Chapter 4
Whilst Remus' friends flittered about their dormitory, spraying various colognes and using copious amounts of hair gel, he couldn't help but feel like he was about to miss out on something so much more interesting than a night in the library reading about a love potion. As he changed out of his crinkled up school shirt, and pulled on a thickly-knitted jumper, Sirius wandered over to him and put his hands on his shoulders.
"Want one?" Sirius offered, holding a cigarette in front of the werewolf's nose. Remus took it gratefully, and used the tip of his wand to ignite the tobacco. He took a long, hard drag, and tried to relax his back muscles as he exhaled. Sirius watched his friend closely. "What's up mate?"
"Just can't be bothered to sit with Y/N for hours and feel stupid when she's reading 8th year Potions books, is all." he mumbled, holding the cigarette to his mouth.
"Ah mate, it'll be over before you know it. It's shit you won't be here for the start, but everyone knows parties only get good when they're at least 3 hours in," Sirius said, trying to put a positive spin on the situation, "I'm actually a bit jealous."
Remus turned around and furrowed his brows at his friend.
"Why?" he asked curiously.
"Like I said this morning, there's something about Little Miss Genius. Call me mental, but in my old age I've decided that the clever girls are always the hottest." the sex-driven boy spoke, a mischievous glimmer sparkling in his black eyes. "Was sort of hoping she'd be partial to coming tonight."
Remus clenched his teeth absent-mindedly. For reasons unbeknownst to him, he disliked the idea of Sirius trying it on with Y/N. It just...wouldn't be right.
"Yeah well, speak for yourself. The girl bloody hates me." he muttered, inhaling more smoke as his mind raced, causing him a slight tension headache around his temples.
"Nah, the girl hates everyone. You just notice it more because you're both too similar." Prongs announced, eavesdropping on Sirius' and Remus' conversation. He'd already drank half a bottle of Firewhiskey in an attempt to gain 'liquid confidence', not that he needed anymore of either.
"In what world am I similar to her?" Remus practically spat, ruffled at the proposition. Of course, he knew there were some minor similarities between himself and Y/N. Since the 1st year, the two of them were recognised as their year's cleverest students. And yes, he could be quiet at times, but surely that wasn't cause for her to despise him?
"Moony, you really are oblivious mate," Sirius chuckled, "It's pretty obvious she's got some sort of earth-shattering secret that would ruin her entire life if anybody were to ever found it out."
"Sound familiar?" Peter grinned from across the room, joining in on the conversation. Sirius and James both raised their eyebrows at the confounded werewolf.
"How long have you guys been thinking that one up, eh?" he asked, feeling his neck burn up.
"The Map says it all," James said, motioning towards the bedside drawer in which the Marauder's finest invention lay, "She paces a lot, she spends hours in the library, and if she's not in the library then she's lingering around the astronomy tower until at least 4 in the morning. Suspicious behaviour, is it not?"
"So? She probably just gets stressed out about school. You know what she's like - like when she failed a charms practical and came in the next day knowing 6th year level content. That was in 1st year!" Remus argued, trying to find a way out of this.
"Ah, but Moony, there's being impossibly clever, and then there's being secretive. Two very different things," Sirius explained, "Trust me, you'll start noticing it now we've told you. Just you wait."
"You're all crazy. We are not alike." Remus said defensively.
"Mhmm, whatever you say. Next time I catch you pacing in the lead up to the full moon, I'll remind you of this." James smiled, taking another swig of Firewhiskey.
"Damn right we will." Sirius agreed. Peter let out a snort, and Remus watched the 3 boys with a steady glare as they all continued getting ready for the evening. He took another few drags of his burnt out cigarette, and reached over to James' bottle.
"Give me that-" he said under his breath, and drank the rest of the amber liquid as the boys around him exploded into laughter.
They all knew they'd gotten under his skin, but what was worse was that Remus knew they were right.
...
Y/N had already been in the library for an hour before her Potions partner made an appearance. After dinner, she'd made a quick stop off at her dorm to change out of her uniform, putting on a slightly worn black jumper and a pair of blue denim jeans. She'd taken her hair out of the plait she'd been wearing all day, leaving it waved but still manageable enough to tuck behind her ears. Her mascara had smudged a little, but having decided it wasn't worth the effort, she left the dark stains around her eyes as they were. After all, she was going to the library, not a ball. She even had time to smoke a Malboro Gold cigarette before she made her way to study, but not enough time to particularly enjoy it. Of course, she was well aware that smoking was a nasty habit, but she had to have one fatal flaw, and that was it.
Prior to Remus making his entrance, Y/N had taken it upon herself to grab a selection of books revolving around Amortentia, and was found reading it contently when the boy did show up. Her peace was disturbed when she heard the dreaded sound of him clearing his throat from opposite the table.
"Hello." he said, eying her blankly.
"Hello." was all she could think to say.
There was a moment of awkward silence as he shuffled around, taking a seat and putting his bag on the table. Neither of them knew what to say, seeing as this was the first time Remus had really spoken to her outside of classes, and it was Y/N's first time speaking with - well, anybody - away from the usual bustle of Hogwarts life. She watched as he picked up the first book from the towering pile next to her and read the cover.
