Part I
PRELUDE
All your life you are standing on a cliff until one day you’ve been pushed off of it by some force. Then you’re just falling and falling and falling. You feel like you’re falling everyday and just waiting to hit the ground or crash through the water below.
It starts with a dream. Everything is fine in the dream, it’s great even. Until you start falling and you can’t stop it. You wake up and your heartbeat won’t slow down to the rate you’ve always been used to. It never does again. From the moment you have that dream on, you’re always falling. Always waiting to come crashing down.
One day it’ll stop. It has to. The crash after the fall is inevitable. Nothing can stop it once it’s in motion. Once you step off the cliff, the only way is down. The only way down is by falling through the air. The only end to falling is hitting the ground. You don’t get a choice in that matter.
Some people are pushed off of the cliff, forced to face the inevitability. Others step off, hoping for a different result. Thinking there will be something to catch them, but instead just fall.
The falling stops eventually, the cliff becomes a distant memory. The rush in your chest does not. That stays until you reach the ground. Until you’re forced back into your body, awake and disoriented. And then it starts all over again. Until the end.
Some people scream as they fall, calling for help. Some people just let it happen. Some people reach out trying to grasp a hand to pull them back up. If people hear your screams in time, sometimes they can save you. That doesn’t always happen. Most of the time you reach for a hand and no one is there.
Everyone is standing at the edge of their own cliff. Everyone falls from the cliff eventually. It’s inevitable. Not everyone wakes up from the dream.
───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────
REGULUS
An hour ago, he wasn’t packing. Last night, he wasn’t even going on this stupid trip. Regulus quite frankly, doesn’t want to go. It’s all of Sirius’ friends and he doesn’t care for any of them. Some are better than others, but they are all their friends. Not his. He would rather spend his summer with his own friends.
That isn’t exactly an option, but being alone would be fine too. After this past semester at university he was no longer welcomed home by his parents. Sirius had long since left, but they needed to get out sooner. They couldn’t take it anymore. Regulus was fine, plus he needed them to pay for school. That is now out the window, but at least two years are paid for.
Right after winter holidays he got so fed up with everything and used every penny of his own money he had saved in order to pay for surgery. He knew that would mean getting officially kicked out and disowned, it happened to his sibling too, but it was still a shock. For two years he had been making sure to grow his hair long enough when going home for breaks and leaving his binders at school, but he stopped caring. It was too much.
Sirius cut his hair to the length it now sits at, and stays at, right when they got back to school. Everyone helped him keep up with school work while he was healing. It was literally and metaphorically a weight off his chest. That however did mean that as soon as he came home from university for the summer looking like their son rather than their daughter, he had an hour to pack his things and leave.
The first place he thought to go was his cousin Andromeda’s house. She would happily take him in. But she was off on holiday at the time and still is gone. She told him he’s more than welcome once she gets back, but that left him stranded. So he went to Sirius’ best friend's house. Well, it’s also technically their house. Regulus just needed somewhere to crash for a week or two.
His friends all already left on their summer excursions. Pandora is off in some country or other backpacking. Barty and Evan decided to go to Italy for now, and are going to ‘see what happens from there’. Whatever that means. He would have enjoyed doing that. Maybe… But he doesn’t have the money to support it after surgery and being cut off from his usual funds.
So that brings him here. Four days into being disowned, stranded at the Potter’s until Andy gets back. Now being dragged on the stupid trip that Sirius planned. He could have just stayed here with James’ parents for a few more days but no one was having that. Of course he had to go, Sirius would literally not take no for an answer. He tried.
“You need to hurry up.” Sirius appears in the doorway, looking down at him.
“I literally just found out I’m going on this trip… two hours ago. Can you let me breathe?” He groans, not even looking up again.
“We leave in thirty! Be downstairs by then. Do you want anything to eat? I’m packing breakfast for my car.”
“Who says I’m riding in your car? Can’t I go with someone else if I have to go?” He doesn’t get an answer. When he turns around, they’re already gone.
It’s not even that he has a lot of things with him. And he’s bringing all of it with him so that he doesn’t have to come back here after the trip. Regulus just needs to pack it all up again. He likes to unpack wherever he goes if there's space, so that's what he did here. Even though he thought he would only be here for a week, that doesn’t make a difference. He folds all of his clothes and shoves the few toiletries he has into a bag. Anything else he’ll need he can take the car to go get.
