Little Padfoot

Regulus

“Reggieee! Wake up!”

“I’m sleeping,” he grumbled, trying his best to ignore the child jumping on his legs. “Go back to sleep, Sirius.”

He was exhausted. He’d stupidly agreed to just share the bed with Sirius, thinking that since he was so small, it would be fine. He’d been wrong. Really wrong. Sirius had kicked him all night. Woken up crying from nightmares half a dozen times. And talked in his sleep.

He’d actually ended up casting silencing charms around the other beds so they wouldn’t all have to suffer.

“I’m not tired. I want to play.”

“Play with your toys.”

Sirius jumped on his legs again. Then poked him in the stomach. Then on his face.

“Come play. Pleaseeee.”

Regulus groaned and pulled  the blanket over his head, which caused Sirius to fall backwards.

“Wake up someone else.”

Apparently, the fates were on his side for once, because at that exact moment, the dorm room door swung opened and Sirius just about leaped off the bed.

“Jameessss!”He yelled, his little footsteps pattering across the room before there was a loud thud. Presumably of Sirius running into James.

“Hey, bud. What are you doing up so early?”

“It’s not early, the sun is already awake.”

James snorted, “I’m so using that next time your grumpy about me waking you up.”

“What do you mean?”

For the love of Merlin.

“Would you two mind shutting up? Some of us are still sleeping.”

“Sorry,” James called out and the conversation turned into hushed whispers. Finally. Regulus relaxed. He dropped the covers and pushed them back down to normal, keeping his eyes shut and letting his muscles relax.

Thank Merlin for James. He sighed deeply, letting out a big huff.  Why did kids have to be so excitable in the mornings? And why did they have to do it so loudly? He swore he wasn’t like that as a kid.

He’d have to thank James later for entertaining Sirius so he could get some-

“RAAAA!!”

Regulus jumped upright and his eyes shot open as a pair of small hands, and a pair of bigger ones grabbed his legs and two voices screamed, then immediately dissolved into laughter. He spotted James on one side of the bed, bent over and heaving with laughter, Sirius on the other side giggling.

“What the fuck?” Regulus shouted, shooting daggers between the two idiots.

“James said it’s a prank,” Sirius said proudly, like he was expecting to get praised.

Regulus scowled at James, who was completely out of it, holding his stomach, huffing and puffing. “You better run, because I’m going to hex you to the damn forbidden forest, Potter.”

His threat fell on deaf ears, as James just continued laugh and Sirius tugged at his legs.

“Are you awake now? Can you come play?”

Regulus groaned and held his face in his hands. This was not fair. He was ready to just tell his brother to piss off and turn James into a newt, but he held back and took a deep breath.

“Alright, Sirius. I’ll play for a little.”

There was a little squeal of delight and Regulus’ hand was suddenly being yanked as Sirius dragged him out of bed. James continued laughing but had recovered enough to stand up and Regulus narrowed his eyes at him.

“I mean it, Potter. You’re going to regret this.”

This just made James snicker more and he held up his hands in mock surrender.

“You have no proof I was behind that.”

“Just like there’ll be no proof I was the one that dismembered your body?”

James snorted, “You wouldn’t dare. You love me deep down.”

That made Regulus’ stomach twist and he felt a wave of very strong emotion, that must have been hate, wash over him.

“I absolutely, do not,” he spat.

“Pretty sure that’s a blush,”

“It is not.”

James smirked, wiggling his brows and-

You’ve got to be kidding.

Regulus felt his cheeks heat up. Which made the grin on James’ face widen to an infuriating degree.

“Maybe not, but that definitely is.”

“I swear on-”

“Stop fighting and come play,” Sirius complained, tugging Regulus to the toys still scattered around the floor. “And I’m hungry.”

Regulus was about to continue the fight, because age be damned, Sirius was not going to tell him what to do. But James got in first.

“How do you feel about pancakes, Sirius? I can go grab some from the kitchens.”

“What’s pancakes? Is that breakfast?”

James’ jaw dropped and he glanced at Regulus, absolutely horrified.

“He’s kidding right?” He turned back to Sirius. “You’re kidding right?”

Sirius took a step back from James and glanced up at Regulus. “Is he ok?”

