Hop, hop, hop.
Catallena Nocturne sat on the dusty floor of the disused classroom once more. Her posture was hunched and her legs tucked underneath her trembling body. Night after night she found herself here.
Though in the reflection of the ethereal mirror she didn’t see the deep eye bags under her eyes.
She didn’t see the way her cheekbones stuck out more than they used to.
She didn’t notice that her skin had become even paler and almost grey.
She didn’t see the shivers that wrecked her tirelessly.
She didn’t recognize the maddened look in her eyes.
After each school day she would collapse into her spot and she only got up to go back to class the following morning. Leaving became harder each day. Every weekend was spent holed up here alone and she dreaded Mondays so much that even thinking about them made her feel physically sick.
It wasn’t like there was a better place for her anyway. No-one looked for her. It was easy to slip away when nobody remembered that she was supposed to be at dinner in the Great Hall or sleeping in her dorm room. She became a ghost. More so than before.
She knew she was deteriorating. Although she didn’t see it because the mirror showed a distorted reality and because everything outside the classroom felt like a dream she couldn’t wake up from, she felt it.
She grew weaker. It became hard to climb stairs or pay attention in classes. She would sleep during some of the easier ones and at least try during the harder classes – like potions and transfiguration. However, the slightest exertion left her breathless and hurting and she often had the need to sit down on her way to the quidditch pitch for flying lessons so as to avoid fainting in front of everyone.
She didn’t mind. She didn’t care enough to try to break the spell she was under. She had been bewitched by the Mirror of Erised which showed her her deepest desires. Nothing else mattered.
She let time pass her and she let herself get worse on purpose, for she had a desire .
The day she discovered the mirror, she was shocked not to see her own reflection. For a moment she wondered if maybe she had accidentally turned into a vampire. Maybe all the garlic Professor Quirrel had coated his classroom with hadn’t been enough to protect the whole school from blood-sucking monsters after all.
But on a closer look, in the Mirror of Erised she saw herself. Only, she wasn’t just herself. And she wasn’t alone.
Two bunnies hopped around each other in the reflection where Catallena’s feet were supposed to be. The smaller one of them was covered in such bright white fur that it seemed to glow a cold blue light. Just like Catallena’s hair, it curled too. The baby bunny lifted its ears as it turned to make eye contact with the witch. Catallena looked intently and knew right then that she was looking at herself.
The bunny hopped over to the bigger one with the light brown spots and floppy ears.
Catallena’s legs gave way and she hit the floor hard. She knew those eyes . Those golden brown ones with the yellow flecks that shone brightly when they weren’t dimmed by sadness and sickness.
“Mum?” she breathed out in a whisper.
The bunny turned to look at her through the mirror and the scrunch of its nose made it look like it was smiling.
And Catallena was gone. All she could think about for the next two months was finally seeing her mother again. The mother she knew to be dead. The mother she thought she would be able to join on the other side of the mirror… if she died too.
It’s where Catallena belonged, in her mind. She was supposed to be dead. She was supposed to be the little bunny in the reflection, being lulled to sleep by her mother. It’s what she wanted more than anything.
That’s why she accepted the pain she was in and welcomed whatever it had to bring her.
It was an ordinary Wednesday morning when Catallena Nocturne woke up in front of the mirror and knew that this would be the last time that she would do so.
She spent a long while looking in the mirror. Sunlight bathed the two sleepy bunnies in warmth and Catallena couldn’t wait to be able to feel it herself. Painstakingly, she pushed herself into a sitting position and heaved herself onto unsteady feet. She walked out of the room backwards so that she could keep looking at her mother for as long as possible.
The walk to potions class was excruciating. Catallena’s legs were numb and she had to keep her head down and eyes cast on her feet to make sure that she was moving forward. She wondered where she had left her shoes.
Students bumped into her – they either didn’t see that she was there or they were nudging her shoulder on purpose. At least the smacks kept her awake.
She slumped into her seat at the back of the class at the last minute and the door slammed shut behind her. In swept the Potions Master.
“Take out your cauldrons,” he demanded on his way to the front. He turned around and scrutinised the class. His black eyes went from one groggy student to the next and he was clearly annoyed by the children’s yawning and messy bed hair. He never liked morning classes with the first years.
He was about to bark out something mean to scare them into waking up when his eyes landed on the quiet girl in the furthest corner of the room. He was startled, though he didn’t show it. For a moment he thought that he was seeing a ghost or that the girl had died sitting down in her seat.
She was sitting there, but she seemed far away. As if she were just a shell of the person who had entered the classroom for the first time almost two months ago.
He hadn’t paid much attention to her these past weeks because, quite frankly, these idiotic first years were a lot to handle and he didn’t have the time to take notice of students like Nocturne who do as they’re told without questions or mistakes. He had his hands full with students who blow up the simplest potions and write horrid essays or completely forego studying their reading material.