With fifteen minutes left until he was told they’re leaving, he carries the two bags downstairs and places them neatly by the front door where there are already three bags. None of them look to be Sirius’ which only annoys him more. He was on him about being late when his bags aren’t even packed or ready. Hypocrite, he thinks, but just for a second. The idea of breakfast quickly takes his attention back and he wanders into the kitchen.
“Good morning Regulus!” Euphemia chirps. She’s pretty alright as far as mothers go, though he doesn’t know her that well. Just that she takes care of Sirius, which is enough for him to think of her positively. “Can I get you anything?”
“I’ll just have some toast before we leave. Where do you keep the bread?” She gestures to the cabinet above the toaster.
“Any coffee to bring with you? I’m filling some travel mugs for the rest of them.”
“If there’s some left, that would be great.” He responds perfectly politely, not wanting to take up more space here than he already has.
The sound of footsteps increases significantly. It’s like a stampede of elephants has infiltrated the house. As far as he knows only Sirius and James are here. They are supposedly picking up the others that Sirius is driving on the way. Though he hasn’t paid much attention to the plans. Again, he only found out about them very recently.
“Give me a few minutes!”
“What do you mean you’re not ready?!” James yells from what seems to be the bottom of the stairs.
“I’m almost ready, promise! Besides, we both know Remus and Peter aren’t going to be on time.” Sirius calls back.
He’s the one who planned this, he should be prepared and have it all together. But it’s Sirius’ world, what they say goes. If he’s going to survive this summer he should pace himself with his annoyance. Not that he can really control how much Sirius annoys him, but he’ll try. No yelling at them for at least today. That’s a good plan. He intends to stick to it, it shouldn’t be that hard. It’s a few hours drive, Regulus can just zone out for most of it.
When the toast is ready, he smears some peanut butter on it and sits at the counter to eat. Knowing Sirius, he has at least a few minutes. No point in rushing. Even if he rushed to pack to avoid being yelled at for being late. That’s never really happened, Regulus is always on time. He pulls out his phone after taking the last bite. There’s no messages. Of course there aren’t. All of his friends are off doing god knows what in various countries.
For a second he pretends to swipe around. He’s not really fooling anyone. But James and Sirius still aren’t around, so he can enjoy the moment of silence. While he’s not looking, Effie comes around and places a tall cup of coffee in front of him. No cream, no sugar, just the same as he’s had it every morning that he’s been here. He never expected her or anyone to take notice of what he likes, but it’s appreciated.
“Thought you might need this before you even get in the car.” She offers him a smile. “The two of them together can be a lot. You’re of course welcome to stay here until Andy is back if you prefer.”
“It’s okay, thank you. I don’t want to impose. I can have my own space there and just enjoy the lake.” He’s trying his best to find a bright side to this, talking himself into it at every turn.
“You’ll have a good time. Sirius has been planning this for ages, she’s excited about it. Even more excited that you’re going now too.”
“I don’t know about that. We haven’t spent a lot of time together recently. Definitely not two months of being around each other constantly. They’ll get tired of having their little brother around after a day or two” He sighs.
“Not a chance. If I didn’t want you there you wouldn’t be invited.” Sirius comes into the room at just the worst time.
His bags are dropped by his side as he picks up an apple from the counter. James trailing right behind. They come in and whisper something to his mum, then heads to carry the bags to the car. Regulus isn’t paying them any attention, there’s no reason to. He’ll be trapped in a car with them for four hours. Likely more knowing Sirius, he loves to stop at random places along any drive.
“Ready? I thought we were leaving ten minutes ago.” He half jokingly snipes.
“Yes, we just have to put the bags in the car. James is working on that.” Sirius seems quiet, but the next second they have a smile plastered across their face again. “Remus is ready, so we’ll get him first and then Peter after.”
They walk to the car, where James has all of the bags loaded in. Less work for him to do, maybe this won’t be half bad. There’s far too many bags for there only being three of them. But at least one of them is probably things for the cabin like extra towels or something like that. He’s not going to question it. Instead he walks right to the passenger door and climbs in.
Sirius is sat in the driver's seat already, sipping on the coffee that Effie made. “What do you think you’re doing?”
“Getting in the car.”
“James called shotgun already.” She crosses her arms and glares.
“Too bad. I don’t want to be cramped back there with your friends.” That sounds like hell. At least up here he gets some leg room and some separation.
