During Winter break of sixth year, Vincent Crabbe, Gregory Goyle, and Draco Malfoy arrived at Malfoy Manor for several very important meetings. The summer prior to sixth year, all three had received their Dark Marks and gone through their initiation to become death eaters. Such a bold decision made them privy to an elite few that were blessed with the Dark Lords company.
Goyle was underwhelmed by the experience while Malfoy and Crabbe seemed initially excited to receive such a prestigious brand. However, after several intense meetings with the Dark Lord and multiple instances of watching a snake consume his enemies alive, one could easily become disillusioned with the exclusivity that came with being a death eater.
Malfoy had been given some type of task, but neither Crabbe or Goyle were fully aware of exactly what that task was. They were merely in charge of guarding the doors. Malfoy had come back to the manor with an odd tiara in his coat, but all else was a mystery.
When they first arrived at the Manor on Monday, Lucius and his wife immediately took the tiara and put it in a room under the drawing room. Crabbe wondered what was down there, but it was entirely inaccessible. The dark lord paid a visit on Tuesday and threatened Draco to the point of tears. It was only slightly awkward for Crabbe to cast the cruciatus on Draco, but he found that there was some level of excitement that came from exerting power.
He wondered if he should explore the sensation.
On Wednesday he decided that he would and toured Malfoy Manors literary works until he found a book on fire-related spells. Crabbe was never one for reading, and he wasn’t exceptionally proficient at older language, but he made do. He eventually came across an interesting fire spell that was supposed to be all consuming and extremely powerful. Crabbe wondered if he could master such a complicated piece of magic.
On Thursday, Crabbe had intended on practicing his spell, but he was tasked with accompanying someone to Gringotts to acquire an odd chalice from someone’s vault. Crabbe wasn’t too keen on the details, but he knew enough to know to keep his mouth shut. That same day, Narcissa put the chalice in the same room as the odd tiara. Crabbe thought nothing of it and went about his day.
On Friday, one more item was added to the supply in the secret room. Crabbe was slightly confused, but didn’t care too much since it didn’t directly affect him. He was merely enjoying the day without the Dark Lord. He’d completely forgotten to test his fire spell.
On Saturday, the Dark Lord once again returned to Malfoy Manor. He brought his snake and called a meeting for a handful of death eaters who’d failed him. The Malfoys, Crabbe, Goyle, and Severus Snape were all banished to the freezing outer gardens. Crabbe was starving and was severely craving a piece of toast.
He requested one from a house elf, but it wasn’t cooked quite enough to his tastes. A part of him wanted to call the elf back to bring a new piece, but the idea of the Dark Lord punishing him for eating scared him too much.
Instead, he decided to cast a casual fire charm to heat up the toast. Unfortunately, he misremembered the spell and cast the all consuming fire spell directly at the manor. In an instant a great snake expelled from his wand, and before anyone could react, the entire manor was set ablaze. The six who were on the outside of the home, quickly sprinted to the perimeter.
The fire seemed relatively contained to the home, and once the Manor has been reduced to ash, the dark marks on the death eater's skin had faded.
“You’re joking,” Severus Snape drawled, “Crabbe, are you aware that you’ve just vanquished the Dark Lord?”
“I what?” Crabbe asked in disbelief.
“You’ve killed Lord Voldemort,” Snape said flatly, “You’ve killed him, his most important followers, and nearly all of his horcruxes. I’ll have to figure something out for the last one, but I’d say this was a rather… unexpected turn of events.”
“Is he really dead, Severus?” Narcissa Malfoy asked anxiously. He nodded.
“Crabbe set the mansion ablaze directly behind where the Dark Lord sat. It would have been impossible for him to escape in time,” Snape acknowledged, “I’ll call the authorities. As far as any of us are concerned this was an intentional coup and we were always planning to betray him.”
Needless to say, Crabbe was extremely confused. Once there was confirmation that Voldemort had in fact died in the fire, Snape had to explain in excruciating detail exactly how Crabbes blunder had killed the Dark Lord several times over.
After the twelfth explanation, Crabbe mostly understood. He was declared a hero, and all six who watched the manor burned were fully pardoned for their actions.
Life went on, and Harry Potter eventually came to terms with the reality of his situation. Malfoy helped him significantly with the transition from an unbearable and unreasonable amount of pressure from having to work on something bigger than himself, and the two eventually fell in love.
Dumbledore passed away that year from some bizarre curse, and Snape stepped down from teaching. Professor McGonagall became their new headmistress for seventh year, which happened to be Hogwarts’ first non-life threatening year since Harry Potter began attending.
Crabbe gained notoriety and fame from his great accomplishments. He lived a life full of travel, gambling, and grossly abusing his influence. It almost felt like a dream.
If he ever tried to explain that he killed Voldemort by trying to warm up a piece of toast, no one ever believed him and assumed he was joking. It never bothered him and eventually he just allowed people to believe that he was a hero.
Eventually, he married Millicent Bullstrode and lived a quaint life until he inevitably died of old age.
On his deathbed, he told his progeny that the key to a long and happy life was nothing more than a piece of undercooked toast.