Chasing Stars

Regulus Black was always the less favored child. Even when Sirius broke things, or got into Gryffindor. Even in that last argument before Sirius left, and never came home. This was for a lot of reasons, but most of all it was because Regulus was not always Regulus. He, or should it be said she at the time, was named Vega black, after the brightest star in the Lyra constellation. When Regulus was 10 years old, he decided he was a boy, and when he told Walburga Black, she was not happy.

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“We are not talking of this anymore, Vega” His mother spoke quietly, like she was scared the more she spoke of it, the more real it would become, “You are not a boy, you are confused. You are just barely 10, how could you possibly know this for sure?” She rolled her eyes and looked back at Sirius, who was arguing with Kreacher about something or other. It was late autumn when Regulus brought up the topic. He had already told Sirius, although he thinks his brother already knew much before Regulus brought up the courage to tell him. Walburga was standing in the dining room,

Being born in the wrong gender wasn’t exactly a new topic for with’s and wizards, nor was it a very political topic. Most magic folks were open to the idea of transgender people. However, to most noble and ancient houses, it was a bit of a tender subject. These wizards and witches, while not outwardly offended by Transgender people, did not like when THEIR children came to them saying that they were transgender.

“Mother please, if you would just listen-” Regulus tried to reason, if she would just hear him out then maybe-

Walburga grabbed his wrist and pulled him toward her quickly, her grip on him so tight he was sure there would be a bruise. “Stop it, young lady,” She got up to his face, so close he could smell her breath, and see the spit coming from her harsh words. “ This conversation is over, I will not let you keep this grandeur going any longer. I know that you admire your brother, and Andromeda’s transition may have confused you but this is just becoming ridiculous,” she dragged him down the hall, opened the door to the pantry, and threw him up to the ground. Regulus hit the floor with a hard thud, facing down instead of looking at his mother. “You are going to stay here until you’ve learned your lesson, Vega. I am done with this fight you keep starting, and hopefully, after spending a few days in darkness, you’ll have enough time to think this through. Is this worth this chaos?” Walburga sneers at her son, and slams the door shut, leaving Regulus in complete silence.

That night, while Kreacher is in the pantry putting the ingredients from dinner away, he and Regulus talk. That was the night that Regulus made his first true friend. It was also the night that Regulus Black cut his hair with dull kitchen scissors.

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It was September 1st, 1972, Regulus Black's first day at Hogwarts, and tonight was the night that could either make or ruin his life for the next 7 years.

While Walburga was still not happy about Regulus’ continued insistence that he was transgender, there wasn’t much she could do about it, and every time his hair grew out or she hexed it to grow, he simply cut it, making it a very moot point in the end. This night, however, terrified Regulus. Because when he was to be sorted, Professor McGonagall would call out his dead name and he would be remembered as Vega Black for his entire school years. The hall was beautiful, and the cheeriness of current students helped relieve most first years of their nerves. Sirius Black, forever a menace, was loudly talking to his fellow Gryffindors at the red-lined table while every once in a while looking worriedly over at his younger brother, trying to give him a reassuring smile. It was not working. Regulus was jittery, his nerves felt aflame and he couldn’t stop his hands from shaking. He had always prided himself on his stoic demeanor and yet at this moment, he couldn’t help be scared. He wanted to be with his brother, he wanted to make his mother like him more, he wanted to make friends, he wanted the stupid bloody hat to ignore him altogether and just forget he even existed, at least then he wouldn’t have to deal with the embarrassment of correcting the misname that would surely be on the sheet of paper currently in Mcgonagals hands.

Regulus looked towards his brother, hoping to see that crooked smile one last time before he was surely sent to his doom. Instead, all he found was another boy looking closely at him. James Potter. Regulus remembered his name and face, how couldn’t he? Sirius was borderline obsessed with this boy. He had pictures of them together scattered all over his walls and every letter Sirius wrote Reggie over last year was all about how amazing his best friend James Potter was. It was annoying. He was jealous. Now, Potter was looking at him, almost like there was something about Regulus that he couldn’t understand. Regulus wasn’t exactly new to these looks. When you are the son of the Black family and you don’t look quite right by other standards, you get a lot of looks. This one felt different though. It was almost like Potter was concerned, and while Sirius doted over Reggie so consistently he felt suffocated, Regulus was not used to getting goggled by cute boys from across a hall. Now that he thought it, it sounds an awful lot like something he shouldn’t be thinking at all. His situation is bad enough without throwing an egotistical, albeit very cute, boy who’s his brother's best friend into the mix. They make eye contact momentarily and Regulus has to try very hard not to react when Potter smiles at him softly, giving a tiny yet awkward wave before Regulus turns his head so quickly that his neck aches.

