Little Padfoot

Sirius

“I’m bored,” Sirius complained, bouncing Blacky off the wall for the millionth time in a row. Playing alone wasn’t fun and he’d been playing alone since lunch, which was forever ago. More than forever ago. His entire life ago. He was dying.

“You’re more than welcome to visit the common room with the others,” Regulus replied from the bed, where his face was stuck inside a book. Not even a fun book with pictures. Just a bunch of words. “Remus said he’d sit with you.”

Sirius caught Blacky, hugging him tightly as he snuck a peak at the door. He could hear the laughter and conversation of his friends, wafting up the stairwell behind it, and he did want to join them. But they weren’t the only ones down there. The girls from lunch were too. And a bunch of other Gryffindors he didn’t know that would probably stare at him again.

Sitting with Remus was a very tempting offer to help with that, but he wasn’t sure. At lunch Remus forgot about him straight away and just talked to everyone. What if that happened again while Reggie wasn’t there?

“Why can’t you just come with me?”

“Because I’m a Slytherin, that isn’t my common room, and I don’t feel like being hexed.”

“But James said-”

“James said I’d probably be fine. I don’t want to stake my survival on a probably that James came up with.”

Sirius sighed and hugged Blacky a little tighter as another bang went set off. They were playing exploding snap down there and Sirius really wanted to play too. Cissy and Andy had shown him a few times, but Cissy always won with her stupid seeker eyes. He wanted a turn to win.

“It’s not fair,” he huffed under his breath, holding Blacky hard against his chest and burying his face in his fur.

As if to just make it feel even more unfair, another round of cheers floated up the hallway and it made Sirius’ chest ache. He wanted to be down there too. He wanted to be cheering. Why couldn’t Reggie just come down for a minute?

“Can’t you play with me then?”

“I did,” Regulus groaned, shutting his book and sitting up to look down at Regulus with a tired expression. “But you kept getting annoyed I wasn’t playing the way James did.”

“Then just play like James.”

It seemed like a pretty simple solution to Sirius, but anger flashed across Regulus’ face and Sirius swallowed, clutching Blacky nervously. A little voice in his head that sounded like parents, urging him to shield himself. He nearly did. Shifting back ever so slightly, but he stopped. Because as quickly as the anger came, it was gone, replaced with hurt, then regret, then just… nothing.

Nothing didn’t look like it felt very nice, whatever it was.

Sirius watched carefully as Regulus dropped his book and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. He sat there for a minute completely still, barely even breathing from what Sirius could see. Shoulders flat, chest unmoving, not even blinking.

Then pushed off the bed and stood, taking a really long, deep breath as he walked over to Sirius and offered his hand. He didn’t say anything, and Sirius stared at it nervously, not sure what exactly Regulus was going to do once he took it. But as time ticked by, and Regulus continued to hold it out for him, Sirius came decided to take it anyway.

Keeping Blacky close in one arm, he let Regulus help pull him to his feet, then followed him. To the dorm room door. They stopped there for a moment, Regulus taking a few more big breaths, before he turned the knob and pushed it open.

The change in noise was like day and night, and Sirius flinched at the sudden volume after being in such a quiet room for so long. But he didn’t shy away from it. Regulus was taking him downstairs. Finally. He was coming downstairs.

Together they took the final step and entered the common room, Regulus gripping Sirius’ hand a little tighter as they walked toward the group playing exploding snap by the fire.

“Finally decided to join us,” James called out, the happy smile that Sirius was starting to think was just permanent, already plastered across his face.

“Yes, well Sirius was getting a bit bored,” Regulus replied shortly.

“Wait, so you didn’t just miss my presence?”

The blonde girl sitting next to James, Marlene she’d said after lunch, elbowed him in the ribs.

“It’s your turn. Quit your flirting and play.”

At this comment, James’ face tinged red, and Sirius was pretty sure his hand was about to lose circulation. They didn’t stop walking though, Regulus leading him over to the group and taking a seat on the floor beside Remus. Sirius squished himself between them, leaning into Regulus and staying quiet as he the girls threw glances at him.

They did smile, at least.

“Do you want to help put down my cards?”

