Chapter 17
Remus
More had happened than that at the Order meeting, of course, but when James and Remus found Sirius with the bottle of whiskey in his hands and fire in his eyes, they decided it was best to limit the new information.
Unfortunately, the Order meetings are especially gloomy these days. Everyone is working for change, but very few of the updates were positive. Moody, Frank, and Alice have been investigating an attack on some muggleborns that occurred earlier in the week, but they can’t prove who was behind it. Benjy Fenwick and Emmeline Vance have spent the last month trying to lobby the Ministry for more protections for muggles and squibs, with little success. Mary and Pete have been in America, though what they’re doing over there Dumbledore didn’t say. Remus himself gave an update on his trip to the Forbidden Forest to talk to the Centaurs, which was about as productive as any of the other efforts. Truly, in the entire meeting, the only good bit of news was that Lily and Marlene have come up with a shield spell that absorbs the spells cast at it and becomes stronger with each spell it absorbs. This will prove useful in messy fights, since the spells flung at the Protego shield often bounce off in unpredictable and destructive ways.
In the week following the meeting, the flat begins to adjust to a new sort of normal. James and Remus both resume some of the Order duties they’d put on hold for a few days.
Remus spends much of the week holed up with Marlene, pouring over book after book trying to find answers to Regulus’s persistent silence. Together, they dig into books about hexes, curses, and binds, read about lip-locking spells and obliviations gone wrong, and even turned to muggle books on mutism and PTSD. They spend hours researching, but nothing they’ve tried has worked. Of course, it’s hard to do counter spells on a boy who cringes every time someone other than Sirius enters a room.
James, too, is spending a lot of time out of the flat. He’s been patrolling some of the more muggle-heavy areas of the wizarding world, trying to head off trouble before it begins. This leaves Sirius and Regulus alone in the flat for a good portion of every day. Remus feels it’s risky to leave Sirius alone at the best of times, but even more so lately. There may have been no major incident yet, (unless you count the one popcorn fire, but that’s pretty tame in the list of Sirius’s kitchen mishaps), but Remus can’t help but worry.
Sirius does seem a bit calmer now than he was in the first days after Regulus showed up at their door. He’s still anxious and clingy, but he has started to give Regulus a bit more space, and Regulus has started to accept it. Though whether Sirius’s calmness is coming from his ability to adapt to challenging circumstances, or his frequent drinking, is anyone’s guess.
It’s becoming more common to see Sirius with a bottle of something in his hands. Remus has thought about bringing it up time and time again, but doesn’t know how to approach it. Somedays, it seems like a nip of Dragon Barrel Brandy Is the only thing keeping Sirius afloat at all. While Sirius has no qualms about drinking to excess in front of his friends, Remus has noticed that as soon as Regulus enters the room, Sirius tries to hide his stash. This leads to James finding an open bottle stashed under a couch cushion and Remus coming across a spilt one in the fireplace.
If this isn’t concerning enough, Sirius has rarely left the apartment at all. Sirius never was one to be cooped up so much. He’s always had too much energy and social inclination to stay home. Even when Remus wanted nothing more than to spend the day curled up on the couch with Sirius and a good book, Sirius would only last a couple hours before tossing on a jacket and declaring he’s going on a walk, car ride, or trip to the park. Now, though, Remus only convinced Sirius to leave the flat once, and it was only to the corner store to buy more alcohol.
Remus can feel Sirius disappearing behind a haze of worry, guilt, and alcohol, but can’t seem to reach him. Sirius has never been good at hiding his emotions, but he certainly is good at not talking about them. It must run in the family.
Remus misses his boyfriend, but it is hard to find a time where Sirius is neither attached to Regulus at the hip nor drunk past recognition. Even if he did find such a time, it’s unlikely Sirius would be in any state of mind to go on a date, or even have a decent conversation. It seems all he can think about these days is Regulus.
Which is why Remus is so surprised when, the night before the full moon, Sirius so casually speaks up
“So what’s the plan tomorrow?” Sirius asks through a bite of corn.
James, Sirius, and Remus are sitting around the kitchen table for dinner. Regulus has already retreated to his room after picking unenthusiastically at a plate.
“What do you mean?” Remus asks, barely pausing in his savage attack of the steak, corn, and broccoli before him. With the full moon tomorrow, his appetite is as strong as an Acromantula’s.