"How did you find all of these?" Remus asked, flicking through it without really reading a word. At this, Y/N's face shifted from expressionless to one of confusion.
"I mean, look around, we're in a-"
"No, I mean, how did you know where to find them?" Remus interrupted, not giving her the chance to finish her facetious comment.
"Oh," she said plainly, "I've already read them, so I knew where to look. Actually, the one you're holding is quite good."
Remus placed it on the table, trying to hide how impressed he was that she'd actually read every single book on their table. Say what you wanted about Y/N, but no one could deny her mind was really quite brilliant. For a moment, he almost forgot what he was here to do.
"Have you decided how you want to write this essay?" he asked, leaning towards her on his elbows. He was quite a bit taller than her (almost a foot, to be exact), and her eyes flickered up at him from across the table.
"I have a few ideas. Of course, you're welcome to add your own," she said, sliding a neatly written plan over to him, "I hope you know that this assignment needs to be better than O-worthy."
Remus laughed lightly, nodding as he picked up the piece of parchment.
"Don't worry, I didn't expect anything less."
He studied her plan, acknowledging that it was quite extensive, but feeling confident that it was doable. Until he came across one particular notation that was written in smaller handwriting near the bottom of the page.
'Brew a batch of Amortentia?' - was what it read. He turned the plan towards Y/N and pointed at the note.
"Brew it? You're kidding," he said, trying not to choke on his own saliva, "Do you know how hard it is to make? It takes 9 bloody days - not to mention it's forbidden in school. They could expel us if they saw us even getting the ingredients!"
"I'm well aware, Lupin," Y/N replied sternly, rolling her eyes, "That's why I've but a question-mark next to it. But I've thought it through, and getting the ingredients wouldn't be an issue seeing as Slughorn's classroom is basically never locked, and we'd just have to be careful where we brewed it..."
"No. Absolutely not. I thought you were supposed to be bright? We could get in so much trouble." Remus declared, looking at the girl and wondering whether she was crazy or just plain stupid.
"Never took you as a stickler for school rules..." she mumbled, finding his reaction a little over the top.
"And I never took you as a bloody idiot." he replied. They both narrowed their eyes at each other, and Remus quickly realised that she was one hundred percent serious. He was baffled.
"Fine. I just thought it would be a good way to better understand its effects. I didn't mean bottle it up and sell it, like your friends would probably try and do." she said, leaning back in her chair in defeat. Remus sighed sharply and shook his head.
"Whatever... Other than that, the plan is good. What do you want to start with?"
"The history, I think," Y/N said, feeling slightly relieved that the boy sat across from her was ready to focus on the task at hand, "This book here has a lot of stuff on the wizard who discovered it. Here." She passed him an unnecessarily large leather-bound book that looked older than Hogwarts himself, and Remus watched (undeniably dumbfounded) as she turned the book to the right page by raising her hand out from across the table.
"How did you learn wandless magic?" he asked, too impressed to not react to Y/N's hidden skill.
"I just practised, I guess. Simple spells aren't hard to do. You should try it." she said, trying to hide a small smile that snuck its way to her lips. Remus noticed this.
"It's...it's cool." he grinned. At this, Y/N couldn't help but smile brightly. It wasn't that she wasn't used to have people comment on her magical talents, but it felt good that someone equally as inclined as herself thought she was 'cool', even if he was a Marauder.
The two of them worked for a few hours before another conversation sparked. Y/N actually found herself enjoying it, at once point in the evening. She began to think that perhaps she had been too quick to judge Remus by his choice of company. He was observant and showed a genuine interest in Potions, which she appreciated, but he also added his own ideas to the project. Although the two of them were both fully aware that they wouldn't finish the assignment until at least Christmas, what with the sheer amount there was to do, she decided that night that their study sessions perhaps wouldn't be as unbearable as she first thought.
She started noticing small things about him too, to her own surprise. Like the large scar that ran across his face that was surrounded with smaller, less prominent cuts. She also noticed the colour of his hair - she used to think it was just a boring mousy brown, but in the library's lanterns, little flecks of auburn shone through, catching the light. He was slim, but not lanky. Underneath his thick jumper, his arms were well-built, and his jawline was more distinguished than she'd previously observed. His eyelashes were long, and shadowed over his light brown eyes that, in minor interludes, appeared amber.
Y/N couldn't help but wonder why he was always littered with cuts and scars. She'd heard the rest of his friends joke about his clumsiness, but his injuries always seemed far too extreme to have been caused by mere tumbles and falls. That being said, she didn't know half the things the Marauders got up to - for all she knew, 'clumsiness' could very well be the reason he always looked so beaten up.
"Y'know, I reckon Amortentia is the most dangerous potion I've ever read about." Remus declared, causing Y/N to look up from her piece of parchment and cock her head. The silence between the two of them had been, for the first time, comfortable - she'd almost forgotten about the need for discussion.
"How so? Have you forgotten about the Draught of Living Death?" she asked, wondering what had made him say such a thing.
