Chapter 26
Regulus
Absolutely not.
Regulus rolled his eyes and flipped the page. He was already sick of this book. He had pages, upon pages of things he had to ‘give a good hard try’ and he wasn’t looking forward to any of them.
Remus had given him some muggle quill things to colour code the first few chapters. Green for the ones Regulus wanted to try, blue that were not horrible, pink that were going to suck and a last resort, and yellow for probably (hopefully) to impossible to try.
So far, Regulus had a dozen pinks, three blues and one green, and considering the green was learning an instrument and he was already doing that, Regulus was already over this plan. The only bright side were the yellows.
Without any effort at all, he’d already knocked out a few suggestions. Swimming? He couldn’t swim. Surfing? He couldn’t swim. Water polo? Not enough people and he couldn’t swim. Synchronised swimming? Regulus couldn’t have crossed that one out any faster.
Regulus groaned. He was beyond over this and he hadn’t even started doing them yet.
I need to find at least one more good one.
Picking up the green marker, Regulus put the tip to the page and started reading.
Cycling? Those muggle contraptions look horrifying.
Cooking? Sirius is hardly going to let me near knives.
Video games? Don’t know what that is.
Yoga? No.
Visit friends…
Regulus blinked as unwanted memories of Hogwarts came back. Walks in the spring with Pandora. Flying at dusk with Dorcas. Late night talks with Evan and Barty.
Don’t have any friends to visit.
Regulus dropped the green marker and grabbed the yellow, but as he reached across to mark the page… he paused. Distracted by the faded numbers on his hand.
Will…
Regulus started at the numbers, tracing them with his eyes. Remus said it was a telephone number.
“It means he hopes to see you again.”
Regulus swallowed. Then marked the Visit Friends suggestion in yellow.
He also marked the following three suggestions in yellow. Water skiing. Snorkelling. Diving. Honestly, where had Remus gotten this book from?
Regulus sighed and closed the book with a loud smack.
“Finished already?”
“Yep.”
“Found anything good?”
“Nope.”
“Anything you don’t hate?”
Regulus glared across at Sirius, who only took this as invitation to keep going.
“Come on Reg. Surely there is one thing we could do for the next hour?”
Regulus raised an eyebrow and wordlessly slid the book across the table toward his brother.
Sirius caught the book and opened the first page, frowning as he scanned all the coloured marks. He turned the next page and the frown deepened. It deepened again on the next page.
“Reg, these really aren’t that bad. What’s wrong with meditation?”
Everything is wrong with meditation.
“And what’s your excuse for marking puzzles in pink?”
Regulus ignored his brother’s commentary and tapped his fingers against the table.
It wasn’t his fault he found all the books suggestions stupid. Considering he had to try everything at least once, he’d been hoping they would be better than this. Unfortunately, the fates were against him again. Or maybe they were on his side. If they were awful and didn’t work, it was a much more likely he’d get to die soon.
Won’t have to exaggerate how much it isn’t working if it’s genuine hate.
“What about we try checkers? You marked that in blue at least.”
Regulus shrugged. He didn’t like checkers, but it was preferable to a puzzle.
Ten minutes later Regulus was staring blankly at a bunch of pitiful little circles. He was losing pretty badly.
“Your turn, Reg.”
Yipee.
Regulus slid a checker across one and-
“You can’t move there.”
Regulus slid the checker the other-
“Can’t move there either.”
Regulus slid the checker another-
“You can’t do that-“
For Merlins sake.
Regulus grabbed the checker in his fist, pulled his arm back, then pegged it across the table.
“Ow! Regulus? What was that for?”
Regulus leaned back in his chair and stared up at the ceiling.
“I was bored,” he muttered.
Sirius said something else, but Regulus paid him no attention. He didn’t care. He wasn’t in the mood.
Regulus tapped his fingers against the table as another voice entered the room. The voices mixed in an annoying chatter and at some point, Sirius’ voice faded until only the other remained. Remus’ voice.
“Why did you mark this in yellow?”
