Chapter 5
It was 2:00a.m when Y/N decided to head back to the Common Room. In the 3 hours she'd spent studying alone, she'd filled the table with pieces of parchment covered in notes, scribbles, diagrams, and timelines. Her partner leaving early meant that she was hesitant to actually start the essay herself, but her night's work meant that when Remus finally decided to focus fully on their assignment, she'd be ready too.
It was irritating that he was so quick to get up and leave after the two of them had spent so long debating and creating the basis for their project - why start something if you're not going to finish it? Y/N always knew there was a reason why she tried to stay away from Remus Lupin, and tonight had proven it. Like all Marauders, you never knew what you were getting yourself into; even if he was smart, no one would ever be as dedicated to school as she was.
In her first year, Y/N had discovered her love for late-night library studying pretty early on into the term, but getting back to the common room when she was 11 was always something she dreaded. She was terrified of teachers catching her out of bed when she shouldn't be, and even more terrified of the black, winding corridors of the school. The dark had always been her greatest fear, because she knew that too many things could happen in the dark that usually wouldn't happen in the light. Her parents were to blame for that. Even now, at the age of 16, her chest still tightened at the thought of tip-toeing into pitch black and getting lost amongst the endless bumps and turns of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. But, as she'd gotten older, she'd found better ways to cope with it.
The unusually timid girl stood staring at the dark, eerie passageway in front of her, having left the warm comforts of the library, and took a deep breath to focus. Tonight, the 'lumos' charm wouldn't quite cut through her fear - she needed something that provided more protection.
"Expecto Patronum." she whispered, almost silently. A second or two passed by before anything happened (Y/N almost began to think her spell hadn't worked), but before she lost her concentration, an animal burst from the tip of her wand in a waterfall of bright, silver light. She smiled at the animal as it flew high above her head.
It was a phoenix.
It wasn't the first time Y/N had met her beautiful Patronus, but every time she did it brought her warmth and comfort. The phoenix itself represented a strength of heart, reminding the young witch of how she'd risen from the ashes of her life's trials and become more driven every time. She knew it was a rare Patronus to have, which is why no one knew she could cast one - she didn't want to answer questions. As far as everyone else was concerned, only Albus Dumbledore could cast a corporeal phoenix, and Y/N was perfectly fine with that.
The wispy phoenix began flying ahead of the girl, lighting the corridor and beckoning her to follow. With every step, she soon forgot about the shrouding blackness that surrounded her, and kept her eyes solely on the bird. It circled above like a halo, dipping and diving like a ballerina on stage. Her eyes lit up brightly when the creature slowly came to a stop outside of the Fat Lady's sleeping portrait. Her Patronus hovered by her face, and bowed it's flickering forehead against her own.
"Thank you." she breathed, and watched tenderly as the phoenix disappeared, leaving threads of silver in its place. Without hesitation, she entered the Common Room.
...
Remus Lupin's night had been nothing short of turbulent. Having spent a comfortably calm evening in the library with a girl that both scared the shit out of him and fascinated him at the same time, the Gryffindor party provided him with something he liked to refer to as a 'sensory overload'. After Sirius had dragged him into the thick of it, it wasn't long before he found himself completely wasted on God-knows how much Firewhiskey. After that, the night had gone by like a whirlwind.
He remembered James and Lily sneaking off out of sight behind the fireplace, and Sirius aggressively snogging someone that looked distinctively like Teresa Berlitz on the sofa. Peter had left the party early after throwing up a particularly nasty concoction of red wine and vodka, and even Remus himself had found himself cornered momentarily between an obviously lustful Sasha Monnet. Although he couldn't quite recall how he'd gotten out of the situation, Sasha's angry face stayed prominent in his mind, suggesting he'd have some apologies to make in the morning.
But that was by far the least of the werewolf's concerns. Now, he sat on the sofa in the empty, trashed up Common Room, smoking his last cigarette, and thinking about something he never thought he'd be thinking about.
Y/N L/N.
Over the past few hours of 5th year, she'd managed to (in colloquial terms) 'turn his world upside down'. Even the wolf in him had been inflicted - the smell of her hair and her clothes stuck to his nose as he reminisced over her features. How soft they'd been when they were alone, and how stone cold they'd turned when Sirius showed up in the library earlier that night. Her voice had haunted him for well over 24 hours now, and what was worse was that he couldn't escape it.
Remus was afraid. He'd been with girl's before, had plenty of sex over summer to keep him sane, yet it was Y/N he couldn't get out of his head...
"You're drunk, you idiot." he muttered under his breath, tapping the ash off the end of his cigarette before taking another heavy drag.
"You're drunk?" a voice said from behind him. The boy nearly fell off the sofa, feeling his heart skip a beat at the sound of another person's voice. What was worse was who's voice it was.
Y/N stood by the door, her hair flat and her eye-makeup smudged considerably more than it was earlier, suggesting in all the hours he'd been away, she hadn't left the library once. She looked tired, like she hadn't slept well in days.
"Please don't say you've been working this whole time." Remus groaned, pulling himself together and standing up, staggering slightly with the effort. He saw Y/N's eyes flicker down to the large stain on his jumper - a red wine stain that he'd somehow forgotten about until now.
