Daughter Of Mine
Dying was the easiest part.
Catallena Nocturne didn’t feel any pain when her legs gave up on her, sending her to the floor the second she hauled the door open. She didn’t feel the dirt that dug into her knees and palms when she crawled toward the back corner.
She didn’t lose her resolve when her legs refused to move half way there, either. Through determination only, she dragged her body the rest of the way with just her hands. Her bloody nails chipped on the rough floor but that went unnoticed as well.
The girl curled up in her usual spot on the floor in front of the Mirror of Erised. Her head was too heavy to lift and her eyes stung with exhaustion and unshed tears of happiness.
Moonlight lit her form on the floor. It hugged the two bunnies in the reflection of the mirror in an embrace so serene.
The moon and the stars witnessed the girl slip away. They saw the crystalline tears that finally did fall into the dust and they stood by when the shaking stopped.
The last of her shine bled out of her and flew to the night sky where it shimmered above the sleeping castle.
It was waking up that hurt.
Catallena felt something gently caress her cheek. Before she could pry her eyes open and gleefully greet the sight of her mother, however, a chill ran through her body and made her go rigid. The long leathery fingers on her face were colder than ice. Their touch bit her skin like the wind on a snowy winter day.
Recognition and panic rose quickly in her even in the delirious state she was in. Her breath returned to her like a punch to the gut and her reflective eyes opened to meet those terrible empty ones she had stared into once before.
Catallena would have moved if she was able to do so. She would have bolted out of the room and never looked back if her body had cooperated. Instead, she laid there unmoving in the arms of Death, on a bed of rich blue aconite flowers.
Tears kept falling freely and Death’s bony fingers kept brushing them away. One hand ran though the young witch’s hair in a petting motion and if Catallena hadn’t been so awfully devastated and scared she would have found it all comforting.
Death rocked the bawling girl as if she were a baby. The room hummed with a sort of lullaby, but none of it helped to console the girl.
She had been so close . She had looked into the golden eyes of her mother and nuzzled her face into the soft fur of her chest. She had reached her paw to touch the dark brown spot of fur on her mother’s neck where the knife had sunk into a fatal wound when her mother was still alive and human. Her mother had bent forward and licked a kiss on Catallena’s light pink nose and the girl felt like she was on top of the world.
And then she was pulled away. Everything had gone dark and cold. And now her heart ached more than ever before. A sob broke free from her. She cried out for her mother, spiritless in Death’s embrace.
Death spoke then. Whether it was in Catallena’s head or echoing in the vastness of the room, the girl couldn’t tell. If there was a voice to the words, she didn’t know either. She felt captive surrounded by Death’s deliverance.
“Child, dear. Why do you weep? I have given you the Gift of Life once again.” The words were accompanied by a freezing kiss on the forehead.
“P-pleas-se… Take m-me back… Take me with you-u…!” Catallena clutched the flowy robes and rags Death wore. Her fist closed around the bunched up material with newfound energy and desperation as if her life depended on it.
A dead hand engulfed her fist and ran a thumb over the tense knuckles.
“You still ask for this?” Death looked deep into the watery eyes of the girl as if it was confused or intrigued. “It has been five years since your mother died and our paths entwined. Perhaps you have forgotten…
You cannot run from your destiny. The Prophecy has it you have a greater purpose in what is to come.
Instead of taking your life, I have taken your death. I thought five years would have made you more… grateful…
You cannot die, my child .
You are my own.”
Another sob wrecked Catallena’s body and she slumped in Death’s hold dejectedly. As if she had lost all the will to live or even be scared of such a being looking down at her.
“You aren’t pleased,” stated Death matter-of-factly. “Most humans would rejoice upon hearing something like this or finding themselves returned to the living.
Perhaps that is why you were chosen. Your eagerness to die. Your determination to see those you love happy. Your willingness to give up everything.
There will be a day for all of that, daughter of mine . Cherish these tears now, for once you finally cross that line, there’ll be no more of your sorrow. Patience, Catallena Nocturne. Patience.”
And Catallena was once again alone in front of the Mirror of Erised. She laid in the thick foliage of fragrant aconite flowers where the floor once was. Her fist that had been holding onto Death eased open to run her fingers along the plants around her. Frozen tears melted on her tear-stained face and slid down to the roots.
Her light returned from the night sky, passed the windows, crept on the high ceiling, swirled into the flowers and returned home where it settled in the rattled soul of the little girl.
With a blurry vision she turned her head and caught the eyes of her mother in the mirror’s reflection. More fresh tears wet the ground. Suddenly it was all too much and Catallena rushed out of the room, slamming the door shut behind her and taking off down a random hallway.
