next to him on the couch.
"Hello, my boy. Did you sleep well?"
Severus hesitated. He was silent for a while, remembering the man's kindness the previous evening, pondering over what it might mean and how he should then respond.
"You are the headmaster?" he then asked in a whisper.
"I am", Albus replied.
"I had never… slept in a beautiful room like this before", the child said slowly. "Thanks."
He was making long pauses as he spoke, like most children his age. It sounded like he was holding his breath for a while then using all his oxygen while quickly letting out a few words.
"There is no need to thank me, my boy. This is your new home. You will see, there are plenty of things to do."
Severus did not reply. Albus shifted awkwardly. God, he wasn't good with children so young.
"But I understand you need some time to adjust and a lot of rest. Poppy said you need to eat. What would you say about some breakfast?"
Severus had been taught not to waste food, and adults should not waste food on him when he could avoid it. His parents often had difficulties bringing enough money home to support the three of them, most of the time it was at the end of the month, but sometimes they started struggling earlier. He had already had a meal the previous evening, and thought he could easily wait longer before eating something.
"No thanks, sir. M'not hungry."
But he could not fool Albus. The headmaster had heard that answer too many times already.
"Of course you are. There is plenty of food for you to eat and there always will be."
Without waiting for an answer, he gently led Severus to the table, watching him fondly as he helped him sit on one of the chairs. He was so little his head was still rather close to the table's surface. But his mop of black hair – it had not changed at all. Albus put a large bowl of hot chocolate in front of him, smiling when the boy looked down at it with envy, his big black eyes filled with gourmandise.
"It's all for me, sir?" Severus asked shyly.
"I told you, call me Albus, dear boy. And yes, of course. But you don't have to finish it if it's too much."
The headmaster then proceeded to cut several bread slices that he then buttered and covered with generous portions of various marmalades. He put them in front of the child, brought him a glass of orange juice and finally sat down to drink his own coffee, watching as Severus hesitated. The boy's eyes were slightly swollen, and he made a mental note to ask Minerva about it.
"Come on, eat up", he told him encouragingly, hoping the boy would not be as reluctant to eat as his adult self.
But the child was starved: once he started eating Albus had to make sure he did not eat too much, or too quickly.
"Well, isn't this a nice breakfast", Minerva told Severus, sitting next to him. "Do remember noontime is only in a bit more than two hours, mmh? So we don't get your eating schedule messed up already."
Severus nodded, looking at his feet the moment he stopped eating.
"So, Severus", Minerva spoke to him gently, taking a sip of her coffee, "We were thinking about taking you to a few shops to buy you new clothes. But of course, that is only if you want to. If you do not want to go, we will go another day."
Severus did not answer. Albus glanced at Minerva.
"We also thought you would like to go to the toy shop? Would you like some toys?"
This time, Severus reacted: he looked at Albus, as if about to smile, but suddenly dropped his eyes again, muttering a "No, I don't need toys" that was barely audible. The two adults shared another glance before turning to the child again.
"Why, of course you need toys, Severus. All children need toys," Minerva told him gently.
The boy shook his head.
"Toys cost money", he said bluntly. "And they're… for… good children."
"And you are a good child, dear boy", Albus replied, closing his newspaper. "It is true that toys cost money, but you must not worry: we have money that we want to spend on toys and clothes for you. We take care of you now."
"But y'don't know me!" Severus shouted suddenly, his northern accent plainly audible.
His father had told him many times, when he looked with envy at the other children's toys, especially those on the other side of the river, that toys were costly, that he should never ask for them because buying food was more important. And he knew that! He wasn't even the one who had been asking for toys, so why were they pushing him to act like a spoiled child? Why did they want to put him at fault?
Feeling trapped, anxious his father could have heard them, silent tears started to flow down his little face, falling flatly on his legs. Minerva felt her heart tighten. Albus looked straight into his eyes, then spoke reassuringly.
"Your father is no longer here, my boy. And wanting toys is not a problem, you understand? We want you to have some because it is very important for children your age and we can afford it. Don't worry about that."
Minerva gently put her hand on his shoulder, waiting for him to calm down.
"I know we only met yesterday, dear, but I can already tell you are a good boy and I am so pleased you are going to stay with us."