Regulus choked, biting his lip as James continued to just stare in bewilderment.

“He’s fine. Just forgot to drink his intelligence juice this morning.”

“Hey! That’s not-”

“Goodbye, Potter.”

Before James could protest, he turned around and started dragging Sirius to the toys. He smirked as he listened to James mutter something about pancakes and intelligence juice as he stalked out the door.

He picked up the stag toy and handed it to Sirius.

“Have you named this one yet?”

“Um…” Sirius took the took and screwed up his face, before relaxing and smiling. “Big Ears!”

Don’t be mean. Don’t be mean. Don’t be mean.

“Wow… that’s… that is a… lovely name.”

Sirius beamed, then promptly threw Big Ears over his shoulder and grabbed one of the toy broomsticks instead. It wasn’t one that would actually float, but Sirius put it between his legs anyway and began running in circles. Then he stopped.

“What’s intelligence juice?”

“Nothing, I was just joking.”

“Oh… ok then!”

Sirius started running in circles again, and Regulus watched with bated breath as intrusive thoughts of his brother tripping and getting impaled assaulted his brain.

At least the blood will just blend in with all this ghastly red

Thankfully, for the sake of his nerve, Sirius got bored after Remus pulled back his bed curtains.

“Remus!” he shouted, causing the boy in question to groan.

“Could you be any louder?”

“YES! I CAN BE!”

Remus winced and Regulus snorted, “You were asking for that.”

“Would you believe me if I said he’d probably do that at sixteen?”

“Oh, no doubt.”

Sirius didn’t stop there. Opting to start running toward Remus with the broom between his legs, then stopping right in front of him.

“DO YOU WANT TO PLAY FLYING?”

Regulus snickered and Remus muttered something about Sirius sleeping in the doghouse once he was back to normal. To his credit though, he didn’t yell.

He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and bent over. Somehow managing to put on a nice smile.

Merlin, he could be a teacher with that resolve.

“Yes, I will play flying.” Sirius opened his mouth to cheer, but Remus held up his hand. “If you promise to stop shouting.”

Sirius thought for a second, then grinned and mimed spelling his mouth shut, before throwing away the wand.

Remus and Regulus decided that was probably the best they were going to get and a game of ‘flying’ ensued. Which they collectively decided would involve them levitating Blacky and Starry after Sirius like they’d done the night before. Peter woke up after Sirius accidently crashed into his bed but was happy to join in and decided to levitate around the rat toy.

This was hilarious to Remus and Peter for some reason, and when Sirius announced its name was going to be “Ugly”, Remus really lost it and Peter looked ready to murder a dozen people.

The game continued all the way until James walked in the door, five plates stacked with pancakes floating behind him. He laughed at Ugly the rat too.

The plates dispersed and each settled in front of someone, except Sirius’ who had to chase him around until he decided he was hungry enough to stop and eat them. Which thankfully didn’t take long after he spotted all the toppings James had smuggled up.

“Is that chocolate?” He asked, pointing at a little jar of chocolate chips Remus was sprinkling over his breakfast.

“It is. Do you want some?”

Sirius’ eyes widened with delight, and he jumped over to Remus. He plopped himself down, his plate following suit, and he stared hungrily at the jar in Remus’ hand.

Regulus glared, “You do realise, I’m the one who’ll have to hold him if he’s sick.”

“Where’s your sense of fun, Regulus?” James cut in.

“My sense of fun is located where vomit isn’t.”

“Would it make you feel better if I portion it for him?” Remus suggested.

Regulus glanced at his brother, who seemed oblivious to the conversation, grinning ear to ear as he kept his eyes fixed on the chocolate chip jar. He imagined telling him no and the tantrum that would potentially follow.

“Fine.”

If he got sick, he was going to Pomfrey.

Regulus decided against watching and focused to his own breakfast. He grabbed a mini pitcher filled with lemon juice and poured it over his plate. Then sprinkled a touch of sugar on top of the first layer. He rolled it up and went to take a bite, but stopped when he realised James was staring at him.

“Do you mind?”

James’ expression was twisted in horror, not dissimilar to earlier when Regulus had revealed he didn’t know what pancakes were.

“What, in Merlins name sort of topping combination is lemon and sugar?”

“The superior one.”