Regulus tapped his fingers and shrugged, keeping his eyes trained on the roof. He had no idea which suggestion Remus was referring, and he didn’t care. If it was in yellow, he couldn’t do it for a good reason. He’d already considered it, already thought of all the ways Sirius could try make it work and ultimately decided it wasn’t possible. End of story.
“Regulus, I know it feels impossible right now, but you’ve made friends before and you can do it again.”
Regulus tensed and forced his eyes shut, balling his hands into fists to control himself. That suggestion, was the most impossible one of all.
“No. I can’t.”
“Why not?”
Take a fucking hint will you…
Regulus sucked in deep breath and forced himself upright. When he opened his eyes, he let them bore into Remus like daggers.
“Because I don’t want any.”
I’m not taking that risk again.
Remus raised an eyebrow and Regulus glared even harder, forcing the daggers deeper into his skin. Not that Remus seemed to care. Instead of back down Remus pushed on.
His eyes dripped from Regulus’ face, trailed down his neck, along his arm and stopped as he reached the hand. The hand Will had held. The hand Will had written his numbers on.
“That was a mistake,” Regulus mumbled, as he once again, let his eyes trace the faded ink stains on his hand. Because it had been a mistake. Every second of yesterday with Will had been a mistake. He’d gotten out. He’d been ready. He’d been going to die and then the stupid boy, kicked his stupid ball, convinced him to play his stupid game, and Regulus stupidly got caught.
It would all be over if it hadn’t been for Will.
“Well, if you change your mind,” Remus paused. Regulus could almost hear the smirk in his voice, “I’m sure Will would be happy to see you again.”
Piss off.
“Good for him.”
Remus didn’t add anything else and the two sat in silence, leaving Regulus with memories floating through his mind against his will.
Regulus groaned.
Will. Great. Another word I can’t use. Will and Sirius.
Not that it mattered of course. Will was muggle. A random muggle who knew nothing about the complexities of his life. A muggle he would never meet again. A muggle who only wanted to see him again, because he didn’t know him. Even if Regulus wanted to see Will again (which he didn’t) the moment Will realised how crazy he was, Will would run the other way. It was better this way. Safer this way. For both of them.
Regulus pulled his hand off the table, letting the numbers drop out of sight.
The silence continued. His skin was itching.
Regulus dug his fingernails into his leg, gripping it tightly through his pants. Hardly enough to do any damage, but better than nothing.
He kept his face masked, the perfect picture of calm so as not to draw attention to what he was doing. He needed it. He needed it right now.
Pandora was dead. Dorcas was dead. Evan was dead. Barty was worse than dead. All of his friends were dead.
Except Will…
Regulus clenched his jaw and dug deeper.
Will was not his friend.
Nope. You want him as more than a friend.
No. No, he absolutely did not. Will was nothing, meant nothing and would only ever be nothing. He was as unimportant as he was-
Pretty?
NO!
Regulus dug his nails deeper. He forced his hand to press into his leg even harder. He did not like Will. He did not want anything to do with him. He was just-
“Regulus? Are you alright?”
Remus’ words struck him like a jinx, yanking him from his spiral.
Calm. Down.
“Fine,” he said sharply, though it didn’t sound as convincing as he’d intended it to.
He wasn’t interested in more feelings talk.
Remus apparently missed the memo.
“Didn’t sound fine.”
Merlin and Morgana…
“Well, I am fine , so piss off.”
Regulus didn’t give Remus a chance to answer, rising out of his chair and turning to browse the shelves behind him. It wasn’t a very interesting section. Mostly filled with books about history and politics, but even those topics were more interesting than whatever Remus wanted him to do.
Contrats de sang, no.
Droit de la famille, also no.
Rituel d'amour, absolutely fucking not.
Regulus switched shelves. There had to be something he hadn’t read or wouldn’t make him sick reading.
“Maybe try this?”
There was rustle of paper pages behind Regulus, followed by a soft thud as what sounded like the daily prophet hit the table.
I do not want to read the news.