Miss Nocturne wasn’t even a Slytherin either , he rationalised to himself. Surely Flitwick took care of his own.
After buffering for a moment, he announced in his usual deep and monotone voice: “Page 279. Wideye Potion.”
Students slammed heavy books onto their working stations and flipped to the instructed page. Catallena trailed sluggishly behind.
“Wideye Potion is an antidote to the Draught of Living Death and it is used to keep its consumer from falling asleep. It may also be used to counteract a concussion or drugging. Due to its addictive nature, it should be used in moderation. You’ll work in pairs to brew this potion.”
The Hufflepuff girl next to Catallena groaned out loud. She walked up to the storage room for the necessary ingredients as Catallena prepared their working station. Catallena felt like a zombie underwater. Everything sounded muffled, her eyes couldn’t quite focus on anything and her arms moved on their own to complete the task.
Megan Jones returned with her hands filled and eyes rolled to the back of her skull. She huffed when she set down a few pouches and jars. She wasn’t happy to be forced to work with Catallena. No doubt because associating with her would be less than ideal. She made a show of her annoyance and then shared knowing looks with others around her.
Their cauldron was filled with water and dried Billywig Stings. The heated up concoction was then mixed with a powder. Catallena crushed snake fangs into a fine pulver and Megan measured in a herb mix. They worked in silence, not really wanting any interaction. Catallena thought that if she were to try to speak, she might find her tongue cemented to the roof of her mouth, anyway.
The girl used all her energy to count to three as she stirred the pot clockwise. A wave of nausea overtook her. The room was becoming hotter and the smell became more putrid as the Slytherins opposite them accidentally stirred their potion counter clockwise, making it bubble over and smoke. The same smoke rose from another table with a panicked Neville.
Professor Snape was in a foul mood as he had to run around cleaning up their messes and lecturing on reading the instructions properly. He took ten points from Gryffindor for the spilled potion and another five for how Harry Potter tried to foolishly defend his friend. The Slytherins got away with a stern talking to and Catallena could somehow make out a disbelieving face of Ron Weasley in the background.
Snape hovered at their table after that. He made sure that the Slytherins managed to catch up with everyone else in remaking their potion. He also stalked behind Catallena and Megan, who by then had forgotten about her subtle vendetta against her working partner and was now trying to impress her professor by waving her wand over the cauldron and speaking the required incantations in a rather posh singsong voice.
She didn’t realise that Snape’s watchful eyes were on Catallena instead. He looked closely down his nose as the girl cut up Aconite flower buds with shaky hands. He took note of the shallow breathing and knotted hair and wondered whether she might be sick. The professor couldn’t remember how long the girl had been this way. She had looked out of place and acted very… distinctively… since the beginning, but somewhere along the way there must have been a change.
Another hissing cauldron to their right drew his attention away and he growled on his way to help.
The potion was complete after three more stirs in the other direction. Professor Snape studied each creation at the end of the class, either scowling and deeming the drink hazardous or simply nodding and mumbling mild words like ‘passable’.
Catallena and Megan’s potion was one of the few he nodded at and the Hufflepuff girl was overjoyed to hear him call theirs ‘good’. They were allowed to bottle their potion, each having their own vials. As Snape handed Catallena hers, he stalled:
“You shouldn’t consume it when you have a cold.” He searched her for any sort of reaction or acknowledgement (Which was difficult since the girl wouldn’t look up at him and the top of her head didn’t offer him much.). He had a feeling at the back of his mind that kept nagging at him, saying that this looked far worse than a common cold. As he handed the vial over and watched the girl try and fail to curtsy as thanks, he decided to talk to Professor Flitwick during lunch.
The girl swayed out of the door and he thought that maybe contacting Poppy was a better idea.
Their Charms class focused on the Mending Charm. Catallena found herself sitting between Lisa Turpin and Harper Knut, waving her wand and whispering Reparo every so often. She watched the other girls succeed in mending their snapped twigs back into one piece after multiple tries, but no matter how many times the tired witch tried to do the same, her twig remained unmoving on the table.
She was so exhausted that performing magic had become impossible. Where she had been able to easily cast spells like Lumos and Alohomora , she had felt the energy that had once thrummed in her veins disappear with time. She had lost her shine.
“I told you! The Mudblood doesn’t have a magical bone in her body.”
“Shhh! The professor will hear!” someone giggled.
“He’s all the way down there. He won’t hear anything.”
“...”
“Hey Mudblood! You, Blue Girl! Oy!”
“Fake Ravenclaw! Ghosty~ Yes, you! Look, she knows her name!” Catallena faced the Slytherin a few rows back. His slicked back platinum hair was the only thing that made him distinguishable from everyone else. He was chatting with Daphne of all people. Lisa and Harper hid sniggers behind their hands.
