Part VII
REGULUS
It’s an awful idea. But James came up with it, so of course he’ll go along with it. He just knows that it is not going to end well. There is no way that this is going to end well. The last time they went on any sort of thing that floats in the lake they dragged Regulus down too. And yet he’s been coerced into sharing a canoe. The worst part is that he hardly even put up a fight. He could have, but well Regulus is fucked.
In fact, it was decided before Sirius even emerged. They probably helped plan this whole race or whatever it’s meant to be, but James was the one who got up unbelievably and annoyingly early today to get everything ready. Sirius slept in, or just stayed in their room until mid morning. On the other end of the spectrum, James woke up with the sun and tried to pull him out of bed too. That of course failed.
Instead Regulus pulled him closer, knowing that cuddling would appease him and get him to at least stay in bed an hour longer. There was no question that it would work. He just can’t believe himself. Cuddling with James. James . It’s just insane. A few nights ago, only three now that he thinks about it, they stopped putting a pillow between them. There’s no divide any more.
Even when there was a barrier, James crossed it. Regulus will stand by that it was always them to mess it up in their sleep. Never himself, he’s not the cuddling type. So now naturally it’s James who drifts fully to his side of the bed as he sleeps. Only the difference is that he no longer freaks out and pushes them away. At least not entirely. There may be a pit in his stomach that won’t go away, but there is also a pounding in his chest that makes him want to cling to James. It’s a balance.
When it was a somewhat normal time this morning and he had accepted his fate, they both got up together. James had stopped peacefully cuddling and moved on to fidgeting constantly. Some of that was still relaxing. Like when he would run his fingers through Regulus’ hair and twirls strands around. Or when he would trace circles and other shapes on his arms or his back. But the shaking of his leg and the nonsensical humming…, that was not peaceful. That did not allow him to pretend to carry on sleeping.
He followed James down to the docks before anyone else had even woken up. Not that he minded, he really didn’t. It’s peaceful in the morning. The air feels different. Regulus has always been partial to night time, mostly because of the night sky and the quiet that comes with it. But the morning isn’t half bad.
James is quieter in the morning too. They’re still up and far more awake than anyone should be as the sun is rising. But it’s endearing in a way. He can’t help but find it annoyingly cute. This isn’t the first morning they have spent together. The first, well the first after they kissed, they were with the whole group. But yesterday morning they were the first ones up too and it was nice. After spending hours talking before falling asleep and only getting what little amount of sleep they did, they both were still ready to get up.
He made coffee for both of them and they went up and sat in the treehouse that he told James about. No one else has found it yet. Regulus not so secretly wants it to stay just theirs. A week ago he would have said he wanted it to be just his, but now he likes that they are here too. The thing he has been slowly discovering is that the two of them are better at just existing in each other’s company without talking than he thought.
Before James used to be talking to him non stop whenever they were near. Always wanting to know more. Always wanting a reason for them to be closer. He gets it now. It worked out exactly like they wanted it to apparently. But now they don’t have to talk. They can just be. There is still plenty of talking, but it’s nice. Regulus is actually finding that he’s comfortable in the silence with them. That usually takes a lot for him to enjoy.
“Can you help? Or are you just going to keep standing there looking pretty?” James yells from the dock.
Admittedly, he was avoiding having to help. James is getting all of the canoes and kayaks ready. They have decided to set up a race around the lake. There’s a small island further in that they have to get to and pick up something from and get back here. Something that will definitely not go well, but will happen anyway.
“I thought you liked having something to look at while setting up?” He snipes back, but reluctantly strolls over to them.
“Of course I do. But we’re running out of time before everyone will be up and coming out here.”
“And that would be a bad thing?” He scoffs. “Pretty sure Sirius would gladly help bring the flag out to the island or set up all of the boats or whatever it is you have left to do.”
“They actually don’t know that I’m doing this.” He runs his hand through his hair and out of his face.
“Fine, but don’t expect me to do all that much.”
It doesn’t take all that long. James had already set up whatever is needed on the island. So it’s just setting up the boats and making sure everyone is assigned to one. Which brings them to their latest argument. Which is nothing like the bickering that happened before they became whatever they are now. This is worse. Regulus means everything he says and he says it with teeth.
“I will cut off your hands if you so much as splash me.”
“We’re not going to fall in this time!”
“I don’t trust that. You have some ability to make sure that happens.”
“It wasn’t on purpose!” He yells chasing after him. “Come on Reg, I’ve apologised for this already.”
“Well I’m not over it. Don’t you and Sirius usually pair off for things like this anyway? I’m sure they would be fine with you accidentally tipping your canoe over.” He sighs, settling down on the deck of the cabin.