Regulus turned, “I really don’t think that has anything of-”
Regulus stopped mid-sentence as he spotted a very colourful magazine, open on the table. It had titles flashing in different colours, sketches flying around the page and photos dancing with the articles. It looked like a complete mess. Just looking at it gave him a headache.
“What in Merlins name is that?”
“A magazine.”
Regulus raised an eyebrow. Remus got the hint.
He sighed and picked up the magazine and held it out to Regulus.
“It’s called The Quibbler; I think you’ll find it interesting.”
Regulus just stared at it.
Maybe I’ve finally broken him?
He did not want a bar of this magazine. It was too bright. Too colourful. Too busy. Too strange. Why on earth Remus thought this would interest him, he had no idea. Regulus had read exactly two magazines before, and both of them had been Pandoras suggestion during history of magic.
Both times, Regulus ended up tuning back into Binns’ lecture and taking a page of notes.
Regulus looked back up at Remus, hoping to see him laughing or smirking or showing some sort of sign this was a joke. He didn’t.
Remus’ face was serious, and he gave the magazine a little shake, as if to say come on, take it.
For the love of all things…
“Fine.”
If I humour him, maybe I can get some brownie points.
Against his better judgement, Regulus sat back down in his chair and grabbed the magazine. He held it out and forced himself to read the first line…
Preventing a Nargle infestation in your home!!!
Regulus dropped the magazine.
“What the fuck is this?”
Regulus’ heart was beating in his ears. His head was pounding. His beaths were shallow. This wasn’t funny. This wasn’t funny at all.
Regulus shot Remus the nastiest look he could muster.
“I said, what the fuck is this?”
“The Quibbler,” Remus said plainly, and Regulus saw red.
“And why the fuck are you giving it to me to read?”
Remus simply leaned back in his chair and nodded his head toward the magazine. “Turn to the last page.”
Regulus did not turn to the back page, and glared even harder at Remus, wishing he could curse him with his eyes. Something painful. Something that would make him regret forcing him to think about his past. What kind of sick game was he playing? First, he commented about his lack of friends. Then, he brings up Will. Now he brings up this…
“Whatever you think you know… You don’t,” he spat coldly.
Remus didn’t react and simply nodded at the magazine again.
Regulus’ blood boiled beneath his skin. He clenched his teeth. He balled his fists up so tight, he was certain he was close to breaking the surface.
I swear…
Regulus forced himself to look back at the magazine and forced himself to flip to the last page. He was pleasantly surprised by the design of this one. It was an artwork. A beautiful water colour painting. Swirling patterns, infused with magic and moving around the page like mist, in every shade of blue imaginable.
At the centre of the artwork, were white words, swirling with the patterns around it.
To my dearest, departed Pandora. We will meet again.
Regulus swallowed and shut his eyes. But the page was still there in his mind’s eye. The words continued echoing through his head.
“That isn’t fair.”
“Regulus it-”
“No! Why would you… that isn’t…”
Regulus swallowed again. He wasn’t going to cry. He was going to cry. Crying was stupid and annoying and just got in the way. His throat tightened and it stung as he tried to choke down air.
This wasn’t fair. This wasn’t fair. Remus had Sirius. Remus still had people. Remus had had years to get over everyone. Regulus had had days. What was their problem?
“Regulus please just-”
“No! What is your problem? Why would you make me read that? Why would-” Regulus’ voice broke, and he couldn’t finish.
“Because I couldn’t think of any other way to bring it up-”
“Bring what up? My dead best friend? My dead life? My-”
“Your goddaughter.”
Regulus froze. His blood went cold. His heart stopped. His breathing stopped. Everything stopped.
“Luna…”
Remus sighed.
“When I met her at Hogwarts, I didn’t know who she was at first. She was brilliant but didn’t get along with the students, so I brought her up in a meeting. McGonagall mentioned I would have known her mother…”
Regulus met Remus’ eyes.
“Pandora…” he murmured, causing Remus to nod.
“I kept an eye on her as best I could while there, but I didn’t think much about her again until…” Remus gestured toward Regulus, “Until you showed up. I did a little digging and… well… turns out Pandora named you her godfather, even in death.”
