hand in unlovable hand
23rd December, 1966
“Sirius, look!”
Sirius follows the sound of his little brother's voice to find the younger boy standing by the edge of the frozen lake, gloved hand pointing vaguely into the ice.
The pair of them are staying at their cousins’ country estate for Christmas, and were all commanded to ‘get some fresh air’ after becoming too boisterous with eachother. Really, it was just a way of getting the children out of the house so that the adults could smoke and chat.
“What is it, Reg?” Sirius fails to keep the edge out of his voice, when replying to his brother. His fingers and nose are raw from the cold, taking on an embarrassing red hue that Bellatrix had been mocking him for only minutes ago. He hates the snow. Not only that, but his back is still stinging after getting in front of the wrong side of his mothers wand yesterday. He hadn’t even done anything wrong, he was just-
“There's something frozen in the ice!” Regulus lisps, a comically serious expression sitting on his round face, “I think it's a frog! Or a fish!”
“I don’t care, Reg!” Sirius bites back, huddling further into his cloak.
Regulus turns abruptly back to the lake, affronted.
A body settles down next to Sirius on the wooden bench, pressing warmly into his side, “You should be nicer to your brother, Sirius.”
“That’s easy for you to say, Andy.” Sirius huffs, turning to his favourite cousin, “You don’t have to spend every minute with him. He’s such a baby, sometimes.”
Andromeda purses her lips, mirth dancing in her warm brown eyes, “You should hold onto him being a baby, darling. One day he’ll decide that he’s too old to be looked after and you’ll miss him terribly. Like some little boys I know…”
Sirius dodges her teasing poke, scrunching up his face - not wanting to laugh at her jibes. He’s not a little boy, he’s a whole 7 years old! That’s only three years younger than Narcissa! Who is, by the way, shrieking and throwing snow at Bellatrix - a notably babyish activity. Sirius is not a baby and, for once, he’d like Regulus to not be one either.
“Come on, Sirius, not one smile? What have you got to be so gloomy about on Christmas?” Andy pokes him again, smiling wider than before.
“It’s not Christmas yet, Andromeda.” Merlin, doesn’t she understand anything?
She lets out a long-suffering sigh, raising her head to watch the clouds float idly by. Evidently giving up.
Sirius watches her for a long moment, feeling slightly guilty for being so grumpy. She’s been away all year - in her fifth year at Hogwarts - and he’s missed his cousin greatly. It just hasn’t occurred to him before now that she’s missed him, too. That she misses when he was her baby.
He can’t imagine a life where Regulus doesn’t follow him around like a little shadow. Where his sleep isn’t interrupted by a small hand on his face or a hushed voice asking if he can sleep in Sirius’ room “just for tonight?”. The thought is honestly heartbreaking. It sounds lonely.
Sirius opens his mouth to apologise to his cousin when a loud CRACK! rings out across the clearing.
He turns towards the noise, towards the lake, towards the hole in the ice ten metres from the shore.
His brother is nowhere in sight.
“REG!” Sirius is moving before he can think about it, sprinting towards the frozen body of water. He gets as far as the water's edge before Andromeda is shouting at him to stop.
“It’s not safe, Sirius, wait!” She pleads, hot on his heels.
Before Sirius can report, Regulus surfaces. His tiny arms flail at the edges of the hole, mouth gasping for air, “HELP! SIRIUS, HELP!”
Sirius surges forward, slipping on the smooth ice. His brother’s mop of black hair sinks beneath the water once more. The ice creaks ominously underneath the soles of his boots, warning him not to proceed. Regulus’ hands thrash in the water.
The girls shout from the shore, Narcissa running back into the house for help. Sirius’ next steps are halted as the ice caves in under his feet. A startled yelp leaves his lips as he leaps back, heart thundering in his chest. Regulus surfaces again. Goes back under.
Gritting his teeth, Sirius sinks to his knees before crawling towards his struggling brother. He reaches the edge of the widening gap in the ice, plunging his hands into the frigid water. His fingers stretch through the water, searching for a part of his brother's body to grasp. Nothing.
