Severus was horrified, looking at his own face covered in bluish sludge. He looked down at himself wearing student robes on a thin and pale body.
“Professor, why am I looking at my own face right now!!” His mouth shouted in a shrill voice he had never heard himself make.
“Draco I told you it was a bad idea to play with Polyjuice potion, now instead of making it taste better you have made some kind of unstable variation that makes you switch bodies with the person whose bits you’ve added.” Severus said while pinching the nose on his face.
“OH MY GOD, will I have to be stuck as you for the rest of my life” Draco wailed. Severus felt his eyebrow twitching, he knew his godson had a flair for drama but it was unsettling to watch his body act like a damsel in distress, he used to be a spy goddammit!!
After Nagini had attacked him in the Shrieking Shack he almost died, but what kind of potion masters especially a double agent wouldn’t carry an antivenom? He almost died while making sure that the dark lord had really left before taking the antidote. Blessedly Potter and his minions had arrived when he was starting to lose consciousness.
Bless Granger for figuring out his gibberish, Merlin knows Potter and Weasley wouldn’t survive a day without that girl. He eventually had to give his memories to Potter for him to figure out Dumbledore’s plan.
Potter vouched for the Malfoys and Severus during the trials which saved them from Azkaban. Severus was proven innocent but Draco and Narcissa had to comply with restrictions for the upcoming 2 years set by the Ministry.
“Listen to me Draco no one can know about this, this act violates your parole. If anyone finds out you’re going straight to Azkaban.” Severus explained.
“Why? We were just experimenting with potions.” Draco asked with wide eyes. (Again very weird for Severus to see his face make that expression).
“Do you think they’re gonna care, you are a marked death eater, they will spin the story about how you were trying to revive the dark lord again. And if you do end up in the Azkaban, all the loyal death eaters will kill you for betraying their lord.” Severus explained grimly.
Severus had been playing the game long enough to know that people still thought Draco had gotten off too easy and they were just waiting for him to make a mistake to come after him.
“OH MY GOD, GODFATHER WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO NOW?” Draco sounded extremely panicked now.
“Draco relax, the foundation of the potion is Polyjuice potion it will probably wear off in an hour.” Severus reassured him.
It did not wear off in an hour or even 2 hours for that matter.
“Godfather no offense but I don’t think I can live as you for the rest of my life.” Draco said with tear-filled eyes.
“OK between us we have mastery in understanding potions, if anyone can figure it out it’s us.” Severus said. “But it’s going to be dinnertime soon, we better get going to the great hall and meet later to brainstorm. ”
“Yeah sounds good godfather, we will meet here at 8 PM.” Draco added.
“Stop calling me godfather and remember to address everyone as if you are a professor.” Severus told him.
“Is there information I should know about before I venture out into this world as you?” Severus asked.
“Nothing important, just go with your instincts.” Draco said while scratching his ear.
“OK let’s go and reconvene at 8.” Severus declared.
At the great hall, Severus took Draco’s usual seat between Parkinson and Zabini overlooking the Gryffindor table and watched himself walk towards the high table and sit next to Minerva.
Severus glanced towards the Gryffindor table and saw Potter looking at him. He saw Potter jerk his head towards the door. Severus furrowed his brow and discreetly looked around to see who Potter was gesturing at. No one in his immediate vicinity.
He looked back and –no it couldn’t be Potter was looking at him or more importantly Draco. Seems like there was something his godson had forgotten to mention after all. He decided to ignore Potter for the time being, at least until he had clarified with Draco what Potter wanted.
He tried his best to listen to what Parkinson was prattling on about, something about how she had caught Greengrass in the broom closet with some Hufflepuff boy. Hmm maybe this wasn’t so bad, he could keep a better eye on his students by being among them.
“I need to ask Snape something, I’ll be back before the curfew.” Severus told Parkinson and Zabini. “But Draco you’ve been with Snape the whole day, did you forget about the party Granger is throwing.” Parkinson whined.
“I’ll be back for that.” Severus shuddered, a party with students who will surely get drunk and act like morons he would rather face Nagini again.
Severus got up and saw Draco also had gotten up but was stopped by Pomona at the end of the table, maybe to tell him about potion ingredients. He trusted Draco to know about the basics of that and decided to go to his lab and start working on the cure.
As he was walking through empty corridors he heard footsteps behind him and when he was turning to see who it was, he was yanked in an alcove by a floating hand.
“What the--” “Draco what the hell, why did you ignore me.” Potter was fuming. Draco?? Not Malfoy? “Uhh--” Severus stammered. “I obviously have something important to tell you, why else would break your sacred rule to not talk in public.” Potter pouted, and Severus was horrified to see that expression.
“What is it?” Severus asked. “Well babe, I think Hermione knows about us, she kept telling me that she’ll be happy for me if I choose to date someone who would not be a conventional choice for the boy who lived, either that or she suspects I’m not exactly straight.” Potter explained.
BABE? BABE? His godson messed up big time, he was not going to snog Potter just because Draco forgot to mention he was bumping uglies with him. Maybe he could poison Potter, not to kill obviously but to make him unconscious for however long it took them to switch back.
“Hey, you everything ok babe?” Potter asked earnestly. Severus almost gagged “Yeah sure everything is fine, I just need to meet Snape about something important, I’ll be back for the party and we can discuss Granger later.” Severus hoped they would be switched back by then. “OK, see you later.” Potter beamed at him and leaned over to kiss. Severus was panicked to see that and somehow dodged Potter’s incoming lips and walked away.
