Part IV
LILY
It’s not the sunlight coming in from the window or Mary rolling around that wakes her up. It’s also not chill she feels without a blanket over her because it was stolen during the night. Those would be the logical reasons she ends up waking up much too early in the morning.
Instead it’s the pounding at the door. No, not the bedroom door. The front door of the cabin, which they lock at night just in case. Since they’re already awake, and no one else seems to be noticing it, Lily gets up and grabs for a spare blanket that also somehow ended up on Mary’s side of the bed. They wrap it around their shoulders and slip out of the room, closing the door again quietly to keep from waking her.
Standing at the doorway, only slightly visible through the slim windows around the door, is Sirius. The sun is just coming out, and yet he’s already up and as previously mentioned, banging on the door. Quite loudly. To say she’s surprised would be a complete lie, this makes total sense. But she would prefer to be sleeping still.
“Open up! Get up! Good morninggg!!!” They yell, still on the other side of the door, though their voice is perfectly clear.
Lily opens the door, and nearly regrets it as they bound into the cabin. “Sirius, it’s so early.”
“Well we have to get up, we're going on a hike today. It’s a little drive away and we should go before it’s too hot out.”
“We are in England, it doesn’t get that hot.”
“Whatever Evans. Just get everyone up and meet at the cars in…. Let's say an hour?”
Before she can agree, or more likely push to get a bit more time, Sirius is gone. Disappeared out of view. Lily turns around, groaning and rubbing at her eyes. No one is going to take being woken up right now very well. She almost wants to call Sirius back over here to do it themself. At least then she wouldn’t be to blame. Marlene was one of the last to go to sleep, so she will be hoping for another few hours. That she is definitely not getting anymore.
Even if Mary is usually easier to wake than others, she will not enjoy it. She likes to always get eight hours, whenever she can. It’s only been around 6 or so since she fell asleep, from what Lily can guess. It’ll be… fine. She can handle it. The worst will be trying to wake up Dorcas. They are a rock when they sleep, at least as far as Lily can tell. It’s not like they’ve spent the night together before. Not yet, maybe not ever. That doesn’t matter right now.
The best bet is going for Marlene and Dorcas’ room first though. Give as much extra time to Mary as she can, though she knows she’ll need some time once she wakes up before they can leave. In front of the door Lily cracks her knuckles and takes a breath. These are her friends, it’s fine. It’s only seven in the morning. They have all gotten up earlier before. When it’s been discussed beforehand though.
She slips in through the door and the first thing she sees is the light gracefully hitting their face. It causes her to suck in a breath. They look unreal. No one looks that pretty while sleeping, and yet Dorcas manages to. Their braids are tucked behind their ears, except for a few smaller ones that rest on their cheek. The silver clasps reflect the sun, and just make them look like they are glowing even more.
Now Lily really doesn’t want to wake them. It’s much more enjoyable standing here admiring them. No words are required for this. That makes it easier. God they’re stunning and she can’t cross the room and disturb them. It would be cruel. Like touching art in a museum. Tempting, so fucking tempting, but forbidden.
Well, she’s fucked. Seriously and truly fucked.
And… she absolutely doesn’t have time for this right now. Not to confront her own feelings, not for any of it. Just- not right now. Maybe later, though she would be kidding herself to think that will happen. It’s just unspoken and that’s fine. Everything is always unspoken. So it will stay as it’s always been. Not even whispers through the air in the dark. Just nothing. It’s nothing.
Gathering the courage, she takes a few steps closer, now within reach of the bed. Marlene first, that’s easier. She just barely taps on the back of her leg and that’s enough to have her rolling over, eyes sleepily opening. She was asleep on her stomach, one arm bent above her head. It’s only just now that Lily sees where her other arm was gently resting on Dorcas’ hip. An image she would much rather find a way to forget.
“Lil? What the- What time is it?” She groggily asks, rubbing at her eyes.
“Early. Sirius came over to wake me up and told me to wake the rest of you.” She looks as apologetic as possible, which really isn’t that hard.
“Erghhhh. No.” Marlene rolls back over.
Next to her, Dorcas stirs, but only turns their head to the other side. Now looking, though their eyes are closed, at Marlene instead of toward the window. She freezes, worried that she woke them. But she didn’t. They remain asleep just as they were. Except that’s exactly what Lily is even in here to do right now. It feels impossible, she just doesn’t want to be a bother. Not to them.
“They want us ready to go in an hour. You can lay here until then if you want. I should go get Mary up, do you want to er- wake Dorcas?”
“Yeah sure whatever.” She waves her off, though in a few minutes Marlene will surely fall back asleep and she will have to wake them both. Again.
Before leaving the room, she steals one more glance at Dorcas. What she wouldn’t give to be laying there with them, their arms draped around her, head on their chest, just being there. That’s not going to happen, so Lily slips back out into the hall. Her room, with her best friend asleep on the other side of the door is just across from where she stands. Quietly she creeps back in even knowing that she has to disturb Mary’s peaceful sleep.