James catches up to him and slides down next to him. They don’t continue arguing, miraculously. Though Regulus is still not entirely sold on this being a good idea. It’s not going to go well. He knows it’s not. But how can he say no? Despite that being a very easy word for him to say, it doesn’t work with them.
No was his first word. For nearly a year everyone thought it would be the only word he would ever say. Regulus doesn’t remember it, he was only a year or so old. The story has been told many times, though their parents don’t know the truth of it all. To them, Regulus was just an incredibly stubborn baby. Their names were no , anything he was asked was answered with no . Sirius was the only one who knew what was happening.
Sirius taught him how to say no . Among other things, but they focused on no the most. That and their name. Though Regulus would only say their name to them. Somehow a two year old Sirius trained him to say only the word no to their parents. It was arguably the funniest thing they have ever done.
All of that to say, Regulus is well versed in saying no. Even if he doesn’t mean it and even if it’s just for the sake of saying it. And yet, saying it to James now is different. He doesn’t want to. James fucking Potter has gotten so deep under his skin that he can’t deny them anything they want. It’s utterly annoying and ridiculous.
“So you’re going to pair up with me still, yeah?” James nudges him again,
“N- Fine. Whatever.”
The door opens and out of pure instinct, he shifts just slightly away from him. Everyone for the most part has picked up on what is happening between them. In a way. Regulus isn’t even certain what is happening, but it’s not a complete secret. Though they are absolutely not just making out in the common spaces of the cabin. And definitely not anywhere that Sirius would just stumble upon them. They have kissed quite a few times and he can’t get enough, but he does happen to still have boundaries.
“What’s going on?”
“Oh hey Sirius. Didn’t know you were up yet! I set up the lake for a race.” James smiles, quite proud of themself. Despite a few things going wrong along the way and ignoring the fact that he asked Regulus to help with nearly all of it. He didn’t. Help that is, but still.
“You did?” He looks, though the dock isn’t quite in view. “I had a race planned for another day, but yeah that’s good. We can do it today. Er- thanks for setting it up.”
“We’ll split into pairs when we all go down! Think we can eat first and take our time. Unless you have something planned for later, then I can go get the others and start earlier.”
“It’s okay, we can just do this today. I’m going to have some coffee.” He goes right back through the door, not saying a word to Regulus.
He hesitates. Part of him wants to get up and follow him to have some coffee as well. He’s already been up longer than necessary and there are plenty of signs pointing to this being a long and tiring day. But he finds himself scooting closer to James and leaning his head on their shoulder. Being here is nice. He actually likes it. Not something he expected out of this, but it’s a welcome surprise.
Eventually everyone makes their way over. There are bagels and other pastries from a local bakery spread out on the counter. Sirius must have gone to get them after they went back inside. It’s still morning, but much closer to afternoon now. Regulus finds a spot to hop up on the counter next to the food and picks out the things he wants.
Since getting closer with James, which is the most ridiculous way of describing it, he’s also gotten more comfortable with the whole group of them. The feeling like he was an outsider looking in, just watching everything that was going on, that he was barely welcome, barely invited, has subsided. A spare moment will pass, like when an inside joke is told, that he remembers these aren’t his friends. But aside from that it’s been easier.
“Must you sit there?” Sirius purposely bumps into him just to make the comment.
“Yes actually, I must. Thank you for your concern oh dear sibling of mine.”
“You’re a pain.”
“You raised me to be this way.”
“If I had raised you, you would be more like me.”
“It’s a miracle I’m not.” He kicks them, barely grazing their side when they step away.
“Stop bickering.” James throws a balled up napkin at him, somehow nailing him in the head.
“He started it!” They both shout at the same time, unfortunately proving the point.
“Moving on!” Marlene claps, drawing the attention away from them. “Okay so, Sirius! What’s the plan? Heard we’re racing?”
“Oh actually-” They pause, taking a deep breath. “James planned this one today. I have another game for a lake day but we can do that another time if we enjoy today…”
Sirius trails off, but the silence is immediately filled by James who can’t contain their excitement. “It is a race! We’ll go in pairs, aside from at least one person who will go alone. We have a kayak for them or a paddle board would work too. Anyway, we’ll pair off and then race to the little island. Once you get there you grab one of the shirts hanging on the branch. First team to be back at the dock with one of the shirts wins.”
“Easy enough.” Lily nods. “How are we deciding pairs?”
“It wouldn’t be fair for James and Sirius to be together since they planned all of this. They both know it. And probably rigged it.” Mary jokes, but it doesn’t land with everyone.
There’s a beat. Just one of pure silence. Then Sirius is stomping off. Not intentionally loud, not purposefully making a scene. But Regulus knows the sound of their footsteps, and this isn’t normal. Remus goes after them on instinct. Everyone else continues eating. Pretending like everything is just as it was a moment ago.