"Well at least I've been more productive than you." she snapped, finding the boy's sorry state too pathetic to look at for longer than a second. She was exhausted, and all she wanted was her bed. Another minute with Remus Lupin would drive her insane.
"You're a barrel of laughs..." he muttered quietly as she walked away. Clearly not quietly enough. The witch spun around on one foot and glared at him in fury. Clearly, her exhaustion had got the better of her.
"God, why won't any of you just grow up?" she hissed, "Always acting like you're better than everyone because you drink and you party and you fuck anyone you want. What is your problem?"
Remus was stunned, but in his drunken state, containing his exasperation was harder than he expected.
"What's my problem? Jesus, what's your problem? You've never even properly spoken to me, yet you've managed to make it pretty fucking clear you hate me. What did I ever do to you?" he snapped, raising his voice and walking over to the girl in 5 swift paces. Y/N's eyes widened as the boy towered over her. She was surprised he'd finally bitten back at her, but not surprised enough to let it silence her.
"Hate you? I don't care enough about you to hate you! Lupin, you're a clever boy. You're talented and smart!" she shouted, running a hand through her hair in vexation, before lowering her tone, "Why do you bother hanging out with those boys when you could be so much better?"
The boy's face softened, going from twisted anger to puzzlement.
"What makes you think that having friends is impossible without fucking up exams?" he asked, trying to calm himself down by putting his cigarette to his lips and inhaling. Y/N felt trapped as he gazed down at her. For the first time in her life, she was struggling to find the words.
"I-it's not having friends that's the problem," she sighed, "I just...I don't know how you can get along with them so well when you're so different."
Remus raised his eyebrows. He felt sorry for her as he watched the cogs in her mind turn - and then it clicked. She didn't hate him. She hated what he had. And she was right, he was different (more different than she could ever know), but she had no friends of her own. It surprised him that she hadn't died of loneliness already.
The boy bit the inside of his cheek, and held out the half-finished cigarette to her. She feigned a look of disgust, to which he rolled his eyes.
"I smelt smoke on you on the train the other day. You're fooling no one." At this, Y/N took it from him. She was too tired to argue anymore, and closed her eyes as she inhaled what was left of it, before tilting her head back in retaliation.
"I don't hate you. And I'm sorry for making it seem like that," she apologised, "It's just difficult to comprehend what makes me so unlikeable, sometimes."
"But you're not unlikeable-"
"Lupin, if I wasn't I'd have friends, like you do." she said, cutting him off, "I know I've done it to myself, but I'm just jealous."
Y/N could hardly believe the words were coming out of her mouth. She was confessing, and it made her feel weak. She felt so stupid. But Remus' brown eyes shone with only kindness, which was the least she deserved, and that's what stopped her from running away.
"Even if you're right, Y/N, it's not too late to make friends," he felt the alcohol rush to his head as he spoke, "I could be your friend."
The witch looked up at him and laughed, finding it hard to take him seriously.
"Why would you want to be my friend?" she asked.
"Like you said, we're different. And even if you've never been particularly fond of me, I've always found you quite inspiring," he rambled, "Yes, you know stuff that even 8th year students don't know, and yes you're the top of the class at everything, but I think there's much more to you than just books and cleverness."
Y/N bit her lip, feeling her cheeks heating up. Remus' drunken words reminded her of how sober and aware she really was. Would he be so kind to her if he hadn't been drinking all night? Something told her he would.
"I don't even know how to be a friend to someone." she said quietly, feeling a little broken and far too exposed.
"It's not difficult. I can show you." the boy replied, cracking a small smile at the little witch. Remus saw himself in her, just like his friend's had told him. She hadn't been as lucky as him, what with James, Sirius, and Peter being there when he needed them, but maybe the reason why he'd been unable to stop thinking about her for so long was because he knew she needed someone?
"Hm, okay. I'd like that," she smiled back. She'd been so wrapped up in the interaction that she had hardly noticed the mess around her. As the cigarette Remus had given her burnt and fizzled out, she realised where she was, "God, what happened in here?"
"Wish I could tell you, but I'm struggling to remember a thing," Remus chuckled, scratching the back of his neck and spinning around on his foot to look at the damages done to their prized Common Room, "It's gonna take years to clean this place up."
Y/N stepped forward, standing next to the boy, and pulled out her wand. Remus cocked his head, confused at what spell she could possibly know that would bring the Common Room back to its original state.
"Scourgify," she muttered, pointing her wand towards the chaos, "Tergeo."
The two of them stood in silence as the room repaired itself. Spilt drinks disappeared, glass bottle lined themselves up neatly along the windowsill, and tables and chairs returned themselves to their rightful places. Y/N even had to nudge Remus to move his foot off a small shard of broken glass as it tried to escape to the bin. In a matter of seconds, the room looked as though no one had ever been in it.
"Where did you learn that?" Remus asked, taking in the sight of the Common Room's newfound tidiness.
"Quintessence:A Quest. It's a good book. You should read it." Y/N said, tucking her wand back into her pocket and hoisting her bag further up her shoulder.
"I take it back. Maybe you are just books and cleverness." the boy grinned, teasing the girl stood next to him.
"Probably," she shrugged, returning the grin, "Goodnight Remus. And thank you."
"Goodnight Y/N."
And with that, Remus Lupin was once again alone with his thoughts in an empty room.