When I was so lost
After her sleepover at the Potter-Blacks, Evanlynn had to return home to the monster of her newborn sister. At first, Evanlynn had liked her, but now... she just wanted to throw that damned baby out of the window and continue her previous life when her dads still gave a fuck.
Unfortunately, that wasn’t possible, so she just had to endure all the crying, her obviously stressed-out dads, and the feeling of jealousy that always sent a pang through her chest whenever she saw one of her parents interact with Ember.
She lay down on her bed and stared at the ceiling, hoping she’d get up to find out all of this was just a bad dream. But of course, it was reality which she had to face now, every day.
“Hey, Ev?” Her dad was standing in the doorway of her bedroom. Sirius made his way to his daughter and dropped down next to her.
She turned her head, facing her father.
“What?”
“I was going to ask you why you have been avoiding us, and your sister in particular.”
Well, Evanlynn thought, he just jumped right into it, didn’t he?
She thought for a moment, and then replied.
“I am not avoiding anyone.”
“Oh,” her father looked at her, puzzled.
“I just thought—”
“Well, you thought wrong,” Evanlynn said, interrupting her dad. And with that, she got up from her bed, stormed out of her room, and went outside. Then she was running, as fast as she possibly could.
She didn’t stop until she didn’t feel like falling apart anymore.
She looked around. She was standing in front of the lake at the nearby forest. She dropped down, sitting on the ground and staring at the clear water. And then she started crying.
Her whole body was shaking as the sobs kept coming. She couldn’t help it, but she felt like she was drowning. She kept on looking at the lake; the water looked so damn soothing. She wanted nothing more than to just fall into it and never get back up.
She shook her head, still fighting the sobs that kept creeping up her throat.
Her whole head was spinning, she couldn’t breathe.
A panic attack.
Shit, she hadn’t had these for so long.
She tried to calm herself down, tried to breathe, tried to think straight, but nothing worked.
She felt her body shutting down, her eyesight became blurry, and she felt herself fall to the ground. Then she fainted.
“Remus.”
“Remus!”
“REMUS!”
Sirius’s panicked voice echoed through the apartment.
Remus, who was changing Ember’s diaper, quickly laid his newborn down in her crib and ran toward his husband.
He found Sirius on his knees in the living room, looking completely shaken.
“What’s wrong, darling?” Remus asked him, running his hands through Sirius’s hair.
“Evanlynn, she... I, and then, and now, I just thought...”
“You aren’t making sense, my love.”
Sirius took a deep breath.
“I asked Evanlynn why she was avoiding us. Then she got angry and went out. I... I thought she would just come back after a few minutes. I thought it was just a tantrum because she is a teenager, so...”
Remus stared at his husband in shock, anger beginning to bubble up in his chest.
Not so long after they adopted Evanlynn, they were told by the social workers how her father used to hit her if she made her younger brother cry. Her father eventually put her up for adoption, claiming Evanlynn to be made by Satan himself, and never looked back at his daughter ever again.
This had resulted in panic attacks and even suicidal thoughts. Evanlynn went through a lot of therapy and she got better, but was never completely okay. Some days her trauma would get triggered, and today was such a day.
“Shit,” Remus muttered.