Crawling back onto the bed, she tries not to move too much. Probably counter productive because she’s about to wake her, but she might as well try to do that nicely. Mary just looks so calm. Her eyes flutter, but the way they do deep in sleep. She’s probably dreaming. Of what, Lily can’t be sure, but it’s probably very nice. They hate to ruin it. But Sirius didn’t really give them the option.
She gently rests her hand on her shoulder, the softest touch. It’s not enough to wake her just yet. Slowly she shakes her, still with such a light touch. Barely there. Unlike Dorcas though, she’s not a very deep sleeper. This is enough to pull a mumble out of her mouth. Followed by a few incoherent words, or perhaps just sounds. They almost think she says their name.
“Mary…” She whispers, but tries to soften her voice even more. “Mary, wake up. It’s just me.”
This time she’s sure she hears her correctly. “Mmm Lily?” She rolls toward her, arms trying to pull her closer to her chest.
Lily’s position isn’t quite right to be dragged into the cuddle, but she gives in as much as possible. Not fighting the touch. So often they will wind up tangled in the night. Mary loves physical touch, not that Lily doesn’t, but she’s hardly ever the one to initiate it. If their legs end up brushing against each other, inevitably Mary will reach out for more.
Asleep or awake, she wants to be close to the people she loves. A head resting on a shoulder, arms touching barely by the hairs, feet kicking under tables. Anything. She loves it all. The closer you are to Mary, and arguably Lily is her best friend, the closer she physically wants to be. She used to want it just as much. All of it fills the void Lily feels at the fact that the one she would rather be cuddling with is far away. Not by distance, but still. Far. Far from close enough to do this.
“C’mon, Sirius wants us up and ready in a little bit.” Now that Mary is at least beginning to wake up, she doesn’t have to whisper as much.
“I don’t wanna. Let’s just stay here.” She mutters, attempting to burrow into the bed. “Please Lils…”
“We’re going hiking Mare, you’ve been wanting to go.”
So reluctantly she does get up. Sleepy eyes and a slight pout plastered on her face. By the time they leave, she’ll have forgiven them for waking her. But as they get ready, she barely says a word. Silently taking her hair out of her bonnet and pulling it back into twists. She leaves the door open to the bathroom so Lily can get ready too, but they still take turns. One washing their face and brushing their teeth while the other pulls out clothes to put on. Then they switch.
They use practically every minute that Sirius decided to give them. At the last few, Lily goes back over to check that Marlene and Dorcas are alive and moving. They are, though slowly. Neither of them need much time to get ready though. Marlene will throw their hair up for the hike and Dorcas’ braids don’t need any fuss.
All that needs to happen now is grabbing something to eat, which will happen on the drive most likely. They have some protein bars in the kitchen, though they could stop to get coffee and a bite on their way instead. Surely they’ll pass at least one small town on the way. Enough to find sustenance.
Lily checks her phone, finding that it’s been an hour, almost to the exact minute. Just as the clock ticks once more, a text from Sirius comes in asking if they’re ready yet. Which, they are. Except for putting on shoes, but that hardly takes any time at all. Mary is sitting at the kitchen table tying hers, meanwhile the others come out of the room, shoes in hand. Clearly just planning to walk to the car without them on.
“Shot gun!” Marlene yells once they are all in the same room.
“You’re supposed to wait to call it until we’re in view of the car. Those are the rules.” Mary rolls her eyes, but no one fights them on it.
Lily doesn’t even mind that her usual seat in the car will be taken. She’ll still be allowed to control the music if she wants, or she can just enjoy sitting with Dorcas in the back. In the drive in front of the cabins, the others are all piling into Sirius’ car. So they’re right on time. They wave to each other just as they both set off. Texts are already filling all of their phones, from everyone but the two driving.
Well, and Regulus, but no one expects him to contribute to the conversation. He’s been making a little more of an effort. Sort of. The main fact is that he’s still here. It’s been a few more days since he had planned to leave, but he hasn’t made another attempt. No one really knows why he changed his mind though. But Sirius is thrilled. They couldn’t stop talking about it when the day came and went without Regulus so much as packing his bag again.
This morning she thought he was going to find a way out of the hike they’re going on. He doesn’t seem like one to enjoy this sort of thing. Especially because the rest of them, even the ones who aren’t outdoorsy most of the time, will have fun just spending time with each other. Lily is actually excited for this, it’s been so long since she went on a hike and knows that she’ll end up leading the group.
It’s not that steep, from what she’s looked up about this, but it’s more than just a walk through some trees. Her and Mary have travelled around during school holidays and always find a hike to do. Even if this is nothing compared to the mountains they have gone to before, it will be fun. Though she wishes that Sirius had told her when they were going so she could have helped plan or pick the best day to go based on the weather.