"The house elves made him a sandwich with everything he needs in it, and here is a bottle of water. I want you to make sure he drinks often, Minerva. A child so young needs to be properly hydrated. And if you find somewhere to buy him ice cream or anything of the sort… feel free to do so, this boy really needs to put on some weight, and I doubt he ever had the chance to enjoy these little pleasures."
Poppy was speaking methodically, filling a bag with everything they would need to take Severus to Diagon Alley while the boy in question was absently swinging his legs on the nearest sofa, refusing to look at the three adults.
"Don't you think we are taking him out too soon, Poppy?" Minerva asked, glancing at him worriedly.
"I think it will take certain things off his mind. Sometimes distraction is the best medicine. Just remember he will tire quickly, so carry him if you must. He's still a little weak."
Albus nodded.
"And we have to be back before 4 pm so he can take a nap. I think we are ready to go on our little adventure."
The nurse handed him a small vial which Severus should be given at lunch, then knelt in front of the boy, who started twisting his hands uncomfortably. She had made sure not to get too close.
"I hope you have a nice time, Severus dear. You will show me what you'll bring back, won't you? And please tell Albus or Minerva if you feel tired."
He did not reply, but she smiled anyway, feeling a bit apprehensive as she watched them go. Albus patiently explained to the child how the floo network operated; Severus held Minerva's hand firmly and closed his eyes.
"You see, Severus? Nothing to worry about," Minerva told him as she knelt to dust off his clothes. "Now, I want you to listen to me carefully. Always hold my hand, okay? You stay very close to us. Do you understand?"
Severus nodded once more. He was looking around him in disbelief, squinting at the sudden brightness. But the loud noises quite rapidly overwhelmed him and he hid behind Minerva, holding a piece of her dress in his little palm.
He was still anxious when they arrived in the main street. Albus was leading the way, and he quickly directed them to a fine clothing shop. As they closed the door behind them, the outside sounds became muffled, and the boy relaxed a little.
"Good morning", a lady in a blue dress greeted them, "how may I help you?"
The headmaster gestured toward Severus.
"We need a brand-new wardrobe for our little boy: underwear, shirts, robes, coat… and socks of course."
"Of course", the lady repeated, smiling fondly at the child. "Please follow me."
"I have always wanted to buy something from the children's section", Minerva confessed to Albus rather excitingly.
The older man laughed.
"Me, too."
They stepped in a room filled to the brim with small wizarding clothes. Dark and light greens, nuances of blues, starry patterns, earthy colours and other astronomic designs filled the shelves around them, bestowing the place with a particularly welcoming atmosphere.
"You're still a bit small for your age, so we will try to figure out which size fits you best, Severus. Okay?" Minerva told him.
"It's wizard clothes", the boy mumbled. "I can't wear it."
Albus smoothed his hair.
"But you live with us now, and in a school for wizards. Don't you think it would be a little strange to only wear muggle clothes there?"
Still, Severus looked doubtful.
"But mum – "
"Would be very happy for you to dress like a wizard amongst other wizards, my boy", Albus said firmly, still smiling. "But you must pick whatever you want. We will also get shirts and they look just like the muggle ones, mmh? I'm sure you will like them."
The reminder seemed to ease Severus' anxiety, but still he did not make the slightest movement. Like Minerva had supposed they would, they thus started picking the clothes while the boy watched silently, brave enough to say which colours he preferred when asked. In his small head, two thoughts kept colliding with one another: Severus remembered they had told him his mum had wanted him to be here; they had money, they seemed to like him. But the idea that money had to be spent on more important things than him kept finding its way back at the front of his mind, tormenting him so much he felt his eyes watering again. Minerva noticed it and put a gentle hand on his shoulder.
"I know there are many things you don't understand and this must be very scary", she whispered to him. "But trust me, it is okay and normal to buy you some clothes and toys. You will not see your father anymore, Severus."
And she would tell him again and again until he understood, as gently as possible. However, the boy certainly still liked his father, and she had to be careful not to villainise him either.