Regulus looked down at the page in front of him. At the blue patterns. The swirling watercolour art. The white words.
Pandora… had…
“She’s the same age as you and I thought that… if you wanted to at some point… we could arrange for you to meet her?”
Regulus looked back up.
I could…
Regulus shut his eyes, right as he felt them start stinging.
“No.”
“It won’t be-”
“No. I can’t… I can’t do that…”
He’d been fine hearing stories about Luna before. He’d been fine with her existing as some abstract concept. But he couldn’t meet her. He couldn’t meet his goddaughter. She was his age for Merlins sake.
“Regulus just consider-”
“No.”
He wasn’t just going to replace Pandora.
Remus sighed and Regulus kept his eyes shut, as tears began forcing their way down his cheeks.
“Just consider it, Reg. I’m certain she’d be happy to meet you, even if she doesn’t know the full truth.”
Regulus didn’t answer. He knew if he tried, he would just make a sobbing fool of himself.
---
Sirius
“Just go make yourself something and relax, I’ll sit with him for a while.”
Remus squeezed his hand beneath the table, smiling that good old reassuring Moony smile.
“Alright,” Sirius squeezed Remus’ hand back and took a deep breath. “Do you want me to bring you a tea or something too?”
Remus glanced over at Regulus, who was completely zoned out, staring up at the roof and shook his head. “I’ll call out when we’re ready.”
Sirius nodded and gave Remus’ hand a final squeeze, before standing and leaving the library.
This was the first time he’d been alone in the last twenty-four hours. He hadn’t been able to bring himself to leave Regulus’ side, nor had he wanted to face the fact his sobriety count had reset. Starting over was always the worst part. The memory of relief so fresh in your mind, the guilt of giving in urging you to give in one more time.
He was regretting not throwing out all the bottles when he had the chance, though, it didn’t matter now. Molly and Arthur had their own little stash in the kitchen now. The temptation was far stronger than his moral code.
Not that. Just a tea. Just make yourself a tea.
Sirius approached the kitchen door and-
Great.
It was already open, and the sound of Jazz music, along with the clanging and banging that indicated someone was cooking, was spilling out into the hallway.
Sirius stepped inside and immediately regretted that decision. It was a mess. Pots and pans cleaning themselves in the sink, splashing water all over the floor. Cooling cracks with biscuits, stacked haphazardly on top of each other. The oven on, filled to the brim with muffins and rolls.
And Molly was only adding more fuel to the fire, rolling out dozens of little pastries and filling them some vegetable mix. Offcuts everywhere, flour everywhere else.
She’ll clean it up later, Sirius told himself as he resisted the urge to rouse on her for turning his kitchen into such a disaster.
“Molly,” he said as he went to turn on the kettle.
“Hello dear,” Molly replied. She didn’t look up from what she was doing, continuing to churn out pastry after pastry. “Just getting ready for the children, you’re all welcome to help yourselves to any of this, Merlin knows it’ll be gone the moment my kids show up.”
Sirius nodded as he pulled down a mug and a teabag.
“So, it’s still just the twins, Ron and Ginny?”
Molly sighed, rolling out the next piece of pastry with a little more force than necessary, “At the moment, yes.”
Sirius nodded, tapping his fingers in time with the Jazz as he wanted for the water to boil. He wasn’t going to push the subject.
When the kettle began to whistle, Sirius turned it off and filled his mug with water. Leaving it to steep, Sirius picked up the daily prophet and read the headlines.
“Still nothing on Voldemort I see,” he muttered.
“And there won’t be for the foreseeable future. Arthur said his department is the only one taking any of this seriously.”
“Surely the Aurors are doing something just in case?”
Molly huffed, “All they have right now are orders to take you into custody.”
Sirius dropped the paper on the counter with his own huff.
Of course they did.
“Fudge is going to get us all killed,” he muttered as he summoned the milk and poured a little into his mug.
Molly didn’t reply that time.
Sirius didn’t blame her.
