Chapter 14
Sirius
The next evening, James and Remus apparate out to the designated meeting spot. (In this case, Secret Location number 6, which really means Secret Location number 4). Sirius stays behind as planned to watch over Reg.
Regulus manages a few bites of dinner, then disappears into the bedroom. Sirius listens for the boy’s wretching, but doesn’t hear any. Sometimes Regulus can keep food down, sometimes he can’t. There doesn’t seem to be any rhyme or reason as to why.
Sirius finishes his own dinner quickly then returns to Regulus’s room. Reg is inside, staring out the window with the same vacant stare he’s been wearing for days.
Sirius watches from the doorway for a moment. Regulus doesn’t move, doesn’t make any sign of knowing Sirius is there at all.
Sirius sighs. He hates when Reggie gets like this. He doesn’t know how to help. Instead, he just takes a seat on Regulus’s bed and flips open a music magazine to pass the time.
The sun sets outside, the view through the window going from bright daylight, to orange dusk, to black night. It isn’t until the sky has already been dark for half an hour that Regulus finally moves.
Seeing that his brother is becoming coherent again, Sirius puts the magazine down. “Reg,” he says cautiously. “I’ve been thinking. I know you don’t have your wand on you,”
Regulus freezes halfway across the room, watching Sirius with careful eyes.
“I’m not going to ask where it is.” Sirius adds quickly, “Though I’d love to know, if you’ll tell me. I just meant, we could get you a new one. Buy something used in Diagon Alley, or you could use mine, if you like. Just so you can do some magic again.”
Regulus takes a moment to respond, considering carefully. Slowly, he shakes his head.
Sirius’s heart drops. “Are you sure? It might be nice to Accio things again, or transfigure some of this old crap into something more fun.” Sirius gestures to all the boxes. “I don’t know how you get through a single day without using one charm or another.”
Regulus just shakes his head, more adamantly now. The look on his face has gone from blank to sad and pained. He picks up his pajamas and disappears to the bathroom.
Sirius drops the subject. He’ll come around when he’s ready. He will.
When Regulus returns from the bathroom, he crawls into bed. Sirius pulls out the book he’s been reading to Regulus every night. It’s become a habit. It seems to help Regulus fall asleep faster, having something other than his own thoughts running through his head. Sirius reads until Regulus falls asleep, then he crawls into bed next to his brother, waiting.
It isn’t long before the thrashing starts. Regulus is kicking and rolling and writhing. It’s like that when he’s asleep, like really, deeply asleep, not just the catnaps he takes most of the time. Sirius wrestles with the internal debate of whether or not he should wake his brother. Would it be kinder to wake him from whatever horrors he’s reliving, or to let him get whatever sleep he can, terror filled or not?
Sirius wraps his arms around the Regulus, trying to still him. He hums softly, an old children’s song he can’t remember the words to. He does everything he can to make sure Regulus knows that he is safe, and loved, and protected. But he can’t fix it. He can’t fix anything. Sirius can’t be sure that he’ll ever really get his brother back, that Regulus will ever be the same again.