Severus walked so fast that he almost ran towards his lab. When Draco appeared at the door, Severus grabbed him by the collar and whisper-yelled “You couldn’t warn me that Potter might try to grope me and snog me in a deserted corridor”
“Prof--” “I have half the mind to strangle you Draco, I could’ve blown our cover just because you forgot to mention some vital information.” Severus snarled.
“We weren’t supposed to meet now, we only ever meet after curfew and I thought we might be switched back by then.” Draco mumbled.
“Let’s get to work I want to avoid going to that party at all costs.” Severus pinched his nose.
2 hours later, they were no closer to any cure since they started. “It’s curfew soon, you might have to go to that party after all.” Draco said. After looking at Severus’ expression he hurried to reassure him, “Don’t worry Granger’s parties are always non-boisterous, just a little drinking and games and chatting with people, you’re lucky it’s not a Hufflepuff party, last time Blaise and me somehow ended up waking up next to the great lake while wearing tutus.”
Severus regretted every decision that ended up with him in this situation, but he could do it, he had fooled one of the most powerful occlumens for several years how hard could it be to pretend to be a student?
Turns out it was very hard, Potter kept trying to get him alone, Parkinson kept trying to get him drunk, and weirdly Longbottom wanted to talk to him about the medicinal properties of mermaid scales. He never thought he would be thankful for Longbottom, he had terrorized the boy for 7 years straight and here he was hiding with Longbottom to avoid being groped.
Potter kept glancing at him and pouting & Severus tried his best to avoid looking at him.
Suddenly he heard Granger announcing “C’mon everyone let’s play spin the bottle.” Everyone cheered hearing that. Severus had observed the game during his Hogwarts days but he was never inclined to swap spit with random girls so he always declined when invited. He couldn’t decline now.
He reluctantly sat next to Zabini and decided to jinx the bottle to keep moving if it pointed at him. As the game progressed he saw Granger and Weasley kiss (Weasley try to eat Granger’s face) among hoots and hollers, Longbottom shyly peck Finnegan on the cheek, and Finnegan passionately kiss Thomas.
Finally, it was Potter’s turn after being kissed by Zabini. Potter spun the bottle and it kept slowing and slowing & finally pointing at Severus, he discreetly tried to keep the bottle moving but it did not move, as if it was already jinxed to point at him.
Everyone started hollering “Oh my god finally, please make out and resolve this sexual tension” Parkinson teased. Severus sat frozen, he did not want Potter anywhere near him, he looked up at Potter to see him grinning at him.
“Scared Malfoy?” Potter taunted. Severus swallowed, he had to think fast. Potter started crawling towards him, he was coming closer. Just when Potter was a few inches away from his lips, Severus panicked and pushed Potter who sprawled on his back and ran.
He avoided the shouts behind him and ran towards his room. He failed to notice footsteps behind him. He reached his room and started to say his password when he was slammed onto the door, Potter growled “Want to come clean now Professor, why are impersonating Draco? Where is he?”
Draco opened the door to see himself being pinned by his lover. “What is going on here?” He tried his best to copy Severus. “Who are you? If this is Snape then you are an impostor too.” Harry said with gritted teeth.
Oh, his boyfriend had figured it out. “Darling, it’s me Draco we switched bodies accidentally while making some changes in the Polyjuice potion.” Draco said with a pathetic expression, “I wanted to tell you but I thought we would switch back within an hour but that didn’t happen” Draco sniffed.
Harry was unsettled to see that expression on the otherwise stoic potion master’s face.
“How did you figure out I’m not Draco? We need to make sure no one else finds out, it violates his parole.” Snape asked.
“I have a map which shows the real identities of people in the castle, when Draco behaved strangely in the alcove I decided to check where he was going but instead of him I saw you on the map.” Harry said while scratching his head.
“Then why were you trying to kiss me Potter?!!” Severus shouted. “You tried to kiss Severus?” Draco whined. “No babe, you know you’re the only one for me, I was trying to make him confess.” Potter said while making cow eyes at Draco. Severus gagged at the display.
“This is so weird babe, I know it's you, but I can’t help being weirded out by his face.” Potter groaned. “We tried to find a solution so I could come back to you, but it didn’t work” Draco wailed.
“I feel like I should be offended by this conversation” Severus huffed and mumbled. “We might as well go to the lab, 3 minds are better than 2 even if one of them is atrocious at potions.”
They moved on to the lab and tried to think of other combinations they hadn’t already tried.
A few hours later, they were exhausted and sitting on the benches of the lab, suddenly Potter said, “Y’know if the problem is a potion, it is not necessary the solution will also be a potion.”
“What do you mean?” Severus asked. “Did you guys try finite incatatem?” Potter asked.
Draco and Severus were dumbfounded, they hadn’t tried the most common counter-spell, and if this worked he was going to bash open his skull.
“No, we didn’t.” Draco mumbled while trying to avoid eye contact.
“Finite incatatem” Severus said. There was blinding white light and Severus glanced down to see his own hands and black clothes in front of him.
“Harry darling you saved me again!!” He saw Draco launch himself at Potter.
“Potter you might not be as stupid as you look.” Severus choked out.
Potter laughed and said “Your welcome professor.”
He kicked both of them out of his room and tried to drown the memories of his students sucking each other’s faces out of his mind.