“Birot, Mindy” Regulus hears the name being called and suddenly remembers there are more pressing matters than his brother's strange friends. Regulus looks over to the girl on the stool as the Sorting Hat yells “GRYFFINDOR” loudly throughout the hall. The girl, Mindy, bounces off the seat and quickly walks over to the red table. She is welcomed by everyone quickly, Lily Evans specifically lets her sit next the her and her friends.

Regulus looks back to Professor McGonagall when he realizes she hasn’t read the next name yet. She looks confused, reading the paper as if there's something on it she doesn’t quite understand, and in this moment Regulus understands why. His name is next. Time feels like it’s slowing down to him, he tenses his shoulders as he prepares for this moment. He will never be able to go back from this. When she reads out his dead name, that is what everyone will know him as and there is nothing he can do to stop it. “Black-,” Regulus looks over the staff table and sees Dumbledore sitting, looking at the young boy. There is a twinkle in his eye and a soft yet bright smile on his lips. “Regulus”. The boys' eyes snap back to Mcgonogall quickly. Time seems to resume and Regulus is stuck in place for a moment. Other first years begin looking at each other in confusion, which makes him realize that he is supposed to be doing something. He swiftly goes up the steps toward the sorting hat. Blood was rushing to his ears, and he couldn’t hear much of anything. Regulus sat down on the stool and looked toward the crowd of students. He saw his brother, smiling at him and he knew no matter what, Sirius would still be here for him at Hogwarts. His gaze shifted to the Potter boy, only a year older than him. James smiled at him and it took everything in Regulus not to smile back, trying to keep up his hard mask. There was undeniably something about that boy that Regulus couldn’t quite name, but it was hard not to like him. He was charming and pragmatic, and all the things regulus wasn’t. In a way, you could say he was jealous, at least, that’s what Regulus wants to think, but there was something more, like an admiration of sorts.

McGonagall put the hat on his head and gave him a small smile.

-Ahh Regulus Black, you seem nervous to be at Hogwarts. So what will it be? Your brother wanted to be in anything but Slytherin, if I remember right. Do you hold the same desire? Or do you want to follow in your parents steps?

R: I don’t care, I just want to be put somewhere I’ll belong.

-You don’t want to be with your brother?

R: My brother will always be there for me, I know it.

-I wouldn’t be so sure about that.

Regulus was about to ask what the hat meant, but he was interrupted by the very same cloth booming his decision throughout the hall. “SLYTHERIN”

The young boy looked at the green-clad table, full of students giving a polite clap of agreement. The loudest clap came from the Gryffindor table, Sirius standing up in excitement. Sirius looked over to Potter and the rest of his friends, smiling and yelling “That’s my brother!”. Regulus’ heart warmed at that. He had told Sirius that he was transgender years ago now, but that public display of support still meant a lot to the young boy. James looked at Sirius and then back to Regulus giving him that bright smile again. This time, Regulus, while walking to the Slytherin table, smiled back at him.

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The feast was boring, incredibly so actually, and it having been such a long day, Regulus was finding it rather hard to stay awake and alert. He was of course sitting next to the other first years, and while they all seemed excited, they were obviously very nervous to be there. There was one muggle-born who made it into Slytherin, and she looked petrified of all the upperclassmen. Even though he felt like dropping, Regulus was still the expected picture of perfection. Walburga will be happy he made it into Slytherin, but he knows she will never be proud of him. Even with Sirius’ “unfortunate personality”, he was still their mothers favorite. Sirius may hate to admit it, but they share many similarities. Speaking of Sirius, Regulus often found himself looking back to his older brother throughout the long feast. Maybe it was just out of habit, Sirius having protected him and looked out for him their entire lives, but Regulus couldn’t help but feel lost without the presence of his brother. He will never admit it, but Hogwarts gives him the worst anxiety, with all the unfamiliar people and strange noises, smells, and sounds.

Regulus was zoning out, looking at the ceiling with all the stars of the night sky being visible with the help of magic, when the rest of the table stood up, which he quickly joined in. It seems the welcome feast is over, as the Slytherin head boy stood and looked to all the first years.

“Alright everyone, follow me to your new dorms. I’ll show you all the way tonight, but you have to memorize it yourself, Hogwarts is a maze so you must do your best to remember where everything is,” The head boy, whom Regulus didn’t catch the name of, begins walking toward the Great Hall doors, earlier than the other houses, who are all still enjoying the feast. He leads the first years through multiple halls, down the stairs to the dungeons, where the Slytherin dorms are located. Regulus knew of this already, the perks of having a magic family, he supposes.

