Chapter 1
NOVEMBER 19, 1977, HOGWARTS LIBRARY
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It was deep into winter, and all he could see outside was white. Now, one might assume that Regulus Black loves winter, with his icy exterior, but in reality, he despises the season. Firstly, and most obvious, it is cold. All. the. Time. And with Regulus being so thin, he was practically always cold even in the warmest of weather. So obviously winter is like his own personal hell. Not only that, but winter is the time when he has to go back home to his parents for Yule. He hates every bloody second of it and this is just another reason why this time of year makes him borderline violent.
This year especially was going to be terrible, with Sirius’ plan of running away over next summer hols. This might very well be their last Yule together. Things at home didn’t get better after he started Hogwarts, although he never really expected them to. However, they’ve just gotten worse. Every time Sirius is in the same room as Walburga they fight, and nothing seems to stop them. It’s almost as if that’s all they know how to do. What makes it worse is that now his mother is paying attention to him. All Regulus wanted when he was a kid was for his mother to pay attention to him like she did Sirius. But this was terrible. Now that Sirius made his opinions clear on the Dark Lord and all the family beliefs, Walburga has been spending quite a bit of extra time trying to turn Regulus into her perfect puppet. He can’t get away for more than 10 minutes without her sending Kreacher to look after him and bring him back. It’s gotten terrible at his house and all he wants is a distraction from it all. This is one of the reasons he is here in the Library, waiting for Pandora to show up so that he can get his mind off of everything. She was late of course, but at this point he kind of expected it. He loved her dearly, but the girl got distracted by things that weren’t even visible.
“Come on Moony, please? I need those notes or I’m never going to be able to write that essay,” Regulus heard the voice and instantly knew who it was. James Potter. Regulus was sitting at a window in the corner of the library, and though he could hear their conversation, the bookshelves were blocking him from seeing them.
After his second year, Regulus and Sirius drifted apart a bit. It wasn’t due to their different houses, or different beliefs on things. It mostly was just that they were in separate areas practically all the time. Regulus had spoken to Sirius’ friends a few times over the years, but they just never clicked. While Regulus loved his brother with all his heart, he had problems opening up to new people. He was constantly worried about doing something wrong and messing everything up. Which only became worse when it was his brothers friends. What if they hated him and then took it out on Sirius? He might not care what they think of him, but Sirius loved them and he wouldn’t ruin that. It also didn’t help that Regulus has a huge crush on James Potter and practically melts if around him for too long. Speaking of which.
Regulus quietly gets up off his seat at the window and peaks around the corner to see the two older boys talking. Remus was sitting at a small desk, obviously trying to study, while James unfairly attractive potter leaned against the bookshelf opposite Remus, talking to him. Remus looked… tired honestly. Makes sense, as the full moon is in two days. Regulus found out about Remus’ furry little problem back in third year, and while he wished he could offer him some kind of help, there wasn’t much he could do. Also, he’s pretty positive that Remus would die if he knew Regulus figured it out.
“I told you already Prongs, I don’t have the notes right now, I gave them to someone else in our class. I’ll let you know as soon as I get them back, alright?” Remus sighed and looked up at James from his book, anyone could see the bags under his eyes and his general lack of care, even ever-oblivious James Potter, whose expression dropped at the exhausted look on Remus’ face.
James walked over to Remus and put his hand on his shoulder. “Are you sure you’re alright Moony? Maybe you should take it easy, just for the next couple of days, surely this stuff can wait until then? You look about ready to drop,” James looks Remus in the eye and gives him a little concerned smile and Regulus smiles a little too. This is why he can’t be around James, because if he ever treated Regulus like that, he would actually melt. The problem is, that’s just how James is, he’s kind-hearted and he cares so much about everyone all the time. Regulus isn’t used to that kind of treatment, and he knows he couldn’t handle it without just falling deeper into this fucking spiral of falling more in love with James and then getting depressed because he know it’ll never work out .