Next to her, Dorcas is resting their eyes. Or maybe they’ve fallen asleep again entirely. But they keep the music mellow and low just in case. Up front, Marlene is sprawled out as much as anyone can be in a car. Feet up on the dashboard, seat reclined a bit. Window open allowing the wind to enter. At least it’s a warm breeze otherwise Lily knows she would be cold.
“What are they saying in the group?” Mary asks, not checking her own phone.
She’s never one to text and drive, and prefers when no one else does it either. Much to her disappointment, a few of the texts are actually from Sirius. Their own phone and clearly from them, not messages that James is sending for them. There is a clear difference when that happens. James will add extra little smiles or silly faces in the texts and sign off them with ridiculous names.
“Not much, just Peter complaining about not getting enough sleep. Remus telling him off for not going to sleep earlier last night, and oh-” She pauses seeing the latest text. “Regulus asking how much longer it is…”
“Why wouldn’t he just ask them in the car?” Marlene laughs. “Nice to see the baby Black warming to the idea of us all.”
“Lay off him, he’s dealing with a lot.” Lily bites, not really sure why she’s feeling protective of him.
“Since he’s trying, Lil can you share the album with him? Maybe he’ll appreciate it. Probably best coming from you since you’ve talked to him more than most of us.” Mary suggests.
She does just that. There aren’t any pictures of him in it yet, but he’s in the background of a few. Everyone can add to it, so if Sirius has taken any like they usually do, they can add them now. Mary brought her camera today too, so there will be plenty more to add by the time they get back in the cars to drive back to their home for the summer. They’re always adding pictures to their usual album, but they haven't had this many new ones in so long. It’s nice. It’ll make a really nice take away from this whole trip.
The rest of the drive goes by quickly, it’s not that far away anyway. Dorcas definitely has been sleeping, they didn’t make one single comment the whole time. Granted they are usually on the quieter side, only talking when they have something to say mostly. Mornings are when they are the quietest anyway. Taking a while to become more alive. It’s weirdly comforting.
But then again there’s never many words between them. Lily has come to appreciate the silence they can share. Even now, in the back seat of the car, with two others present. It’s the most comfortable silence she has ever known.
That is until Mary locks eyes with her in the mirror. And breaks it.
“We’ll be there soon. Maybe wake them up so they’re ready to hike.”
This time she can do it. It’s hardly been long enough for them to fall into as deep of unconsciousness. It should be easy. She starts by tapping them lightly, knowing it won’t work but trying anyway. Then she shakes their shoulder with a bit more force, still nothing. It would be mean to shake them even more knowing that if their shoulders move much more their head will fly forward.
So Lily hesitantly, gently, places her hand on their thigh and jostles them awake. It takes a second, but it works. Dorcas blinks and blinks again, adjusting to the daylight coming in from all sides. They shake the tired off and turn to Lily. She however sees this out of her periphery and stops herself from looking back.
“We’re almost there?” They ask, voice still all sleepy and raspy.
They, along with Marlene and possibly some from the other cabin, were out by the fire smoking last night. Lily didn’t join. She was spending time with Mary, well until Mary fell asleep. But then it was too late to join everyone else, they were bound to go into bed soon enough. And anyway, they prefer when it’s just them and Dorcas. Regardless, it explains why they’re especially tired today.
Marlene looks at the navigation and then replies. “Yeah, not much further.”
Now a moment later they lower their voice, and Lily still won’t meet their gaze. “Your hand is still on my thigh, Red.”
Lily pulls back immediately. Oh . She hadn’t realised. Once her hand was there, she just didn’t want to move. But she got caught. Before she can think too long or too hard about it, the car jerks to a stop. Roughly finding them in a makeshift parking spot. They’ve arrived, though it looks like Mary will need to adjust the car a bit. She never parks this badly, she loves driving and knows how to very well. This isn’t like her, but there’s no rhyme or reason to why she just did that. Maybe there is a rock or something blocking where she meant to pull in.
“Hiking time! Sirius is pulling in right behind us.” Mary claps her hands and unbuckles.
She’s the first out of the car, followed by Marlene. Only then does Lily take her own seat belt off. Slowly making her way out of the car. Stealing glances at Dorcas in the process. Somehow their eyes never meet, maybe they’re avoiding it just the same. She really hadn’t meant to let her hand linger, and yet she did. All she hopes right now is that it doesn’t make things awkward at all.
“We’re hereeeeee!” Sirius has his window rolled down and he’s yelling as they roll into the grassy patch for cars.
“Oh my god. Can you shut up?” Regulus groans.
“Nope! Too excited little brother.”
“Just like. Lower your voice. We can hear you. So can the rest of the country, by the way.”
James jumps between the siblings as they get out of the car. “No fighting. Not on hike day! You don’t have to walk together, just- happy! Be happy!”
“James.” Regulus glares. “Fine. He can do whatever he wants, just keep the volume at a normal level, yeah?”