“Hey! That’s my seat.” James appears at the door as if they were summoned. “Please Reg, I need to be up here to control the music. I have better taste than Sirius.”
“Excuse me! Maybe I do want Reg up here actually.”
“Well now you’ve just gone insane. I better keep a close eye on you. From the front seat.” They continue arguing, and well Regulus doesn’t want to deal with it.
He slips out between James and the door, which is a tight squeeze but he manages without so much as brushing against them. As long as he isn’t stuck in the middle seat, he can deal with the back. It’s a long drive, but he’s done longer. It will be fine. As soon as he’s settled into his new seat, behind James this time, he slips his headphones on. They might not block out the noise in the car entirely, but they block enough.
It’s a few minutes drive until they stop again at another house where Remus is standing out front waiting, perfectly ready to load his bags into the car. Maybe he’s not the worst of the group. Doesn’t mean he likes him, but he can appreciate the punctuality even if he wasn’t originally part of the trip. He slides into the back seat without fuss, though Regulus doesn’t remove his headphones to truly find out. Peter is again, only five minutes away.
And then they’re on their way. Remus ends up in the middle seat of the back row, and his legs are lanky. These things do not work well together. His knees stick up quite a bit and one leg is encroaching on Regulus’ space, while the other seems to be nearing Peter. It’s fine, it’s only a few hours. If anything, he can curl his own legs to his chest to maintain some semblance of personal space.
Once they really get on the road and pick up speed, he tries to zone out. This goes about as well as you would think considering those that are present in the car. Which is to say, very poorly. First, he tries just turning his own music up. It works, oh it works really well. Until Sirius is reaching back diagonally to pitifully smack his leg to tell him to turn it down.
With an audible sigh, he slides the headphones off, glaring at all of them. “We can hear your music. Can you turn it down or, here is a better idea! Take the headphones off and listen to what we have playing.” Sirius looks back at him and away from the road.
“Fine. Just- Nothing awful. I don’t trust them on aux, really it’s… Sirius?”
“What?”
“Put your fucking seat belt on.”
“She never wears one, you know that.” James says dismissively.
“I’m aware of that, but it doesn’t mean I like it. Sirius, just put it on. We’re not just driving around town.”
“Fine! But you can’t put your headphones back on.” They smile at him through the rear view and he very maturely sticks his tongue out in return.
Luckily Regulus has a lot of practice tuning things out. He barely notices what music is playing, and pays no attention to the conversations happening next to him. Most of this trip will consist of him doing exactly this. Ignoring everyone else and enjoying time to himself. That’s not something he gets much of. He’ll need to find a book store up by the lake, he didn’t have any notice to bring any with him.
It will hopefully be a tolerable trip. He doesn’t have enough hope that it will be good, but tolerable is in the realm of possibilities. Maybe the other car full of people will be better company than these four. He’s likely met them all at one point or another. After all these are all of Sirius’ closest friends, they planned this. They all know of him at least, which could be good. Maybe they’ll know to leave him be. Though he doesn’t have the highest hopes of that. This car ride is just the start of possibly the longest two months of his life. But at least it’s better than another summer with his parents and having to hide.
───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────
LILY
As soon as Sirius brought up the idea of this trip a few months ago, Lily jumped on helping to plan it with her. It would be great. Perfect even. They would get to spend the whole summer off with their friends with no other responsibilities. It was genius.
At first they wondered if it would actually work out but after a few weeks they found the perfect place on a lake. Well it’s technically two places, two small cabins. They would split up but still be all together aside from sleeping arrangements. Everything fell into place from there. She was getting a summer holiday away from home.
Just in time too. Petunia is briefly moving back home after finishing uni until she finds a flat of her own. A year ago Lily would have been thrilled. They would be jumping at the chance to spend a whole summer with their sister. Except she stopped talking to her a few months ago, just after winter holidays. Not a peep from her since. Lily couldn’t find a reason to stay away for the summer faster.
That’s not the main reason she’s excited for this summer though. Mostly she’s excited to have all of her friends at her fingertips for two months uninterrupted. They have some things planned, but a lot of it will just be whatever they feel like doing each day. She has a bunch of books packed, as do some of the others so they can trade off when they finish their own.
It’s a miracle the car was able to fit all of their things. For some reason it was decided that only two cars would be going up. The eight of them, or nine now that Sirius mentioned her brother will be joining, can easily fit in two cars. But their bags are a different story. Mary’s car isn’t exactly spacious. Lily was the first to pick a seat in the car, simply because she stayed over at Mary’s last night, so she got the front seat. Dorcas and Marlene are in the back, but neither of them have a problem with it.