“Wow. Make sure she doesn’t sneeze on you. She looks like death!”
“Yeah – I wouldn’t want to be anywhere near her.”
“I wouldn’t be too upset if she did, though. Die, I mean,” sighed Daphne.
“You can’t say that!” Her friends laughed.
“What! I’m just saying, the impact of her death on the Wizarding World would be nonexistent. It’s like if a Muggle died. You wouldn’t care either.” This was deemed a hilarious comment within the group of whisper-shouting students.
“...”
“Is the twig too much for you? Would you like a toothpick instead? I know you have it harder than anyone else here. What with your dirty blood and all,” asked Pansy Parkinson.
“...”
“So pathetic. I was offering to help you and you just turned away? Rude.”
“You can’t blame her. She wasn’t raised properly. Her parents are Muggles ,” Draco’s voice spat the word as if it were poison.
Their Magical Theory class was uneventful. Well, Catallena was passed out for most of the class. The teacher, upon seeing the girl, didn’t have the heart to wake her up and instead allowed her to rest.
Catallena didn’t feel rested during lunch. Instead of eating, she was once again on her way to the abandoned classroom with the mirror when two pairs of hands hooked under her arms and dragged her into a courtyard. She was practically boneless in the Weasley twins’ hold, succumbing to their will and letting them take her wherever they were going.
When there was no longer a roof over her head, fine droplets of water fell on her face. It was almost refreshing. She let her head fall back to take in the darkening clouds overhead. Catallena closed her eyes and only opened them when she next felt her feet touch the ground. She was lowered down, but her knees buckled and the girl ended up laying down.
The twins were charmed first, thinking that she was putting on a show to exaggerate her tiredness. When they saw the purple eyebags and the hollow face, however, the mood changed.
They hadn’t seen Catallena very often recently. If they were lucky, they caught glimpses of her in the hallways, but most of the time they found her missing. She rarely came to the Great Hall for food and even though they would sometimes wait around the Ravenclaw tower, their quiet friend never came up the stairs.
Of course they had used their enchanted map to see where she went. However, the Marauder’s map would track her footsteps to the seventh floor where they would vanish into thin air.
They hadn’t gotten a good close look at her for weeks, and now that they finally had, they felt their hearts drop.
“Godric-! What’s happened to you?!”
They kneeled by her splayed body on the damp grass. When she didn’t answer or open her eyes, George shook her shoulders and Fred took one of her cold hands in his.
“Are you ill?”
“You look dreadful!”
“Have you eaten?”
“Clearly not, she’s just skin and bones.”
“Why wouldn’t you eat?”
“...”
“You look like you haven’t slept in a year. Those under eyes are darker than… darker than… Nevermind, I can’t think of anything right now. I’m freaked.”
“Nice one, Fred,” George deadpanned, sarcastically.
“I try,” replied Fred, just as dryly.
“Seriously. What is going on to make you into a walking corpse?”
“...”
For the first time, Catallena’s wordless nature deeply unsettled them.
They hadn’t cared before. They found her imperturbable personality and oddness fitting for their own loud and temperamental characters. They enjoyed rambling on about their classes, quidditch, friendships, pranks, idiot teachers and home. The girl had seemed happy to listen during the few recesses they had yanked her out of the corridors and into the fresh outside air.
Now they wished more than anything that she would voice whatever was hurting her.
Weirdly enough, she didn’t seem concerned. She acted like she usually did, just more… placid.
She might’ve smiled if she had the energy. Feeling the increasing rain on her skin, hearing the droplets disappear into the grass, being held by her friends and resting her weary eyes – she was content for a minute. Then she remembered the mirror and her contemptment increased tenfold. The feeling of finality that washed over her alongside the rain was a sweet and soft embrace she hadn’t known before. Soon she would achieve the fullest extent of happiness she could imagine. She would lay in the arms of her mother and leave her blue life behind.
If only her friends weren’t so distraught.
She squeezed Fred’s hand and opened her eyes. George’s hazel eyes met hers briefly before she looked past them.
“Profes-ssor McGonagall. With a… magnifying glass.”
The brothers –confused and caught off guard– looked up to where she was pointing. Her raspy and faint voice was like music to their ears.
A breath left George. Fred sounded like he was punched in the gut. George chuckled brightly. Fred crumbled next to her in a fit of laughter. George couldn’t catch his breath.
“Now that’s a good one!”
“It really does look like her!”
“You’ve got an eye for these things, haven’t you?”
“I knew I liked you for a reason.”
The murky clouds above them shifted as the winds picked up and the spitting image of McGonagall was soon gone. The smiles on the twins’ faces (though they didn’t fully reach their suddenly tearful eyes) remained.