“Y-yea maybe you’re right.” Remus’ brow is furrowed as he says it, and he slowly starts packing up his things. “I’m gonna go back to the common room. I’ll see you later Prongs.” He gives James a smile and then grabs his bag.
“Do you want me to come with you?”
“I’ll be okay, and thank you, James.” Lupin leaves the Library, and James is left there by himself for once. It’s not often he is by himself but Sirius got detention, and Petrigrew got dragged into it as well. James sighs and pulls out the book he has to read for his Divinations class. He’s not sure if he believes any of this stuff, like palm reading and Astrology but he took the class anyway becasue he heard it was easy. Now he’s not so sure. He just doesn’t get it. He’s looking over the book, trying to understand any piece of it.
“Need any help with that?” James practically jumps out of his seat, and he looks up, with wide eyes, at none other than Regulus Black leaning over the table.
“Merlin's balls! You can’t sneak up on people like that Reggie!” Regulus sneers at the first phrase and then frowns at the nickname.
“Don’t call me that” James gives him a weird look at first and then seems to realize.
“Oh, yeah, sorry. Just habit I guess with how much Sirius calls you that.” James gives him a big smile and Regulus falters for a moment, then blushes a bit. Unfortunately, James notices. “Aww don’t be embarrassed. I think it’s cute how close you two are.” Unsurprisingly, that didn’t help, and Regulus’ cheeks turn darker before he clears his throat and puts his hands together.
“Anyway, are in need of assistance? I see you’re reading up on palm reading, but everyone knows how bad your divination grades are,” That’s not true. Not everyone knows what grades James Potter gets in his classes, except of course Regulus does. “I’m adequate in the art, so if you wish, I could help you.” Regulus’ hands were shaking as he offered. While moving his hands to his book, out of sight, he leaned toward James and smirked down at him (Silently wondering where he got that kind of confidence).
James smiled at him and leaned a bit closer to the younger boy. Regulus’ heart stopped for a moment, and he ached to card his fingers through James’ unruly head of hair. It was honestly unfair how soft James always appeared to be. He had the sweetest smile and his features were strong yet welcoming. His out-of-style glasses and fluffy hair just aided in his appearance. “Why are you offering? I thought you didn’t like me?” and there’s that smirk again. Oh and how wrong he was with that statement. It scared Regulus how much he liked James Potter. It took him a while to realize it, but it was the beginning of 3rd year when he finally saw it, though he suspects now that he liked him before then. He never really thought about romance before that, destined to be married off as he was to some pureblood. Now he wasn’t sure if he could ever be satisfied with that life.
Even though Regulus felt a bit thrown off kilter with how James acted, he tried ot keep his composure, as he looked at the older boy with a blank face. “Well if you don’t want my help, I’ll be happy to leave.” It wasn’t a question, it was a statement. One that Regulus hoped would entice Potter enough to say what he did next. Regulus began to turn away from him when suddenly there was a large hand grabbing his wrist, stopping him from moving any further. The grasp wasn’t firm, it was gentle, and they both knew that Regulus could easily get out of it if he so wished. He did not wish that, however.
“Wait, I’m sorry Reg. I would really appreciate the help. You’re right, I’m kind of rubbish at divination and I just can’t wrap my head around all of it. Please help me?” James gave Regulus a shy smile and begging eyes. Honestly who could resist that? He would never understand how Lily Evans can reject James every day when this is how he looks at her.
Regulus just raises an eyebrow, face still blank, while he’s internally freaking out. He stares at James for a moment, then smirks. “Well since you asked so nicely.” He says it in a purr and moves to sit next to James at the desk. “What do you need help with for palm reading?”
“Uhm- well,” James glances away, embarrassed. “All of it?”