He sucks in a breath before reaching his upper torso into the lake, icy water encompassing his head. His fingers brush something solid and he tugs, hauling his brother's small body towards the surface. Warm hands wrap around his waist, pulling the brothers up and out of the whole. Sirius falls back onto the ice, spluttering up the frigid water he managed to inhale. Andromeda drags the two of them further away from the hole, shouting over her shoulder at Bellatrix.
Regulus tucks his shivering body under Sirius’ arms, heaving great fearful sobs, “I was so s-scared. I th-thought I was going to die. You saved me, S-Sirius.”
Sirius pulls away from his brother, taking his small face into his hands, “I will always save you, Reg, okay? Every time you’re in trouble, I’ll be there to save you. I promise.”
Regulus stares right back, nodding seriously. His lips are blue and his eyelashes are frozen but he’s safe. Sirius saved him. And he will every time.
-
27th October, 1979
“Wake up. You’ve got fuck-all to eat here.”
Sirius inches his eyes open, frowning at the pale face in his vision, “Wha..?”
“Wake up, Sirius, I’m starving.” Regulus snaps, “What kind of adult are you? All you have is mouldy bread and a singular egg.”
“Untrue.” Sirius murmurs, slowly sitting up and stretching his arms above his head, “I know for a fact that there’s half a tub of ice cream in the freezer. Christ, my back.”
Regulus fixes him an incredulous look before resigning to wander back into the kitchen, making sure to call him a ‘decrepit old man’ before he exits.
Sirius releases his breath, taking a moment to absorb the happenings of last night. Definitely not a dream, then. If it had been a dream, Sirius would not have been so viciously insulted two minutes after waking up. Okay, then. They’re really doing this.
-
Five minutes later sees the Black brothers sat across from each other at the rickety kitchen table, eating chocolate ice cream out of hastily-washed bowls. The morning light is casting a warm glow across the kitchen as birds chirp cheerily outside. It's calm. It’s nice.
“Okay, so, do I need to go over the plan again?” Regulus asks, choosing to break the tranquil silence.
“Nope!” Sirius replies, popping the ‘P’ in the way he knows will make Regulus scrunch up his nose in discomfort. He leans back in his chair, “Sea, cave, cave, lake, island, locket. Easy.”
Regulus glares at him, thoroughly unimpressed, “Yes but there’s also poison and water zombies, Sirius. Stop downplaying it.”
“Sorry, I’m not. Okay? I get it, I’m taking this seriously.” Sirius accedes, understanding that his brother is more worried than anything else.
Regulus gives a firm, accepting nod, allowing his spoon to clatter into his bowl, “I mean, I’m ready if you are.”
“I’m…as ready I’ll ever be”, Sirius stands, adrenaline beginning to rush through his veins, “Hopped up on ice cream and all that.”
“Shut up.”
Regulus circles around the table, gaze resolutely determined. He takes a hold of Sirius’ arm, squirming at the contact, “Okay, I’m going to apparate to our entry point. I’ve scouted it with Kreacher but my accuracy might be a little bit off. We need to move swiftly and efficiently. No room for error, okay? Say okay.”
“Okay.”
With one last jerky nod, Regulus takes a breath, fingers tightening around Sirius’ arm. He closes his eyes and the world goes murky.
-
Regulus’ accuracy is only a little bit off.
The air gets sucked from Sirius’ lungs as his left foot slips from the small stone platform Regulus has taken them to. Regulus swears and tugs him closer, eyes darting around wildly.
The salt spray of the sea soaks the brothers within seconds, wind blowing fiercely from all directions. Regulus nudges Sirius before pointing off into the distance, shouting above the roar of the elements, “The cave is that way! We’ll have to apparate over there but we can’t apparate once we’re past the threshold.”
The cave looms ominously ahead of them, maw stretching up into the sky. Jagged spikes barricade the entrance, a clear signal of do not enter.
“Merlin, if this was Riddle’s idea of a nice childhood visiting spot, it's no wonder he grew up evil.”
“Shut up and hold on.”
Regulus sucks in a breath and takes them across the rough ocean waves. They land roughly in the jagged threshold of the cave, stumbling as their bodies readjust. It's, thankfully, quieter over here - sheltered from the thunderous roar of the wind. The brothers creep further into the cave, remembering their aims of swift efficiency.