“How much longer do we have?” Marlene nags for the fifth time in the last twenty minutes.
“About two hours now. Five minutes less than the last time you asked.” Mary shakes her head lightly.
She sighs and Lily thinks if they turned around, she would find Marlene looking annoyed. Patience has never been something she is good at. Instead of continuing to mull over how much longer they will be driving, they pull Mary’s phone out of the cup holder and type in her password. She wanted her own phone connected mainly just for the directions, but it's easy enough to use her phone to control the music too.
Lily has pretty much always known her phone password, they hardly have any secrets between each other. Mostly. Mary is their best friend, has been for years. Longer than anyone else. It’s so simple to tell her almost anything and everything. It’s just natural at this point. She is the first person Lily told about everything going on with Petunia. Not everyone knows the extent of it all, Mary is still the one she goes to when she’s having a moment.
Not that she lets herself have too many of those. If Tuney doesn’t want them in her life anymore, then that’s fine. She can go, and if she wants to stay, then Lily can leave. No problem. There are plenty of people who love and care about her. The world doesn’t revolve around Petunia no matter how much she thinks it does. Lately they have been trying to not think about her, which evidently is not working very well. This summer should be enough of a distraction once they get to the lake. It’ll all be fine.
She queues a few songs for the next bit of the drive, ones that she knows the rest of them will enjoy. It’s a bit of a cooler day despite it already being summer. Not cold, but there’s a breeze. It’s also sunny after a few cloudy days so that makes up for it. It warms their skin as it shines through the windshield. When the song switches, now to one of their go to songs to sing in the car, Lily rolls down the windows and closes her eyes, letting the wind brush across her face.
Everything is good. She’ll let everything be good. She needs it to be. Nothing can ruin this summer. Not to say there aren’t a million ways this could go wrong and a million thoughts swirling around their mind. This summer just has to be good. She can’t take anything more.
“I hear you flicking that lighter, Marls. You know you can’t smoke in the car.” Mary huffs without turning around.
“Oh come on. Your mum won’t be able to smell it two months from now. I’ll even hold it out the window if that makes you feel better.” When Mary doesn’t argue, she lights the cigarette and does exactly as she said she would.
The smoke trails up into the air outside the car, though Lily can only see it if she turns her head a bit. Even then, it’s blown away by the wind within a second. She doesn’t smoke often, well she tries not to. Mary doesn’t, and with Mary being their best friend, they usually hang back with her when any of the others go outside for a smoke. Lately though, they need it. Their hand snakes out the window and meets Marlene’s from behind her, easily passing the cigarette between them.
She leans more out the window to take a drag, almost immediately feeling both a sense of relief and also a hard whack on her arm. “Oi, Evans! Since when are you smoking?”
“Er- since right now?” She takes another drag and then lets Marlene steal it back.
In the back seat Dorcas laughs under their breath. They know that Lily smokes. They have smoked with them quite a few times. It’s not really a secret, but it was something just for them. Even Mary doesn’t know about that. They never ask Lily to talk about what’s going on, not if she doesn’t want to. That’s the biggest difference. If she’s upset, Mary wants to fix it, she wants to know what happened.
Lily doesn’t always want that. Sometimes she wants to drift off and stop existing for a bit. Dorcas lets her do that. There’s no pressure with them. Dorcas makes her feel light and free. She loves that. So yes, she smokes sometimes. Not only with them, but mostly with them. Sirius too sometimes, but that’s usually a mix of talking and not. Whatever both of them need at the time.
“Really?” She sounds a little peeved, but there’s no reason. It’s not like Lily is doing anything wrong. “Just keep it out of the car as much as you can. No more after this one, yeah?”
“Whatever you say Macdonald.” Marlene salutes her sarcastically.
When they are about ten minutes from the lake, they pull off to a small shopping strip. It’s likely the closest one to the houses and they’ll be here many times over the next two months, but they didn’t really bring much to start with. Going before getting to the house is the best idea. No one will want to get back in the car to get anything tonight.
It’s up to the other car, or other house - the division is the same either way, to make dinner tonight. Someone is always going to be in charge each night, that way no one is always stuck cooking and they just take turns. It’ll be fun that way, at least Lily and Sirius thought so when they came up with this plan. But just because they aren’t in charge of dinner that doesn’t mean they can’t bring snacks or dessert.