With that they set off. Sirius leads them, since they were the one to fully research this place they decided on for the hike. There are a few paths they can go on, but it seems like they picked out the middle ground of the options. Not the shortest and easiest, but also not the hardest. It’ll hopefully appease everyone. Which is all Sirius cares about it seems.
Lily joins them toward the front, not ready to see what else Dorcas would say to them after their hand being on their thigh. Maybe it’s not a thing at all, but Lily can’t stop thinking about it. Mary is up front with them too, and she can always distract them whenever they need it. Though she’s acting weird, or maybe just quiet. All morning she hasn’t seemed quite like herself, though Lily can’t seem to find anything that’s wrong. If anyone can pull it out of her though, it’s them.
In the middle of the group seems to be Remus, Peter, Marlene, and James. All just happy to follow along. Marlene and James, as per usual, and messing with each other. One of the times Lily turns back to see how everyone is, they are taking turns pretending to trip each other. Seemingly trying to see who will fall for it first. Which ends up being Peter, who does in fact fall over. Tripping on air that Marlene claimed was a rock.
“You alright?” Lily asks as they turn back to face her.
“Yep. Why wouldn’t I be? We’re on a hike with lovely scenery.” Mary smiles, but something feels off. The tone of her words doesn’t match.
“Okay, well if you want to talk about whatever it is that’s on your mind, I’m here. Whenever you want.”
“You don’t have to hang up here with Sirius and I if you have other places you would prefer to be.” There’s sharp edges around everything she says.
Like it’s a trap. And Lily is a bear ready to fall into it.
“I’m just checking that everyone is following and doing okay.” Lily tries to reason. Really, that’s all she’s doing. “You know I want to be doing this with you. Hikes are our thing.”
The silence comes quickly, there’s not even a breeze to run through the leaves to save it. So they hike in silence. Until Sirius chimes in with stories of the drive here from their car. How so much could have happened in the less than two hour drive, well that’s yet to be explained. There were no less than five fights over the music apparently, and also they had to stop twice because people wanted to switch seats.
First Regulus was in the front seat apparently, but then someone started digging their knees into the back of the seat and asking for the phone to change the music too much. And that’s how James got promoted to the passenger seat. Well, until a few minutes later when Remus was getting uncomfortable with his legs cramped in the back. Since they’re now hiking, it’s only fair that he didn’t have to be already stiff at the start.
That’s how much of the hike carries on. The sky is a bright blue today with hardly any clouds. A perfect day. It’s not too hot, and given the lack of wind, all of them are grateful for this. The hills aren’t too steep, easy to navigate. All around it’s a great hike. Sirius chose a good path too, though she doesn’t know what the others would have been like.
The only thing that seems to be wrong, maybe not wrong but at least different, is Mary. As much as possible, she tries to ignore it. To not spiral thinking she’s done something wrong, because she hasn't. It’s just weird and she doesn’t like it. When all else goes to shit, Mary is the one that Lily is always supposed to have. At least that’s what she always thought would remain true.
───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────
REGULUS
Technically he has eight options for who he wants to walk with on this hike that he had little to no choice in coming on. It’s nine options if you count walking alone, but no one thought that would be acceptable. Dorcas ends up toward the back of the group with him, and they’re one of the better out of everyone here. So really it’s not that bad.
“You’ve been talking to Lily right?” They ask a little ways in.
Before this the two had barely said much to the other. Not just on the hike today, but in general too. Nothing against them, he hardly knows them. Perhaps in another life they would be friends, but here they aren’t any more than acquaintances. At best. Regulus likes that they aren’t as loud and obnoxious as some of the others here. They keep to themself, but somehow are still best friends with the lot.
It’s the same way he is with his friends. He’s the quietest of them, though they can bring out a side of him that is normally hidden deep down and far away. It’s how he prefers to be. His guard will never be down unless he specifically decides to lower it. Everyone is kept at an arms length until he knows he can trust them.
“A bit. She’s, well she’s one of the more tolerable of your group.”
“Are they alright? Objectively since you don’t know her well, of course.” Drocas doesn’t look as eager as their words sound.
“That’s not my place to answer. Ask for yourself, yeah?”
If there’s one thing he knows it’s the power and courtesy of secrets. You don’t tell others’ secrets to anyone. Even if you aren’t specifically told it’s a secret, just don’t say it. Better safe than sorry. So Regulus doesn’t tell them about the talks he has with Lily at night or during the day, sitting off in a tree or through glances across the table at dinner. That’s not his place.
He does like that he’s found someone that understands him here. He’s less alone with Lily here. Not that they’re friends or anything, but something like that. Maybe. They can just easily talk and open up and there is never any pressure there. It confused him the first time and it has every time they’ve talked since. How they are able to just understand each other, why he feels comfortable talking to them, any of it.
Perhaps it will never make sense. That’s none of his business either. It’s a comfort for now and by the end of the summer it will be gone and that will be that. No use pretending it will be a lasting friendship. He’s still only here for Sirius’ sake. Mostly. James did convince him to stay, but he’s not here for them. Not entirely, though they are growing on him more and more each day. It’s infuriating, he’s meant to hate him. Or at least resent him.
