Better Ridiculous Than Boring (Drabbles)

Draco knew an intervention when he saw one. They had standard identifying characteristics, such as his uninvited friends sitting in his flat with sombre, caring expressions on their usually mischievous faces. He sat down in the vacant armchair and smiled patiently, waiting for one of them to confirm what he already knew. 

“We’re worried about you.” Pansy said after a moment. 

“Any specific reason or…?” He asked, reclining back and raising an eyebrow. 

“Mate, it’s Granger.” Blaise replied, getting to the point. Draco had always respected that quality in his friend, he had never been one for skating around things. “We don’t think she’s right for you.” 

“We don’t want you to change for her. You shouldn’t have to.” Theo piped up. 

His relationship had been the erumpent in the room since its inception, seeing as none of them knew how to bring it up. For Draco’s part, he was quite content to wait. He was the happiest he’d ever been, so he didn’t really care if they approved of her or not. In an ideal world, they would, of course, but if they forced him into some kind of ultimatum, it would not be them that he’d choose. 

“What do you even have in common with a prissy gryffindor princess like her anyway? Surely she just comes round and lectures you about your attitude towards some obscure magical creature or whatever bullshit she’s on that day.” Pansy continued, becoming slightly more confident in her words as she sat up straighter, not that she’d been anything even close to slouching before that. Draco wasn’t sure she was physically capable of such a thing. 

“It’s fair enough for you to sleep with whoever you like, but an actual relationship with someone like that? Someone so different from you? It’s not sustainable.” Blaise said. “You’ll burn out.” 

Draco idly wondered if they’d realised that he hadn’t said anything yet, but they’d clearly rehearsed what they wanted to say, so he was happy to let them carry on. 

“Surely it isn’t healthy for either of you? With all that history, neither of you will be able to heal if you keep waking up next to each other. We just don’t think you’ve thought this through long term.” Theo continued, looking genuinely quite upset for some reason. “When she is nothing but good all the time, she can’t fit into your lifestyle as it is. She’ll change you, whether you want her to or not.” 

“You’ll be skipping through fields of daisies, protecting some tiny niffler colony in the back of who-the-fuck-knows-where before you know it.” Pansy added with a slight sneer of distaste for the mental image she’d painted. 

“Well, it certainly seems you’ve covered this from all angles.” He drawled after a moment, seeing that they’d essentially finished laying out their argument. “I do so appreciate how little faith you have in me. What exactly is it that you think has happened? I’ve seen a pair of tits and lost control of all my faculties?” 

“Well…” Theo hummed, and Draco rolled his eyes. 

At that moment, his floo sounded, and out stepped the witch herself, drenched head to toe in blood.

“Busy day at work, I take it?” He asked, and Granger sighed, dragging a hand through her messy hair. 

“We moved on the poacher camp, but our information was outdated. There were fifty of them there instead of five.” She explained. “Hello everyone, by the way. I’m sorry to have interrupted you.” She smiled as the others gaped at her. 

“It’s not her blood.” Draco pointed out, aiming to prevent any panic from arising, and Granger nodded. 

“Mostly poacher.” She added cheerfully, placing her hands on her hips. When she got nothing but wide eyes, Draco sighed impatiently and turned back around.

“Was Goldstein as useless as you assumed he’d be?”

She nodded. “Fucking liability, honestly. He turned and ran once we were spotted, left me to do the heavy lifting on my own.” 

“He left you to duel fifty poachers by yourself?” Draco all but growled, standing up to check her over more closely. Granger rolled her eyes. 

“You need to leave his limbs intact so he can attend his disciplinary hearing, my darling.”

“I’m coming next time you have a raid like this. You can’t keep doing this shit on your own. Even Potter would agree with me on that.” He placed his hands on her upper arms, and she smiled softly up at him. 

“You never let me have any fun.” 

“Not without me, at least.” He smirked, and she chuckled. “Go on, get in the shower. You’re getting entrails on my rug.” 