James explains the course of the boat race and everyone seems excited about it. He tunes most of it out, but not in the same way he tuned everyone here out at the beginning of the summer. This time he already knows what is being said. He even helped with it. As they go through all of it, he wonders when his sibling will come back. Maybe him walking away has nothing to do with the conversation. Just bad timing. But it feels… Off.
Once everyone is ready, which takes far too long in his opinion, they head down to the lake. James is the first one there sitting on the dock. They’re smiling like a little kid, barely containing their excitement. The rest of the group is excited for this, and they planned it so it adds to the smile on their face. Regulus won’t complain about that at all. He loves seeing them happy.
What used to be annoying, is now something that warms his heart. He won’t admit it, not to anyone. But James’ happiness and laughter is infectious. There’s no way to be in a bad mood around them like this. He used to manage when he could hide behind the walls he puts up, but now he wants to melt into it. Waiting for everyone else, he plops down onto the towel James laid out on the dock and rests his head on their shoulder. It’s simple but he feels their heartbeat and it steadies him.
The rest slowly trail down and take seats forming a circle. There are pretty natural pairs that even Regulus can see for them to divide off into, and some others that he notices will likely not be together. He’s spent enough time observing to know these things. Not that he plans to say any of it. But he knows. He could predict at least two different versions of pairings right now.
Before he and James grew closer, he spent his time watching. Now he gets confirmation from them on many of his assumptions. Last night James decided to go through all of the more recent pictures added to the shared album while they struggled to fall asleep. Naturally he had to participate, his head was already laying on his chest so it wasn’t a hassle. He would point out his favourites, including zooming in on any pictures that Regulus just happened to be in the background of.
The last to arrive is Sirius who is walking down the path just behind Remus. Her hair is pulled back in somewhat messy braids, but tight enough to keep the majority of her hair out of her face. Sunglasses sit on the bridge of her nose though the sun isn’t entirely out today. It’s a bit cloudy, but still bright. She quietly sits on the edge of the dock, somewhat part of the circle. Not speaking.
“Okay so, like I said we’ll pair off. There’s nine of us and then four boats that hold two each. For whoever wants to go alone there’s a kayak or a paddle board.” James claps his hands and looks around waiting for someone to hopefully volunteer.
A week ago, Regulus would have. But he already promises James that they could pair up. They asked and he couldn’t say no. He also knows himself enough, if he had been the one left alone he wouldn’t actually participate. He would either paddle out to the middle of the lake and lie down on the board to relax or he would stay on dry land.
“I’ll go with whoever!” Marlene looks around. “I’m not going alone though.”
“Same here.” Lily quickly adds.
Mary’s mouth starts to open, but she’s overshadowed. “I’m with Red.”
“Alright so, Cas and Lily in one. Me and Reg in one. Who else?” James notes.
“Marls want to go together?” Mary manages to ask this time, no one cuts her off.
“You got it.”
“One more pair!” They shout, much too loud for all of them sitting right here.
Everyone can assume that the last pair will be Sirius and Remus. But neither of them are paying much attention to the conversation happening. Until now when Sirius turns to really face everyone. They don’t have much of an expression on their face. It’s completely blank.
“You’re going with James?” They ask, barely looking at him, sounding distant.
“Either that or I’m not going at all.”
They nod as if they are barely present, slow and long. “Right. Er- I can go with…”
“Me. We’ll go together. If you’re alright on your own, Pete!”
“Oh good, no one is going to cause me to fall in.” Peter makes a joke of it, happily taking on the kayak alone.
It takes a minute for everyone to get in their respective boats, but somehow they all manage without accidentally falling in. Peter negotiated with James on the rules of the game, earning him a slight head start. Which isn’t exactly fair. There’s no reason being solo should get him that. Regulus is competitive and would prefer to not lose. Not to any of these people at least. Well, not at all, but definitely not here. If he’s participating, winning is actually a requirement.
The course along the lake isn’t too long, but it really depends on the wind. That and how good at rowing a boat they are. As far as he knows, no one here has a ton of experience so it should be somewhat evenly matched. Once they start rowing though, it’s harder than expected.
He and James have to be on the same page. Until a few days ago, he would never expect to be on the same page as him about anything ever. Now it’s a little bit easier. On the plus side, every time he shouts for James to paddle a specific way, he listens. He’s on board to win. Distantly he can hear Sirius doing the same thing. He is just as competitive, so maybe James is used to this sort of thing. A family trait or what have you.
They aren’t that bad, there are definitely worse pairs in this race. Like Marlene and Mary who have fallen behind. Them and Peter are at the back of the group, despite his thirty second head start. Much to his annoyance, they aren’t winning right now. Lily and Dorcas somehow got ahead and are maintaining that lead. The island is now in view, they just have to either stall them there or get back to the dock faster. Either way it’s a recipe for disaster, but they’ll try.