“Fair point.” They nod as they continue to walk.
It’s a slight incline where they’re at now, and he can feel it. After recovering from surgery he hasn’t really spent any time exercising. This is much more than he was prepared for. He is going to feel it probably by the time they get back to the car, but definitely tomorrow. Torture. Everyone is ahead of them, not too far, but still ahead. How they are managing to do that is beyond him. Especially Sirius, who isn’t out of shape, but also isn’t an exercise fanatic. And yet they are all the way at the front of the pack.
“She looks at you when you aren’t paying attention.” Regulus finds himself saying to fill the silence.
“Hm?”
“Lily. She doesn’t think it’s noticeable but I’ve seen it.” He clarifies. “I see you looking at them too.”
They turn away from him immediately. It’s more likely than not just the sun hitting their face. Their skin is too deep to go red like other people’s do, but he can tell Dorcas is ever so slightly flushed. Caught in the act of pining. It’s not his secret to tell, so he won’t.
But it has just furthered his belief that everyone here just needs to talk. Aren’t they all friends? They should know how to talk to each other. But apparently that’s not something any of them can do. He thought it might have just been Sirius, but none of them have the very basic skill of communication. It’s comical, when he thinks about it. Then again, it’s torturous because he is stuck here with them all summer.
“Right yeah. That’s okay.” Dorcas mutters. “I’m er- I’m going to go walk up front. You alright back here on your own?”
“Do you actually care or is that rhetorical? Either way the answer is the same.” He nods and they walk off leaving him on his own for the first time today.
That’s great, the alone time, for all of two minutes. The best two minutes. Two glorious minutes where he can’t hear anyone else’s voice. Just the sounds of nature that are quite calming. A few birds chirping, the wind rustling through the branches of nearby trees. Even the sun seems to be more audible than any of the people he’s trailing behind.
It’s so nice, it’s great, it’s even enjoyable. If he dares to be so optimistic while on this trip. Until someone decides to ruin it. First it’s their footsteps that he hears and somehow he knows who it is. It’s barely been two weeks, maybe a week and a half. He should not be able to discern between people’s foot fall when he barely knows any of them. Yet, he’s able to tell when it’s two different people. One he’s known since he was born, so that’s a given. Somehow James has the next most recognizable steps to him. And he hates it.
Before he can even get all the way to him, Regulus looks up and sees him. They lock eyes despite all of his efforts not to. And James’s mouth spreads into a ridiculous smile. He starts to talk, luckily not loud enough to entirely hear until they are next to each other. But by now he’s in the middle of a sentence so there is no chance of Regulus comprehending any of it. He doesn't want to, to be clear. That doesn’t change that he can’t though.
“Did you hear me?”
“Hear? Yes.” He keeps walking, and James has to jog to catch up from where he was firmly stood.
“But you didn’t respond.” They pout - what is with the pouting? These are grown adults, there is no need to pout.
“Correct. I have no idea what you said, so I had nothing to say in return.”
“I said…” James drags the word out. “That I’m going to get you to like me. And we’re going to start with your favourite colour.”
He has a few options here. Regulus could entertain whatever mission James is setting off on, but that would end badly. Multiple nights already he hasn’t moved away when he’s woken up in the middle of the night and found a hand lightly resting on his arm or his waist. There’s absolutely no way he’s going to let James get to know him. Then again, what’s the harm in a favourite colour? It’s just that, it doesn't mean anything.
“That’s not going to happen. I do not like you. But sure, my favourite colour i-”
James nearly jumps and screams. “No! Don’t tell me. I’m going to guess.”
Had he been any louder someone would have turned around to check on them and that would be mortifying. They would all have questions and probably end up with the conclusion that it’s Regulus’ fault. Which it isn’t. He has no control over this situation and whatever antics James seems to be up to. Wisely he does not try to say his favourite colour again.
“Want to play a game?” They go back to acting perfectly normal, well normal for them, in just a beat.
“Not really, no.”
“It’s just questions. Like… if you could have an unlimited supply of one thing for the rest of your life whenever you want it, what would you pick?”
At this point, one question in of probably far too many, he’s ready to walk straight off the trail and get lost. Or even start speed walking, or hell even running, to get up to where Sirius is. The former would be the better option though.
“Silence.” He reluctantly answers, and naively hopes that James will take the hint and fuck off.
But no, he doesn’t. “I would pick cats. Just like imagine having a home with hundreds of cats just lounging around. Maybe not hundreds, but at least twelve.”
“Twelve?”
“Or seventy.” They state matter of factly, as if there is no possible other answer.
Without being asked anything more, or anything at all, James starts talking about their hypothetical cats. In detail. How many and what types and he’s started giving names to some of them. Regulus however, tunes it out. He doesn’t care what any of the cats are named, they don’t even exist. It’s all a hypothetical. Somehow in asking the question, James gets what they want at least as the topic of conversation and Regulus gets the opposite of what he chose.