“The moon.” Sirius says, as if it were obvious. “It’s tomorrow. We could go to the Forbidden Forest, of course, but being winter and all it might be fun to go to Cape Wrath, remember when we went on that trip there with James’s family? There won’t be many people around this time of year, and I don’t mind the cold water. Or there’s that ruin we found in Dundonell a few months ago, lots of space to run out there.”
Remus swallows hard, trying to remember if he saw Sirius pour scotch into his glass or apple juice.
James looks equally confused. “Are you—are you going?” he asks.
“Of course I am! I always go.” Sirius says.
And it’s true, while after school James and Peter only sometimes came along for Remus’s transitions, Sirius never stopped. It was a tradition. As much as Remus hated full moons, he did look forward to spending the night with Padfoot, chasing squirrels and wrestling each other under the moonlight.
“Someone has to stay here with Reg, of course,” Sirius continues, “but I think he’s getting a bit sick of me hanging around anyway.”
Again, this is true. While Regulus hasn’t said anything, his haughty demeanor has been particularly scathing and annoyed lately.
Remus looks carefully at James before answering. “Right, well, it would be good to have you along, but I’ve sort of got plans, already.”
Sirius swallows his bite. “Plans?” he asks, looking more than a little betrayed.
“Yes, well, for the Order, is all.” Remus hurries to explain.
“I was in the Forbidden Forest last week on a mission and caught an interesting scent. There’s another werewolf out there. I don’t know if it’s one of Greybacks, but the Order wants me out there this moon, keeping an eye out.” Remus continues.
Sirius sets down his knife and fork. “You went to the Forbidden Forest last week?”
Remus feels his chest tighten at the look on Sirius’s face. “Well, yeah. I would have told you, but you’ve had so much on your mind that--
“And you went alone?” Sirius interrupts.
James jumps in. “Dumbledore asked him to, it’s the safest way. The creatures of the forest trust Remus, given he’s like 1/28th creature—no offense Moony.”
Remus shrugs off the insult, James is right, after all.
“That’s why I’m the best one to track the werewolf during the moon, less chance of me getting hurt.”
“But you could get hurt.” Sirius pouts.
“I’ll just be watching,” Remus counters. “making sure nothing bad happens. I won’t even approach the wolf unless they get too close to town. I’m just there to observe.”
Sirius frowns. The frown looks so out of place on his usual smooth features. Remus hates how often he’s been seeing that frown lately.
“No.” Sirius announces. “I’m going with you.”
Remus and James exchange glances again.
“Stop that!” Sirius whines, putting down his fork and knife. “Stop with the faces! I can see you, you know! You’ve been pitying me all week but I’m fine! I can help!”
Remus chews over his words like a gristly piece of steak. “We don’t pity you,” he says, trying not to glance at James again, “It’s just, you’ve got a lot going on right now. It’s okay to focus on that.”
Sirius scoffs and squinches up his nose. “I’m not some kid. I can handle it.”
This time Remus can’t help but look at James for backup.
“Stop it!” Sirius whines again. “Tell him Prongs, I’m fine!”
James’s eyes dart between his two friends. “I don’t, I mean-- If you want to, I guess.” He hedges.
“Of course I do! What if things get out of hand? What if the other wolf attacks you? What if you get too moon-happy and attack them?”
“I could go.” James offers.
Sirius rolls his eyes. “As a deer? Fat lot of good you’d be fighting a wolf.”
“A stag.” James calmly corrects.
“Fine. Stag. Whatever.” Sirius brushes, enthusiasm oozing from his pores. “Point is, Remus needs someone keep him in line, and that’s me! I’m the alpha male! The top dog!”
“Not in my experience.” Remus mutters.
Sirius kicks him under the table and James stifles a laugh.
Remus smiles too. Between the war and now Regulus, it’s been a minute since he’s seen his friends happy. It’s good to see Sirius excited about something, his moping and worrying over Regulus is getting out of hand.
“Okay. If you want to come, you can come.” Remus concedes, “But we’re on a mission, not out to chase every rabbit we see.”
Sirius grins, “Who says we can’t do both?” Then his face falls serious again. “But I don’t want to be away too long, as soon as you change back, we’ll apparate, yeah?”
Remus nods.
“And you’ll stay with Regulus, won’t you James?” Sirius adds. “I don’t want him to be alone. Just in case.”
James nods. “Sure. I’ll be mostly asleep anyway.
“So it’s settled.” Remus says, stretching his tight pre-moon muscles.
Sirius nods grimly. “We ride at dusk.”