Once again, Regulus stares at him blankly, with an unimpressed look on his face and one brow raised. He then sighs and gets up again, leaving their secluded little area for a moment. James is a little worried he won’t come back as he’s sat waiting there, but eventually, Regulus does come back, with three books in his hand. He drops the books onto the desk, and they make a hard thud as they hit the dark brown surface. He sits back down again opposite James. “Well then, you can start by reading these books,” Regulus gestures over to said items, “These are good for beginners, but this subject has always been tricky. If you have any questions about it, just ask,” he smiled at James after he said it and the older boy smiled back, before picking up the book and sighing, resigning himself to his fate.
“Thanks, Reg, I don’t know what I would do without you,” James said offhandedly and began reading. Regulus on the other hand was blushing furiously and opened a book as well, not actually reading it, just staring at the page.
Eventually, Regulus calmed down and they both read, mostly silently. James got bored easily and he would tap his foot or start chewing on his pen. Regulus would tell him to stop, claiming it was giving him a headache, and James would shyly apologize and stop. For a few minutes at least, before he was doing it all over again. Regulus would let him continue it for a minute or two, secretly thinking it was kind of endearing, before getting onto him aobut it again.
Sometimes James would ask a question, not understanding a word or how something works and Regulus would explain it to him, happy to talk aobut this subject. Regulus had always loved divination for some reason, he wasn’t quite sure why but he figured he was just born to obsess over silly things, like stars, and fate, and James Potter of all people. James wasn’t sure why, but the way Regulus’ face brightened up whenever he was talking about palmistry and divination made him keep asking questions, even when he knew the answer. Regulus wouldn’t quite smile, always trying to have that stone mask in place, but while he seemed closed off at first, he was practically an open book once you got to know him and figured out what to look for. It was strange how opposite he was to Sirius. While Sirius always seemed open and approachable, there was always this wall there, that even James couldn't get past sometimes. But Regulus was in complete contrast to this. Once you knew him, his emotions were clear as day and he wore his heart on his sleeve. James found himself smiling every time Regulus looked at him, which wasn’t weird in and of itself. James smiled all the time, at practically everyone, but with Regulus, James felt like he was smiling because of the younger boy, not just at him.
Eventually, their study session had to come to an end. It was getting later in the evening and dinner was fast approaching. The two boys collected their things and stood up.
“Thank you again Reg, for the help,” James smiled at the other boy. “Maybe we should do this again? Next time I’ll try to help you.”
Regulus gave a small smile and nodded his head. “That sounds pleasant.”
“Well it’s about time for dinner, do you wanna walk together?” James asked, he seemed hopeful, though Regulus wasn’t sure for what. He wasn’t very hungry, although he usually wasn’t. It was a bad habit of his, not eating. Ever since he could remember, his mother had restricted meals from him. When he was a girl, Walburga made the excuse that she just wanted him to grow up pretty and thin. However, after he transitioned, it never stopped. Walburga used it as a way to punish him, although at this point it wasn’t much of a punishment. Sometimes, when he needs to feel in control of himself, he won’t eat for days, even at Hogwarts. It gives him this sense of power that he can’t get anywhere else. He thinks that’s why his mum does it too, to control him.
“While I appreciate the offer-,” James deflates a bit, and Regulus has to steal himself as to not give in anyway. “I’ll have to decline, I have dinner plans. Thank you though Potter.”
“Another time then, yeh?” James was smiling again, and even though Regulus felt a little queasy at the thought, he just nodded.
“Goodbye, James. I’m sure I’ll see you soon.”
“Of course, you can’t get rid of me that easily,” James winks as he says it. He fucking winks. At Regulus. “Bye Reg, I’ll see you around!” James then walks out ofthe Library hastily, while Regulus’ feet feel planted to the ground. He smiles, giddy as he processes the last two hours. He just spent hours talking to James Potter.
He finally can move as he grabs his things and walks out of the Library, making his way back to the Slytherin common room with his head down and a smile on his face.
It didn’t occur to him that he didn’t correct James when he called him Reg, or the fact that Pandora never showed up after all.