“Faster!” He yells from the back of the canoe.
“I can’t go much faster. You go faster!” James responds, arms flexing as he rows.
His knuckles are turning white from gripping the oar, but he doesn’t let up. It just takes a bit of effort, but they eventually get to the island. Regulus didn’t come out here earlier with James, so he hasn’t seen it before. Not up close at least. From further away it looks like a proper island. One that they could even come out to and sit and relax on.
In reality it is more just a cluster of rocks. You can’t even step out onto it properly. So reaching out to grab the flags that James left there will be more of a challenge. Of course he is going to have them do it for them. They put them there, they can get theirs back. Which will actually help them in winning, at least he hopes. Maybe the other teams will struggle with that part.
Less than a moment later, his thought becomes reality. Lily is half out of their boat trying to balance. The flags aren’t right on the edge, making it harder. Absently he wonders how the hell James even got them there without falling in the water or hurting himself in the process. In front of him, James seems pleased with himself for making it hard.
“You’re getting it for us.” He commands.
“Wouldn’t it be more fun for you to try?” They turn around and look at him with those sweet big eyes.
“Absolutely not. Now focus. We have to win.”
They laugh, but turn back around and pull up next to the other boat. “Hey, how’s it going?”
“You are crazy Potter. How the fuck are we supposed to get it?” Dorcas rolls their eyes.
They keep hold of the boat, resting against the rocks with the oar, while their other hand grips onto Lily. The hand placement is of course optimal for stability, but it’s also a little bit higher on Lily’s thigh than necessary. No one seems to be complaining, and he’s not even sure why he notices. But he does. It’s just within one glance, but then he’s pulled back to pay attention to James.
Who is about to get them both killed.
“Hold onto me please Reg. This is harder than it was earlier.” They breathe heavily,
“You put these here, what do you mean?”
James yelps, and catches himself on one of the not as sharp rocks. “Just help me! Or we’re going down together.”
“You are not pulling me into this lake a second time Potter. I was serious when I said I would kill you.” He glares, though they aren’t looking to see it.
Following instructions, he does hold onto James. He positions the canoe to be as close as possible to the rocks. They step out with one foot, leaning as close to the flags as they can. Regulus holds onto them as tight as he can without having to let go of how he’s holding the whole boat steady. James reaches out, stretching his upper body and arms as far as they will go. The shirt they have on rides up exposing most of their abdomen. He’s seen it all before, but the way James looks in a crop top is really something else, especially right now.
But no, he can’t get distracted. They’re on a mission and they are going to win. There’s no other option. Ahead of them, Lily nearly slips a few times, but Dorcas never lets her go down. They work together as a great team. Even so, James is the first one to get a flag. He wants to move quickly back into the boat, but he takes his time. Regulus would have yelled at him if he hadn’t. And then they’re back to rowing.
It’s fine at first, James is moving on adrenaline. Until the energy runs out from exerting all of it minutes before. They’re the only pair on their way back to the dock now, they just have to keep going. On the way they pass Sirius and Remus first, who are just about at the island. They’ll be in for a surprise, and an annoying one at that. Next is Peter, followed closely by Mary and Marlene. All of them will have a rough go soon, but he can’t look back.
Just keep rowing forward and back to the dock. They will be trailed by Lily and Dorcas soon enough and they were faster in the first part. So they just keep rowing even when his arms are both so tired and they want to give up. After this they can lay around for the whole day. That will be good and much needed.
The first time he’s tempted to look back to see where everyone else is, it’s because of yelling. He can’t quite tell if it’s from those that just got to the rocks and are frustrated, or if it’s taunting coming from Dorcas. They’re quite competitive too, so that’s pretty likely. He and James keep going though, they just row.
“Keep it up James, we’re so close. Not much longer now.” He reassures, despite land being a few more minutes away. Still far enough that they could be passed.
“We’re never doing this again.” They say through heavy breaths.
“In case you forgot, this was your idea.”
“Whatever, I just don’t want to again. Don’t make me. Please Reg, I’m tired.”
“You’re ridiculous.”
Then there’s a splash. Now he really wants to turn around to see what happened. Somehow must have fallen in. His bet is on Peter who has no one to steady the kayak while he grabs the flag. But he shouldn’t look back. They’re so close to winning. Whoever fell in they will find out soon enough. It’s not important right now. Not as important as winning is.
It’s so tempting though. But Regulus knows they are far enough away that there isn’t much to look at anyway. Just another thirty seconds of rowing and then they’re done. The dock is right there. He and James push through, they get through the last three passes of their oars and then touch the dock. James jumps out first, nearly capsizing the canoe in the process. He doesn’t, and instead helps Regulus get out too. Which is when he promptly collapses onto the dock to lie down and catch his breath.