A tiny bit of tension unwound at the sound of that voice, and Sirius looked up to see Remus offering him a card.

“That’s my next one, you’ve just got to put it in the middle.”

Sirius smiled softly and let go of Regulus’ hand to grab it, not relinquishing his hold on Blacky one bit though.

“Thanks,” he murmured.

Once it was securely in his hand, Sirius leaned back into his brother, keeping his eyes fixed on the board, waiting for Remus’ turn. It was a Dragon card. Number seven. He had to place it after Peter. Hopefully he didn’t place a seven too, he didn’t particularly want to be in the middle of a snap.

Don’t get him wrong, Sirius was excited to come down and join in. It was already less boring than playing alone upstairs. He just didn’t like feeling so many eyes on him. It reminded him of his mother and father analysing his actions, waiting for a screw up they could punish him for. Not a pleasant feeling to be brought back to, hence his adamance about needing Regulus.

But he was down here now, and there were a lot less people than in the great hall, which he’d survived. He also knew the Marlene, Mary, and Lily’s names now, so technically they weren’t full strangers anymore. Lily and Mary weren’t even playing either, they were on the lounge doing their own thing. Plus, with the big lounges, he couldn’t actually see any of the other students, which meant they basically weren’t there.

Sirius just had to dig deep and be brave. He had turned into a Gryffindor after all, so it must be down there somewhere.

Just play the game

James put down a unicorn witch, then Marlene placed a pixie four. Then it was Peter. Sirius tensed as he watched the card land on top of the pile and… relaxed. It was another pixie, but it was a wizard this time. He wouldn’t have to deal with a snap.

There was a gentle nudge on his back from Regulus and Sirius took a deep breath. Not big enough for everyone to notice though.

Blacky in hand and the card in his other, Sirius left the safety of Regulus and leaned forward. He had to shuffle a little to reach, but he carefully the dropped the dragon seven on top of the basilisk wizard, then started shuffling back when-

BANG!

The deck of cards exploded, hurtling up into the air and smacking him in the arm. Sirius froze. They were all going to dive at him now. The cards were up for grabs. They were all going scramble to catch some, and he was in the middle. This was worse than a snap. That was just hands for a moment. This was dozens of cards about to start falling on top of him.

Sirius ducked his head, curling up his knees and dropping Blacky as he hid beneath his hands.

This was a terrible game. This was a terrible idea. He was about to get trampled like Andy and Cissy did to him. Worse because they were all grownups. Sirius didn’t want to play anymore. He was done. He was done. He was done. He was done.

A card whacked him in the head. Then another. Then another.

He tensed, getting ready for it. All the excitement from moments ago was gone.

Here it comes…

His whole body was shaking. Merlin, his mother would hate that if she saw. His father would hit him just for it alone. Sirius bit back a sharp breath. He blinked away his stinging eyes. That wouldn’t help.

“You alright, Sirius?”

It was a girl voice.

“Yes…” he mumbled, which was followed by a heavy sigh right behind him. Then movement from the same spot.

“No, he’s not…”

Reggie?

There was more movement, and someone slid up next to him. Sirius nervously titled his head, just enough to make out the blurry figure of his brother. Someone safe. He wouldn’t let him get trampled.

Sirius quickly uncoiled and jumped into him, burying his face in his robes. He felt Regulus’ chest deflate and another sigh escape, but arms wrapped around him nevertheless and Sirius relaxed. Protected from the shower of cards.

It’s alright, he tried to tell himself. I’m okay.

There were whispers and he was sure more eyes were on him. It made him burn, all the attention.

“It’s just a game,” Regulus soothed, then slide himself and Sirius back into the circle, out of the middle.

That helped. A little.

“Was it the noise?”

Remus.

“No idea.”

Reggie.

“He never said anything…”

“Doubt he likes to remember.”

“Yeh, I guess…”

Sirius kept his face in Reggie’s robes, ignoring the conversation and the whispers from the rest of the circle. He knew they were all talking about him. He didn’t like it. He didn’t want the attention. He just wanted to have fun and play a game with people. Why did it have to go like this? It wasn’t fair.