She lost Gideon and Fabian in the last war and now she had seven kids. Five of whom were of age and able to join the fight whether she liked it or not. There wasn’t much she could do aside from worry.
He understood that.
He was trapped here, inside Grimmauld Place, unable to join the fight no matter how badly he wanted to. He couldn’t protect Remus. He couldn’t protect Harry.
I can barely protect Regulus from himself…
Sirius sipped his tea. He was hoping Remus was making some kind of headway without him.
“Molly, before the kids all get here… I need to make sure we’re on the same page about some of our… rules.”
Molly paused, midway through folding a pastry. She spun around and met Sirius’ eye, her lips pursed.
“The rules?”
Sirius nodded and took another sip of tea.
Just blame it all on the house
“Yes, about the… doors remaining locked and… err… cupboards.”
“Oh yes, yes verry sorry about leaving it unlocked yesterday. I’ll make sure the kids know, but I really don’t understand why-”
“No, Molly it’s…”
Blame it on the Blacks.
“… the house is full of dark magic. The doors we have locked need to stay locked, that includes the front door and cupboards in the kitchen. Yesterday… we had an incident.”
“What do you mean?”
“When you and Arthur left the front door unlocked, it allowed foreign…”
Merlin, please don’t let Molly be a secret dark magic enthusiast
“… magical energy to enter the house and it caused disruptions. Curse traps were set off, luckily it was just… err… Kreature… who copped the brunt of it, so we are all fine but…”
Sirius gestured to the kitchen cupboards, “The house has a tendency to… err… send objects… flying at random intervals. So… the knives and other sharp or potentially dangerous objects need to be magically locked away.”
Sirius gave Molly the most convincing nod he could muster, “make sense?”
Molly raised an eyebrow, “is there a reason why you didn’t mention this before?”
Poor planning and too many lies?
“Slipped my mind sorry… thought I mentioned it but I guess not… at least it’s all been sorted before the kids get here, right?”
Molly re-pursed her lips and let out a sharp, disapproving puff of air, but nodded. “Yes, alright.” She crossed her arms, “Any other dangerous and harmful dark magic we should be aware of?”
Sirius shook his head, “no, just what I’ve mentioned.”
“Well, please let me know if you happen to have just, forgotten any other important information. This is supposed to be a safe house, after all.”
Sirius took another sip of his tea, mostly as an excuse to not say anything else. He’d already dug a hole and didn’t want to condemn himself as an irresponsible housemate any further.
Without any more input, Molly turned back around and continued cooking as if Sirius wasn’t there. Though her new pastries weren’t nearly as perfectly shaped as the previous ones and seemed to take double the noise.
Sirius took that as his cue to leave.
He continued sipping his tea, as he climbed the stairs and headed toward Regulus’ room. He’d kept it close by all night after yesterday’s incident, just in case, and right now it seemed like the perfect remedy for his own worries.
“Accio Notebook ‘79.”
Sirius sat himself down on the armchair and held out his hand, just in time for Notebook ‘79 to come flying his way. He hadn’t had a chance to flip through it much yet, but it had everything from the AC/DC ’79 album and had been waiting for a chance to start learning a few songs.
Still can’t believe I didn’t listen to Marls about them
Eventually he landed on A Touch Too Much, picked up his guitar and started strumming.
It wasn’t overly difficult, but he was still unfamiliar enough with the song that he couldn’t just play by ear. That turned out to be a good challenge though, because by the time he had the verse first and chorus down, Remus stuck his head through the door.
“You ready for some lunch Pads? Sounds great by the way.”
Sirius ginned and quickly jumped into a short riff, “You think?”
Remus rolled his eyes and muttered something like show off, but Sirius caught the smirk on his face.
Worth it.
Sirius set the instrument on his brother’s bed and caught up too Remus, who was walking back downstairs behind Regulus.
“You guys got any requests?”
“Toastie?”
“You are an insult to my cooking ability, you know that right?”
Remus chuckled, “If I said it in French, would that make it better?”
Sirius tapped him on the head, causing Remus to laugh even harder.