Quickly scanning the aisles, Lily finds where marshmallows, graham crackers, and chocolate will be and then sets off. S’mores and a campfire are the perfect start to a summer at the lake. Her and Petunia used to always make them when their dad would make a fire. Tuney liked hers to be lit on fire and then basically charred. Lily took their time every single time to get it to a perfect golden brown.
They throw everything they need, and maybe a little bit extra, into a basket and carry it up to the front. The others each grabbed some more snacks and meet her up there to pay together. Anything else they need or are missing someone can come to get tomorrow. It’s already late in the afternoon and for some reason sitting in the car for a few hours is tiring. Not much will be happening tonight once they get settled.
To her surprise, the other car isn’t there when Mary pulls up. Marlene goes over to the other house just to see if maybe they arrived but sent Sirius back out to pick up other things with the car, and comes back with nothing. They aren’t there, despite them having stopped at the store. For now, they brush that off and bring their bags into the second house.
Both houses are a similar size, but theirs has two bedrooms and the other has three. That’s how they split it up really. Well that and the fact that Sirius, Remus, James, and Peter are never apart for very long. So of course they will be in the same house. By the time Lily drops the bags of snacks in the kitchen, she finds that Mary has put her own bags in one room and Marlene is making their way to the other.
That leaves Lily and Dorcas to choose who they each want to share with. She won’t say anything, she loves sharing with Mary. That really is the default, there’s nothing wrong with it. Mary is her best friend, obviously she’s going to share the room with her. No one thinks anything of that. Perhaps only Lily, but everyone would think more of it if they tried to share a room with anyone else.
“Where are they? Anyone have their location?” Lily asks after it's been twenty minutes and they’re all unpacked and sitting around.
Well, mostly unpacked. As unpacked as any of them will get today. For Lily that means opening her bag in the corner of the room and pulling her toiletries out to sit in the bathroom. For Dorcas, they hung up a few things they needed and started to put some of their clothes in a drawer. Mary is the one who actually unpacked, somehow getting it all done in a short time. Completely reversely, Marlene dropped their bag in the room and immediately went to grab a drink and sit down.
“I’ve got it.” Marlene swipes open their phone. “They’re just passing the store we stopped at now. Should be here soon.”
“Okay now does anyone know what the plans are? Sirius wouldn’t give more details but he apparently planned out a bunch of things already.”
She laughs, because of course Sirius didn’t tell anyone. He wants it to be a surprise. Lots of the plans are bound to change, but together they planned a few hikes, a few things in the nearest town, but it’s mostly just things to do here at the cabins. He likes to be elusive, keep people on their toes. She knows the plans, and everyone else is welcome to, but where’s the fun in that. Plus she knows that they just wanted to mess with Dorcas.
“Mmm yeah there are plans. Nothing this weekend though. Just whatever we want.” She casually answers.
“You know ? You’ve been holding out on me?” Cas turns to them. They’re sitting on the same sofa, but now they lean over and shove Lily.
Her breath hitches and words are caught in her throat for a moment. She takes a second, blink away whatever that was, and looks back at them. Smiling as if nothing happened. “I do happen to have the details. You just never asked.”
Before anything else can happen, though she has no idea what would happen given the way her heart is beating, a car pulls up. Within seconds she can hear arguing, which is a bit odd. Those four love to spend time together and four hours is not nearly enough for them to have started screaming at each other. It only takes walking outside to remember what the problem is.
Regulus is here. He wasn’t originally coming, Sirius had talked about wanting to invite him, but they knew he would say no. She understood immediately, they both have siblings, they get each other in that way. Something must have changed pretty drastically for him to have joined at the last minute. He’s hung around their group of friends a few times, but he always keeps to himself and prefers his own friends.
“Just bring your shit inside. Please. I don’t want this summer to start badly.” They plead, shoving a bag at their brother.
“Fine. Let me know when dinner is.” He stomps away with a sour look on his face.
She approaches slowly, not wanting to agitate anyone anymore, but part of her wants to check on him. There’s always been a soft spot in her heart for Regulus. He’s a younger sibling, they understand him. Plus he’s just a sweet guy, even if he pretends he’s not and puts up a front with everyone else. She can see through it. Right now though, he seems like he needs space.
“Hey Lils! How was your drive up?” They shake the fight with Regulus off so easily, looking like their normal self.