Severus did like the robes, that she could tell, especially the green ones. He was still at an age where his thoughts could be read on his face easily. That must have changed very quickly, she thought as she led him to the changing room. She remembered the eleven years old who had entered her classroom, which she had thought back then to be rather innocent, despite his intelligence. But now, she couldn't not acknowledge the change that must have already occurred between the child she had met in 1971 and the little boy in front of her.
"There", she said, helping him to finish putting on a dark green robe while Albus dropped a heavy pile of clothes next to them. "Look in the mirror. Don't you look like a fine little wizard?"
She thought she saw the shadow of a smile on the child's face, for just a second.
"It looks a lil' like my mum's robes", he whispered, as if he feared to be heard by anyone but her. "She hid them in a box… because… they were clothes for witches."
Albus was looking at them affectionately.
"I am sure she would think you look very handsome", Minerva whispered back. "She was a very good witch."
Severus nodded eagerly, and she was glad his face had only darkened a bit at the mention of his mother. He was not crying.
"And look!" Minerva added, changing the subject. "It even has pockets!"
Adult Severus always had an incredible number of things in his teaching robes' large pockets, which Minerva had often supposed to have been magically enlarged. If not, how could he carry so many vials and a complete first aid quit in them?
For a second, she felt a slight heartache.
There was nowhere in the world she could find him just now.
"Well, I think it still is a little large, but the size below certainly will be too small. We can magically adjust them until they fit him properly", Albus remarked, peering at Severus. "And this little collar… you look perfect, my dear boy."
Severus' whole face turned red, and he mumbled a "thank you" without looking at the older man.
What would his mum think? Would she like it?
Albus made sure Minerva kept Severus busy with a spell while he paid for the clothes. They left the shop with three enormous bags he had charmed so they would follow them as they walked to the toy shop, a few streets away - the boy was stunned when he saw them floating behind them, which made the headmaster realize he seemed to have barely, if ever, seen proper magic before. What could have happened to poor Eileen, he could only imagine…
Minerva firmly grasped Severus' hand as the crowd grew denser, feeling him anxiously squeeze it in return. It was all new to him – the colours, the noise, the people. Even more unbelievable, there were signs of magic everywhere, from the clothes to the wands to the magical objects flying around them: a forbidden world unfolding in front of his wondering eyes. He was so taken with everything around him that he forgot to mind his steps. Stumbling onto a slight breach in the floor, he fell abruptly - Minerva gasped and avoided the collision by strengthening her grip on the child's arm just in time, pulling him back onto his feet.
"Are you okay?" she asked him worriedly, "does it hurt anywhere?"
Albus brushed the child's clothes, looking at Minerva's with gentle eyes.
"He is okay, Minerva, he did not hit the floor. Isn't that right, Severus?"
"I am sorry", Severus replied feebly, his heart pounding at the thought he could have ripped clothes that did not belong to him.
If he had, he was sure the grown-ups would have stopped being nice to him, they would have said he was an ungrateful brat –
"Sorry, Severus, I tend to be a little too protective", Minerva said laughingly, still examining him closely.
But the boy was holding his breath, clearly expecting to be shouted at. She decided not to speak of it, choosing to smile warmly at him instead. She watched as he glanced at her with bewildered eyes.
His black eyes grew even bigger as they approached the toy shop. Its display cases were full of coloured and magical toys moving by themselves, such as miniature trains going from right to left while small birds flew slowly above them. It was more exciting than any other toys Severus had ever seen and envied before; those were toys he clearly did not deserve.
He took a step back, causing Minerva to stop abruptly.
"What is it, Severus?" Albus asked, gently pushing the boy to the side of the road so they could talk without being in people's way.
"Not for me", Severus muttered, his eyes on his feet.
Minerva pressed his little hand into hers.
"Yes, toys are for you too, Severus. We told you we want to give you some, you remember?"
"And I really want to play with them as well", the headmaster added very seriously. "Would you choose some with me?"
Oh, that was something else now. If the nice man – if Albus wanted the toys too…
"Would you do that for me, Severus? I'd be very proud."
After a moment of hesitation, he finally nodded.
"Thank you, dear boy. Now let's get in!"
"Who really is the child between you two?", Minerva remarked quietly, amused.
"I don't really know myself, Minerva", the headmaster replied as he pushed the door open.