James shook his head, “No,  berries with honey reigns supreme. How could you want a sour pancake?”

“I think the bludgers have knocked you in the head one too many times.”

Regulus hoped this would annoy James and encourage him to shut up, but it didn’t. He grinned at what was very clearly meant to be an insult and continued.

“No wonder you have no sense of fun. All this lemon has turned you sour.”

“Did you miss the part where I added sugar to balance it?”

James shrugged innocently, the grin never leaving for a second. It was similar to the one last night. Slight of dimples on his cheeks. Eyes crinkled behind his glasses. Lips stretched out across his face. It was…annoying.

“Who made you the pancake police, Pott-”

“Wow!” Interrupted an ecstatic voice. “This is amazing! Reggie. Reggie. Did you know how amazing pancakes are?”

He threw one last dagger at James, who didn’t seem bothered at all, then turned back to his brother. He kept thinking of James and his smug little annoying face though. What was his problem? Why did he have to be so… so… ugh. Him.

Focus on Sirius. Focus on Sirius.

“I did. Does this mean you like them?”

Sirius responded by taking another big bite and smudging chocolate all around his mouth. Regulus grimaced. Why did kids have to be so messy? Honestly, you’d think that Sirius of all kids, what with their family, would know better. It was probably James’ influence. He was probably already weaselling his way into little Sirius’ head.

He was certainly weaselling into his.

---

Sirius

Pancakes were his new favourite breakfast. No. His new favourite food full stop. It was like dessert for breakfast, and he got to have chocolate on them. He only got chocolate on special nights and only if he finished his dinner. He never wanted to leave, which he supposed, given he was apparently grown up and this was an accident, was exactly what would happen.

After breakfast, he had even more energy and went back to running around, this time dragging James into the fun. Who actually played properly, running around with him rather than using his wand. He even tossed the snitch back and forth with him while they played pretend quidditch.

“I want to play real quidditch,” he announced.

James pondered, then shrugged. “I don’t see why you can’t double with me.”

His whole body blew up with excitement, everything buzzed as he pictured himself flying around on a real pitch. He ran over to the window, where he could see the Hogwarts one. He was going to be on it. He was going to-

“No way.”

The smile dropped from his face, and he spun around to see Regulus on the bed, not even looking up from his book.

“What? Why not?”

He turned his page. “You’re five, that’s why.”

Sirius’ heart sank.

“But… but James said…”

“Yes, well James is an idiot. You can kill yourself when your older and it isn’t my problem.”

All the excitement vanished from Sirius’ body, replaced with a very bad feeling that made his tummy hurt. That wasn’t fair. He just wanted to play. He had a kids broom at home, and his dad said if he behaved, he could even play in the children’s tournament next season.

“But I want to…”

“And how often do you get what you want?” he snapped. “The answer is no.”

Sirius’ flinched at the sudden tone his brother used. It was angry. Regulus was angry at him. His throat squeezed, and he dropped his eyes to his feet, his vision clouding. He crossed his arms. He was bad and now Reggie was mad at him.

He squeezed his eyes shut.

Don’t cry. That’s bad. He’ll get madder.

It didn’t work very well, and within seconds tears were falling.

Every thought of flying and being on the pitch drained away. Why did he push? He was so stupid. Regulus was right, he never got what he wanted. He should’ve known better than to argue. Why did he argue? That always got him in trouble. Sirius froze. Did this mean he was in trouble now? Were they going to…

Sirius scratched his arm and squeezed himself so tightly it hurt.

“I’m sorry…” he whispered.

There were a few sharp intakes of breath around the room.

“Sirius I… I didn’t mean…”

“What did you do that for?”

“Why is he crying?”

“What happened?”

Some of the other voices sound angry too. Sirius blocked them out. He didn’t want to hear them. He just had to get through his punishment. It was best to just take it. That always worked at home. Once they got the curses out of their system he could find somewhere to hide. They wouldn’t want to see him anyway.

Footsteps sounded around the room, but Sirius stayed still, kept his head down.

Any second now.

He tensed his body as he heard someone approaching. He couldn’t hear what they were saying, his head was too noisy, but he figured it wasn’t good. Probably telling him what curse he would get.

Then something touched him.