Nothings fair for me…

Regulus had, had a point this morning. Sirius never got what he wanted. It was just the way things were.

He sniffled as quietly as possible, but as he did as soft, fuzzy object brushed his arm.

“Do you want Blacky back?”

Sirius very slightly, and very slowly opened his eyes. Remus came into view. He was holding Blacky. Sirius nodded.

“Yes please…” he whispered, and Remus smiled, tucking the animal in Sirius’ arm.

He squeezed him immediately, holding him like he’d disappear if he didn’t. He hadn’t meant to drop him. He hoped Blacky wasn’t mad for getting left behind. It was an accident.

“Do you still want to put down my cards?”

Sirius shook his head. They would explode again, and he’d only just escaped that time. He didn’t want to risk it. Even if it meant he was back to being bored. Bored was better than hurt. Probably.

“That’s alright,” Remus promised. “I’ll play till you’re ready.”

Sirius hugged Blacky and shrunk into Reggie, not entirely convinced he would be ready for several rounds. But he still said “ok”. That was the polite answer. Polite was the most important thing in the world. More important than any of his feelings.

Remus relaxed back into his spot, putting his attention back the game that was still going. The firelight flickered across his face. His curly hair brushing his eyes. His expression calm. Remus was nice. Sirius wondered if he had a wife. Or girlfriend. Probably. She was lucky.

His gaze lingered on Remus as the game of snap continued, and eventually Sirius decided to twist around so he could see the rest of the cards in the middle.

Peter put down a kneazle two, James placed a dragon witch, then Marlene placed a unicorn witch. Remus got the snap, making Peter and James grumble. Then he started again with another unicorn, but a nine this time. Peter placed a pixie five. And so on and so on and so on.

There were a couple of explosions too, but Sirius wasn’t bothered since he was out of the way. Unsurprisingly, Sirius wasn’t entertained for long. He still didn’t want to play snap yet, but he was getting bored.

Sirius looked around the room. The roof. The fire. The people. The- Sirius paused as his focus landed on the lounge behind Marlene, where Lily and Mary were. Talking and giggling away as they played their own little game of something Sirius couldn’t see properly. There were no explosions or big noises coming from it. No sudden movements or jumping around. They weren’t shouting either.

“What game are they doing?” he whispered to Regulus curiously, pointing at the girls.

“I’m not sure. You could ask. I do prefect jobs with Lily, I promise she’s nice.”

Sirius pursed his lips, considering it. If Reggie said she was nice… then she probably was… and Remus was talking to her lots at lunch… maybe…

“Come with me?”

He was half expecting Regulus to groan and say no. Tell him to do it himself. Just like in the dorms before coming down here. But Regulus didn’t do that. He sighed a little bit, but then he said-

“Ok. Come on then.”

Thank you…

Regulus just lifted him to his feet, then stood up too.

“Where are you guys off to?” James asked.

“He wants to ask Mary and Lily something,” Regulus replied as he began guiding them both around the circle, toward the girls in question. Drawing their attention. They both looked up and Sirius swallowed, hiding a slightly behind his brother’s leg, but not looking away. He did want to know what they were playing…

Getting closer he could see their game a little better, not that he had a clue what it was. Mary had her hand flat on the cushions and Lily was holding a little red vial… brushing them with red liquid. Painting them. That was weird. He thought paint was for walls and portraits. Not fingers.

Mary noticed him looking.

“Want yours done?” she asked, holding up her other hand for him, which had red tips.

Sirius tilted his head. Did she mean put paint on his fingertips? He glanced down at his hands. His fingers were normal coloured. Nothing like her red ones. He tried to imagine them with some colour.

Hmm…

Curiosity conquered his nerves. It wasn’t Lily like Regulus promised was nice… but she seemed alright… Maybe that Gryffindor bravery stuff was in him somewhere.

“But why are you painting your fingers?” he asked.

Marys face softened. “So cute…” she sighed, smiling. “We’re painting our nails, not our fingers. And we just think they look pretty with some colour on them.”

Sirius held his hand next to Marys and nodded. She was right. They did look sort of pretty with red on them.

