Saying goodbye
"Are you Severus Snape, born on the 9th of January 1960 in Cokeworth, England?"
"I am."
"Are you aware you are being prosecuted for conspiracy, crime of torture, and failure to provide assistance?"
"I am."
"The following sentence was given to you on September 14th, 1998 in London: you are to choose between five years in Azkaban or five years as a de-aged child. The latter sentence is to be carried out by the voluntary ingestion of an approved vial of de-ageing potion. Is that correct?"
"Yes."
"Are you here on your own volition?"
"Yes."
"Have you made a choice regarding the aforementioned sentence?"
"I have."
"Was that choice made freely?"
"...Yes."
"You may state your decision now."
"I, Severus Snape, have chosen to be de-aged."
He exited the room closely followed by two aurors who, thankfully, were too old to be former students. As he passed the threshold and adjusted his eyes to the dimmer light of the corridor, he could not help but notice the grief on Albus' face, and confusedly recoiled at its genuineness. He and Minerva had been waiting for him for over two hours - they got to their feet the moment they saw him come out.
Silently, they watched as Severus was led into another room, the room where he would be given the potion.
He took it with a slightly trembling hand.
He had made up his mind, had he not? He had been through much worse in his life. His adult self would not even be aware of what would happen. What was this in comparison to the Dark Lord, the torture, the lying, the danger? Nothing. Nothing, and yet his breathing was slightly laboured. His throat was dry.
In front of him, the Ministry employees were getting slightly impatient, but did not utter a word. What a charming company.
He looked down at the open vial in his hand and smirked; it was, indeed, one of his potions.
He drank it without further thought.
The woman in front of him stood up and opened the door again.
"It can take a few hours for the potion to take effect. Please follow my colleagues. They will accompany you to a warded room where you will wait - you may be joined by your companions."
I know that, Severus thought with a good dose of mental sarcasm, but he said nothing and simply nodded in response. He looked up; Minerva smiled to him. It was a forced smile, but for some reason it comforted him slightly.
"It is going to take two hours", he just told her, trying to maintain a neutral expression.
The ministry employees led them to a third room, right next to an infirmary. It was more welcoming: there were sofas, wooden tables and large carpets on the floor, though no windows whatsoever. Severus suspected Dumbledore's presence had something to do with this relative comfort; the Ministry was not known for playing hosts, and even less for being good at it.
The three colleagues sat on individual couches, Minerva attempting, but failing miserably, to take her eyes off her younger friend.
Severus rolled his eyes.
"Will you please stop looking at me like this? You make it look like someone just died", he told her.
"I am sorry, Severus. I am rather anxious. I expect you are, too?", she replied apologetically.
"I honestly do not know anymore. This all seems rather... unreal", Severus replied. “Or surreal.”
Albus nodded.
"You are brave as always, Severus. But you need not be."
Severus looked away.
"You will not be pleased when you meet the child", he muttered.
Albus knew that he meant it. That, after all these years, Severus could still not comprehend that there were people who truly cared for him, and would make any kind of effort when it concerned him and him alone. And was he wrong? Until now, he had first been useful, and only then valued for who he was. Only Minerva, although it had taken years for her to fully warm up to the idea, had taken him under her wing when he had begun as a teacher. Even Severus had been forced to admit that this had certainly not been for practical reasons: it was evident he was, most of the time, determined to annoy her rather than work with her, especially in the earlier years.
"The child you are talking about is you, Severus", Minerva said softly. "Thus I am sure I will be very fond of him. But, Severus…"
"Yes?"
"I am going to miss you very much…", she said quickly, her upper lip trembling a little. She paused, trying to gather herself. That was very unlike her. She was usually so stoic and self-composed; her behaviour had been far from typical these past four months.
The former Potions Master merely rolled his eyes, again.
"You were the one telling me yesterday it was only five years", he said, as confidently as he could.
"Plus the past year..." she mumbled, her eyes watering. Albus put a comforting hand on her shoulder, but she recoiled slightly.
"He is going to be fine, my dear. We will take care of him."
Minerva took out a handkerchief from one of her pockets, quickly wiping away her tears.
Severus sighed.
"Shouldn't I be the one getting emotional? Gryffindors..."
Albus smiled softly.
"How are you feeling, then, dear boy?"
A rather simple question. He felt horribly anxious, even somewhat panicked. All night long he had been tormented by irrational thoughts about abandonment, the kind of thoughts that had not crossed his mind in twenty-five years. No matter how hard he tried, he was unable to suppress the painful feeling of disgust and fear growing in his chest when he thought of the state of complete helplessness he would be reduced to - he had worked so hard to no longer be that boy.
"I suppose I am... a little apprehensive", he confessed.
There was a moment of silence.
"I think the potion is starting to take effect", he added, flexing his fingers as they started going numb. Dizziness came shortly after.
"Do we need to call someone?" Minerva asked, getting up. Severus shook his head, glancing at the clock on the wall before him.
"It is normal. I am going to - pass out, eventually."
"So we have little time left", Albus muttered. They were silent for a while.
"I am going to miss you too, my boy", the older man then said, looking briefly at Severus. "Very much."
Severus lowered himself onto the back of his chair, closing his eyes briefly. "Do not fill my young mind with Gryffindor nonsense. I was rather gullible as a child."
"As if we could change you in the slightest, Severus", Albus replied humorously, though, and it was very unlike him, he spoke almost timidly.
Every word he had said to Severus for the past months was a question he asked; Am I still allowed near you?
Will you ever forgive me?
"You will also watch that I am fed properly, Minerva" Severus said sarcastically. "Albus will not resist the urge to give me his awful sweets. Children get used to this sort of thing."
The Transfiguration professor laughed.
"I will, Severus."
As time passed, it became harder for the Potions Master to gather his thoughts, which did not go unnoticed. Fear started spreading all over his body – it was a familiar feeling, but he was used to repress it in life-threatening situations, those which would irremediably result in life or death depending on his performance. Yet there he was, simply sitting on a sofa, as safe as he could be now. Logic or rational thinking did not ease his anxiety in the slightest, he accepted somewhat reluctantly.
Minerva was pacing the room restlessly.
"Minerva, I think you are making Severus dizzier", Albus said quietly, glancing at his young charge whose head was resting, motionless, against the back of the couch.
"Actually, I think you are making Albus nervous", Severus said, not bothering to open his eyes. Minerva sat abruptly.
"I simply hope we will measure up to the task, that is all" she replied. "None of us had children!"
"A sensible choice", Severus remarked unironically.
The room was spinning and he wasn't even looking at it.
"Severus was never a child", Albus said softly, taking the opportunity to study the boy while his eyes were closed. "It will be a new experience for us all."
Severus suddenly gasped and leaned forward, his face a little paler. "I am not feeling well", he muttered. His right hand was clutching the couch's arm; his fingers had gone almost white.
Albus knelt beside him. "It's okay, Severus. You can let go. We will be there when you wake."
The younger man looked up. He could not see properly - his vision was blurry, obscured by bright spots that almost blinded him.
"I don't…” he began.
But Minerva squeezed his hand, and, hesitantly, he squeezed it in return.
"Please trust us. Just trust us", she murmured. Severus’ strength quickly deserted him, and he loosened his grip on her hand.
"I do, against all common sense", he said quietly, blushing a little.
Albus wrapped his arms around him and, feeling no resistance, lowered him onto the floor with immense gentleness.
"See you soon, Severus", Minerva said, with a slight tremor in her voice.
The Potions Master passed out.