“As if you can’t afford to just buy a new one.” She pointed out, before heading for the door. Then she turned and waved. “See you all later. Lovely chatting.” She grinned, catching Draco’s eye. He snorted as he scourgified the floor and the trail she’d left behind her, before retaking his seat. 

“I’m convinced you were all raised with better manners than that.” He said. 

“Does that…happen often?” Theo whispered, and Draco shrugged. 

“Sometimes. She can be quite violent when she wants to be, and the water pressure here is better than at hers. Easier to get the remains out of her curls, you know.” He smiled, and Pansy huffed, breaking out of her trance-like state. 

“You’re such a twat.” She snapped, before standing up, dusting down the nonexistent wrinkles in her skirt. “She’s nothing like she was in school.” She added, almost accusatory in her tone. 

“She’s very much still the way she was in school, Pans. I’ve just come to learn that we weren’t paying attention.” 

“So what happened?” Blaise frowned. 

“Well, you see, I saw a pair of tits covered in blood and I was a goner.” Draco said pedantically, and Blaise barked out a loud laugh as Pansy groaned in disgust. Theo was giggling into his hand. 

“You really like her, don’t you?” He asked. 

“I don’t just like her, mate. I love her.” Draco replied easily. 

“If she’s going to be around more often, I refuse to put up with blood on the carpets.” Pansy sniffed.

“Somehow I doubt she’s perpetually coated in the stuff, Pans.” Blaise replied. 

“Oh, I don’t know.” Draco smirked. “Poachers are something of a rare breed these days. She does enjoy a good hunt.” 

“Is she actually worse than you? Did we get this all wrong?” Theo asked. 

“You know the year Skeeter disappeared? Granger had her trapped in a jar.” Draco beamed like a proud parent, and Blaise snorted. 

“I guess we needn’t have worried, then. You’ve found your psychopathic soulmate after all.” 

“I’m sure you’ll be very happy together.” Pansy said, looking slightly bemused at the whole thing.

“I’m…I’m sorry we didn’t trust you.” Theo added as he also stood, but Draco just shrugged. 

“I get it. It makes no sense until you see it properly. Then it makes all the sense in the world.” 

“As if you’d ever have settled for anything straightforward.” Blaise shook his head. “We’ll leave you to it then, I suppose. Could you apologise to Granger for us? For being so weird?” 

“Nope, I’m telling her you’re all like that all the time.” He smiled. 

“Gods, she hasn’t forced you to be better, she’s encouraged you to be worse.” Theo grinned, and Draco shrugged. 

“I couldn’t have hoped for more.” 

“Slimy prat.” Pansy muttered, marching for the floo without another word. Blaise clapped Draco on the shoulder before following her, a smile on his face. 

“I’m happy things are working out for you.” Theo said, and Draco nodded. 

“Appreciate it, mate.” 

“That is the first shower I’ve taken here on my own. There was something oddly disconcerting about it.” Granger said as she reappeared a while later, after his friends were gone. Draco snorted. 

“I do apologise, my love. I was preoccupied with an intervention.” 

“Oh, is that what that was?” She asked, plopping down next to him on the sofa. “What about?” 

“You.” He smiled at her. 

“They don’t approve?” 

“They didn’t. They do now. Not that it mattered much to me either way.” He replied, slinging his arm around her. “When will Goldstein’s disciplinary happen?” 

“Next week. Why?” She raised an eyebrow. 

“Just fancied a little catch up with him. It’s been ages since school.” He smiled innocently, and she huffed, moving so her head rested on his shoulder, her arms around his middle. 

“Neanderthal.” She murmured. 

“I protect what’s mine, Granger.” He replied softly, kissing the crown of her head. “Say the word and I’ll stop, but he shouldn’t have just left you.” 

“He deserves what’s coming to him.” She relented, speaking into his chest, and he grinned. 

“That’s my girl.”