"If you think about it, a potion that makes you infatuated with somebody suggests that the brewer could use it to manipulate a person entirely," he explained, thinking out loud, "If it got in the hands of the wrong person, they could use it to control an entire army of people if they wanted to." Y/N found his idea intriguing, but challenged it none the less.
"But surely if somebody used it on that many people, the 'army' would end up destroying itself over pure envy?"
"Which is exactly why I think it's so dangerous. You'd be so madly in love that you wouldn't stop to think rationally if someone tried to get in the way. You'd do anything for that person, even if it meant killing." Remus expressed.
"Well, maybe the potion isn't the issue. Maybe love as a concept is the problem," Y/N stated, furrowing her eyebrows as she thought deeper on the idea, "I mean, plenty of people have died because of a broken heart, or found themselves in prison over their obsession to protect the one they love. The only difference is that if you take this potion, you don't get to choose who it is you'd die for."
Remus looked at Y/N inquisitively. In this moment, he found her really quite captivating - her mind worked just as analytically as his, and he liked that he challenged her. But her comment struck him.
"So you think we get to choose who we love?" he asked, his voice softening unintentionally. The girl opposite him studied his face, before nodding her head.
"Of course. You wouldn't love someone that only wanted to hurt you, would you?"
"I disagree. Love destroys rationality."
"I believe you can love and still be logical," Y/N concluded, "Which is why people go looking for it. And I think that's what separates the effects of Amortentia from true, incandescent love."
Remus couldn't help but notice the innocence that seemed to emit from the girl he was looking at. Despite the topic of their debate sprouting from the assignment, he wondered to himself if she'd ever found herself in love. He knew he hadn't, but that was only because he never let himself get close enough to someone to love them. Perhaps she was the same?
"What if that was our thesis, for the project - the differences between love and Amortentia." he proposed, trying to stay on track. Y/N blinked and pulled herself back together, having momentarily slipped away from the task. She sat up straight and pushed her hair back behind her ears.
"I think that would be good." she agreed, smiling. The boy smiled back at her.
"Great."
...
It was 11:00pm when Y/N and Remus were intruded on by a rather drunk and disorderly Sirius Black, who had managed (miraculously) to sneak his way through the winding corridors of Hogwarts to the library which had been empty bar the two students for quite some time. He was surprised to see his best friend and Y/N still sat together, working hard on their assignment.
"Moony!" he shouted, making both of the students jump and twist their heads towards the source of the noise. Sirius stood a few meters away, his hair slightly dishevelled and his white shirt unbuttoned and covered in what appeared to be red wine, "Everyone was wondering where the fuck you were, so I came looking for you!"
Y/N bit her lip and raised her eyebrows as Remus stood up quickly. It reminded her that no matter how clever Remus Lupin was, he was still a Marauder that would rather get drunk at a party than think about anything worth his time. Just like that, she came back down to Earth - how stupid had she been to think he was different?
"Fuck, Pads, I forgot," he rambled, messily grabbing sheets of parchment, quills, and books from their desk and shoving them carelessly into his bag, "It's not too late, is it?"
"Woah, chill out. It's fine, we have plenty of time. Just wanted to make sure you got your chance to grace the common room," Sirius said, drawling his words slightly, "Speaking of, will you be gracing me with your presence tonight, Miss L/N?"
Y/N scoffed at Sirius' drunk question, and met his eyes with a firm gaze.
"As much as I'd love to spend the night with you Sirius, I'd rather stay here and do something a little more worth-while." she said sarcastically, her mouth twisting into a grimace.
"You mean, doing me wouldn't be worthwhile? You break my heart, Y/N!" he exclaimed, putting a hand on her chest. Y/N rolled her eyes, and sighed, wishing both boys would just piss off so she could finally, finally be alone. She'd had enough of the Marauders to last her a lifetime.
"Shut up mate. Let's just go, she doesn't want to come." Remus said quietly, putting a hand on his drunk friend's shoulder. Y/N looked up at the boy, who gave her an apologetic look as if to say 'Please ignore this dickhead'. Nevertheless, she'd been brought back to reality, and pulled away from his gaze expressionlessly. She didn't have time for this.
"She might not want to come, but I definitely could make her." Sirius grinned, throwing a wink at Y/N. At this, she finally snapped.
"Oh Sirius, can you just fuck off? And you too, Lupin." she said angrily, finding the dark-haired boy nothing short of revolting. She hated how Remus adored him - it made him just as bad.
"Fine, God, we'll go. I'll see you in a few days." Remus said, throwing his hands up in the air as the girl he'd gotten on with so well just moments before cursed him out. Her temper truly was not to be reckoned with.
"Yeah, whatever." was all she replied.
As Remus walked himself and Sirius away, he threw a quick glance back at Y/N, and wondered if things would be different if she just let herself have fun for once.
"Guessing the studying didn't go too well then?" Sirius mumbled. Remus could only sigh at his intoxicated friend.
'Actually, it went better than I could've expected until you showed your face.' he silently thought to himself, before quietly opening the library door and sneaking back to the Common Room, where the rest of the world seemed to be far less civilised.