If You Know, You Know
August 09 1993 09:53 pm
Harry woke up with a silent gasp. He sat and looked around confused. Where was him? Then he remembered. Fuck. And scrambled to throw up. Fuck fuck fuck. Don’t think about it, don’t think about it, don’t. Think. About. It. He hugged himself burying his nails in his upper arms all the way down his elbows, breathing heavily.
A whimpered cry took his attention. His vision was blurry but, again, he pushed his magic in to his eyes. “Ah” his voice was hoarse “Hullo doggy” the dog pushed a bottle of water to him. Harry raised an eyebrow “So, you’re a magic dog don’t you?” He took the water and drank from it like he hadn't drunk for days, wait, he really hasn’t. “Well, I'm a magic human you know? Yep I’m pretty sure you know. You don’t have to lied to me, magic dog”
“Maybe you can help me” the dog barked affirmatively. Harry chuckled and the dog approached him and leaked his face. But Harry pushed the dog away “Don’t! Don’t do that!” The dog cried. “Oh no, sorry! Let me explain!” Harry apologized and the dog waited for the reason.
“Well… you know, you have to be careful with me. Last year, wait, I don’t know why I say last year really, It was like two months ago. Whatever, two months ago a fucking huge basilisk bite me” The dog's eyes opened widely “Yeah! I’m no kidding, look!” Harry pulled up his right sleeve. In his arm was a scar, maybe the length of his hand, a line lean and white with the veins around it darker enough to attract the attention of a keen eye. “See? So I survived because a phoenix healed me with his tears. But the thing is, you know” Harry whispered. “Later I felt like my veins were burning, first hot and then cold and then hot again, it was weird” He then sat with his back in the dome.
“But I didn’t wanted to say anything. And why? Because fuck it. Fuck everyone. The truth is I kind of wanted to see their faces when I have died, not that I can do that if I'm dead. But nothing happened. At first at least. When I returned with the Dursley, something happened, an accident really. But then I wanted to experiment. You know, there is this thing called the scientific method. And… Well I don’t wanna bore you with the details but the thing is that my blood is kind of poisonous now, or it’s venomous?” He sighed “So, don’t leak my blood! Maybe neither my tears, who knows, better be careful”. The dog was gaping. Harry thought it was funny.
“When I came back from Hogwarts, that's the school name, I searched in the library about poisons, venoms, snakes and all kinds of things like that. And I think that that was impossible. But then I remembered, well the fucking basilisk was a magical creature and I am a magical being too. So fucked it. I don’t care. Whoever makes me bleed deserves what it comes to them anyway.”
The dog was flabbergasted. Harry looked at it with kind eyes “I love animals you know? They are just perfect. I wish I was an animal. Maybe I can be one” Harry began to think about it. Yeah, maybe I can. McGonagall cans. “I wonder what kind of animal I could be… I would love to fly, well I love to fly. You know, I am the seeker of the Gryffindor team” Harry frowned deep in disgust “Well, not anymore, I was the seeker of the Gryffindor team” The dog now was definitely crying. Harry looked at it curiously and his stomach made a noise “Ahhh, I'm gonna starve to death” The dog pulled the bag with food to him and huffed.
“Ah! You save me again!” Harry laughed while opening a bar of bread. “You know, I love magic, but now I kinda figure out that I pretty much hate people” He spoke between bites, meanwhile scarving in the bag, finding slices of ham and he gave them to the dog. The dog reluctantly ate the ham.
“I'm done with their bullshit, I’m gonna do what I want. I don’t care anymore. First I, second me and third myself. Then whoever or whatever I like. And so you know, I don’t like much of anyone right now, let me think” And think he did. Harry eating his bread and the dog the ham “I don’t know with Ron, I don’t think I like him anymore” Harry sniffed and wiped away a tear with unnecessary force. “I-I think Hermione, maybe she still wants to be my friend… Hagrid! Hagrid it’s a good man. He gave me my best friend, you know? Her name is Hed- Hedwig!” His eyes widened in horror.
Harry scrambled rapidly to the exit and was running to number four Privet Drive in a second. When he was in front of the door a deep atavic terror ran through his spine. But, Hedwig. He stepped to the door and with his right hand above the lock, whispered “Alohomora” in parseltongue. And to his delight the lock in the door opened. That was another thing to thank for the awesome scientific method. You will see, Harry learned that the trace was implemented on someone's wand, so he figured out that maybe if you don't use a wand then it was fine. But just to be sure, why not benefit from a language that only he can speak and understand? Magic understands it anyway. His will and his intention.
He came into the house, slowly and searching for anything or anyone. No one here. Very slowly he got to the stairs to get to Dudley's second bedroom. Years of stealth helping him.
When he reached the bedroom door was no surprisingly locked. And Harry did not wanted to take the risk of waking up the garbage that was sleeping in the next bedroom. So he wished very hard, imagined and forced his will while thinking in Alohomora. And once again, the lock opened.
A rush of happiness and fear ran through his spine. He entered the bedroom trembling. She’s fine, she’s fine, she’s fine. But she wasn't. She wasn’t even there!. He searched for the cage. It wasn’t there either. Harry pushed more magic into his eyes, to look more careful around. He would have to get new glasses soon. He was pretty sure this wasn’t a permanent solution. Harry found feathers lying around the floor. His blood ran cold and he did not know if it was Fawkes’s tears or the tiny droplets of blood on the bedroom floor.
His breathing began to increase rapidly. Unconsciously, his right arm hugged his left side, the pain was there again. Harry ignored it and knelt to pick up all the feathers in his left hand, five feathers. She’s fine, she’s fine, she’s fine. Suddenly an idea came to Harry’s mind.
Yeah, that could work. Just… I need a knife. Suddenly a black figure came through the door. Harry saw the dog and smiled. Well, I guess you are a better option. He kneeled in front of the dog and extended his hand with the feathers.
"Can you find her?" Harry asked in a whisper, putting a finger in his lips. The dog moved its head affirmatively. Turned around and led the way. Harry followed it to the first floor. The dog walked with its nose stuck to the ground until they reached the little door under the stairs.
Harry stopped in front of the door. A fear deep in his stomach blooming and expanding in his insides. A trembling hand hovering about the lock. His vision wavered and blurred. His magic left his eyes to go to the lock. The lock opened and Harry reached for the door.
In the cupboard were all his things, not that he owned much, there was his trunk on his old and battered mattress. And on the right side under the shelves were Hedwig inside her cage. “Hedwig!” Harry whispered while lifting the cage.
She was rigid and the kid's heart dropped in a dark place until one amber eye fixed on his green, then a feeling of relief big enough to make his knees tremble washed over him. From his throat emerged a sound between a whimper of pain and sadness and a maniac chuckle. She's alive, she's alive, she isn't fine but she's alive!
Then a noise from the kitchen caught his attention, making Harry look around just to see the face of his nightmares.