Chapter 2
He opened his eyes blearily looking around to see what looked like Kings Cross Station. This must have something to do with getting rid of the Horcrux inside of him, his final gift to the wizarding world. The Horcrux will soon be gone and he will no longer be tied down to anything in the life he just left. He will soon be free, just another soul whose time is finally up.
Once again he was alone, left to walk the endless halls of the station. Nowhere to go, no way out with only the cries of the Horcrux to keep him company. He had no instructions or path to follow just left waiting for anything to happen.
He was back where it all started, where his life was cursed to end by his own hand. He will never get to know what would have happened if he had stayed with the Dusleys instead of going off to Hogwarts like they originally planned for him. Would his life have ended at the same time, on the same miserable night as it did in this lifetime?
He couldn't help but wish he had gotten the chance to know. He had always been an outcast, seen but never heard. If he had never gone away maybe that would have changed, he could have found someone who cared about him. Not just because he was the chosen one or the savior of the wizarding world but because he was himself. Just Harry, that might have been enough for someone.
Here everyone expected something from him or resented him for his tragedies as if he asked to be known for the worst thing that had happened to him, the moment his freedom was taken away. A constant reminder of the pain he has and continues to suffer. They act as if he should be grateful for all that has been done to him because, after all of it, he made it out alive a feat that none before him had achieved! He was cursed not to make it past seventeen but at least he's still alive right now finishing the job they started.
After that who cares what happens to him? His only job was to defeat the Dark Lord and die to save the world.
Except he's sticking around to fulfill those expectations; all he feels is relief. He will forever be sixteen, forever unwanted, forever unloved.
He often thought back to the one person he missed. The one person who he would have lived out however much time he had left for just to see him even a second longer. To him, this person was Drew his only childhood friend from before he came to Hogwarts. He came from the same type of home as Harry, he understood the flinches, and the wanting but inability to be close to anyone.
He used to sneak out every night to meet up with him. Drew was a year older than him but it never mattered to the pair. When they were together he never had to hide the cuts and bruises, never had to question the other's intentions. He knew Harry never got enough food so he always brought him whatever he could take from his place. It's not like his father paid enough attention to him to notice the food he took anyway. Drew was nice like that, never expecting anything in return helping just because he cared.
He was the one who taught Harry about the stars and their stories. They spent countless nights in the field near their houses talking about the future both of them knew they would never get. It was fun to pretend for even a fleeting moment that he was a normal boy with loving parents and a promising future. That his world wasn't slowly imploding and his life was limited in every way that mattered.
He often fell asleep with his body pressed against Drew's, the boy's breathing lulling him into nothingness. This relief never lasted, always interrupted by the sun once again rising and the sound of birds singing. Then it was time to run back ¨home¨ and pretend none of it ever happened. Like Drew was someone he had made up in his head to keep himself company.
He was a solid comforting presence in Harry's life, until like everything else good it came crashing down.
Drew spent his time fighting with his drunk of a father and learning everything there was to know. He valued knowledge and used it as his ticket out of Surrey. He got a scholarship to a university that would give him opportunities which would make it so he would never need to return to Surrey once he left.
The worst part was that he offered to take Harry with him. The summer before this year he had asked Harry to leave his relatives and never look back, to leave everything behind and finally be happy.
They could move into a flat together where they wouldn't have to pretend not to know each other, not to love each other. They had been seeing each other the summer before Harry's fourth year. It had only been two years but years of friendship made it seem like much longer.
He wished it had been longer. He wished they never had to spend another day apart, that he had spent his final breath in Drew's arms instead of on cold stone staring at the stars pretending he was back in that field. If he closed his eyes he could almost hear Drew's breathing, feel him lying next to him talking about sweet nothings lulling him to sleep like he had done countless times before.
But he wasn't with him, and he couldn't go with him when he asked. What if Dumbledore or Voldemort had come after him just to find Drew? He didn't deserve a death sentence just because Harry was too selfish to give up his best friend and the man he loved. He couldn't do that to him no matter how much he wanted to be loved. He couldn't have another person's blood on his hands that he could have easily prevented.
So he gave Dew up like he always knew he was eventually going to. They never were going to have a future together or their happily ever after.
The last good thing in his life was gone with no proof it existed besides the hurt he still felt. Just another pair of star-crossed lovers who finally met their end. Just one great big tragedy.
If it were anyone else he would have run away with them, even if it cursed them to the same fate he was met with. Just to give himself a few more weeks maybe months of joy because when it came down to it he was selfish. Because he wanted with all his heart to be loved without question of whether it was real or genuine. Why should the rest of the world get to be loved but not him? What did they have that he didn't? What makes him any less deserving?
He would have done anything to keep them with him, to find his happy ending. Even if it meant them both being dead by the time the year was up. But it wasn't just anyone's life his choice would ruin, it was Drew's. The one person he loved more than he loved the thought of happiness, his only chance at finding happiness before his life was up. Enough where his feelings didn't matter in the slightest when it meant keeping him safe.
He loved Drew enough to obliviate him to get rid of the heartbreak his leaving would have caused. He didn't deserve to be hurt just because Harry couldn't be the person for him, because his life was so much more complicated than he ever knew. Just because Harry was cursed doesn't mean he had to pass it on, to ruin one more beautiful thing beyond repair.
He was able to tell him of course he would run away with him, how they could finally be together. The smile on Drew's face even Harry had only seen a few times made the whole thing worth it. Then he told him he loved him something he should have done much more when he still had the chance, and he obliviated him as they fell asleep together under the stars one last time. Now all their time together was just a one-sided memory and somehow it was still worth it.
There's always the question of whether knowing the amount of hurt he experienced throughout his life just for the small bits of joy he experienced was all worth it. Were the few times he was happy with Drew worth all the other times when he wished everything would end, where he wanted everything to be different would he go through hell and back, would he do it all again not changing a thing just for one last chance at seeing the man he loved? Knowing how his story would end, knowing the hurt, knowing the sorrow?
He thinks it was worth it in the end. The hours spent laughing under the stars, pretending his future layed with Drew. He was able to have all his firsts with someone who he cared for more than life itself which was something many couldn't say.
Just because a memory was forgotten doesn't make it any less real. At the end of the day, it's not who you would die for but who you would live for and for him that person was Drew. Knowing Drew would get his happy ending even if it wasn't going to be with him had to be enough. But it wasn't and he made his peace with it.