To Severus, entering that shop would remain one of his dearest, fondest childhood memories. Holding both Minerva and Albus' hands, he gazed for the first time at the infinite colours and shapes around him: there were red cars, green and yellow balloons, garlands, birds and planes. The shelves were bursting at the seams with stuffed animals, dragons, phoenixes, nifflers, hummingbirds; below, dolls stood dressed in shiny clothes, with nutcrackers and wooden soldiers. On the floor was an incredible number of colourful small houses made out of wood, inhabited by tiny animals who walked by themselves; there were dreidels and red and white rockets, vintage-looking trains and their rail circuits. To summarize, there was everything a child could wish for, and things most would never even have dreamt about.
For Severus, a boy who had merely witnessed glimpses of magic before, this was magic finally come to life.
Minerva wished Severus had expressed his feelings with words, but even as a small child that was not something he did, except when he was particularly angry or afraid. The boy wasn't supposed to smile, and he did not; he was painfully aware of every glance, he would not forget he had lived in a house where every joy could be taken away with the snap of a finger. But both adults could perceive the excitement and joy in his black eyes. In fact, his amazement was plainly visible as his mouth hung open just for a little too long.
For the first time since the war ended, Minerva and Albus shared a knowing glance.
"I'll let you take the lead", Minerva told him quietly.
As Severus followed Albus, Minerva was careful about everything the child looked at with a keen interest, determined that he would not leave the shop with any regret. It was something she had dreamt of as a child – not the toys, but the ones she would pick for a child, should she ever have one of her own.
"We're definitely buying him a train, Albus", she told the headmaster as they watched the beautiful reproduction of the Hogwarts Express going around in large circles.
Severus was following its race against another black train with delight, moving around the rails so he could see it come out of a little tunnel.
"I must say, even I want to play with it. Don't you like the train, Severus?"
The child, suddenly drawn out of his reverie, looked up, stammering. Should he say that he loved it? Wouldn't they think he was asking for it? He was not a spoiled child. But he liked the train, and the nice sir seemed to like it too, and he was afraid it would be impolite not to swing with the pendulum.
"Yes, I like it", he replied evasively, looking away so he would not seem too interested in the toy.
Minerva smiled at this behaviour and nodded to herself, heading toward the shelves where the train boxes were stored while Albus took the child by the hand to lead him towards the building toys section. He let Severus sit on the green carpet where many toys had been arranged for try, showing him how wooden sticks could be used to build all sorts of things such as homes for the little villagers' figures who surrounded them. The boy, at first reluctant, watched carefully as the headmaster built a minimalist castle, slowly adding his own sticks to the edifice and placing a few villagers on top of it.
"Like this they will be able to defend the city if we are attacked", Albus explained. "They can warn us so we get prepared."
Severus looked doubtfully at the castle and its two towers.
"But we have no walls!" he told Albus, so worriedly that the old man chuckled. He was glad the boy was finally taking some initiative.
"Indeed, our castle needs fortifications."
Severus proceeded to surround the building with walls, busying himself with the little wooden figures. He placed them safely inside the castle's enclosure.
"Now they are okay", he said quietly.
"Just like you at Hogwarts, Severus", Albus told him, feeling overwhelmed by tenderness as the dark eyes met the blue. "Would you like us to build the rest of the city when we are back there? I am sure Minerva won't mind if we use her living room."
The Deputy headmistress, who had been sitting quietly on a chair too small for her right behind them, nodded encouragingly. The boy looked at the box resting on her knees. The colourful picture of the train caught his eye.
"Then we can… we can have a train in the city", he said without thinking, before silencing himself.
But the adults, surprisingly, looked overjoyed by this remark.
"I will show you a spell which can recreate the train's steam", Minerva added enthusiastically.
They helped the boy pick out a few other toys – there was a chemistry set of course, with vials and multi-coloured liquids that made Severus think of his mum when his father was not home; a dinette with small cup of teas, plates, spoons, wooden cakes, biscuits and vegetables; a boat to put in the bath and many children books Albus helped him select for kids twice his age. They were surprised to discover Severus chose the books by reading their titles, and although he did not pronounce all the consonants well, he definitely knew how to read already.