A hand. Two hands. On his shoulders. Gabbing him. They were going to hurt him. They were going to push him.

He flinched back but slipped and hit to the ground.

He held out his hands and cried out .

“I’m sorry,” he choked. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

Hands where on him again. They were grabbing him. They were pulling him. They were around him.

They’re going to squeeze me. They’re going to make me not breath.

Sirius tried to suck down as many breaths as he could before the inevitable. His lungs were hurting. His head was hurting. He was-

“It’s alright, Sirius. You’re safe, I promise. I’m sorry. You’re not in trouble.”

It was a lie. They were lying. They were tricking him.

“I’m sorry,” he choked again. Because maybe if he apologised, they might reconsider. It didn’t work at home, but maybe, maybe, it could work on them. “Please don’t hurt me. I’m sorry. I’ll listen.”

The arms squeezed harder, and Sirius got ready for them to get impossibly tight. But they didn’t. They stopped and he could still breathe.

“Merlin, Sirius I’m not going to hurt you. I’m so sorry. You’re not in trouble.”

But…

Against his better judgment, Sirius risked a peek, inching his eyes open just enough to see blurry people all around him, staring. Remus, James and Peter. He couldn’t see Regulus.

He must be the one touching me… Talking…

But that didn’t make sense. Regulus was angry. Regulus told him no and he didn’t listen. He was bad.

“Sirius, it’s alright. We can go flying. I’m sorry.”

Sirius blinked. Flying? Why was he changing his mind?

“B-But you said-”

Regulus made a loud breathing noise. Wait- was he crying? It sounded like he was close to it. Why was he upset? Sirius was the bad one.

“No, I know. I’m sorry. We’ll go flying. You aren’t in any trouble.”

He blinked faster, trying to make everything less blurry. He didn’t understand his big friend’s expressions. They sort of looked angry, but also upset and confused. Mostly the last two.

“I-I don’t… unders-stand…”

Sirius tried to force himself to figure it out, scouring through his memories, trying to find ones that didn’t exist yet. It sent a shot of pain through his head, and he winced, letting out a cry. He stepped back, putting space between himself and Regulus so he could hold his head.

Was this his punishment? Maybe someone had done a silent curse.

He moved back again, wrenching himself  free entirely.

“Sirius? What’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry,” he whimpered, and there was a shuffle of steps. People moving around.

“It’s alright,” said a new voice as new arms wrapped around him. This person was bigger. Remus. “Just breathe. You’re safe here.”

A door slammed shut and he jumped, latching onto Remus without thinking.

“It’s just a door. It’s alright.”

“I-I’m s-sorry.”

He didn’t even know what he was apologising for anymore. Disobeying the rules? Crying over them? Bothering everyone else? Overreacting to things?

“Just breathe. Everything’s okay.”

It took a while of Remus saying those words over and over in his gentle voice, for Sirius to believe them. How long was a while? Sirius had no idea. But it was long enough for his eyes to dry up and his heart to stop racing. Long enough for Jame to come back. Not for Regulus to come back though.

“Do you want to play a game?”

Sirius shook his head. He was too tired to run around. He wanted to sit down.

“Can you read me another story?”

“Of course I can,” Remus pulled back, smiling warmly and Sirius sniffled, smiling back as best he could. “Where do you want to sit?”

He pointed at his bed and Remus nodded, standing up and offering his hand. Sirius took it and they walked over. He heard Remus summon the book again, and by the time they reached the bed it was already in his hand. Sirius jumped up and sat against the pillows. Remus settled in next to him, and Sirius leaned into him. He was warm.

Sirius was glad Remus was his friend. Grown up Sirius was lucky.

Remus read ‘Babbitty Rabbiity and her Cracking Stump’, first.

He liked that one. It had pretty pictures of quiet magical forests, but also colourful bustling villages. There were lots of animals too, though Babbitty was a normal witch.

As Remus read, Sirius felt better. He even giggled a few times when the story people did silly things.

Reading ‘The Wizard and the Hopping Pot’, didn’t go quite as smoothly on account of its muggle characters. But Remus was patient when Sirius had questions, or used language best not repeated in front of Lily and Mary.

By the time that one was finished, Sirius had calmed down completely. His energy hadn’t returned yet, and he was a more mellow version of himself, but he was cheerful and talking.