They are coming up on a peak of the hike, a little overlook where you can see much of the landscape laid out for you. It’s beautiful. He hasn’t been somewhere like this before. His parents were alway more of city people than those who would come out to the lakes. Even when they were on holidays growing up that were more nature oriented it was in France, at some villa. Where they still had to act proper and abide by everything their mother said.
So this is a change. A welcome one. No wonder Sirius meticulously planned this and was so excited. It really is a good place to be for the summer. If your friends are the ones accompanying you. Regulus hasn’t changed his mind quite yet. And honestly with the way James has not stopped rambling in his ear, well he is leaning back toward catching a train with each minute that passes.
No one stops for very long at the overlook, though perhaps they all got there a fair amount before the two in the back. But they keep walking. Still side by side with James. He’s been trying to get away. Every time he makes it a few steps ahead, James sprints and catches up. If he pauses to create distance before walking, James stops in his tracks. With lightning speed too. Like he’s one step ahead of him this whole time.
“Okay next question!”
“You were still on the first one? This whole time?”
They roll their eyes and shake their head. “Pay attention this time. It’s very important.”
“Oh, will there be an exam later? Should I take notes?” Regulus teases, though he gets no reaction out of them.
Next to him, too close might he add, James swivels his head looking around. He has a thinking face on. Regulus doesn't know him well enough to know that, but somehow he does. His tongue is just barely poking out of the corner of his mouth. It looks like he’s biting the middle of it so that only a sliver hangs out. Before saying anything he squints one eye and scrunches his face. His glasses shift, but he stops them from going too far out of place.
“Okay I’ve got one. What’s your favourite part of nature? Could be anything.”
Well, this is easy and he finds himself actually wanting to share. “The stars. I’ve loved looking at the stars and constellations since I was little.”
“Love that, but I meant on Earth. Like mine, are autumn leaves. When the colours have started to change but not entirely. A few leaves are falling to the ground, but most stay put. At the very top some are still green, but most have faded.” He walks a few steps with his eyes closed, probably imagining the colours in his mind.
Without looking, well he trips. Of course he does. Regulus so badly wants to laugh, it’s funny. Sirius would laugh, he thinks. And James? He would too. Easier to face having done something stupid on your own than have someone else point it out. Before he laughs, because he can’t stop it from coming out, his arms extend right in the path of their fall. And catches him.
So now he has one James Potter in his arms. He refuses to let his hands move at all past where they are now. Even that is pushing it, but he for some reason couldn’t let him trip and fall. James was about to fall head first into the ground, and now. Now he’s actually pulling Regulus down with him. He starts to feel gravity take him and he can’t do anything else to save them.
It feels like it goes in slow motion but it surely isn’t more than a few seconds from when he reached out to well, this . Him on top of James on the ground, but with one hand squished under them against the ground. Both of them scramble up, the air is palpable with awkwardness, or something of the sort. Definitely some kind of tension.
“Are you alright?” James urgently asks as they dust any dirt off their clothes.
“Er- I think so.”
He doesn’t think too much about it. Pain isn’t something he’s a stranger to, so surely he would know the feeling right now. His mind is just buzzing around a bit too much to think. Replaying the feel of James’ skin under his touch and the little dips of the muscles in his arms. And the mess of hair on their head that’s all over the place right now. Not that he was touching that or wants to, he doesn’t. It’s just there and he can't look away.
“I fell on your wrist. Let me see.” He’s given no choice as his arm is tugged away from him.
Gently of course. James is so fucking gentle it makes him want to scream. Regulus isn’t fragile, he doesn’t need to be treated with care. But no one else knows that. The guard he keeps up prevents anyone from seeing that. He’s not about to lower it, so he has to deal with the consequences. Which are presently, their soft hands smoothing over his wrist and hand. Even being outside in the sun, they're just soft. No sweat, somehow he doesn’t notice any dirt either.
He’s mesmerised watching the way they stand there looking at him. At his hand. Is there something wrong with it? Probably not, but something about this feels nice so he’s not going to stop it. Besides, everyone is now so far ahead of them that it wouldn’t matter. Once they keep walking it will still just be them. Alone. James, Regulus, and Regulus’ stupid brain that can’t find the hatred he knows exists within him.
“It might be a bit bruised. Does it hurt? What about when you move it?” They rapidly throw questions at him as if they have done this a thousand times before.
“I think it’s okay. Maybe a little stiff but it’s fine. Let’s just keep walking.” He shuts down. There’s no point lingering on it, it will only annoy him even more.
Regulus continues on the trail toward the rest of the group. No one is in view anymore, they barely were before the fall, but definitely not now. That hardly matters though. He’s content just walking until everyone else decides to turn back and finds him on the way. At least he assumes that’s how it will go.