"Where did you learn how to read, Severus?" Minerva asked when the child declared he did not like a book because it was the story of a caged dragon.
"I watched… the big kids at school", he explained. "And mum, she had many many books. She helped sometimes."
They had forgotten the child had been to muggle school for at least a year already.
Albus had thought about home-schooling him. He needed to be protected from those who knew about his court sentence.
"Did you like school, my boy?" he asked.
Severus looked at his feet. He pondered his answer for a few seconds.
"No," he answered. "The others... they are… not nice. They say they don't... like my clothes…I'm bored..." He frowned. "So I must change school."
"Well, not really", Albus told him. "You see, your new home is a school. So we thought we could also be the ones teaching you, if you like."
The boy paled.
"But… if I'm not smart enough…"
Of course you're smart enough, both adults thought simultaneously. But it was not the right thing to say.
"It's okay, Severus. We will go at your pace."
"You are only four and you can already read. It is two years ahead of schedule." Albus winked at the child, who smiled shyly.
"Now, Severus, the most important", Minerva said, back on the topic of toys, "stuffed animals!"
The little boy followed her to the biggest shelf in the shop. It was filled with such a variety of plushes that he thought there must be just about every animal in the world in there.
"But… but", Severus stammered, looking at the pile of boxes in their arms.
"Don't you "but" me, Severus," she told him affectionately. "Pick one."
Oh, how he had dreamt of it. His own plush, one he could hug at night instead of an old pillow so that he would not have to choose between the hug, or putting the pillow on his head to not hear the screams.
"Just… for me?" he asked, wringing his hands.
"Yes, dear."
It took him a while to choose. There were tiny bats and ladybirds, but Severus preferred the big ones, so he could wrap his arms around them. In the end, he found himself hesitating between a snail and an octopus, frowning in concentration under the headmaster's watchful gaze while Minerva was paying for the other toys.
"Well, Severus?" he asked, kneeling beside him. "Do you have a preference?"
The boy did not answer.
"Perhaps you should try to hug them, to see which one hugs the best", Albus whispered knowingly.
Despite his hesitation, the old man's warm smile gave Severus a kind of courage he did not know he could muster. In turn, he pulled both stuffed animals in a tight embrace, putting all his heart into each hug. Albus felt his own heart melt with tenderness: he fought hard to avoid impulsively hugging the child himself. Severus did not notice his slightly watery eyes when he turned to him to announce that the octopus was definitely the best.
"You can bring him to Minerva", Albus replied, getting up with some difficulty. "Tell her why you chose him, I am sure she wants to know."
He watched as the boy ran to his colleague, exhibiting the plush proudly. It was a purple octopus with big eyes, a smile, and eight soft tentacles. Beneath its big, round head was a mouth, quite detailed; Albus found it a little unsettling.
"Why did he choose an octopus?" he asked Minerva quietly as Severus was eating his very first ice cream.
The boy had been reading one of his books already and there was a pretty picture of an ice cream he had been looking at– the headmaster had taken the opportunity to buy him one which looked similar, making sure he got to taste each flavour before choosing.
Vanilla and coffee it was, with a red cherry on top, whipped cream and some chocolate sprinkles.
"I am quite unsettled by his choice. There were snakes, lions… many animals I thought would attract him first. And a phoenix! Did you see that phoenix? It was magnificent" Albus went on, eyes shining bright.
Minerva stopped walking.
"Albus", she asked slowly, a smile playing on her lips, "Do you want us to go back to the store and buy you that phoenix?"
She was expecting the headmaster to protest, but the older man was thoughtful for a moment.
"Well, I'll certainly come back for Christmas. Who knows then?…"
Minerva rolled her eyes and glanced back at Severus.
"Severus, the ice cream is melting on the other side of the cone", she told him. "The secret to eating an ice cream properly is to lick each side rather quickly." Glancing back at Albus, she added, "You cannot expect Severus to pick a stuffed snake at four years old, Albus. He's not the Slytherin he will be. I actually quite like this octopus. The boy never fails to surprise us."
Albus considered the happy child, who was holding the plush very close to his heart with his right hand.
"You are right, as always, my dear. But I'll still get this phoenix eventually…"