“Regulus? Would you like ennuyeuse food too?”
This actually managed to get a slight chuckle out of Regulus, though it put an end to Remus’.
“I refute that statement.”
“But you don’t even know what I said?”
“But I know you and there is no way ‘on-oo-es’ means anything positive.”
Sirius laughed. Guess I’ve pulled that one a few times too many.
“Alright Moony, ennuyeuse toasties for everyone.”
With that, the three of them continued downstairs into the kitchen, which Sirius was very happy to see, perfectly clean.
---
Regulus
“Ahh, you found me Reg,” Cissy laughed as he pulled back the curtain. She had hidden behind curtains of the living room, but Regulus knew that spot. Sius always went there.
“My turn?”
“Yes. I’ll count and you go.”
Regulus grinned and as Cissy covered her eyes, he jumped into action. He already knew where he was hiding.
“One, two, three…”
As quietly as he could, Regulus ran to the back of the lounge and laid down on his tummy.
“… four, five, six…”
Go, go, go
Regulus wriggled forwards, squeezing himself into the gap between the wall and the lounge. Sius said he used to go here all the time, but he was too big now and only Regulus could fit.
“… seven, eight, nine…”
He wriggled in a little further, just enough to make sure his feet wouldn’t stick out the end. His hands ran over a little crack in the floorboards and Regulus stopped. That meant he was hidden.
Come and get me Cissy, he giggled silently.
“Ten! Coming for-”
“Narcissa, out. This is adult business.”
Aunt Della?
“But mother I-”
“Narcissa! I said out.”
Oh no…
Regulus wriggled backwards. If Cissy wasn’t allowed, then he wasn’t allowed. He had to get out. He couldn’t be in here. He slipped back further, but before he could get past the crack, he could hear Cissy run out the door. He was too slow. More footsteps thundered in. Lots of them.
No, no I have to get out
“Everyone, please take a seat, we have much to discuss.”
Regulus bit his lip, balling his hands into fists as he heard all the adults sitting down.
No, don’t start now. I’m not allowed. I can’t be here.
“Eris please, share your news.”
No, stop, stop
“Thank you, Walburga. Now as many of you know, the Dark Lord has been gaining followers in our circles for some time. I have already declared my support for him, and I believe you should all consider joining his ranks. Encourage, your families to follow his lead.”
Stop talking. Please stop talking.
“Ms Carrow, we all know what happened to those who followed Grindlewald. Who is to say this ‘Dark Lord’ won’t lead us down the same route?”
Regulus’ heart was racing as the adults spoke. He was not supposed to be listening to them talk. He had to keep still now. There was no other choice. He had to hide until they were done.
“He is brilliant, Adrian. You remember him in school, and he is head and shoulders more talented than that failure ever was.”
“Walburga, I understand but-”
“Mr Rosier, please this is an opportunity we cannot pass up-”
“Adrian, the longer you wait, the further down his ranks you will fall.”
Regulus held his breath and tried to tune out his mother’s voice. She couldn’t find him. She couldn’t know he was here.
“Please, let me show you all his power. His symbol. Morsmordre.”
The room darkened, Regulus felt a cold chill wash over him as everything in his sight turned a sickening shade of green. Regulus shut his eyes. It was too scary. It was too much. He wanted to go with Cissy. He wanted to get out.
He didn’t realise his breathing wasn’t so quiet anymore.
“Regulus?!”
No…
Something grabbed his ankles, and Regulus was yanked into the open. He kept his eyes shut tightly. He could feel everyone staring at him. His cheeks were all wet.
“Regulus. Arcturus. Black. You disgraceful-”
“Walburga, please allow me. You are still needed in this meeting, I am his godmother, I will take care of this for you.”
I’m sorry, please no.
“Thank you, Eris. Regulus? Ms Carrow is going to take you upstairs.”
No… Not Es…
“Mama-” Regulus started choking out, but he stopped midsentence, his voice completely gone. He opened his eyes and saw his godmother’s wand at his throat and a scary look in her eyes.