descend into cliché
30th October, 1979
Thunder rumbles overhead as the rain continues to pour. Regulus’ hand stays firmly on Sirius’ shoulder. The sky flashes.
Sirius releases a shaky breath, wiping his eyes, “Sorry, I'm- I'm being stupid.”
“You're not.”
“Yes, Regulus, I am.” Sirius retorts, roughly. He stands, firmly straightening his shoulders, “She's never been anything but evil to me, it is factually stupid to cry over her.”
Regulus slowly rises, too. He's hovering, awkward and unsure, at Sirius’ shoulder. If Sirius were to look at him, he would see that downward curve on the corner of his mouth again, “Yes, but… she's still your mother, Sirius.”
A sharp laugh escapes Sirius’ lips as he breaks away down the street, “No, she's your mother, Regulus. She's never been mine.”
“I- What? What does that mean?”
“You know what it means, Regulus.” Sirius snaps, whipping round to face his younger brother. His arms are tingling, trembling at his sides, “You've always been her precious, perfect little heir!”
Regulus recoils, lip curling in confusion. He stands stock still for a long moment.
Sirius can't look at him for another second, turning again to continue his escape down the street. He feels undone, like every jagged piece of him is spilled across the road of his childhood home. He knows that he's imagining the sound of the air buzzing like a swarm of furious wasps and he's sure that his blood isn't actually visibly pulsating beneath his skin but… the knowledge doesn't stop the primal fear that seizes his heart. He feels utterly crazed.
There are only a few times in his life where Sirius has felt this unravelled. Every time has rooted in him a surety that he'll never be good again, never be the same. Because feeling this way is confirmation that Sirius Black is just as wretched and rotten as the very people he is descended from. Confirmation that he is destined to go mad, just like his mother.
“Sirius, where are you going?” Regulus calls after him, slowly trailing his brother. His voice is weak.
“Anywhere! Anywhere but here!” he snarls, chest tight with a feeling he can't quite name.
The sound of Regulus’ steps become firmer as his pace furiously increases, “What the fuck are you so angry for? It's not me that you're- what did I do?”
“Nothing! You did nothing , Regulus!” Sirius chokes out, eyes stinging with the beginnings of hot tears, “You never did anything while she did all those things to me. You just let it happen!”
Regulus stops short, hands clasping in front of his chest as Sirius turns to face him, “I- I know and I’m sorry , Sirius! But- but we were children , I didn’t know how to-”
“I’m not talking about when we were kids, Regulus, I’m talking about all the times when you were old enough to know better.” Sirius snarls. Regulus falters, eyes wide and watery.
“I- You’re right, you are. But-”
“There’s no ‘but’. You let it all happen! I- I needed help , I needed you to care and you never did!”
Regulus’ face hardens, “That’s bullshit , Sirius! I cared, you know I cared! Just because she was so wrong to you doesn’t mean she was easy on me, either. I was scared , okay? I couldn’t-”
“I don’t want to hear it, Reg.” Sirius turns to leave, the fight slowly leaving him.
“You’re not the only one who suffered in that house, Sirius!”
“I know that! You don’t think I know that? After I spent our entire childhood trying to make sure that she didn’t hurt you any more than she already had?” he spits, furious in a way he can’t really decipher, “I’m well aware of how much you suffered; I spent my whole life as your protector.”
“And then you left !” Regulus cried, the words seeming to tear out of his chest, “You left me alone with her in that fucking house and you never looked back.”
“What was I supposed to do? I was going to die in there, she was going to kill me.”
“But you left long before then, Sirius.” Regulus states, arms folding protectively over his chest, “You left as soon as you got put into Gryffindor and found your little group of reckless, loud, irritating fucking friends. You were gone as soon as you put that Hat on. And I never got you back.”
Sirius can only stare at his little brother. His hair is plastered against his forehead with rain, his lips are growing purple in the cold. The marks left by the Inferi are still harsh against the paleness of his face. His lip is curled down in the left corner.
He looks every bit the five-year-old that fell through the ice.
More-so, he looks like the fifteen-year-old promising to wait for his older brother to come back for him.
Sirius feels dizzy at how fast his body loses its adrenaline and anger. He brings his trembling hands to cover his face, rasping, “I’m sorry, I’m being all- like, crazy.”
“You’re not crazy.” His voice is small, though firm.
“No, I am. I’m sorry, Reggie, I didn’t mean to be so-”
“It’s okay.”
“It’s not. I’m sorry.”
Regulus huffs and draws closer, “If you were being crazy, then so was I. It’s- we were kids in an impossible situation. I’ve spent long enough being angry at you, I don't want to be anymore.”
“I’m still sorry. Walburga is who I’m upset with, it’s not you. It never really was.” Sirius wilts, head slumping to gaze at the ground. Now that the buzzing in his ears has mostly ceased, he’s hyper-aware of the storm raging above their heads, “You’re right. We were so young, we shouldn’t have had to… hate eachother to survive.”
“If it makes you feel better, I never really hated you.” Regulus tilts his head, “I think I thought I did but…”
“I know.”
Regulus reaches out to circle Sirius’ wrist with his fingers, “I’m sorry, too. That I let you get hurt protecting me.”
“Don’t be, I don’t regret it in the slightest. I shouldn’t have said those things, I was just all… undone.”
The hand on his wrist begins to gently tug him down the street, “Let's go home, we got what we came for. We’re done with this place.”
Sirius lets his brother guide him away from their childhood home. He’s right. They’re done with this godforsaken place.