None of them had any idea how strenuous this would be. But then again, it’s due to their competitive nature. Had they just taken the canoe out for a spin they wouldn’t be this exhausted. Maybe a little because it is still a work out, but he would be breathing perfectly normal right now. He is not in reality, but at least it’s over.
After a moment of breathing he sits up to try and see as far into the lake as he can. The island is around a slight bend, but it looks like everyone has left and is making their way back. As soon as they see that there is already a winner, everyone seems to slow their pace a bit. No use racing if they’ve already lost.
Regulus squints, mostly due to the sun shining through a cloud and into his eyes. He does however find that someone is dripping wet. Not someone. Sirius. His sibling is the one who fell in the water and they do not look happy about it. Pieces of their hair that had fallen from the braids are matted against their face. Dripping water off the ends. And well their face is anything but happy.
They like the lake. They like swimming. They don’t like when it’s not planned or expected. Once on holiday when they were kids, Regulus pushed them into the pool. They were both dressed for the pool and to go in the water, but he did it before they had planned to go in. They were putting off jumping and said they would just go in through the stairs, and Regulus thought that was lame. So he pushed them.
It led to a bit of yelling between the two and also a fair amount of hair pulling. Safe to say he has not pushed his sibling into any type of water again since. Now that they are older and not just small children, he knows that Sirius would do worse than pull his hair. Plus his hair is short now, so it wouldn't do as much. He has plenty of other ways to torment them, no need to truly upset them.
But he can’t do anything about the fact that he did fall in today. He’s going to be in a sour mood for at least the next hour. Regulus doesn’t really want to deal with that. Deal with them. Maybe Remus will handle it, he seems to be able to most of the time. Or James will take over, they can make him feel better.
The sun starts to come out more as they wait for everyone to make it back. It’s probably ten minutes before anyone does and Regulus is laying on a towel with his arm over his eyes blocking the light. His foot is tapped with an oar when Sirius arrives and he tucks it into his chest instinctively. Worried that the touch was to pull him in too. It’s not, and he gets to stay dry, luckily.
“You made that impossible, this is no fair.” Lily whines.
“I said it would be hard! I didn’t cheat either, Regulus didn’t set it up with me.” He explains, but everyone seems a bit peeved.
“We’re just joking, that was fun. Got anything else planned?” Marlene laughs, splashing a handful of water up at James as they get out of their canoe.
“Not for now. Thinking we bring some drinks down and lay out? Or we can play some cards if the wind dies down.” They suggest, gauging interest by looking at all of their faces.
Regulus doesn’t plan to get up from right here for at least an hour. He’s comfortable and just too tired for it. If he asks he should be able to get a drink delivered to where he lays. With little to no coercion necessary. Everyone follows his lead and lays down on their own towels, shedding any clothes that aren’t their swimsuits.
He zones out, letting someone else choose the music to connect to the speakers and return to the cabin to bring the cooler and some snacks. When he looks up again, everything he could need is right there. Surprisingly he feels comfortable with everyone here to just grab things and ask people to pass them to him. He doesn’t even mind stripping his own shirt off to attempt to let himself get some tan.
The one thing he does notice is that Sirius is missing. They must have gone up to change, but they haven’t come back.
───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────
REMUS
Everyone is utterly exhausted. More than the day they went hiking, though Remus could feel that hike in his knees for days. The race today was just harder than anyone expected. None of them were prepared. Over the weeks they have been here some of them have gone out in the boats but not for very long. Definitely not putting in as much effort as they did.
So naturally they are all practically passed out in the cabin tonight. Just sprawled across the furniture mindlessly watching the television or scrolling on their phones. Remus finished the book he was reading, so he’s resorted to looking around at the decorations. They’re hanging out in the other cabin tonight, so he’s not as familiar with it. Something new to look at.
They chose to come here tonight since they have been spending more time at theirs. But also because ever since Sirius fell in the lake and then went back to shower and change, they didn’t want to bother them. They didn’t come back outside at all and when he went to check in a few hours later, they were rolled over asleep in bed. He didn’t push them, they are more than allowed to sleep when they please. It’s probably much needed rest amidst planning every single day that they’re here.
They aren’t missing anything anyway. There were no plans for tonight and no one is in the mood to do anything. Remus wants to check in on them, but he doesn’t want to bother them. He’ll of course be back there tonight to go to sleep and they can talk then. If they want to. It wouldn’t make sense to go over now. They’re okay, they just need some time to decompress. Nothing out of the ordinary.
“Anyone want to go outside with me?” Marlene pushes up from the couch and walks over to her bag that’s hanging on the back of a chair.