She let her legs carry her wherever they pleased. All she wanted was to get as far away as possible from that wretched mirror.
She slumped into a grassy field. How she managed to run all the way to the field on the other side of the school was beyond her. Not that she did a lot of thinking at that moment.
Her mind had been reduced to that of her own younger self. To that of the little girl who had lost her mother five years ago and who was denied what her little heart most desired.
The grass was still wet from yesterday's rain and cold from the night breeze, but nothing managed to truly ground her. Nothing felt real. Not even the dangerously close howl of some creature in the woods nor the crows that flew down to pick at her shaking fingers managed to tether her mind to this plane of existence.
She kept crying even when a hand waved in front of her face to try and catch her attention. She didn’t even flinch when someone shook her shoulder and slapped her face. She was briefly left alone when the person couldn’t get through to her but soon enough that person returned with someone else.
The crows were cast away with a swish of a wand. Someone crouched in front of the girl and said something but Catallena heard nothing. The same person tried shaking her shoulders just like the other one had. No-one slapped her again, though. They tried a spell but nothing seemed to work.
Catallena was lifted to her feet and then practically carried back inside the castle, down multiple staircases and hallways. The girl’s breathing picked up again, thinking that she was being taken back to her mother and the mirror. Before she could really tell her limbs to start fighting back against the firm grip someone had on her, she was set down onto a plush chair.
Big hands wrung hers open and placed a small bottle in her hold. They lifted her hands to bring the bottle to her lips when she gave no signs of moving them herself.
The liquid tasted strongly of peppermint with an aftertaste of earthy lavender. Catallena’s vision sharpened, though the edges stayed blurry with tears. Her cries softened and she could now hear the clinking of glass bottles and closing of a drawer. Someone was in her field of vision and they gently pried the empty bottle from her hand.
Professor Snape’s black eyes and robes were frighteningly similar in colour to those of Death’s in the dark office room. Catallena recoiled away but then found a clear difference in the way the professor looked at her. Though the man’s face was impassive at first glance, his eyes were filled with concern and worry. Like everything else about the being, Death’s eyes were cold .
These eyes searched her wet face and took notice of her very apparent despair and hurt. He walked to one of the drawers of a tall storage room and brought out another small bottle. This time when Catallena was given a bottle, she felt her bloody fingers gingerly wrap around it on their own.
“Just half of it,” Snape instructed.
Catallena tipped her head back in a twitching motion and did as she was told. This one tasted like berries and fresh mint leaves as well as something musky and horrible.
Instantly, her achy body became slightly less achy and she found herself able to breathe properly and deeply. She hadn’t realised how much the pounding in her head had pained her until it was almost fully gone.
Snape took away the bottle again but his hold lingered on her hands for a little longer. He looked over the broken and partly missing nails and the small wounds made by the nosy crows. His brows were furrowed, creating a deep line in between, and there was a tightness to his jaw. With a wave of his wand and a muttered incantation a burst of light that cleaned up the blood and closed the open wounds into small scars was created. He cast the spell all over her as a precaution – in case she was injured elsewhere.
He was about to interrogate her on what happened, but when he looked back into her big teary eyes, he saw just how deathly tired she looked – like she might fall into a coma if she doesn’t sleep for at least a week straight.
He had talked to Flitwick after the previous morning’s potions lesson about Miss Nocturne's wellbeing just as he had planned. They had sat next to each other at the Great Hall during lunch and Snape had (if not a little reluctantly) spoken up about his concern for the girl. About the dark circles, the vacant look, the shivering and the weightloss.
It was unfortunate that it just so happened to have been the day before Hallowe’en and Professor Flitwick had been too excited over the festivities and too preoccupied with the preparations to really listen. He had been talking to McGonagall about the school’s choir’s upcoming Hallowe’en performance and so the Potions Master’s words were drowned out with dismissals like ‘yes, yes, of course’ and ‘I’ll surely look into it.’
Snape hadn’t seen Catallena in the Great Hall that day, but chalked it up to just having missed her. He trusted that Flitwick took care of whatever was bothering the girl.
Clearly such assumptions were wasted on the incompetent man, Professor Snape thought now, seeing as the student was clearly doing even worse than before.
Hence, he held himself back from asking questions and instead took the girl back to her common room. The Calming Draught and Wiggenweld potion she had drunk would ease her into a restful sleep – which she really needed more than anything at the moment, if Snape had a say in it.