“Alright I’m done,” Lily announced, and Sirius glanced down to see that Marys other hand was colourful too now. Lily caught him staring and held the red vial up for him. “Want me to paint yours too?”

Sirius pulled his hand back. He didn’t know about that… but… it did look nice… maybe if…

“Reggie first.”

---

Regulus

“I’m assuming red isn’t your colour?” Lily asked, her mouth pulled into a very amused smirk as she held up a few vials of non-red nail polish.

“He better appreciate my efforts to keep him happy after he takes the damn cure,” he grumbled as he looked at his options, ignoring Sirius’ loud vote for glittery pink. “Black will be fine.”

“Something tells me he won’t,” Lily laughed, handing off the glittery pink and its other horrible friends to Mary, unscrewing the black vial.

“Hmm…” was his only answer as he watched the first stroke go over his pinky.

He didn’t mind Lily. He’d been paired with her a few times so far for prefect duties, and she was decent enough company. Not too talkative, but not so quiet he dreaded every patrol with her. In his wildest dreams though, he’d never predicted she might be painting his nails in the Gryffindor common room. Merlin, he’d lost it. His parents were going to throw a fit over this.

He figured it didn’t matter much in the grand scheme of things though, hence why he gave in after Sirius’ second beg. His arm meant he was already done for. Painted fingernails wouldn’t make a difference. It was that same reason he gave in to coming down here to begin with. He was screwed anyway. May as well see how deep he could dig the hole.

Besides, he’d always wondered what nail polish would look like on him. Now would probably be his last chance to execute his free will.

“Does it feel weird?” Sirius asked, his eyes glued to Regulus’ hand.

“A little,” he replied honestly. “But not bad. It doesn’t hurt.”

Sirius nodded, still holding Blacky close to his chest. Regulus had to admit. It was rather sweet how attached he was too it. He hadn’t had anything like it last time he was this age. Neither of them did.

Lily made quick work of his first hand, but not quick enough for their exchange to escape the attention of everyone playing. And by everyone, Regulus meant James.

“Oooh, look at you being all rebellious Reg.”

Instantly that… annoying feeling made itself known and Regulus’ face started burning. Merlin, could he not last five minutes without making some sort of comment? He was supposed to be focused on playing an intense card game not trying to get himself jinxed.

Regulus opted not to engage, gritting his teeth and keeping his eyes on his nails. Which were actually turning out… sort of nicely. He didn’t hate them. James hated being ignored though.

“Which colour did you pick? Was it yellow? I reckon you’d suit yellow. Are you getting both hands done?”

Just breathe. Just breathe.

Regulus continued to let the questions go unanswered. Hoping that James would lose interest and go back to his game. It didn’t work. All it did was encourage him to throw out more questions. Each getting more and more off topic as James got distracted with his own rambling.

“I guess you might not want yellow as a Slytherin though. Maybe green? Then it will match your tie. Bit on the nose though. You’re probably not that into house pride, are you? Like you definitely get heaps of points since you’re smart. but do you even want to win the house cup? If not, you should abuse your prefect powers and award me a dozen points. I could do your transfiguration homework in return? I’m actually top of our year in that class you know.”

Regulus tried not to say anything. He really did. But it was James. His voice alone was enough to make his skin crawl.

Against his better judgement, Regulus look down at the circle, where James was staring up at him. Eyes twinkling annoying. James Jamesing annoyingly.

“If you don’t shut up, I’ll show you how good I am at human transfiguration.”

Engaging was the wrong move. James suddenly looked far more pleased with himself than the recipient of threat had a right too.

“Oh, can I make a request? I wouldn’t mind being stag, but if your goal is inanimate, I could settle for a toy stag. Reckon you could remake me in the image of Big Ears?”

“Are you stupid or something?”

“Could I hear your definition of ‘something’ before I make my decision?”

Regulus just stared in complete and utter disbelief that this was a real conversation he was having with a nearly of age wizard. His blood was ready to boil out of his skin, his face already taking some damage. This was insane, right? James was insane, right?

It looked like James was about to make a follow up comment, but once again Marlene came to his rescue. Elbowing him in the ribs with enough force to give out a distinct thud.