The lack of wind does nothing to quell the chill that is making its way down Sirius’ back, setting his hair on end. The cave certainly looks normal, but even a Muggle would be able to feel the Dark Magic hanging in the air.
“Right so, to get into the real cave, we need the blood sacrifice.” Regulus grimaced. Because he agreed for Sirius to drink the poison, he had insisted on being the one to give the blood. He crept around the inner wall of the cave, hand skimming the sides, “There should be a door somewhere around…ah, here!”
He straightens up, holding out his left hand - palm up. Sirius looks away as Regulus brings the knife to the soft centre of his palm. Blood pools beneath his fingers, dripping onto the damp cave floor. Regulus brings his furled hand to the section of the cave he had just been touching and squeezes his hand into a fist, soaking the stone with his blood.
Sirius gapes as the entire cave wall shifts and crumbles right before his eyes. The stone falls away to reveal a dim cavern, lined with great shards of pale crystal. In the distance, water reflects half-heartedly onto the dripping walls of the cave.
“Oh, wow…” he breathes, following Regulus’ confident stride into the cavern.
Regulus pulls out his wand, whispering a harsh “Lumos”, before continuing further.
Now that Regulus’ wand lights the way, Sirius can see a small rowing boat floating in the murky water. It is tethered to the rock by a thick, rusty chain. Though it strains his eyes, he can just make out a jutting platform in the centre of the lake. Where the locket is held.
“Okay…do your dog thing.” Regulus gestures with his hand, brow raised expectantly.
“...Why am I doing that again?”
“Because, Sirius, as I already explained, it only carries one adult wizard.”
“And you’re sure this loophole actually works?”
“If it doesn’t, I’ll just go alone.”
“Like hell you are!” Sirius exclaims belligerently, shifting into Padfoot before his brother can say anything else. He bounds forward to the water's edge, turning back to stare at Regulus expectantly.
Regulus gives a rather impressive eye roll, slinking forward to join Sirius, “I’ll go first, you stay put.”
He cautiously reaches a foot onto the boat, freezing when it lurches under his weight. When he’s sure that it's safe, he climbs the rest of the way in and faces Sirius, “Your turn, mutt.”
Sirius pads forward, warily taking his place next to his brother. Without warning, the boat lurches into motion, making its way across the vast expanse of dark water. Both brothers relax slightly as at least one of their anxieties is solved. Boat: not a problem.
The journey to the centre of the cave is far more boring than Sirius could have anticipated. He resigns to lay across the bottom of the boat, resting his head on his large paws. Regulus gazes idly at the foggy water, clearly pondering the stillness of the surface and the apparent lack of the undead.
After an imperceptible expanse of time, Regulus stirs, nudging Sirius with the tip of his boot, “Get up, we’re nearly there.”
Sirius sits up, shaking out his ears. The boat is slowing down - the island only a few feet away. It holds nothing but a crystallised basin, which must contain the locket and poison.
The boat comes to an abrupt halt just shy of the edge of the island, and Regulus stands, “You get off first, I’ll follow.”
Knowing better than to argue, Sirius leaps off the boat, grateful that Padfoot's lean body allows him much more grace than he holds in real life. Regulus follows, stumbling slightly. Sirius can't help but feel slightly smug.
Shifting back into his human form, Sirius shakes out his body, “So, next step: poison. Yum.”
“I- Yeah. Poison.” Regulus swallows, hands tugging at the hem of his jumper, “If it all goes to plan, I force it down your throat, grab the locket, grab you, and then we leave.”
Simple.
Sirius ventures over to the basin, peering into the thick, green liquid that sits there. Despite not being able to see it, he can feel that the Horcrux rests below the surface. A large shell sits on the edge of the basin, “Oh, how sweet! He left us cutlery to use!”
Regulus huffs in exasperation, hovering anxiously over Sirius’ shoulder, “Just- Focus, okay? Down the potion until you can’t, then I’ll jump in to force feed you the rest.”
Sucking in a deep breath, Sirius shakes out his hand before grasping the shell. He dips it into the potion, gathering as large a mouthful as he can. With one last breath, he brings it to his lips and drinks.