“To smoke?” Cas asks, to which they receive a nod.
“I’m in.” He decides, feeling like a smoke will be nice tonight.
The three of them go out the door, leaving the others to whatever they’re doing. In one corner James and Regulus seem to be almost cuddling. Not quite, because they’re around everyone else. But James is tracing his fingers up and down Regulus’ arms and he isn't pushing him away or threatening to cut his fingers off. So that’s a good sign, a sign that things are at least starting off well with them. Peter is actually paying attention to the TV, while Mary and Lily are getting up and heading toward the kitchen.
These kinds of nights remind him of the nights they have at uni quite frequently. They’re always together but not necessarily doing anything. It’s easy between all of them. Various combinations of them will be the ones to go out for a smoke whenever they’re together, but this one is a common one. Remus, Marlene, and Dorcas.
“Light?” They grab the cigarette and look to him.
He always has one. “Obviously. Come here.” Remus gestures.
Dorcas leans in to block the wind as he flicks the lighter. They inhale the smoke, blowing it away from them. “Where’s Sirius? They didn’t come over.”
“She’s tired.” He says, not quite confident in the statement. “Wanted some quiet tonight is all.”
“You know what I want?” Marlene interjects. “Cas to pass me my own damn cigarette.”
“You’re so annoying. You owe me at least two packs. Sorry if I just want to enjoy this one without having to pass it off every two seconds. Just light another you bitch.” They roll their eyes.
“Now that you mention it, I’d like a drag too.” He plays along.
“You are the worst to smoke with. This is why I’ve been going with Lily.”
“Oh is that the reason? The only reason is because she doesn’t care when you hog the cigarette?” Marlene smirks, catching them off guard.
“And we’re using real names now? Not just Red? She’s actually Lily tonight?”
“Fuck off.” They huff.
The teasing ceases, but the three of them keep looking between each other knowing it’s not exactly teasing. Dorcas does really like her, they aren’t just hanging out as friends anymore. But they won’t say it. They haven’t brought it up at all, tonight was the closest to doing so. Even Lily doesn’t bring it up. She’s more private with things like that. Actually with a lot of things, so it’s not out of the norm.
He’s happy for them. And well, he hopes whatever they are doing works out better than what he and Sirius have been doing. They seem like the type to go into something saying it’s casual, saying no strings attached, but still having more strings and more seriousness than any other relationship they’ve ever been in. It’s a recipe for disaster honestly.
No one expected these two to start anything. Not even specific to this summer, but just in general. They hardly used to hang out alone or even paired off when the whole group was together. Lily has always been glued to Mary’s side. Dorcas didn’t have a go to person, they have always been content being with whoever is around. This feels like it came out of nowhere, but makes sense all the same. Not at all like James and Regulus who still feel wrong to be the couple, or whatever they call themselves, that is the most together.
Even Remus and Sirius aren’t taking the cake there right now. He just wants to have a good summer and he doesn’t want anything to change for the worse. Pushing Sirius when they don’t want to be will mess it up. So they can cuddle all night and just be friends all day and that’s fine by him. Whatever they want, he’ll do.
“Just- I’m going to talk and you’re not going to look at me like I’ve never talked about my feelings before. And then we’re going to pretend like this never happened. Alright?” Dorcas prefaces, waiting for acknowledgement from both of them.
“Of course.” He nods as Marlene does too.
“I don’t know exactly what is going on, but I want it to keep happening. I want it to be more, if they want it too. Lily is funny and stunning and fucking incredible. And she might like me. That’s…” They ramble, talking faster the more they say about Lily. It’s adorable in an intimidating way. They’re so fierce when their emotions are in play.
He knows that Lily does like them. Maybe she hasn’t said it in so many words, but he knows. “That’s really great Cas. You deserve something good and she’s the best there is.” He won’t say it though, not without knowing whether Lily wants that put into the world.
Something crashes in the background just as he is handed the cigarette and goes to bring it to his lips. It shocks his body with the volume. It’s probably nothing, but his heart won’t stop beating fast. Like he was just shoved back into his body after free falling. He shakes it off, loud noises and crashes like that always get to him for some reason, but he’s okay. It’s not really anything.
“What was that?” Marlene looks around confused.
Distant yelling is now audible. Likely coming from inside wherever the crash was. For a second he wonders if Sirius came over after all and is upset about something. They can get a bit mean when they are upset. Not necessarily enough to throw things or cause any havoc, but that’s also not out of the question. They can get violent, it’s just rare. That’s probably not it, they’re probably asleep in bed still. Sirius was really tired and very much not in the mood for people tonight.
“Come on, let’s see.” He is the first to stand up.