He was flicking through the pages, looking for another story, when he stumbled upon a page with three very similar looking wizards with their arms around each other. They were smiling and waving happily underneath the words at the top.

“What’s this one?”

“The Tale of the Three Brothers. Want me to read that too?”

“Brothers? Like me and Reggie?”

No sooner than the words had left his mouth, was Sirius face dropping as he remembered the earlier events. The reason he was sitting with Remus. How his brother had run away. Remus said he wasn’t mad, just upset about something. He believed Remus, which meant Regulus was sad.

“Where did Reg go?”

Sirius thought it was a simple enough question, and he assumed Remus would have a simple answer. It didn’t.

“Oh um… I think he just needed a bit of fresh air.”

“But we have windows.”

“Yes but... he… also needed to go for a walk.”

“Oh...” Sirius frowned, looking back down at the brothers in the book. All hugging and smiling. “When is he coming back?”

Remus grimaced but hid it quickly.

“I’m not sure.”

Oh…

“Where did he go walking?”

“I don’t know that either.”

Sirius’ frown deepened. That wasn’t safe. What if he fell over? Or needed help? He wasn’t happy when he left either, and normal Reggie always needed hugs when he wasn’t happy. What if he needed a hug now and no one could give him one?

Not on his watch.

Sirius waved goodbye to the three brothers then shut the book, putting it down. He shuffled forwards and swung his legs over the edge of the bed, then hopped down with a thud. Then he started walking to the door.

“Sirius? What are you doing?”

“To find Regulus,” he said, putting his hand on the doorknob and twisting it open.

---

Regulus

He shouldn’t have snapped. He knew that and he hadn’t meant to. James was just… being so James, and it was driving him up the wall. Especially with how well he and Sirius were getting on. Every passing minute felt like he was  watching Sirius get stolen all over again.

So, when James decided on yet another activity, for just the two of them… he’d snapped. And his frustration with James got shot at Sirius. Little Sirius who didn’t know better and was just playing with his friends. Little Sirius who trusted them all to look after him. Regulus snapped at him.

And now he was backing away in tears. Afraid that someone was going to hurt him. That he was going to hurt him. All because he wanted to go flying and Regulus was to frustrated with James to react calmly.

“I’m sorry,” Sirius whimpered, and Regulus couldn’t take it anymore. He couldn’t take the tears. Not when his own were seconds from falling.

Regulus jumped to his feet and ran. He ran out of the dorm room and down the stairwell. He ignored the confused looks from the Gryffindors in their common room and kept running.

“Regulus!”

He ignored James too.

Regulus reached the corridor and bolted down the nearest set of stairs.

“Stop! Regulus!”

He didn’t stop. He couldn’t. If he stopped, he’d lose it and he wasn’t gonna do that out here in the open where everyone would see.

“Wait!”

Regulus didn’t have any intention of waiting. He also had no intention of talking to James. Not that James seemed to be getting that.

“Regulus!”

He reached the bottom of the stairs and took a right. He knew of several  secret passages around the castle and there was one this way. He could lose James through it and have the privacy to get these stupid feelings out of his system.

“Stop running! Wait!”

James was quick, but Regulus was quicker and had the advantage of knowing his next move. Reaching the next classroom, he turned left toward and before James could make the same turn, as he reached the twenty-seventh brick, he jumped into a solid wall.

And landed in a tunnel on the other side.

Regulus stumbled forward, relief flooding his body as he tried to catch his breath. Or perhaps is breath was trying to catch him. He couldn’t tell. He leaned against the stone wall. No matter. At least he was alone now.

“I’m sorry.”

Alone with his thoughts and memories.

“Please don’t hurt me.”

Regulus grit his teeth and tilted his head back against the bricks too.

“Shut up.”

“I’m sorry. I’ll listen.”

“Shut up!”

“I’m sorry.”

“Please. Stop.”

He closed his eyes but opened them immediately after, as all that greeted him were images of his brother backing away from him. Crying. Shaking. Looking afraid.

Seeing that at all, would have been one thing. But the fact he had been the cause? Merlin… What was wrong with him? Clearly a lot.