“Not bad at all. What took you so long? We’ve been here for a while now and even stopped at the store.”
“Well, we got a flat tire. But Peter fixed it so it’s fine, it just took a while. Did you get anything for dinner while you were at the store?”
“No… I thought you were in charge of dinner tonight.”
“Shit, was I?”
“Did I just hear that no one planned dinner?”
Sirius shakes his head and puts the bags he’s holding on the ground, hiding his distress, though not very well. “Yeah mate, I forgot. We can run back to the store, it’s not far right? Or we can order delivery if there’s any place around. I just wasn’t thinking. I’m sorry.”
Before he can start to really freak out or feel bad, Lily reaches a hand out to steady him. “Hey, it’s okay hun. We have snacks and s’mores. No one will mind that for tonight.”
“Are you sure?” They lock eyes and she nods. Of course she’s sure. “Alright yeah, that’s okay. I won’t forget again, we’ll stick to the plans we made.”
───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────
REMUS
His legs have been stiff since getting out of the car when the tire popped. Having to get back in and sit, slightly cramped, for another hour and a half, only made it worse. For the last hour he’s been wandering the cabin and also checking out the other one. Both are really nice, Sirius did a great job finding this place. It’ll be perfect for the summer. It’s not even close to getting dark, but they’ve decided to start on the fire early.
He and Peter were now tasked with finding firewood. That really only took a few minutes because no one else assumed that the owners of the cabin would leave them pre chopped wood. That was the first thing he checked for, and he was right. So now they are instead searching for good sticks to use for roasting marshmallows.
“Now that Regulus is here are you and James going to share the second room?” He kicks a rock mindlessly while they walk.
“They refuse to share with me if they don’t have to. You know this. He hates my snoring, which I don’t even think is that bad.”
“It’s bad. Like really bad, you should look into that. Why do you think I always share with Sirius?”
“Oh you’re not really back on denying what’s obviously going on between you, are you?” Peter stops short to turn and face him.
“No, well… I don’t know. They haven’t seemed interested in anything more and I don’t know if I can keep doing no strings attached. It’s fine, really. Even if they are a blanket hog.”
“Well you have all summer to change that.” And he’s right.
If it’s ever going to change, it would be now. They’re sleeping in the same bed for two months after all. But then again, that’s hardly anything new. It’s fine really. There’s no reason that anything needs to change, he can handle it. He’d rather have Sirius like this than not at all. They’ve never shown interest in anything more than what they have right now, so he’ll leave it be. Not push them. Maybe it will change though, maybe they can have more. Be more .
“If you really don’t want to share with them, you can swap. James wouldn’t mind.”
He knows he’s trying to be helpful. It’s just… not. It’s not helpful. Remus doesn’t want that, he doesn’t want- He doesn’t know what he wants. That’s really the problem isn’t it? It would be great if he could just figure it out. But honestly he’s fine with how things are. Rather than change them, everything can just stay as it is. Better that way than to let everything go south.
If Sirius wants him, he’s there. If he doesn’t, then he can go. Well either way Remus will be there. As a friend or more. Even if it’s as less than a friend, or even as worse, he’s not going anywhere. Maybe that makes him pathetic. He really doesn’t care if it does. It’s not like everyone knows, it’s just him. And Peter, and James, and honestly probably more of their friends too. It might just be Sirius who doesn’t know. Not for a lack of laying out hints though.
“Yeah, thanks Pete. It’s alright. Whatever will be, will be.” He leans over carefully to not irritate his knees to pick up another long branch and turns on his heel.
Peter catches up to him, carrying his handful. “Have you tried that poetic shit with Sirius? I bet she’d love it. Would really score you some points in the romance department.”
“What do you know about romance?”
“I know plenty. I just don’t parade my sex life through our friends.”
“Yeah, sex life.” Remus coughs. “That sounds very romantic. ”
By the time they reach the cabins again, everyone is making their way out the back doors to the fire pit that is situated between the two houses. There’s ten chairs circling where a fire will be, which is luckily more than they need. It would be unfortunate if there were only eight, but Regulus wouldn’t even mind. He’s not among the others coming outside. It was a bit of a rough drive up for him.
The majority of the time the two siblings get along just fine. But today Sirius wouldn’t stop pestering him, despite his headphones blocking out the noise in the beginning. They just seemed bored on the drive, but also knowing them, they’re excited to have Regulus here. He’s basically their favourite person to ever exist even if they won’t admit it. Sirius will talk about him non stop if given the chance. And really, they’re just excited that he’s finally out of that house.
