Chapter 13
James
James doesn’t know what to do. He’s a bit out of his depth here.
Sirius hasn’t left the house once since Regulus showed up. He’s spent the past few days hovering around his brother, barely leaving him alone for more than a minute.
Regulus himself hasn’t made much progress either. In the past few days, he’s done nothing but drift about the house like a ghost, not doing much of anything. Sometimes he’s so tuned in that he jumps at the slightest shift in the air, sometimes he’s so zoned out that Sirius has to say his name six or seven times to get him to react. And he still isn’t talking. He hasn’t uttered a single word since he arrived. He’s barely slept and rarely eats more than a bite or two. James had thought that the boy was skinny and malnourished when he showed up, but after a week of poor diet, he looks even worse. Gaunt and haunted. As translucent as Nearly Headless Nick and as cheerful as The Bloody Baron.
James and Remus have both cut back on their Order duties to be here more for Sirius. Remus has been coming over more often, which seems to be comforting to Sirius, but it’s pretty clear Remus doesn’t trust Regulus. He’s constantly checking in on Sirius and shooting James worried looks. Remus has yet to voice his worries to Sirius, but it’s only a matter of time until he does, and James can already tell the enormous argument that will lead to.
James himself doesn’t know what to think. Yes, this is war. Yes, Regulus has always been a blood-purist prick. But he’s also been watching Regulus, and Regulus doesn’t seem like a genocidal maniac. He’s just a guy. A guy who likes to do the crossword in pen, even though he ends up scratching out half the answers and writing over them. He’s a guy who drinks his tea black when someone is watching, but with nearly as much sugar as Remus when he thinks no one is. He’s a guy who will leave a room mid-conversation when it no longer suits him, but will listen amusedly for an hour as James complains about the inaccuracy of muggle weather predictions.
Remus will argue that it doesn’t matter whether or not Regulus was working for the Deatheaters, he’s making Sirius a nervous wreck and it isn’t fair. James admits the first part is true, he’s never seen Sirius this anxious and clingy, but James also isn’t sure that it’s completely Regulus’s fault. If Regulus’s family treated him anything like they’d treated Sirius, it makes sense he’d run away. And if he and Sirius were really as close when they were kids as some of Sirius’s stories implied, then it made sense he’d come looking for Sirius.
Regardless, between Regulus, Sirius, Remus, and James, the London flat is becoming a bit of an emotional landmine.
James finds himself clinging to the date of the next Order meeting like a lifeline, hoping Dumbledore and Moody might have some insight into the issue that is the younger Black.
“I’m not going.” Sirius says.
James, Sirius, and Remus are sitting around the kitchen table the night before the meeting, Regulus is already in his room and Remus has cast muffliado on the kitchen to make sure Regulus can’t eavesdrop.
“Not going? But Sirius—” Remus starts.
“No, I’m not going. Someone has to stay here with Reg.”
James and Remus exchange looks.
“I could stay.” James offers.
“No offense, James.” Sirius says, “But Reg isn’t exactly… your biggest fan. What if he needs something? Or has another nightmare? You’re not going to be able to calm him down.”
James knows he’s right, but it still annoys him. “I can brew a pot of tea.” James retorts indignantly.
“Come on, Sirius.” Remus reasons. “What if Dumbledore has information about what happened? We know they’ve got a spy on that side, maybe they can tell us more about what’s going on.”
“And you can ask Moody about silencing charms and jinxes and such.” James adds “If there’s a spell that can take someone’s voice like that, Moody’ll have heard of it.”
Sirius chews his lip in thought but remains resolute. “No. I’m not going.”
James and Remus hold a quick silent conversation between them.
“Sirius,” Remus starts.
“No!” Sirius interrupts, slamming a hand on the table. “I can’t leave him!”
Both Remus and James soften a bit at that.
James tries to squash the sigh rising in his chest. “You wouldn’t be leaving him; you’d only be gone a few hours.”
“It might be good for you to get out of the flat, Pad.” Remus says softly, putting his hand over Sirius’s. “You’ve been cooped up for days.”
Sirius shakes his head. “I don’t care. I’m not going.”
A few more looks flash between James and Remus. Remus looks like he is about to protest more, but James jumps in.
“Okay, okay.” He says, holding his hands up in surrender. “Remus and I will go without you, but you know we’ll be talking about Regulus, right?”
Sirius seems to consider this. He holds on to Remus’s hand. “Yeah. I know.” He looks defeatedly down at the table, but then jerks his head back up with renewed energy. “But you have to tell me everything they say, yeah? And ask Moody about the curses. And see if Marlene can give us some more Murlap essence or a stronger kind of pain reliever or something. And tell Dumbledore I’m not doing any more missions for a while. I’m staying here. With Reg. as long as he needs me.”
James looks over at Remus, who considers his words.
“Of course, Pads. Anything you need.”
James nods, glad that Remus didn’t turn this into a fight.
“Yeah. We’ll tell you everything.”