She stumbled out of his sight through the opening created by the eagle statue, supported by Miss Clearwater. Snape told the prefect to get Miss Nocturne into bed and keep her there until at least dinner the next day. She shouldn’t be wandering around the castle like she had been well after curfew that night. Godric knows she could use the sleep.
Severus watched as the eagle hopped back into position guarding the entryway and then turned on his heels to return to his nightly rounds.
When Catallena woke up the next day she was startled to not recognize her surroundings at first. It had been almost two long months spent in that forsaken room with the mirror and so the girl had nearly forgotten what her dorm room looked like.
The room was empty and the sun that shone through the window was high in the sky, indicating that it must be past noon and that students must therefore be attending classes. This didn’t move Catallena in the slightest. She didn’t feel like going to class.
It was way too sunny for such a terrible day. Then again, she saw her mother’s eyes in the golden sunlight. Catallena felt around for Princess Kisa and tears sprung back into her heavy eyes when her fingers ran down the soft fur on the kitty’s back. It felt like a bunny, warm from the sun and covered in a thin coating of dust.
She wept there for a while, clutching the taxidermied cat to her chest, wrapped up in several thick blankets. She felt utterly defeated and heartbroken.
What did she usually do with such big emotions? Whenever she missed her mother or wished for some routine, she would make a big pot of tea and have a tea party with her ghosts. It was quite impossible to think about anything else when three poltergeists took turns choking each other, spirits sang a joyful tune, the little Green boy cried about wanting to taste the biscuits, and Sir Arnica-Davies ranted about some historical event concerning the great Leprechaun depression.
So Catallena unravelled herself from her cocoon, gathered a few tea cups, saucers, a teapot, tea bags and Princess Kisa in her hands and padded up to the relatively empty common room. She was on edge, seeing Death’s eyes and bony fingers behind each dark corner.
She didn’t know where exactly to go for hot water, but she pressed on with heavy feet. As it turns out, she didn’t need to go far. The eagle statue jumped to the side and Catallena held back a scream. The school’s uniform robes resemble Death’s shadowy clothes an uncanny amount when you’re still groggy with sleep and very paranoid. The Weasley twins in their school uniforms had stood in wait on the other side of the eagle statue and upon seeing their friend, they scooped her up at once.
“Blimey, Blue! We were so worried! Clearwater told us that Snape sent you to bed and that we wouldn’t be seeing you until the evening.”
“You could’ve missed the Hallowe’en feast!”
“Which is not (George elbowed his twin in the stomach) what worried us the most. Marcus Flint –the slimy Slytherin prefect– told everyone that he found you sitting outside at night bawling your eyes out and acting like bird food.”
“Are you alright? He’s talking out of his arse, isn’t he, that Flint?”
“...”
“And where do you think you’re going? Don’t get me wrong –I’m happy to see you– but I’m pretty sure you should be in bed resting until dinner, according to Clearwater.”
“Yeah. You still look like crap, respectfully. We could steal you one of those Dreamless Sleep potions, if you wanted.”
The twins put the girl down and she staggered toward the stairs that led out of the tower.
“Tea party?” Catallena asked without looking back as she was focusing on getting down the stairs in one piece. She lifted the teapot to show it to the twins over her shoulder and the boys were taking the porcelain tea set out of her arms in an instant, afraid that she would smash it.
“What– now?”
“Eh, why not George? We’re already missing our class. And I don’t know about you, but I could use a cup of– (he looked at the teabags Catallena had been carrying and grimaced) …raspberry tea… Yum.”
They travelled to a part of the Castle Catallena hadn’t yet explored.
“That right there at the end of the hall is the entrance to the Hufflepuff common room. Wouldn’t recommend trying to get in if you don’t enjoy being doused in vinegar. Damned thing knows we’re not supposed to enter even though we know the special knock and everything.”
“Now see, this is why it is still worth coming down here. You just tickle this painting – See that pear there?-- like this.” George tickled the painting and an opening appeared behind the giggling pear.
“This is the school’s kitchen. We come here for hot chocolate, mostly.”
“Not a lot of people know about this place, so best to keep it a secret, yeah?”
“Yeah, unless you want everyone to feast here instead of the Great Hall. Baked goods straight out of the oven…” sighed Fred dreamily.
A little elf appeared right then with a steaming cherry pie and a huge yellow smile. “Hello, hello! You’re back! Hot chocolate, yes? Oh, and who is this? Nice to meet you, Miss!”
“Good afternoon! No hot chocolate today, thanks. We’re hoping to have a tea party.”
The house elf let out a squeal and took the teapot to a stove where she boiled some water. They were all ushered to a cramped table that was shortly loaded with pies and scones and other sweets.