Even if it was only partially on his own terms, he’s prepared for it. That wasn’t the same for Sirius, they left without a plan and without even a change of clothes. Regulus helped with getting his things to him, and James of course helped by way of his mother and his house. It all worked out in the end. So it’ll work out for Regulus too. It may be hard sometimes, but so is everything.
He watches as Sirius looks around the fire pit, then practically storms back inside. A minute later they return with Regulus sulking a few steps behind. “So! Who knows how to actually start a fire?”
“I’ve got it.” Dorcas hops out of their chair and gets to work.
It only takes them a few minutes to get the fire going and built up enough that they can all feel the warmth starting to emanate. Remus puts the sticks he found next to the bag of marshmallows on the one empty chair. Everyone can grab one when they feel like it. He ends up sitting next to Lily who is on the quieter side tonight, and James is on his other side. They, inversely, will not shut up. He settles into it. Having his friends around him always settles him.
Across the circle, he watches as Sirius looks over at their brother every minute or so, probably more. They’re nervous. Waiting for something to happen, waiting for something to go wrong. Mary is the first to get up to start roasting a marshmallow, so it catches his attention. A second later, not even, he looks back at Sirius who looks like themself, a smile plastered on their face, laughing about nothing. Regulus has his legs curled to his chest and his back to his sibling.
“Moony! Want to make a s’more for me?” Sirius bats her eyelashes at him, and he nearly caves.
But he doesn’t. “You are aware that everything you need is closer to you, right?”
“I know, but you’re better at it!”
“When have we ever made s’mores together?”
They huff, leaning more into their chair. Now blocked from his view by the tallest of the flames. Remus may just happen to be a bit of a push over. He pushes himself out of his chair and grabs a stick and a marshmallow, hovering it over the fire. Lily gives him a look that absolutely is calling him pathetic, but he pretends not to take notice.
It only takes a minute or two for the colour to change on the marshmallow, so he grabs a piece of chocolate and a graham cracker, assembling it before circling around to the other side of the fire. Next to him, Lily’s marshmallow is flaming and ends up completely burnt when she blows it out. From this side there is a better view of the lake, rather than looking back at the driveway of the two houses. The sun has mostly set, but there is a sliver of colour lingering in the sky before it’s taken over by the dark.
“Have I told you I appreciate you lately?” They say, a smile spreading across their face.
“Mmm maybe. You could say it again though.”
Sirius shifts in their seat, making just enough room for him to sit. These chairs are really only made for one person, but he squeezes in anyway. “Thank you. It’s delicious. Best s’more ever.” They lean into him, head on his chest, tucked under his arm.
When everyone is busy talking, in some cases yelling across the fire, Regulus gets out of his seat and tries to sneak off. He lasted longer than Remus thought he would honestly. If Sirius notices, he will jump up and run after him. It’s better to let him go, it’s only the first night. Everyone has had a long day. Remus keeps talking, hoping that Sirius will stay here with him, but that doesn’t last for very long. He’s pulling away from him before his brother can even reach the doors to the cabin, but he holds him back.
“I should go…”
“Leave him be, it’s okay.” Remus whispers, smoothing his hair in an attempt to soothe him.
“But-”
Everyone notices now, mostly because Sirius is not known for being quiet. “I’ve got it. I’ll check on him, yeah?” Lily cuts him off and heads over to intercept him on his way inside.
Sirius sighs, shrinking into themself. “I just want this to be good. I want everyone to have a good time. Including Reggie.”
“I know, it’s going to be okay. We’re all having fun.” Remus confirms, secretly hoping that everyone will join him.
“Yeah mate, it’s good!”
“We’re having fun, really.”
“Its just the first night too, tomorrow will be even better.”
It’s not that Sirius is a lot of work, really they aren’t, and even if they were, Remus would be happy to do anything for them. They just sometimes need extra reassurance. All of them will happily give that to them, it’s never asking too much. If it helps to keep them going and keep them from spiralling, then that’s easy. Peter, Mary, and James all jump to tell them what they need to hear, and it’s the truth too.
“I just want to know what we’re doing tomorrow. Or literally any of the days we’re here.” Marlene lightens the mood as best she can.
“It’s supposed to be a surprise!” Sirius tries to sound excited, but it’s easy for him to tell it’s forced. “Nothing planned for tomorrow though.”