Once they stop at a large unassuming door, with what looks to be a golden snake statue wrapping around the top of it, the head boy looks back at them. “This is the entrance to the Slytherin common room. The password is Basilisk. Do not forget or you will be locked out until someone takes mercy on you to let you in, and in this house, that’s fairly rare.” He says the password and the large door slowly opens to them, revealing the oversized Common room. The first years walk inside their new house, all in awe of the dark yet inviting room. There is a large fireplace, with multiple big couches and chairs around it, with a table in the middle. Scattered throughout the room, there were also smaller tables, some with just one chair next to it, others with two or three. There were shelves of books on one wall and big paintings on the others, mostly with important figures inside. The real sight, however, was the large window taking up most of one wall, showcasing the lake, full of sea life, and supposedly a giant squid, though most have never seen it.

“Okay everyone, you still have about an hour before we all have to be in bed, so in that time, make yourselves at home. Your trunks and other belongings are already upstairs near the first-year dorms, and you can all choose your beds,” The head boy waits a moment, staring blankly at the first years, who are just looking back at him. “Well get to it! Honestly, why did I agree to this?” He walks away, towards a group of older students, presumably his friends. The other first years all run up to claim their beds and settle in, while Regulus hesitates.

R: Will I be let up to the boys' dormitory? I would rather sleep in the common room than go up to the girls' dorms. I’ll just wait here until everyone else goes up to bed and then I’ll try.

So he waits. He waits an hour and a half, the older students not in any rush to go to bed. Finally, though, the last small group of students decides they should probably get to bed, with classes starting bright and early tomorrow. Quietly, Regulus shuts the book he was reading and gets up from the small desk he was sitting at. He walks over to the girl's dormitory stairs and sighs. He doesn’t know how to feel about this whole situation. If he can go up these stairs, then what can he do? If magic decides he’s a girl, how can he argue? He slowly goes up the stairs, one step at a time.

He gets about halfway up the staircase, accepting his fate, when suddenly the stairs disappear from under him, “Ahh!” he shrieks, and now he is sliding down back down to the bottom, back to the common room. When he stops moving, he is lying there on his back, looking up at the ceiling, relief washes through him.

“Huh.”

“While that was kind of hilarious, I can’t believe someone is already trying to get up to the girl's dormitory,” A boy comes into Regulus’ vision. The boy had wavy light brown hair and beautiful hazel eyes, and he was smirking down at Regulus. Regulus’ cheeks flush and he quickly sits up, dusting off his shoulders, and tries to defend himself.

“N-no I wasn't, I would never,” He tries but the other boy simply raises an eyebrow at him. “I just” He stutters, “I thought that’s where I belonged I guess, that’s what my mother told me. That as soon as I started Hogwarts I would have to come to terms with the fact that I’m a girl.” He avoids eye contact with the other, suddenly feeling sheepish. Now the boy raises both eyebrows, then furrows them again.

“You don’t look much like a girl to me” Regulus tries not to smile at that, and ultimately fails. “Your mum sounds like a bitch,” Regulus’ eyes widen and he splutters for a second, about to defend Walburga, before just nodding instead. The boy continues “Well it seems like magic has decided, and there’s not much she can argue against that, now is there? Luckily for you, there’s an empty bed in my room, there’s another boy in there too, but he seems... nice.” He makes a face, then seems to realize something. “My name is Barty Crouch by the way” Barty smiles at him, then reaches a hand out, offering Regulus some help getting up.

“My name is Regulus Black, it’s a pleasure to meet you,” Regulus says, always polite. “I’ve heard of your father” Regulus states, after murmuring a quiet thanks for the help up.

Barty rolls his eyes, “Yeah most magic people have.”

“Not a fan of your dad?” Regulus asks, then regrets it, why would he ask such a personal question? They just met moments ago. Luckily, Barty doesn’t seem to mind much.

“Not a fan of most people.” He pauses, and looks Regulus up and down before saying “I think we’ll get along wonderfully though.” He smirks and Regulus’ pale cheeks turn a shade darker as he nods his head. “We should probably head to bed, big day tomorrow,”

The two make their way up to the boy's dormitory, talking in hushed voices about themselves. Regulus goes to bed that night with an almost smile on his face. He honestly thought this was going to be one of the worst days of his life, yet it turned out to be one of the best. He made his first wizard friend, and he got through the first day at Hogwarts without being deadnamed or misgendered once, a feat in itself. He was dying to talk to Sirius about all that happened. He thought about what the sorting hat said about his brother. The hat was wrong, he knew. Sirius would always love him. Sure they had their differences, but they loved each other, and that was enough.