They all laid there just like they had the day they met: The girl in the middle as the two tall boys stretched their legs out and named clouds, not minding their now wet robes. If their friend wouldn’t talk about whatever was making her so fragile, they at least wanted to lighten the mood. It’s what they did best anyway.
Lunch had long since ended but no-one made a move to leave for class. They ditched it, instead going for a walk in the now pouring rain, Catallena hanging onto George in a piggy-back ride. Whatever she wanted, went. No questions asked.
They walked along the slim pathways of the gardens, taking in the colourful roses and white asphodel flowers. Fred’s throat constricted when he tried to crack jokes and yell at the garden gnomes.
They ended up at the Great Lake, as per Catallena’s request. The trio watched as its once serene surface was broken by heavy rainfall. Catallena dipped her feet in and when George chortled with a worried expression and asked what she was doing, she looked at him with innocent eyes.
“I don’t think you would survive it if you got a fever from swimming today,” fussed Fred, only half joking.
“Yeah, you’re shaking like a leaf.”
“No~ Not another step in that direction! You’ve already gone far enough.”
“N– What did he just say? Don’t go any further!”
“Silly girl, you think this is funny?”
“It kind of is. Look at that smug smile!”
“I think she’s challenging us.”
“Right you are, Fred.”
“Right, then. Come here!”
The Weasley twins ran into the water, splashing it everywhere. They played in the water, flicking it in each other's faces and holding Catallena above the surface. They didn’t want her disappearing under.
Squeals and barks of laughter carried along the surface of the lake and the grey scenery felt much brighter.
Catallena felt like she might pass away in the stairwell to the Astronomy tower late into the evening. The first years had Astronomy at midnight and she had felt strengthened enough by the twins that she had decided to attend her last class. She did quite like looking at the stars, after all.
Thankfully, the clouds from before had rolled on their way, leaving behind a beautiful and clear night sky. She thought of how pretty the abandoned classroom would be with the unhindered moonlight filtering in. The thought had her wanting to turn back and return to her mirror, but as other students pushed past her up the stairs, she was herded along.
Hermione’s eyes widened slightly upon seeing Catallena’s appearance that was akin to a wet dog’s. She quickly muttered a spell and a gust of warm air dried Catallena. They sat next to each other, though neither one said anything. Hermione knew the trouble she would be in if the other students in the room saw her acting all friendly toward the recluse. She didn’t have close friends at Hogwarts and she didn’t want to destroy all her chances so soon.
Class began as it always did. Professor Trelawney burst into the room late with her thick round glasses askew, babbling about the dream she had the previous night. She would then take a funny looking telescope, gaze at the stars with it, nod to herself and order everyone else to grab their own telescopes.
They spent a good part of class looking at planets, deciphering what their positions meant with the help of their textbooks and losing brain cells listening to their teacher.
Professor Trelawney circled the class and read each student’s astrological charts and notes. She would make comments like:
“Better stay away from cats until next month!”
“The planets are smiling down on you, my child. Make the most of it and eat celery for breakfast tomorrow morning!”
“Oooh~ A love interest? Oh– No, nevermind. Bad luck, bad bad bad luck.”
“Whatever you do, DO NOT fly a kite. Ever .”
Usually her lessons included at least one death threat. She would gasp for air and clutch at her breast while pointing a finger at some poor child’s chart. She would screech and cry whenever she saw some sign that told her that either the child or one of their loved ones would be faced with an untimely loss or other tragedy. It never failed to scare the students.
Today that student was Catallena Nocturne.
Everyone else recoiled away as Sybill Trelawney kneeled next to the little girl, wide-eyed and with her face way closer than what the young girl would have deemed acceptable, had she been in her right mind at that moment.
Sybill’s stormy blue eyes peered right into Catallena’s soul through those misty grey ones. Meanwhile, Catallena looked at her own reflection in those googly glasses. The dark shadow in the glasses didn’t resemble a little girl. Instead, her silhouette was that of a bunny’s – complete with bunny ears and whiskers. It was as if she was looking into the Mirror of Erised.
Professor Trelawney tried pleading and bargaining with the girl. Whatever she had seen in her charts and eyes had upset her beyond belief. When Catallena sat there unmoved and unhearing, the teacher was practically bouncing on the walls. No-one else knew what was going on or how to calm down the inconsolable teacher.
When class finally ended, they couldn’t have run out any faster, leaving the winded and disturbed professor twiddling with teacups. Catallena was let out of the door first. No student wanted her supposed misfortune to accidentally rub off on them if she were to come too close.
The girl, however, was shaken out of her stupor, and she felt like the luckiest girl in the world with the promise of her heart’s deepest desires coming true so soon. The last of her adrenaline pumped in her veins as she hopped, hopped, hopped on her way down to the seventh floor.