A minute or so goes by before he hears the heavy breathing of James who must have run to catch back up to him. Distantly he hears them calling for him to slow down or wait, though he just strolls along. James is not his favourite person, definitely not after today, but they’re still James. And a small part of him feels something. To be clear on a few things, the part of him that feels anything at all towards them is very very small, and the something he feels doesn’t quite have a name. He doesn’t intend to figure it out.
“I have more questions!” They chirp once the two are finally walking side by side again.
“How is this going to tell you my favourite colour?”
“You’ll see. Okay! What’s your favourite food?”
“Chips.”
“Really?”
“Yes, why not?”
“Hmm okay. Animal?”
“Dolphin, wait no lion.”
“You’re either making these answers up or you’re really fucking weird.” James laughs, looking at him puzzled.
The thing is, he’s not making them up per say. He just has never thought about them before. All growing up he ate whatever food was served to him and didn’t say anything of it, otherwise he would be scolded. They were also never allowed pets, so he only really thinks about animals theoretically. So maybe his answers seem random, but they’re the first thing to come to his mind. And these questions are not worth thinking hard about.
Talking with James requires very little thinking. Somehow it’s easy as if they have known each other forever. It’s easier than some of his first conversations with his best friends. Though with them, he decided they would be his friends and he just needed them to like him. Presenting himself the right way, still being himself, but a likeable version.
Though even then he wasn’t entirely himself when he met all of his friends. That took a bit to come to terms with and feel okay telling anyone else. None of them had any hesitation to continue being his friend and loving him just as they always have. But this is different. James knows him, somewhat. They have seen each other occasionally, but only ever exchanging pleasantries. Until now.
And it’s easier than he expected. They seem to really like talking, which is perfectly fine. Regulus doesn’t like to be the one constantly talking. He’s always been quiet and he likes to be quiet. Keeping his thoughts to himself, it’s just easier. He never wants to say the wrong thing. Though with James it doesn’t feel like he even could say the wrong thing.
On the other hand, James loves to talk. All the time. Pretty much always. Regulus doesn't know what to make of that. Either he just likes the sound of his own voice, or he hates silence. Or he wants to drown out his own thoughts by talking over them. It doesn’t matter though, there’s no reason to psychoanalyse him. This is Sirius’ friend, not his, so it really doesn’t matter.
They continue walking and playing their game of questions for a while longer. Still with no run in with the rest of the group. Which is only slightly concerning that no one has checked to make sure the two of them are still here. James doesn’t seem to notice though, he’s content just with Regulus or at least he seems to be.
The questions continue to have nothing to do with colours, which only aggravates him more, but that feeling doesn’t last long enough for him to snap at all. They talk about what they each wanted to be when they grew up and what places they want to visit that they haven't been to. And their favourite time of day, which they find they both like the night. For different reasons, he assumes, but still. It’s one of the first things they have in common.
It’s only when another voice calls out that Regulus realises how used to the softness of James’ he had gotten in the hour or so they were on their own. Of course it’s his sibling to come find them again. They practically come running from up ahead, only barely slowing down enough before reaching them and skidding to a stop.
“There you are!” They yell, and Regulus rolls his eyes because they are less than two steps away.
“On the trail, yes exactly where we ought to be.” He mocks.
“No one else had seen you in a while, we thought you were lost.” To their credit, they do sound worried, though there is absolutely no reason to be.
“It’s alright Sirius, we just fell behind. Gave me a chance to actually try to get to know your brother.” They sound weirdly enthusiastic about that.
“Alright, well good I guess. We’re going to start heading back to the cars now.”
The rest of the group isn’t far behind Sirius. All of them seem to be in varying moods that Regulus can’t immediately deduce. Though he’s been observing everyone whenever he’s spent time in the group. Whenever he’s been forced into it. But still, he can read people well, he’s always been able to. He’s always picked up on shifts in Sirius, that’s how he got so good at it. Always needing to be looking for the signs that something is wrong so he can help before it gets worse.
It’s easy to see that not everyone is still having a good time. Mary looks pissed off, or hurt. One of the two, but he doesn’t know her enough to know the difference from far away. Next to appear is Remus, who just looks tired. Following close behind are Peter and Marlene, who are shoving each other seeing who will fall over first, though neither of them do. Bringing up the back are Dorcas and Lily who are walking close to each other, but without saying anything. Entirely unsurprising.
It takes a long time to get back to where they parked. Regulus thinks that they probably should have turned back sooner, but they didn’t, so they just have to keep going. The sun has gotten higher in the sky making it hotter than it was when they started. It’s not exactly fun hiking in the heat. He never really sweats that much, but he does overheat sometimes, he’s just hoping that at this point he won’t get to that level. It would just be embarrassing to faint here.