There’s a window into the kitchen right above where they’re sitting. It’s a high window, but he’s tall so he can see in perfectly fine. What he sees doesn’t answer for the loud noise but he easily identifies the yelling. Lily and Mary are facing off. Why, he has no fucking idea. But they’re both screaming. Not letting the other get a word in.
“Maybe we should er… I don’t know that going in is a good idea.” Remus hesitates.
“What why?” She jumps up to look for herself. “Oh fuck you’re right. Let’s have another and just wait.”
Marlene seems to know more than he does about what’s happening. As far as he knew, Lily and Mary were okay, there was nothing wrong. Maybe something has been happening between them that he doesn’t know about. He usually knows, but that’s not important now. All he knows is that they are both trying to keep Dorcas out. She stops them before they can get up to look too, but that’s a bad idea. There’s nothing they can do from out here and maybe that’s for the better. It would be smart to get them separated before it gets worse, and by the looks of it Lily probably could use a smoke.
They aren’t the only two in the cabin right now. Hopefully one of the others is trying to help diffuse. And then another crash comes, sounding like glass is shattering. Remus is getting concerned. He knows that Marlene told him to stay out here but he can’t. That was more toward Dorcas anyway. He has to go in and at the very least separate them. Rather than thinking about it more, he just goes.
As loud as they sounded from outside, it’s worse inside. Nothing can be heard above the yelling. The more one of them yells and the louder one gets, then the other only goes louder and higher. Their words aren’t even entirely intelligible, it's more screaming than fighting. It’s so loud and they keep yelling over each other to the point that their words are no longer discernible. It would be impressive if either of them actually knows what the other is yelling about at this point. However this started, it’s strayed far from it.
“Hey!” He yells as loud as he can. They don’t hear him, or if they do they simply don’t care. “Stop!” Remus grabs onto Lily’s arm, not too roughly but enough to get her attention.
“What?” She seethes.
Knowing what’s best for him, he backs off but only enough to avoid being hit. He’s not going to let them keep biting each other’s heads off. Then he finally sees what all of the other crashes were. A wine bottle is smashed on the floor, red wine spilling everywhere. Wait no, it’s two bottles. At least he thinks so, there are two corks rolling around and more wine flooding the ground than can fit in one bottle.
“Will you come with me? Please,” He softly asks.
When she nods, he reaches out a hand to her, but she brushes past it. Not calming much at all, not gentle in the slightest. Lily is pure fire right now and he’d be smart to not get burnt. As she walks toward the door, not bothering to side step any of the pieces of glass, Remus looks to the others in the room. Not Mary, who went silent and still refuses to look up from where she sat on the kitchen floor. But to Peter, James, and Regulus, hoping they’ll get the message and clean up. That and hopefully help Mary calm down.
None of them seem to have a clue what is going on either. Which isn’t exactly reassuring. He had hoped that maybe they would know what started this. It had to have been something. It’s not like Lily to blow up over nothing, especially not at Mary. The two of them are inseparable. Nearly as inseparable as Sirius and James.
And yet, as Lily crosses the threshold, she turns to look back once more. She utters one last word before walking out into the night. “Bitch.”
He watches as she leaves, and is at a loss of how to handle this. James seems to be going towards Mary to help her, or at least attempt to. At the same time Regulus is on the same page and goes to clean up the floor. A few pricks of blood are mixed with wine from where Lily seems to have stepped on glass. Remus grabs a towel and follows her out the door.
By the time he makes it out there, Lily is sinking to the ground. Into Dorcas’ arms. She melts and her face completely drops. There’s no anger, no bite, not even any sadness. Just nothing. All emotion is wiped from Lily in this moment and she just leans back against them. Dorcas welcomes her, they hold her together. As best they can. No one says anything, they’re all waiting for Lily to speak first. To let them know what’s okay to do or say, but she won’t. She won’t talk for the rest of the night.
Another few minutes pass and Remus stops waiting for her to give him any sign of being present and aware. If she’s paying attention to her surroundings, she doesn’t let on. He sits in front of them and brings the towel to the sole of her foot where a piece of glass from a wine bottle is embedded.
“Can you-” He starts, not quite sure what he’s asking for. Marlene catches his gaze. “A bandage or something. Can you go inside and get something?”
“Yeah, be right back.” They say without hesitation.
“Do you know what happened?” Dorcas whispers, though they’re so close to Lily that she hears, despite them meaning for her to not.
He shakes his head as he dabs at the injury. “They were screaming… Maybe at each other but I didn’t hear what it was about.”
“Who?” Their brow furrows.
“Mary.” He winces even saying it, they are best friends. This just isn’t- They don’t do this.
He’s not the only one to react. Lily scrunches her nose, the first reaction from her since she walked out here. Behind her, Dorcas looks to have a pit forming in their stomach. They try to hide it, or at least not make it obvious to him but he can tell. Ignoring their own feelings on the matter. Their focus is on Lily, something that’s become an increasingly more common occurrence. They card their fingers through her hair with one hand while the other holds her steady.
