Chapter 16
Sirius
After an hour or so, Regulus finally calms down. Sirius, still wide awake and too anxious about the Order meeting to sleep, slowly rolls himself out of the bed. It’s best he takes his worry somewhere else, for fear of waking Regulus. He goes back out into the kitchen and helps himself to a hearty pour of firewhiskey. Then another. And another.
As the liquor lubricates his mind, his thoughts start to slosh around in his brain, slipping and sliding dangerously. Maybe he should have gone to the meeting. Maybe he should be there, to set the record straight about Regulus. What if they paint him as a villain without anyone there to defend him? AS much as he loved James and Remus, he can tell that they aren’t going to fight tooth and nail for Regulus’s honor, if it comes to it. Well, James might, but only because he’s a good mate. Remus, on the other hand, clearly distrusts Regulus.
Sirius isn’t blind. He can see the way James and Remus look at each other when they think Sirius isn’t paying attention. It’s not lost on him that both Regulus and his friends are getting annoyed with his constant hovering and worrying, but he can’t help it. They don’t understand. It’s Sirius’s fault that Regulus is in this situation. He’s the one who left Reg there in the first place. He knew what monsters lived in that house. He knew what he was leaving Regulus to, yet he did it anyway. Sirius did it because he’d convinced himself that Regulus would be fine. He told himself that Regulus was every bit as monstrous as they are. He rewrote his little brother into some horrible, muggle-hating bully not because it was true, not because he believed it, but because he didn’t want to face his own guilty conscience. And now he has to deal with the consequences.
It isn’t Regulus who is supposed to be covered in fresh cuts and deep gashes. It isn’t Regulus who is supposed to be fighting off nightmares. It isn’t Regulus who is supposed to be broken. And Sirius will do anything to fix that. He’ll stand by Regulus no matter what. For however long it takes. And if the rest of the people in Sirius’s life can’t understand that, then they can sod off.
There is a loud CRACK that jolts Sirius from his thoughts and then a dusty cough as Remus and James apparate back to the flat.
James
“Ugh.” Remus coughs. “Why do we always have to meet in the grimiest closets in all of Britain?”
James shrugs, brushing off his sleeves. “I’m more curious as to how it seems to get dustier each time we go.”
“Prongs, you’re getting dirt all over the place!” Remus complains.
James sighs, “Scourgify” he flicks his wand and the mess disappears.
Sirius, seeing his friends’ arrival, stands up from the table, somewhat wobbly. “What’d it go? How did they say?” he slurs.
Remus immediately rushes to Sirius’s side. “Christ, Sirius! Are you drunk?”
“No. Are you?” Sirius asks, the near-empty bottle of alcohol shaking in his hand.
Remus grabs the bottle from Sirius’s hand. “Sit down, Black. We need to talk.”
Sirius lets himself be pushed back into the chair.
James heads to the stove “I’ll make a pot of coffee. Not like any of us were going to sleep tonight anyway.”
Remus casts a quick muffliato to block out any potential eavesdroppers, and he and James start filling in a sloshed Sirius.
“So do they think he’s evil? Have they made Regulus out to be some horrid devil?” Sirius accuses angrily.
“No! God, Pads, nothing like that. Is that what you’ve been worrying about all night?” James asks, looking at his friend.
Sirius just glares in return.
James sighs and tries again. “No, Sirius. No one thinks Regulus is the devil. We’re just being cautious; it is a war and all.”
Sirius puts his hand up to take another swig from the whiskey, only to realize it’s not in his hand anymore. He shifts his glare to Remus. “Give it.” He slurs.
Remus pats Sirius on the back. “I think you’ve had enough, mate.”
Before they can start arguing, James jumps in again. “Molly was horrified by the whole situation, kept murmuring ‘poor dear, poor dear’ over and over again. Lily, Marlene, and Mary were pretty upset too.”
“Well of course they are, the saps!” Sirius shouts, “But what about Moody? Or Dumbledore? Are they on their way right now to scoop him up and send him to Azkaban?”
His words are drunk and dramatic, but James can see the real fear behind them.
“No.” Remus says, patting Sirius’s shoulder. “They want what’s best for Regulus as much as you do. Regulus is staying here, with us. And they want you to take as much time away from other Order duties as you need.”
“Oh, so they want him where they can keep an eye on him because he’s a Black and Black’s must be evil, and they want me stuck here to for the same reason.”
“Sirius, you know that’s not true. Dumbledore trusts you.” James says, putting a mug of coffee in front of Sirius.
Sirius looks at it begrudgingly.
“It’s a delicate situation, that’s all.” Remus adds.
Sirius crosses his arms and harrumphs.
James takes a seat next to his friend.
“As far as anyone can tell, Regulus isn’t a threat, or a ploy, or a pawn of any sort. He hasn’t taken the Dark Mark, and he’s never been seen at a Death Eater meeting. He’s as innocent in the whole affair as you were. Dumbledore said it seems like Regulus ran away for the same reasons you did.”
James thought this would be good news for Sirius, he thought it would make Sirius happy to hear that his brother is on the right side of things, clearly, though, he thought wrong.
Sirius’s face is cold and hard. He’s uncrossed his arms and is gripping the coffee tightly, as if trying to shatter it.
James looks to Remus, unsure what to do next, but Remus has his eyes glued to Sirius.
After a long moment, Sirius finally grumbles, “What do we do now?”
The corners of Remus’s mouth tightens. “The Order is still looking into it. Moody wants us to report any change in Regulus’s—erm—condition, and to be careful what we say around him. Until then, we can’t let this distract us from the bigger picture.”
“We spy on him.” Sirius murmurs, staring into the coffee.
“No.” James says gently, “We take care of him. And we keep fighting.”
Sirius stands abruptly from the table, banging the chair’s legs into James’s shins as he rises.
James tries not to flinch.
“I’m going to sleep.” Sirius announces before tottering off into Regulus’s room, pausing only once to dry heave a bit in the hallway.
Remus frowns, watching Sirius go.
“I’m worried about him.” Remus says.
“I know.” James nods. “But what else can we do?”