Regulus drew a sharp breath, and at last, the tears he’d been holding in fell. Then turned into sobs.

He hated crying. It made him feel weak, like he was letting the situation win. He hated losing. It also reminded him of being a child, back when he relied on Sirius. Crying every time he was hit. Crying every time someone yelled. He used to sob all the time until his parents beat the habit out of him.

Mostly.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

Regulus brushed a hand through his hair then yanked at the roots. He balled his other into a fist, then rammed that one into the wall. Both hurt, but enough to get relief. It was a shame he wasn’t closer to his bag. He let his fingers uncurl and run over his wand. It was tempting to try that way.

He knew it was risky with magic, one second of distraction and he was screwed. He let his hand grip the length of wood. If there was ever time he’d deserve-

“Reg?”

Regulus jerked his hand up, sticking his wand right into the neck of-

Humiliation ran though him like it was pumping through his veins.

“Potter!?”

James’ hands flew up beside his face as he jumped back. Regulus dug the wand in harder, causing him to wince. Regulus didn’t give a shit. He was not supposed to be here. He was not supposed to be seeing this.

“How the fuck did you get here!?”

James swallowed and took to damn long to answer for Regulus’ very low patience threshold.

“You know what, I don’t care.” Regulus pushed his wand even deeper, stepping forward to try force James out of the tunnel. “Just get out! Get out and leave me alone!”

But James didn’t back down.

“No.”

“No is the wrong answer,” Regulus growled, and James narrowed his eyes.

“Why are you being-”

Regulus stepped closer, twisting his face into something his mother would be envious of. “I’m not being anything. You’re the one following me after I’ve told you to, leave me alone.”

“And I said no.”

Regulus was painfully aware that his eyes were still leaking and no doubt bloodshot. He was also had no idea how much James had seen before making himself known.

“Please don’t hurt me.”

Regulus forced the memory back and glared harder at the intruder, ignoring the shake of his wand hand.

“What is your problem!? Just piss off!”

James made no effort to move back. In fact, he did the opposite. As if oblivious to the wand in his throat, James stepped closer, so much that Regulus had to adjust his own arm and press the wand under his jaw instead.

“What happened in the dorm?” he pressed; his voice low, though not malicious.

“I snapped,” Regulus hissed. “I’m a Black, it happens.”

That wasn’t a complete lie, even if he didn’t feel like much of a Black right now, far from the callous and cruel pureblood he was meant to be. Though, after his stunt with Sirius, maybe he was underselling himself. That had been both, easily.

“I’m sorry.”

Regulus tightened his hand on his wand, trying to keep it steady.

“Trust me, I know you lot snap,” James scoffed. “I want to know why you did.”

“I’m sorry. I’ll listen.”

Regulus stepped up to James, barely a foot of space between them.

“What? Want me to prove my shitty intentions to help your morals cope with revenge cursing me?”

“No, that-”

“What then? Just here to stall and watch me throwing a tantrum? So you lot can laugh about it later?”

“Regulus I wouldn’t-”

“Then feel free to tell me, Potter. Because I am this close to hexing you so-”

Before Regulus could finish his sentence, the gap between their chests disappeared and he was shoved back against the wall. Regulus’ cheeks burned, as James’ chest moved against his. That… annoying feeling rising up in his chest.

“I’m trying to… to see if you’re alright!”

“Please don’t hurt me.”

Regulus’ stomach flipped and he lost his grip on his wand. It clattered to the floor. James didn’t seem to notice.

“I have never seen you cry in my life, and you looked ready to start bawling while hugging Sirius.”

James was so close Regulus could feel the rise and fall of his chest. His hazel eyes were flickering with a dozen different emotions and his lips were parted slightly, their faces close enough Regulus could feel his breath.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

Regulus shut his eyes and was immediately assaulted with images he was trying to forget. He had to get out.

“You don’t know me.”

Before James could react, Regulus used every ounce of his remaining energy to shove him off. He ducked to the floor and grabbed his wand. He should have done this first.

“Reg please, hear me-”

“Petrificus Totalus.”

James’ jaw locked shut, stopping him midsentence. His arms snapped to his side and his legs sprang together. James fell flat on his back.

“I’m sorry,” Regulus muttered, then turned his back on James and ran down the tunnel.