“Their foot isn’t too bad, it will just take a few days to heal.” With perfect timing, Marlene returns with a bandage and a wrap to use for extra protection. “Thanks Marls. How is… inside?”
“She’s back in the room, hopefully calming down. She’s not talking either.” She reports.
“Lily will need to sleep somewhere else tonight. And then we can work out what’s going on in the morning. I could see if Sirius is okay with-”
“Lily can stay in my room.” Dorcas cuts him off, making the decision pretty clear.
“I’m good on the couch.” Marlene adds, solving it entirely.
The whole time they talk, Lily zones out just staring off into the distance. Off the deck and down towards the water. This cabin is on slightly higher ground. At night when everything is less visible aside from the moon reflecting on the water, it looks like standing on the edge of a cliff. Not sure where the edge is, but knowing it’s there. Lily doesn’t make it known whether she hears them or not. All she does is lean back against Dorcas and it seems to help slow her breaths back to normal. As good as she will get to tonight, he thinks.
“Go ahead, I’ve got her.” They nod towards the path.
He hadn’t been trying to get away, but he hasn’t seen Sirius since much earlier. They never came back to the group. It has gotten quite late, the four of them have been out here for hours now. Lily is still awake, but unmoving. Nothing rouses her, nothing makes her so much as flinch. He worries for her and over what caused this, but sitting here all night won’t do any good. Besides, Dorcas can handle her, they’ll make sure she’s okay.
As he gets up, they decide to as well. He watches as Dorcas carefully manoeuvers Lily to lift her with ease. They carry her through the doors and off to bed. Hopefully she’ll get some sleep. Whatever this is exhausted her. It doesn’t help that something happened between her and Mary that will come to a head again in the morning. Remus turns once they are out of view and goes back to his bed that is calling for him.
Tonight has been a lot especially after an already long day. He’s ready to fall right into bed. All of the other doors are closed, though he didn’t see the others come back here. They must have, at some point. Remus was on the deck with Lily for a while before walking back over. Everyone might already be asleep. He’s expecting to open the door to the bedroom and to see Sirius asleep still. They were earlier.
Instead they’re sitting up on the bed, legs crossed, just staring ahead. “Remus?”
“Hey, you alright?”
“I fell asleep for a bit… Had a weird dream. I was falling.” Their words tumble out like a quiet avalanche.
“You’re okay now. You’re not falling.” Remus climbs onto the bed next to her. He pulls her head to his shoulder. She can’t fall if he’s holding on, at least he hopes that she sees the gesture the same way. “Want to hear what you missed tonight?”
Sirius’ eyes widen, more alert than a moment ago. Softly, she nods.
“A few of us were out back smoking and then Lily and Mary got in a huge fight. No one knows what happened or what started it. We had to pull glass out of Lily’s foot…” He carries on explaining all that he knows, which really isn’t much.
“Is she okay?”
“Honestly I’m not sure. They didn’t talk after getting outside. All they did was sit in Cas’ arms. Lily seems really shaken up.”
“Is someone staying with them? Someone should just in case.” Sirius practically jumps out of their body. “I- I can go be with them if no one is.”
“Hey, it’s okay. Cas has them. Nothing is going to happen, they’ll be okay. You can check on Lily tomorrow if they’re up for talking.” He soothes.
Everyone is worried. This just isn’t like Lily, or Mary for that matter. Definitely not both of them on opposing sides. It’s concerning. More than that. It’s unsettling. No wonder Sirius is worried too, they weren’t even there to see it but they can tell it was bad.
The next few days are going to be rough as the dust settles from this. Within their group there have been fights before. Small ones and the biggest blowouts you can imagine. People swearing they’ll never talk again and then cuddling on the sofa for a movie two days later. Nothing bad ever lasts long between them. It’s never that intense. Well, it never was. This time feels different.
There is only so much separation they can get here. There’s only so much they can all take. Maybe it will blow over. Lily and Mary will wake up tomorrow and talk through it and be okay. Or they won’t talk through it, but be okay anyway. Their whole group is so tight, so whole. They have no idea what will happen when the cracks begin. When the earth splits beneath their feet forcing them to the edge. When someone inevitably dives in, unable to take any more.
“I’ll make sure they’re both okay tomorrow. I’ll make sure everyone is.” Sirius says as they settle in to go to sleep, nuzzling their head against his chest.
“They’re going to be okay. Don’t worry Sirius. They’re okay.” He repeats, hoping it will be true.
“They are.” Their chest continues rising and falling, heavy against him.
Remus holds them tight to keep them from falling again.