Immediately, his whole body shudders, all-consuming pain rattling his bones. He splutters but reaches to gather another mouthful. The pain worsens dramatically, bringing Sirius to his knees.
“Sirius!” Regulus gasps, hands reaching to lightly grasp the shoulders of his brother, “How bad is it?”
“No worse than one of Mother’s crucio’s!” Sirius chokes out a laugh, “The old bat has been training me for this my whole life.”
“Merlin- Just keep drinking.”
Sirius manages two more mouthfuls before the shell clutters onto the crystal floor, his hands spasming from the pain. His thoughts become murky and his vision blurs as he crumples onto the floor. Regulus floats into his eyeline, shell clasped tightly in his hand.
Time becomes liquid, silky smooth as reality slips from Sirius’ grasp. Voices seep into his ears, harsh and angry come here boy hands claw at his arms theres a ringing in his ear because you’re a fucking monster sirius hes so so sorry pain pain walburga black is screeching screeching screeching right into his ear why is she here how did she find him it hurts so much we can live together, just wait a little bit longer please please no more it hurts so badly please i’ll come back for you, reg why are there hands grabbing him please please get off he can’t do it any longer you’re a fucking monster merlin please please please just let him die it’s too much it’s too much sirius please calm down its too much it hurt so much more than he thought come on last mouthful no no no more please calm down i know its scary im sorry just one more please stop please please stop please…
-
When Sirius opens his eyes, he finds himself curled up on the cool crystal floor, head resting in a warm knee. Pain is ebbing through every pore in his body, wracking him with uncontrollable spasms. He lets out an agonised moan, curling in on himself even further.
A hand lightly touches his hair, gently carding through the tangles. Sirius lurches and the hand stops. He looks up at his brother, coughing pitifully, “Is it done?”
Regulus gives a sorry excuse for a smile, “Yep, locket’s on the floor here. Didn't fancy touching it.”
Sirius nods, allowing his eyes to slip closed in relief. They’ve done it. Fuck.
His inner celebration is cut short by a sudden, overwhelming dryness in his throat - so strong he begins to choke on it.
“W-Water…. Water.” He rasps, almost gagging at the sensation.
Regulus jumps to action, grabbing the shell and racing to the water’s edge - though, not before gently depositing his older brother onto the cool floor.
Sirius’ eyes droop closed one more time, out of pure exhaustion if anything. They’ve got the locket, Reg is grabbing water, then they can-
A loud splash and a scuffle forces him out of his stupor.
Countless gnarled hands are pulling Regulus into the water, breaking his skin in their desperation to feed on his soul. The creatures groan in a cacophony of shared agony, the bone-chilling sound bouncing off the walls of the cave.
“Reg!” Sirius rasps, reaching weakly for his brother. His body protests as he attempts to crawl towards the vicious struggle at the water's edge.
Regulus’ shrieks of pain and panic begin to fill the air as the Inferi maim him in their will for him to join their ranks, pulling him further into the murky depths. The sound sends a shudder down Sirius’ spine. His body is more exhausted than he believed to be possible but when Sirius Black was 7-years-old, he promised to always save his brother. He wasn’t about to break that promise.
Groaning with the exertion of it all, Sirius drags himself to the water’s edge, outstretched hand just shy of grabbing Regulus’ ankle. Letting out a cry, he launches himself towards the water, grabbing hold of his brother. His vision goes black at the edges but he pulls with everything in him, pulls until Regulus can break free from the army of undead.
Regulus falls back onto the island, heaving panicked sobs - frantically brushing himself off as if the Inferi still have a hold of him. His face and arms are sliced and scratched, his clothes are ripped, he’s crying in a way that Sirius hasn’t seen since they were children. He’s alive.
Allowing his own horrified tears to slip out, Sirius collapses into his younger brother - body too tired to do anything but grasp at his torn jumper. Arms circle his back, pulling him closer.
“We did it. It’s okay. We did it, we’re alive.” Regulus pants into Sirius’ hair, sobs still shaking his body.
As the furious splashing of the Inferi dies down, the Black brothers clutch each other desperately, in a manner neither of them have afforded themselves in years.
They did it. They’re alive.
It’s all going to be okay.