“This is Catallena, by the way,” George said with his mouth full of something chocolatey.
“Nice to meet you, Miss Catallena! Pretty tea set you’ve got.”
Many house elves busied themselves with preparing the Hallowe’en feast for dinner. The three sat mostly undisturbed, watching the elves work and sipping their tea that was far too bitter for the twins’ liking, though they didn’t complain. They were happy to humour their friend who seemed very sad.
Fred and George were equally horrified and awed by the dead kitty. “Princess Kisa, Fred and George. George and Fred, Princess Kisa,” the girl introduced them. Fred shook the stiff cat’s paw and George bowed elaborately in greeting. “My most humble greetings, your highness, kitty.”
Between sips of tea and bites of cherry pie Catallena would pet her cat in her lap. Her eyes seemed permanently watery and even though the food tasted and smelled great and though she was surrounded by a familiarly chaotic scene as well as friends, she couldn’t fully enjoy any of it.
Nothing smelled as strongly as aconites had the night before. Not even the fire in the furnace burned as brightly as her mother’s eyes had. The hot steam that rose from pots and pans and turned the twins’ faces bright red did nothing to warm her.
The twins shared looks. The girl needed some serious cheering up. It was Hallowe’en, of all days. So they babbled about anything and everything they could think of, throwing jokes left and right as was natural to them. They did, however, make sure not to mention Marcus Flint or the rumours that had circulated the school since that morning in fear that she would become even more upset.
Once they had finished their cups of tea (Fred was nice enough to drink Princess Kisa’s cup), they walked back to the common room to deposit the tea set before the Hallowe’en feast. Catallena thought of changing into something else, but decided that her school uniform wasn’t too badly crumpled even after having slept in it. She would’ve put on her shoes, however, if only she knew where they had disappeared to.
She kept Princess Kisa close to her side, though. She brought her great comfort.
At the Great Hall Catallena separated from the twins and ended up at the Ravenclaw table which was decorated with all sorts of creepy Hallowe’en decorations. The usual floating candles had been replaced with carved pumpkins with strange faces and the ceiling was stormy with thunder. Instead of owls, the clouds swirled with bats.
People were still filtering in and most of the staff’s table was unoccupied. The feast would begin later, but the tables were already covered with sweets and the choir was having their last rehearsal at the front podium.
Catallena sat unmoving and slumped, watching those clouds and ignoring whatever was the topic at the table – until something hit the back of her head. She rubbed her head and looked down at the ground behind her to find a mint. The Slytherin table had a great time laughing at her and a few others tried throwing candies at her too.
“That face!”
“Look, her eyes are puffy just like you said they would be!”
“Awww~ Did I hurt you? Gonna cry?”
“I’m surprised she felt anything. I slapped her around last night and she did nothing. Look, I left a mark! There, on the right side!”
“You don’t mind being hit, huh? I’m curious to see your limit.”
“Oi Cassius! Try this one!”
“Brilliant, thanks!”
Before Catallena could react, a pumpkin pasty splattered on her head, coating half of her face in the orange puree. This made the Slytherin table and half the Ravenclaw table erupt in more laughter. Nothing gets you into a Hallowe’en spirit like a pumpkin pasty to a school mate’s face, apparently.
Lisa Turpin thought this was especially funny, and she ended up dunking a serving of walnut pudding over the already orange and sticky girl next to her. More laughter.
Catallena scooped the dessert out of her eyes, only to be met with the sight of pumpkin puree on Princess Kisa’s tail. This finally made her freak out and she left the Great Hall, frantically looking for a lavatory so she could clean the precious fur. She could still make out the howls of laughter far behind her.
She ended up further and further away from the feast. Every lavatory she could find was either blown up, transfigured into a bounce house or infested with creatures like garden gnomes. It seemed a sort of prank war had taken place with students trying to one-up each other with clever ways to destroy bathrooms.
By the time that she managed to find a functional and relatively clean bathroom Catallena was in tears again. She stood in front of the sink and began scrubbing her cat clean with trembling hands. Water splashed everywhere and Catallena cried softly with frustration.
The pumpkin seeped deep into the fur and refused to come out fully, creating an even bigger patch of orange on the critter.
Why did they have to hurt Kisa? What if the pumpkin didn’t come out and the fur would forever be ruined? Catallena thought about the dark brown patch on her mother’s fur where the knife had finally punctured her neck. She didn’t want the same to happen to Princess Kisa. The kitty had done nothing to deserve any of this.
A door creaked behind her, making the young witch jump. In the mirror Catallena saw her own panicked and messy reflection as well as someone else’s concerned one.