“In that case, who’s drinking with me tonight? We don’t have to get up early so we might as well.”
Mary holds out her hand. “Pass the bottle McKinnon.” They do, but not until they swallow down a long swig, followed by a not so graceful burp.
This gets everyone laughing again. For the most part. He can tell that Sirius is itching to run after their brother. Remus can feel the gears turning in their head. But they stay, they want to be where the group is. They always do. Neither of them have a drink, but as far as he can tell no one takes notice of that. After a little longer, Lily comes back, the younger Black nowhere to be seen.
After taking a drink, Mary pulls out a digital camera from her bag that was sitting next to her and she snaps a few pictures of the group. She aims it at Lily specifically a few times, but they don’t notice. She’s smiling or laughing in every single one, though only Mary is seeing the results. That camera has come everywhere throughout their years at uni. Every birthday, every celebration, hell even every night out at the pub.
They have a shared photo album on all their phones that she uploads everything to. Sometimes weeks late, but she always shares them. Here it will be even easier to get her to send them right away. She’s not the only one who ever takes pictures that go in the album, but she’s the one with a camera. When she’s not looking, James grabs the camera from the arm of her chair and takes a few pictures of her too.
Hours and hours go by. The sky darkens, the stars and moon come out and settle into the sky above them. There are quite a few trees surrounding them and lining the lake, but there’s a clearing right overhead. With his head leaning back, he looks up and just enjoys nature.
All growing up he could see the stars this clearly every night. That comes with basically living on a farm in Wales. He’s always loved it, he’s always felt at peace under the night sky. Living in the city for university and even just being there most of the time with his friends, he’s come to miss it. Most of them have always known the city, and rarely experienced this. That’s honestly probably why this is what Sirius planned for the summer. This isn’t somewhere their parents ever took them, it’s their own escape.
It’s freeing being at the lake. Everything is peaceful. The clear sky, constellations littering every inch of the sky. The still lake, with only the faintest ripples. The crackling fire, filling the breaks in laughter. It’s perfect. Remus is glad that he has Sirius within his grasp here, that’s the only almost missing piece.
Eventually they all head inside to their respective cabins. Peter nods and heads right into his room, looking pretty tired and ready to fall into bed. Trailing behind them is James who stayed back to talk to Lily for a minute. He’s closing the back door just as Remus is closing the door to their room behind him and Sirius. The third bedroom door was already shut when they came inside.
“Should I go check on him?”
“You’ll see him in the morning. He might already be asleep.” He answers carefully as he gets ready for bed.
They fidget with their hands by the door, debating their options. Remus could just pull them into bed, force them to relax. That would work for now but be worse tomorrow, he thinks. So he lets them decide for themself. The water running as he brushes his teeth fills his ears, but he thinks the door opens and closes again. It didn’t, just an illusion.
When he comes out of the bathroom he finds Sirius curled up in bed already. They roll over to face him, giving in to the tiredness. All of their features are soft. They always are, but now even more. Maybe it’s just the blanket pulled up over their shoulder, or even the warmth of the light coming from the bathroom. He wants to just crawl in next to them and hold them gently. The thing is he can, there’s nothing stopping him. This is how every night will be this summer.
Just as he’s about to succumb to the tiredness that he’s been able to feel for hours now, that’s a knock at the door. “Yeah?” Sirius answers, expectantly.
“Just me. Can I- can I borrow some pyjamas? Your brother locked me out of the room.” James creeps in, already knowing where they can find spare clothes to steal from either of them.
“‘Course you can. I’ll er- I’ll talk to Reggie tomorrow about the room thing. Do you want to squeeze in here tonight?” They offer.
Remus can feel them go tense, but they try to hide it. He won’t ask them about it, he knows they’re okay. Anything to do with their brother makes them freeze a little bit. This is nothing. James shakes their head and just quickly changes into something more comfortable to sleep in.
“Thanks, appreciate it. See you in the morning.” The door closes again gently and James keeps their footsteps light.
Before anything else can be said, Sirius’ eyes flutter shut and they drift off. Or they seem to. He doesn’t try to say anything more. They want to sleep so that’s what they can both do. Remus stretches his legs out, no longer feeling stiff from the drive up, and rolls over to get comfortable. His back is to Sirius, just as their back is to him. They very likely won’t wake up like this, they seem to always drift closer in their sleep. Not that either of them mind.