“James, if you don’t take your damn turn, I’m going to help him curse you. Play a card!”

Much to Regulus’ relief, this worked. His cheeks darkened and in a panicked scramble chucked a card down, which promptly caused the centre stack to explode. Finally, blocking him from Regulus’ view and breaking his… annoying feeling induced stare. Because that’s all it was. Annoying.

When he turned back to face Lily, expecting his nails to be finished by now, he found her looking across the room with a confused expression.

“What?”

Lilys gaze flicked back to him, her confused expression not getting any less confused.

“Does he act like that often with you?”

“Hasn’t stopped since I got stuck with this job, why?”

Lily looked him up and down for a second, her face morphing through a dozen different feelings before landing on… amusement.

“Oh no reason. Just curious. I’m done with this hand, give me your other one?”

Regulus narrowed his eyes but complied, placing his undecorated hand on the lounge. He had a very strong suspicion that whatever had sparked Lilys question, was not mere curiosity and that she knew a little more than she was letting on.

“Just curious, huh?”

Lily hummed in agreement as she started painting. Her face returning to a neutral focus and giving nothing away. Much to disappointment of the problem-solving part of Regulus’ brain.

He was about to attempt another question, but Sirius decided he needed more attention.

“Can I have a turn painting?”

“No way,” Regulus started, but Lily hushed him, already handing Sirius the vial and brush. He was going to retort that it was his nails on the line here but… he was going soft. The happy smile and excited giggle that came from Sirius as he grabbed the items, may as well have been a sticking charm between his hand and the lounge.

She better have a way to fix it

“Go for your life,” Regulus gave in with a sigh, earning a very excited little jump on the spot from his brother as he dipped the brush in the vial, pulling out a second later and essentially throwing the dripping paint at his hand.

“Stay still,” Sirius said as he dabbed the brush over his index finger and… yep. That was his skin. Sirius would not be making it as a child prodigy nail artist.

He exchanged a look with Lily, and Mary who seemed to have renewed interest now Sirius had taken over. They looked a lot more entertained than he felt.

“Wow Sirius,” Lily started, looking Regulus dead in the eye. “You’re really talented.”

“Hmm, you should do his thumb next,” Mary encouraged.

Sirius grinned happily and did as was suggested. Making an absolute mess of Regulus hand as he went.

“Do you like it so far?” he asked happily as he covered half of Regulus’ thumb in polish.

“Mmhm,” was the nicest thing he could manage. Unable to find a single pleasant comment in the sea of insults creating themselves.

By the time Sirius announced he was finished. Regulus was pretty sure his hand had more nail polish than nails. It was smudged all over his fingers and the nails themselves were steaky and uneven. Regulus had seen better looking blood splatters.

“What do you think?” Sirius asked, sticking the brush back in the now half empty vial and twisting it shut.

“It’s um….” Just say good. Just say good. “Hmm it’s very…” Good. Say good. “Good…”

Sirius beamed as he put the nail polish down, and Regulus gave himself a mental pat on the back.

“So, are you ready for yours now?”

Fun fact about children. They don’t have very big attention spans.

“No, I want to play something else now.”

Mary and Lily burst into laughter as Regulus’ jaw dropped. Sirius meanwhile just jumped off the lounge, apparently high with confidence after receiving compliments on his painting skills, and proceeded to plant himself down beside Remus. Regulus was pretty sure his brain was short circuiting as he just blinked down at his very not good nail painting job.

“I think it’s a brave statement,” Lily teased. “I’ll give that much.”

“Please tell me you can fix this.”

“Fix it? You want undo all your brothers care and lose and effort?”

Regulus nodded.

“Yes. Erase it all. Please.”

Mary and Lily shared a look, and Regulus’ blood ran cold as he thought for a very horrible moment that this was some sort of extra-long lasting, unremovable polish.

“You can remove it… right?”

The girls shared another look, their silence stretching into an agonising pause, but they couldn’t hold it and both cracked into grins. Regulus’ stomach did a flip of relief.

Lily reached for the vials, picking up one that was larger than the rest and held it out to him. “Paint this over anything you want gone, then wash it off under warm water. There’ll be no trace of it.”