Luckily he doesn't, but the whole rest of the hike he’s just telling himself to make it to the car. It’s not even that hot, but any heat mixed with physical activity is a recipe for disaster. Nearby James is still talking, though he’s no longer the only member of the audience. This time plenty of their friends are around to listen to their jokes and anything else they have to say. The whole time Regulus is wondering how they are going to figure out his favourite colour, or if they’ve already forgotten all about that with their friends back now.
Back at the cars, he distantly hears a conversation happen, but he’s leaning against the car waiting for it to be unlocked so he can sit down. After another minute or so, they split between the cars again. It’s just easier to keep it how it always is, at least he thinks so, otherwise he’s sure some of these seats in the cars would be shuffled around based on moods.
“We’re going to stop somewhere for food on the way back.” Sirius fills him in as he unlocks the car. Regulus just nods, claiming the same seat he’s been in all summer.
“Mind if I take the front?” Remus looks to James, who smiles and steps to the side.
Which leaves them in the middle seat in the back, right next to Regulus. Which is just fine, really it is. They don’t have to talk in the car. Or well, James will talk to the rest of them, but he doesn’t have to talk to him. Except as soon as he sits down, their legs brush against each other. And then it’s their hands when they both go to buckle at the same time. There’s no avoiding this, there’s no pillow to put between them this time.
Though he can pull out his phone and spend the drive looking at that. He has a few missed messages from his friends that he goes to answer. Their group chat is filled with pictures from everyone’s travels, but he hasn’t sent any. He hasn’t taken any the whole time he’s been here. He doesn’t need to. This isn’t his trip, why would he care to remember it.
Then a notification comes through inviting him to shared photos. “What is this?” He says it quietly, mostly to himself, barely audible over the music.
“Oh, looks like Lily added you to the album of pictures from the trip. Everyone adds to it, well mostly Mary and Sirius, but you should have it. You’re in a few already I think.” James answers.
“I don’t need this, I’m not part of this trip.”
“You are now.” He smiles. “If you want to you can ignore it, but it’s there if you change your mind.”
Maybe he is. Maybe through all of this he’s actually become part of this trip and not just some extra piece. Despite his best efforts to escape back to Andy’s or to avoid as much interaction as he can day in and day out. The people he’s resented and hated for things that aren’t even about him. They’re not just strangers he observes from the outside anymore. Some of them are even friends, though it’s a stretch, but some of them are.
When they get to a little restaurant on the way back, he almost doesn’t even mind sitting down with a mix of them to eat. Well, he doesn’t mind as much as he usually does. It’s not a pain, it’s easy to just walk in with the rest of them and sit down. The first day he was with them all, he had to really think about who he would be okay to sit next to, who would bother him the least. Now he just finds an empty seat and it doesn’t even matter.
This time he finds himself at a table with James, who seemed to trail behind him to make sure they sat together, Sirius, who he subconsciously followed himself, Mary, and Peter. They all order food, and he finds that he’s hungrier than he expected. Though they did just go on a decently long hike, so it makes sense. All of the food they order is for the table, so he picks at whichever plates he likes and leaves a few for the others instead.
For most of the time they’re there, Regulus zones out. It’s been a lot of talking and just being around everyone today without much of a break at all. Though he’s not as drained as he usually is around them. It’s not a bad version of being out of it, it’s just how he is right now. The conversation doesn’t require him to participate, it never really does, so it carries on around him. Not much actually goes through his ears.
That is until he feels a kick from under the table. Not in a playing footsies type of way, but in an annoy-your-sibling type of way. “Reggie Reggie Reggie Reggie.”
“What?” He snaps out of it to say.
“Are you going to finish your milkshake?” Sirius smiles in the way they love to do when they want something.
“Wh- Hey! I thought you said I could finish it if he didn’t.” James reaches over to grab the half full glass.
“I’m going to finish it. So neither of you can have it.” Regulus, who is in fact not going to finish his milkshake, huffs.
This realistically should have ended that conversation. It doesn’t. While the rest of their group, Lily, Dorcas, Marlene, and Remus, finish their food at the next table over, he has to pretend to keep taking sips from his straw. After the first few, no one noticed, but then James started looking closer. Looking to see if the amount of milkshake was going down at all. It hardly is, so they decide to start tapping his shoulder every few seconds.
It’s really rather annoying. So maybe he actually takes back every nice or not-mean thought he had about James, or any of them on this trip for that matter. Sirius doesn’t help it all. They honestly egg their friends on in all they do that annoys him. Though that is the siblingly thing to do he supposes. Even as peeved as he is, he can appreciate that Sirius is having a good time. They have been through a lot and well, they deserve to have good things. They deserve to have all of their friends here and spending time with them and showing them love. It’s nice to see them happy.
On the other hand, he just needs a moment of peace and quiet. Or more, more would be better. Everyone can be happy, from a distance. That way he and all of them can be just as content with how they spend their days. When they get back to the cabins Regulus doesn’t intend on speaking to anyone for the rest of the night. He’s got nothing to say, and sincerely hopes that no one has anything to say to him. That is really for their benefit, as much as his.