“Thank fucking Merlin,” Regulus breathed, taking the vial.

---

Standing in front of the dorm sink, Regulus turned on the tap and started rubbing at the dried nail polishing. Very gratefully watching it flake off down the sink. Sirius had obviously gone and painted his right hand, so he’d spent the last ten minutes wishing he was left-handed as he very awkwardly tried to paint the remover on. He’d managed though, and minus a few little spots, the only polish that looked like it would remain, was the stuff on his nails.

Once satisfied with his cleaning job, Regulus turned off the tap and dried himself on the handtowel. Wiping away the excess water before turning rolling down his sleeves, pointedly ignoring the arms beneath.

Slipping Lily’s vial into his pocket, Regulus unlocked the door and walked into-

THUD!

Regulus buckled at the knees as he smacked into someone. He reached out, instinctively grabbing for their shoulder to catch himself before hitting to the floor, but he was too surprised to aim properly and missed. Thankfully, he wasn’t the only person trying to catch him.

A long arm extended behind him and Regulus came to a stop. Right in time for his brain to catch up with up his eyes and register who it was he’d bumped into. He would have been happier on the floor.

You have got to be kidding me

Regulus tried to speak. He really, honestly did. But between his face feeling like a dragon had just taken aim at it, the fact he was keenly aware of every muscle in James’ arm flexing against his back, and the borderline concerning rate his heart was suddenly beating. He was a little distracted.

James wasn’t grinning like he normally was. His lips were parted slightly, letting easy breaths come in and out. His pupils were still so large he could barely see the hazel, but they were missing their usual amusement. They were softer. Everything about his face was softer than normal, like he’d been caught off guard as much as him…

Regulus swallowed. The annoying feeling was back. Which was admittedly, feeling a lot less annoying in this position.

“Are you alright?” James whispered, the words moving past his lips in way that shouldn’t be allowed. Regulus couldn’t take his eyes off them.

“I just… um… I was…”

Regulus couldn’t stammer past that point. His brain wasn’t providing him any words. All he had were vague thoughts urging him to do different things. None of which, were things Regulus should be thinking about doing with James Potter.

The arm against his back shifted and suddenly James was closer. Their faces were inches apart. James’ breath mixing with his own. Just like this morning… Just like in the tunnel… His stomach fluttered and Regulus forced his eyes up to James’.

They were already watching his. Warm, open and inviting. Looking through him, not at. It was… it was…

“Regulus…”

Regulus drew in a breath as his body shuddered. His name had never sounded so good on another person’s lips. In another person’s voice. Regulus could feel warmth beneath his fingertips, his hands pressing into James’ back. He couldn’t remember moving them there. He didn’t pull them away.

He never wanted to pull away… Regulus only wanted to get closer…

He let his eyes drop back down James’ lips, catching the tail end of his tongue flicking over his lips. Regulus copied the motion and-

“Reggie!”

Laughter rung up the hallway, a pair of footsteps stomping up the stairs behind it.

Sirius.

One moment, James was inches away, the next, he was on the floor, on the other side of the room looking up at Regulus in a daze. Right in time for Sirius to launch into the room cheering at the top of his lungs.

“I won! I won!” Sirius screamed as he bolted across the room, knocking into Regulus’ legs and hugging him tightly. “I beat everyone! I got the cards! I won!”

Oh Merlin…

“That’s amazing, Sirius,” he muttered, forcing his eyes to go anywhere but the spot James was. “Congratulations.”

His voice was far from enthusiastic, but Sirius was blissfully unaware of the tone. Too caught up in his own excitement to question it.

What the fuck was that…

“Did you want to see my cards? I won ALL of them like Cissy does.” Sirius released his hold and grabbed for his hand, immediately yanking him toward the open door.

That did not just happen…

“Yeh… alright…” he drifted off, letting Sirius tug him across the middle of the room.

Every step seemed to sober him up, tugging him out of the dazed space he’d been in moments ago.

This can’t be what I’ve been…

Regulus twisted his head and glanced over his shoulder, spotting James sprawled out on the floor, still staring up at them like he was frozen in place. His stomach flipped.

Oh no...